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Old 04-07-2016, 02:03 PM
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Default What Would You Say/Do??

I have a little girl who I have cared for for almost three years. She is now at one day a week due to kindergarten. I have a good relationship with Mom. The other day she told me she liked being at my house because I listen to her and watch when she shows me things, she said her mom never pays attention as she is always in her phone. Mom's job requires a lot of phone time, especially in the state of economy our region is in. Would you say anything to mom or just talk to the little girl and reassure her mom cared but may be busy with work? I realize it isn't all likely work related. I don't want mom to feel attacked as she is already stressed about how much she works and the time it takes from her daughter but I also think it would be good for her to realize her daughter feels ignored. At drop off the other day she wanted to show us she had learned to tie her shoes and I watched the little girl as mom responded to a text. When she was done, mom said good job! And the little girl said you weren't even watching and then looked at me and shook her head. Thoughts?
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Old 04-07-2016, 02:58 PM
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Personally, I wouldn't say anything to mom about it.
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Old 04-07-2016, 06:16 PM
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I wouldn't say anything either because it might not be true, just what the child remembers.

I sometimes take alone time for myself and eat dinner in my room in the evenings...maybe once or twice a week. My child told my mom that I am ALWAYS in my room eating my dinner and am never with them for dinner Sometimes it is just a matter of perspective. I'm not saying the mom is not doing it but you can't know for sure.
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Old 04-07-2016, 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by Baby Beluga View Post
Personally, I wouldn't say anything to mom about it.


I take what the dcks tell me with a grain of salt.
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Old 04-08-2016, 03:58 AM
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Even if what the child is saying is 100% right on, it sounds like dcm already feels the guilt. I think I would approach it with dcg. Do what you can from your time with dcg and unfortunately, I think you have to let what happens between dcm and dd, happen.

I have a dcm who's constantly on her phone, mostly due to work but sometimes not. It seems like her 2 SA kids are an afterthought and their actions scream for more attention.

If anything, maybe search for an article about children's need for attention or being actually 'with them' when they're with them, KWIM?
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Old 04-08-2016, 06:06 AM
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Originally Posted by AnythingsPossible View Post
I have a little girl who I have cared for for almost three years. She is now at one day a week due to kindergarten. I have a good relationship with Mom. The other day she told me she liked being at my house because I listen to her and watch when she shows me things, she said her mom never pays attention as she is always in her phone. Mom's job requires a lot of phone time, especially in the state of economy our region is in. Would you say anything to mom or just talk to the little girl and reassure her mom cared but may be busy with work? I realize it isn't all likely work related. I don't want mom to feel attacked as she is already stressed about how much she works and the time it takes from her daughter but I also think it would be good for her to realize her daughter feels ignored. At drop off the other day she wanted to show us she had learned to tie her shoes and I watched the little girl as mom responded to a text. When she was done, mom said good job! And the little girl said you weren't even watching and then looked at me and shook her head. Thoughts?
I agree with the others. There may be a way you can help the child tell mom though. It may not work but it is worth a try. When the child tells you this you could say "Did you tell your mom how you feel?" She obviously did about the shoe but maybe it will take more than once.

I pick up my grandson after school and watch him till my daughter gets home. Sometimes she comes right in and is on her phone (after a hug for him) or she is talking to another adult and he desperately wants to tell her something. I have talked to her gently but she is my daughter. I don't think I would do that with a dc mom. However, you might help the child. When my grandson tells her something and she isn't listening I help him by saying "Hey mom, he is really dying to tell you something" or "Mom, he really wants you to watch when he ties his shoes." Or, if you're brave, you could say "Susie untie and tie your shoes again cause I don't think mommy saw it the first time."

That is a touchy situation.
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Old 04-08-2016, 07:04 AM
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I would likely not say anything, unless maybe a parent was routinely on their gadgets during pick up and drop off.

I remember reading this one day, and it made me be aware to keep an eye on distractions.

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/05...s-a-childhood/

Really though, if not gadgets then we can often be distracted by so many other things as well.

Striving to find a balance is a challenge. I know my own child is often upset, because I'm often listening with half an ear and constantly turning my head, as I'm watching the littles in care.
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Old 04-08-2016, 07:04 AM
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It may just be me but I'm a little more 'in your face' about things like this. Maybe it was always feeling ignored by my parents growing up. It really rubs me the wrong way. Some things I've done in this situation:

1. 3 yo dcg wanted to show her mom the art activity she did at daycare that day. Mom was gabbing away on her phone. Dcg kept trying to get mom's attention so I had dcg come over to me and told dcg 'mommy's on the phone. Let's practice waiting patiently until mommy's done with her phone call and then you can show her your project.' Mom was oblivious--so we just waited. Dcg and I talked while dcm continued her phone call. Dcm finally realized we were standing there looking at her. She stops her phone call for a minute and asks me if I need to tell her anything. I say 'No, I don't need to tell you anything. But dcg does." Mom got the point real quick.

2. Another dcm came in for a solid week on her phone. Didn't stop her conversation to ask about dcg's day, say hi to me or dcg. Come that Friday dcm frantically texted me asking if I was picking dcg up from school because it was a half day. I let her sweat for about 30 minutes before texting back. Texted back that I wasn't sure if dcg needed to be picked up or not because I hadn't been able to talk to her and ask about it all week. She got the point too.

3. We were outside at pick up time playing in the yard when dcm pulled in then proceeded to talk on her phone for another 30 minutes while her two kids were getting upset that mommy wasn't coming into the play area to get them. At closing time mom was still talking away on her phone. I walked over to her car and knocked on the window. She sighed, paused her phone call and rolled down the window-obviously annoyed. I asked her if she wanted her kids or wanted to pay late fees because I was closed.

Keep in mind these situations were continuously happening before I did these things. Once or twice is one thing, multiple times a week is completely different.

You could always make a policy that parents must NOT be on their phone when they come in to pick up. That's my next step if this continues to be an issue.
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Old 04-08-2016, 07:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trummynme View Post
You could always make a policy that parents must NOT be on their phone when they come in to pick up.
I wouldn't say anything to the parents either (yet), but this is going in the next time I update my policies.
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Old 04-08-2016, 09:43 AM
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I had to put that in my policy booklet.No cell phones allowed.I find it very rude for a parent to stand in front of me on the phone while I get their child ready to leave.I did say they were welcome to finish their phone call in the car but then the late fee applied . My breaking point was the day a parent put their finger up and gestured for their child to hurry up and leave.So rude!
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Old 04-08-2016, 10:26 AM
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I am a current full-time working mom whose children attend an in-home daycare. I am in the process of getting licensed so that I can be home with my kids.

I personally would not say anything to the mom-yet. Most mom's already feel guilt leaving their children so for me if I were to hear that my child told you that-I would be absolutely heartbroken. She may not have a choice, especially in this economy.

At the same time I also make sure that I spend quality time with my kids when I pick them up. I try to save email and phone/screen time for after they have gone to bed. For me, this works but for some people their jobs are more demanding.

If the dcg starts to exhibit signs of attention seeking or you notice a change in her behaviors and are still concerned about this issue down the road maybe mention it...just be careful how you approach it.
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Old 04-08-2016, 10:46 AM
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No, I wouldn't say anything to mom at all. I don't think there is any way that you can put this to mom without her feeling attacked, put down or a plethora of other negatives. I've never saw a parent react well, or in a positive manner, when being told something unfavorable in regards to their parenting.

I also agree 100% that what the girl said may not be all that accurate; I too take everything a child says with a grain of salt, and I would want their parents to take everything their child says about me/my place that way too.

And as someone else said, if it's true, and it sounds like it is at least to some extent, I am sure the mom is already aware of the problem and feels plenty of guilt for it already. So no, I would not say anything; I would though like you said, every time the little girl brings it up, reassure her that her mommy loves her very much and wants to spend time with her, but is just really busy with work & things right now(..and that the reason she's working so hard is to provide a good life for her), and that sometimes in life that's just the way things go .
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Old 04-08-2016, 11:13 AM
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No, I wouldn't mention it.
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