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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>My Own Son and A DCM - Feeling Upset!!!!
bunnyslippers 10:21 AM 02-14-2013
My five year old had a show at school today. He was told beforehand that he would NOT be coming home after the show, and was a little upset about it. Parents were also told that we would not be allowed to speak to our kids after the show, just a wave goodbye.

Fast forward to the show. It was almost done, and the fire alarm in the school went off. Not a drill (turns out not a fire, either). All of the parents and students have to file out the doors. My husband is a firefighter, so my son is hyer aware of fire.

The show is announced as over, and the parents all head out to their cars. The students were all filing in. My son's class walked right by us, and he was at the end of the line, crying hysterically with a bloody nose. His teacher was holding his hand, but he was bleeding. I walked a ways with him (I know it was against the rules, but he was bleeding and the mom in me took over). He got more upset, saying he wanted to go home.

I was in the process of calming him down when a teacher - and also a DCM - came up behind me, swooped him away and said, "You need to go. YOu know you can't do this." She pulled him away from me, as he was screaming and crying.

I got in my car and went home. He is still at school, and my heart is broken. I know he will be fine, but I hate the way the whole thing happened.

Talk me off the ledge, ladies!
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SquirrellyMama 10:29 AM 02-14-2013
I can't talk you off the ledge. I'd be quite mad. The kid was bleeding and you don't know why. I think you had every right to be with your son at that moment. You weren't trying to break the rules just because.

Do you get along with DCM?

K
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jokalima 10:31 AM 02-14-2013
I am sorry, this sounds terrible, I feel bad for you and you son

I just can't understand this and in a way it scares me, I've been talking to my husband about homeschooling and this makes me think about it even more seriously. I just don't understand why they would take him away from you? If it was me, when the fire alarm started going, I would have forgotten all rules and went to pick up my son and take him with me... I mean, the way I read what you say is like when they are in school, the school has more power and control over your kid than you do? I am just in shocked with this and if I understood wrong I am sorry. I mean he was bleeding and it was wrong from you to go to your crying child?
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Blackcat31 10:33 AM 02-14-2013
Uh huh NO WAY!!! If that was MY child, I would have said "Excuse me but the rules are for kids who are well or unhurt, mine is hurt. I will take it from here" and then would have.

NO ONE is going to tell me I cannot soothe, comfort or be with my child when something like that is happening!

I would be very upset with that DCM as like I said, the situation went from normal to chaotic pretty fast so rules no longer applied.
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Country Kids 10:34 AM 02-14-2013
First of all-Why can't you have contact with your own child?

That would soooooooooooooooooo bother me!

Second-why couldn't your child go home with you?

That wouild also bother me.

I guess not understanding the whole situation its hard to answer. I know though my child wouldn't attend a school where I couldn't have contact or take them if needed.

I would probably have grabbed my son BACK and told the mom/teacher that until I knew what happened and that he was OK, I would not be LEAVING. Any more issues would be taken up with the PRINCIPAL not anyone else.
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SquirrellyMama 10:34 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by jokalima:
I am sorry, this sounds terrible, I feel bad for you and you son

I just can't understand this and in a way it scares me, I've been talking to my husband about homeschooling and this makes me think about it even more seriously. I just don't understand why they would take him away from you? If it was me, when the fire alarm started going, I would have forgotten all rules and went to pick up my son and take him with me... I mean, the way I read what you say is like when they are in school, the school has more power and control over your kid than you do? I am just in shocked with this and if I understood wrong I am sorry. I mean he was bleeding and it was wrong from you to go to your crying child?
We do home school so I am not unbiased. As soon as they tried to take child away from me I would have had them out of school.

K
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Crazy In Mo 10:34 AM 02-14-2013
Holy hell! I think it's insane that they told you he couldn't come home with you..... Or even talk to you! That would NOT have flown with me my baby would of most definitely been coming home with me if they were bleeding and upset! I bet your heart is broke:/ that's very sad.... I'm sorry
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bunnyslippers 10:38 AM 02-14-2013
I am so glad you agree with me...makes me feel better!

The reason for the rule about not going to your child is because it was a k-2 program, in the gym. There were over 600 adults present. It was a safety concern, bc the teachers were worried they wouldn't be able to keep track of all the kids in that big of an environment. That part actually makes sense. After the CT shooting, school safety has become a hot topic.

I am friendly with this DCM...that being said, she can be kind of a tight a** and thinks she is ALWAYS right. Kind of a bully type. And not warm and fuzzy at all.

I have seriously been crying since I got home. My poor little man!
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Loveyoustinkyface 10:38 AM 02-14-2013
Oh, I feel for you. Hopefully you will feel better after your son gets home and you can talk with him.

I would try to explain to him ("cup half full") that you were both so lucky to see each other after the false alarm. And you loved the school presentation.

I would call the principal and discuss HOW this should have been handled. I am not saying that the way it happened was right, and explain how it must have felt for your son. And that you were there and could have helped the teacher so she could tend to the rest of the class.

{{HUGS}}
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daycarediva 10:43 AM 02-14-2013
Oh your poor baby!!! (and you!!)

I think the dcm was out of line. In the least she could have let you walk with him/her back to the nurses office and gotten him checked out.

Can you imagine if roles were reversed and you did that to her son/daughter? I mean, SERIOUSLY. Your little guy was bleeding and you weren't allowed to comfort him?

I would be BEYOND mad, and VERY upset.

I hope your ds is ok!!!
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ABCDaycareMN 10:46 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by Loveyoustinkyface:
I would call the principal and discuss HOW this should have been handled. I am not saying that the way it happened was right, and explain how it must have felt for your son. And that you were there and could have helped the teacher so she could tend to the rest of the class.

{{HUGS}}
A call to the principal is a must! There is no reason why you couldn't tend to your hurt child even with their set rules. That is not ok. My child comes first! I probably would have signed him out right then and there! No one talks to me like that.

I hope your son is ok.
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makap 10:47 AM 02-14-2013
OMG I am upset for you! No one would EVER tell me that I can not comfort my son in this type of situation! I would be pulling him out of school so fast and homeschooling.
Is this a dcm of yours? Meaning you care for her child while she teaches?

I would be terming based on this! I don't think I would be able to provide care for her anymore. I would be too livid!
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Willow 10:48 AM 02-14-2013
I'd have flipped the mother heifer out.........



Since you didn't I give you permission to call the school and flip the mother heifer out on the principal right now
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canadiancare 10:50 AM 02-14-2013
ON a completely unrelated note and to show where my head is....I thought you were going to announce your son was seeing one of your daycare parents.


I am sorry you had to leave with that stress. Kids who are hurting need to be taken care of. If a daycare kid slipped on the way up the steps at drop off and skinned their knee I wouldn't kick the parent out for trying to comfort them.
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SquirrellyMama 10:56 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
ON a completely unrelated note and to show where my head is....I thought you were going to announce your son was seeing one of your daycare parents.

That was my first thought also
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AfterSchoolMom 11:24 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
I'd have flipped the mother heifer out.........



Since you didn't I give you permission to call the school and flip the mother heifer out on the principal right now

I'd have done both!!! No one tells me what I can and cannot do with MY child. You should definitely not let this go.
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youretooloud 11:32 AM 02-14-2013
Unless he's in a juvenile prison, I don't see why you couldn't fix his bloody nose at least.

I, personally think schools should either chill the heck out, or stop doing programs during the day. If they are so worried about someone snatching a kid, then do the programs at night. If they are afraid a parent will stand at the back of the auditorium with a gun, then do the programs at night.

If your son needed some help, and a tissue, then calmer heads should reason that "mom can fix this and bring him back to class for us".

I could see if you were schlepping six daycare kids with you, they'd rather you just leave, otherwise you are adding to the chaos.

But, I can just PROMISE you that if you said those same words to daycare mom, that she'd flip out.
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bunnyslippers 11:38 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
Unless he's in a juvenile prison, I don't see why you couldn't fix his bloody nose at least.

I, personally think schools should either chill the heck out, or stop doing programs during the day. If they are so worried about someone snatching a kid, then do the programs at night. If they are afraid a parent will stand at the back of the auditorium with a gun, then do the programs at night.

If your son needed some help, and a tissue, then calmer heads should reason that "mom can fix this and bring him back to class for us".

I could see if you were schlepping six daycare kids with you, they'd rather you just leave, otherwise you are adding to the chaos.

But, I can just PROMISE you that if you said those same words to daycare mom, that she'd flip out.
You are so right! I am just not looking forward to her picking up today...I know she is going to try and inform me of how I should have handled it. I will not be able to keep my cool, and will probably say something that is less than kind.

I am just so ready for my munchkin to get home...this has been a LOOOOONG day and it needs to be over!
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wdmmom 11:39 AM 02-14-2013
If my child is injured in ANY way, it is my god given right as a parent to do what I feel is necessary. Even if that means breaking the "rules".

Considering there was a legitimate reason for you to do what you did, I would have asked the teacher what happened and I would have taken him directly to the nurse. I wouldn't have left my child in distress.

If he didn't calm down after a visit to the nurses office, I would have brought him home. If he calmed down and got himself situated, I would have walked him back to class and then went home.

If a DCP treated my child like that, lets just say, they WOULDN'T get away with it!!!
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jokalima 11:40 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by SquirrellyMama:
We do home school so I am not unbiased. As soon as they tried to take child away from me I would have had them out of school.

K
I've been thinking about but am afraid:

1- My family, what they will think about it, no one has done this in our families.

2- I have an only child, I worry he will get lonely or end up being a "mama's boy"

3- Don't know if I have what it takes to do this succesfully

But the more I read things and think about it i just don;t want him in a public school and can't afford a private one.
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SquirrellyMama 11:45 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by jokalima:
I've been thinking about but am afraid:

1- My family, what they will think about it, no one has done this in our families.

2- I have an only child, I worry he will get lonely or end up being a "mama's boy"

3- Don't know if I have what it takes to do this succesfully

But the more I read things and think about it i just don;t want him in a public school and can't afford a private one.
To answer a few of your thoughts.

1. I thrive on deviating from the norm
2. Joining a homeschool group is great for not being isolated and getting your child together with others.
3. I'm probably the least likely person to be successful but I think my kids are thriving despite my personality

K
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laundrymom 11:49 AM 02-14-2013
Not wanting to get in a public, private, HS debate. This issue is the dcm who overstepped her bounds and bullied you.

Not only would I call to check on junior, I would inform dcm that she was out of line.
I would remind her that you are his mother, she's not in charge of the schoOl and if she ever removes your son from your arms again. She'd be missing an arm.

Ugh. Sending you love.
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momofsix 11:53 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by jokalima:
I've been thinking about but am afraid:

1- My family, what they will think about it, no one has done this in our families.

2- I have an only child, I worry he will get lonely or end up being a "mama's boy"

3- Don't know if I have what it takes to do this succesfully

But the more I read things and think about it i just don;t want him in a public school and can't afford a private one.
OP-it's too late to change what happened now, but I would definitely say something to dcm today. That was so unacceptable. Did she even take care of your child's bloody nose? I'd be furious

Jokalima, I home-schooled for many years. I started in 1996, way before it became popular like it is now.
1. who cares what your family thinks. YOU are the one responsible for your child. I worried about it too though. After I started my sister actually started too My family was actually very supportive and came to any "programs" we had.

2. My children had each other, so that did make a difference. They also had other home-school friends, church friends, neighborhood friends...and me Not much loneliness around our home-school!

3. If there were things I didn't know then I'd learn them right along with my kids! It was great! When it came to things like high school math I had someone else do the teaching. There are a ton of resources out there for homeschooling parents now.

If you really want to do it go for it! I have never regretted it for a moment!
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SquirrellyMama 11:53 AM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by laundrymom:
Not wanting to get in a public, private, HS debate. This issue is the dcm who overstepped her bounds and bullied you.

Not only would I call to check on junior, I would inform dcm that she was out of line.
I would remind her that you are his mother, she's not in charge of the schoOl and if she ever removes your son from your arms again. She'd be missing an arm.

Ugh. Sending you love.
and Hugs for pick up time. I would not want to have that conversation.

K
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CedarCreek 11:53 AM 02-14-2013
I'm proud of you for not slapping dcm. I know you wanted too!

That was completely out of line! I would have went after my son to comfort him as well.

Good luck at pick up. I hope you give her a piece of your mind in the calmest way possible. But I know that will be hard.
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NeedaVaca 11:56 AM 02-14-2013
If you have words with this DCM just make it clear that you are perfectly aware of the "rules" but this was absolutely different with extenuating circumstances. The situation was not handled correctly and you should have had every right to make sure your son was fine, take him to the nurse, etc...I think a call to the principle is in order Hope your son is ok!!
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Mom&Provider 12:02 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Uh huh NO WAY!!! If that was MY child, I would have said "Excuse me but the rules are for kids who are well or unhurt, mine is hurt. I will take it from here" and then would have.

NO ONE is going to tell me I cannot soothe, comfort or be with my child when something like that is happening!

I would be very upset with that DCM as like I said, the situation went from normal to chaotic pretty fast so rules no longer applied.


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WDW 12:05 PM 02-14-2013
Has DCM ever broken one of your rules, stretched a rule, been late? If so, I think that she would be receiving notice from me. Maybe even if she hadn't. "You know you can't do this..." Excuse me?
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JenNJ 12:08 PM 02-14-2013
I will be the one to disagree. While I think dcm could have gone about it better, YOU were wrong.

When you enroll your child in school, you are turning them over to the state and school district's rules. I know I had to sign papers agreeing to how the school is run and how all sorts of situations would be handled. I know my son is in the custody of the school from the moment he is picked up on the bus until the moment he is dropped off at home.

Dcm was doing her job. She was following the rules that her job requires her to follow. They need to be in control of the kids and surroundings 100% of the time. You were interfering with procedure. It stinks to see your kid hurt and sad, but you said he was holding his teachers hand. He was going back into the school presumably to be taken care of.

That is a lot of kids, a lot of UNKNOWN adults, and very few staff members trying to keep charge in the face of an emergency in the school. You can be upset about it, but dcm did the right thing. You can't remove your child from the school/teacher without following policy which usually involves proper identification and signing the child out. that is for the safety of your child and it shows a chain of custody which is imperative for liability reasons. You also cannot hold the class up when his teacher is trying to get the class inside. It is dangerous for all the kids, including your own.

If you are unhappy with turning your child over to the care of the school, you need to seriously consider homeschooling.

As a dcp, I am really surprised you don't see how this could be a large problem for the school if they let you be with your child in this very unorganized and chaotic situation. You of all people should know that things can get crazy with young kids and unknown situations. Things can get out of control quickly. Adding in even one other adult can cause a major issue for a variety of reasons.
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CedarCreek 12:16 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I will be the one to disagree. While I think dcm could have gone about it better, YOU were wrong.

When you enroll your child in school, you are turning them over to the state and school district's rules. I know I had to sign papers agreeing to how the school is run and how all sorts of situations would be handled. I know my son is in the custody of the school from the moment he is picked up on the bus until the moment he is dropped off at home.

Dcm was doing her job. She was following the rules that her job requires her to follow. They need to be in control of the kids and surroundings 100% of the time. You were interfering with procedure. It stinks to see your kid hurt and sad, but you said he was holding his teachers hand. He was going back into the school presumably to be taken care of.

That is a lot of kids, a lot of UNKNOWN adults, and very few staff members trying to keep charge in the face of an emergency in the school. You can be upset about it, but dcm did the right thing. You can't remove your child from the school/teacher without following policy which usually involves proper identification and signing the child out. that is for the safety of your child and it shows a chain of custody which is imperative for liability reasons. You also cannot hold the class up when his teacher is trying to get the class inside. It is dangerous for all the kids, including your own.

If you are unhappy with turning your child over to the care of the school, you need to seriously consider homeschooling.

As a dcp, I am really surprised you don't see how this could be a large problem for the school if they let you be with your child in this very unorganized and chaotic situation. You of all people should know that things can get crazy with young kids and unknown situations. Things can get out of control quickly. Adding in even one other adult can cause a major issue for a variety of reasons.
And if this was your child you wouldn't have done the same thing? Please!

Her son had a BLOODY NOSE. He wasn't simply freaked out or frightened. He was injured. Rule or no rule, heaven help the person who tries to keep me away from my injured child.
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laundrymom 12:17 PM 02-14-2013
"I've" never signed that kind of paper. And I won't. My child. My ultimate responsibility.
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ABCDaycareMN 12:24 PM 02-14-2013
No such paper exists here. I never signed anything nor would I.
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JenNJ 12:27 PM 02-14-2013
I absolutely would have seen if I could help. But I would have asked the teacher first. I can understand the primal need to help my child any way possible, but I can also logically see that the teachers cannot allow that.

I am pretty sure you have signed an agreement if your child goes to school. I signed one for medical emergencies, injuries, visitation, late arrivals, early pickups, absences, etc. I had to sign at least a dozen papers including a parent code of conduct and my son had to sign the student code of conduct.
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TheGoodLife 12:28 PM 02-14-2013
She was comforting her hurt child, and the teacher knows that it was her son, not an unknown person. That was not against the rules. As a former teacher, I could not even imagine speaking to a parent like that, none-the-less my own child's DCP. Just trying to bully/control!
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Lucy 12:33 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I will be the one to disagree. While I think dcm could have gone about it better, YOU were wrong.

When you enroll your child in school, you are turning them over to the state and school district's rules. I know I had to sign papers agreeing to how the school is run and how all sorts of situations would be handled. I know my son is in the custody of the school from the moment he is picked up on the bus until the moment he is dropped off at home.

Dcm was doing her job. She was following the rules that her job requires her to follow. They need to be in control of the kids and surroundings 100% of the time. You were interfering with procedure. It stinks to see your kid hurt and sad, but you said he was holding his teachers hand. He was going back into the school presumably to be taken care of.

That is a lot of kids, a lot of UNKNOWN adults, and very few staff members trying to keep charge in the face of an emergency in the school. You can be upset about it, but dcm did the right thing. You can't remove your child from the school/teacher without following policy which usually involves proper identification and signing the child out. that is for the safety of your child and it shows a chain of custody which is imperative for liability reasons. You also cannot hold the class up when his teacher is trying to get the class inside. It is dangerous for all the kids, including your own.

If you are unhappy with turning your child over to the care of the school, you need to seriously consider homeschooling.

As a dcp, I am really surprised you don't see how this could be a large problem for the school if they let you be with your child in this very unorganized and chaotic situation. You of all people should know that things can get crazy with young kids and unknown situations. Things can get out of control quickly. Adding in even one other adult can cause a major issue for a variety of reasons.
Although I wouldn't have said it in as harsh a tone as the above, I agree with the overall meaning of this answer. There were already 29 responses before I started reading. I kept reading each one thinking, "Wow, I totally see this the opposite way that everyone else does. Weird." Then #29 came up and I was redeemed! LOL

To the OP, I do TOTALLY see your point. It's hard to see our precious kids in pain. Whether physical OR emotional. And your son was likely experiencing both. Our mother bear instinct kicks in and nothing else matters.

However..... there comes a point where you just have to step back and let other adults handle things regarding your kids. It's extremely tough, but you gotta do it sometimes. School is one of those times.

The staff are doing what they feel is best for the safety of the ENTIRE student body. If they make exceptions here and there, it compromises the integrity of their safety plan.

If one parent removed their child from the line of kids walking back to their classroom, that disrupts the whole group. Now other kids want to go out of the line and see Mom. It throws off their count. Maybe the staff member at the front of the line didn't see the one child being pulled away, and when she turns to perform a head count, she's one off and throws herself and everyone around her into a panic. There are just so many ways that it is not advisable in a VERY large group such as a school to comprimise their well-thought out plans.

That being said... again, I TOTALLY get it. I would have been extremely drawn to pull him out of line and hug him and tell him it'll be ok. But logic would have told me that the staff would take appropriate actions and either get him back to class or to the office so they could put ice on it. At that point, they would then attempt to call you (although you'd be there, so...). What I would've done is immediately gone to the office to wait for him. I'm sure they would've eventually taken him there.

I honestly don't mean this to bawl you out in any way, shape, or form. Trust me. I just think that in this instance, it was for the greater good to just bite your lip and ache for your child, but leave him in the capable hands of the school staff. Hope you're not offended. Just trying to play Devil's Advocate.

Let me add that it does sound like the DCM spoke to you in probably not the best tone. But she was stressed. It would've pissed me off, but I can see having to be direct and firm if a parent was trying to disrupt the proceedings in that type of chaotic environment. As an alternate plan, if I were in earshot of the teacher or other staff member dealing with your son's group, I may have said, "What happened? Should I meet up with him in the office?"
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Springdaze 12:40 PM 02-14-2013
I can understand and would really be miffed as well, but its kind of no different than us telling a parent to drop an upset child off and let us take care of them. We wouldnt want the parent hanging around and have heard many complain about this very thing. Yes, he had a bloody nose, but....
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CedarCreek 12:43 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by chellenj:
I can understand and would really be miffed as well, but its kind of no different than us telling a parent to drop an upset child off and let us take care of them. We wouldnt want the parent hanging around and have heard many complain about this very thing. Yes, he had a bloody nose, but....
It is VERY different.
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Springdaze 12:46 PM 02-14-2013
if she wouldnt have been there, she wouldnt have known til he got home, it just so happens she was there
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Starburst 12:50 PM 02-14-2013
I would have told her: "If your children were at my daycare and got hurt and I told you that you couldn't check on them to make sure they were okay- I know your first reaction would be to pull your child out of my program! I am his mother and I have a right to know that he is okay!" Then I would tell her: "Consider that your 2 weeks notice"... Yeah, maybe in a world were I actually had a backbone and some huevos.

On one hand I understand the rules and stuff but I think it is illeagle for them to deny a parents access to their child (as long as the family is not abusing the child)- after all at your daycare you cannot stop a parent from coming in and seeing their child during the day or prevent the parents from picking the child up early even if you did have an activity/event planned; though you probably could say if their child go more upset due to their presents and it disrupted the other children that they need to go and take their child home for the day. But you cannot tell them that they are not allowed to see their children.

I would seriously consider talking to the principle and tell them that not allowing you to tend to your injured son is unacceptable. And if they didn't do anything I would seriously consider a different school because that doesn't seem right that when your child is hurt that you cannot even go over to make sure they are okay or if he need to go to see a doctor- if something worse had happened and they didn't let me see my kid I would more than gladly sue the school. When a kid is hurt they don't want teachers/principles, they don't want doctors; they want their mommy! He didn't just scrape his knee, he had a bloody nose! If his nose is broken it could affect his breathing and he could need surgery before the cartlige set in (my brother got a broken nose from jumping off a car once). It is proven that education does best when it values families involvement in the child's development0 including emotional!

I would probably also consider terminating the mom too, espesually if you thought she was a bit of a bully before that. It's an after school activity- its one thing if it happend during a normal school hours and they didn't want to interupt his acedemics, but just so they could put on a show to make their school look good; is really dumb.
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CedarCreek 12:50 PM 02-14-2013
What does that matter? She was there. She tried to comfort her injured son and had him physically taken away from her and was insulted on top of it.
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countrymom 12:56 PM 02-14-2013
my children love to see me and come up to me and give me hugs when I go to the school, they do love to come home too, so I sometimes end up being mean and not letting them come home.

I think, the students should have been placed in their classrooms and if you wanted to see your child or take them home then you would have to go to the classroom and sign them out. Now the action of the teacher was wrong, she should have asked for your help as she brought the kids back.

I would have been crying too
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bunnyslippers 01:24 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I will be the one to disagree. While I think dcm could have gone about it better, YOU were wrong.

When you enroll your child in school, you are turning them over to the state and school district's rules. I know I had to sign papers agreeing to how the school is run and how all sorts of situations would be handled. I know my son is in the custody of the school from the moment he is picked up on the bus until the moment he is dropped off at home.

Dcm was doing her job. She was following the rules that her job requires her to follow. They need to be in control of the kids and surroundings 100% of the time. You were interfering with procedure. It stinks to see your kid hurt and sad, but you said he was holding his teachers hand. He was going back into the school presumably to be taken care of.

That is a lot of kids, a lot of UNKNOWN adults, and very few staff members trying to keep charge in the face of an emergency in the school. You can be upset about it, but dcm did the right thing. You can't remove your child from the school/teacher without following policy which usually involves proper identification and signing the child out. that is for the safety of your child and it shows a chain of custody which is imperative for liability reasons. You also cannot hold the class up when his teacher is trying to get the class inside. It is dangerous for all the kids, including your own.

If you are unhappy with turning your child over to the care of the school, you need to seriously consider homeschooling.

As a dcp, I am really surprised you don't see how this could be a large problem for the school if they let you be with your child in this very unorganized and chaotic situation. You of all people should know that things can get crazy with young kids and unknown situations. Things can get out of control quickly. Adding in even one other adult can cause a major issue for a variety of reasons.
Let me start my response with this...I agree with most of what you said and think many of your points are valid. HOWEVER, you have some of your facts wrong. And your delivery is downright nasty and a bit offensive. You can express your opinions while still being kind.

I was a teacher in a public school, for many years. I recognize the difficult position the teachers were in today, and also recognize how important it is for them to keep every child safe. I both recognize and respect that. I do entrust my children to them, every day. I live in a very small town, and the teachers in the school all know me, on sight. We are a very close knit community, and we all take care of one another. When the children were exiting the building, I walked several of them out to their class lines. That is just how we operate in this town.

I did not pull him out of line. His teacher was fully aware of me being there and walking with him - in his line - to calm him down. She let go of his hand and allowed me to walk with him.

The teacher who pulled him away from me is NOT his teacher. She is a friend of mine, and also a parent of some of the children I care for each day. I was upset because my injured child was moved away from me before I could even say goodbye to him.

Again, I recognize the chaotic situation we were in. It was frightening, for everyone involved. The children, parents and staff were all in a heightened state of fear. Thank goodness it turned out to be a false alarm, or this would be a very different post.

The teacher/friend who pulled my child away from me just came and picked up her children. The first thing she did when she walked in was hug me and apologize for "tearing my bleeding child away" from me. We all discussed the situation frankly and openly, and thanked God that our children are safe and that we have one another to look after each other's children.

My sweet little man is home and doing fine. Thanks to all of you for your supportive words today. I did need to hear from other moms, and I was feeling very sad about the whole thing. You all (well, most of you) helped me through a trying day. Again, I am grateful I have this forum!
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Michael 01:30 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by SquirrellyMama:
We do home school so I am not unbiased. As soon as they tried to take child away from me I would have had them out of school.

K

Yes, agree with you. Both my kids are homeschooled.

BTW, I've seen so many ((HUGS)) that I created a new smiley for you all to use.


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Msdunny 01:36 PM 02-14-2013
No, no, no, no, no!! I would be furious, and I am angry FOR you!! There is no way I would stand for that.

I would really have to speak to this teacher. I really don't understand not allowing parents access to their own children! What are we coming to as a society?
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Lucy 01:47 PM 02-14-2013
I really didn't mean to offend and thought I DID use kind words??

We did not originally have some of the information that you later clarified, and speaking for myself, I could only go with the facts I was given.

No ill will. I promise!! As I said, I was playing Devil's Advocate.
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bunnyslippers 01:51 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by Lucy:
I really didn't mean to offend and thought I DID use kind words??

We did not originally have some of the information that you later clarified, and speaking for myself, I could only go with the facts I was given.

No ill will. I promise!! As I said, I was playing Devil's Advocate.
Lucy, I was not directing my comment to you at all. Your response was perfectly appropriate, kind and honest! I agree with your post, as well as the other one that was critical. You did not offend me in the least~

I was just having a tough mommy day, and the teacher in me checked out a bit. It is incredibly hard to find a balance between the two sometimes!
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Lucy 01:58 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
Lucy, I was not directing my comment to you at all. Your response was perfectly appropriate, kind and honest! I agree with your post, as well as the other one that was critical. You did not offend me in the least~

I was just having a tough mommy day, and the teacher in me checked out a bit. It is incredibly hard to find a balance between the two sometimes!
Gotcha.
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Angelsj 02:25 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I will be the one to disagree. While I think dcm could have gone about it better, YOU were wrong.

When you enroll your child in school, you are turning them over to the state and school district's rules. I know I had to sign papers agreeing to how the school is run and how all sorts of situations would be handled. I know my son is in the custody of the school from the moment he is picked up on the bus until the moment he is dropped off at home.

Dcm was doing her job. She was following the rules that her job requires her to follow. They need to be in control of the kids and surroundings 100% of the time. You were interfering with procedure. It stinks to see your kid hurt and sad, but you said he was holding his teachers hand. He was going back into the school presumably to be taken care of.

That is a lot of kids, a lot of UNKNOWN adults, and very few staff members trying to keep charge in the face of an emergency in the school. You can be upset about it, but dcm did the right thing. You can't remove your child from the school/teacher without following policy which usually involves proper identification and signing the child out. that is for the safety of your child and it shows a chain of custody which is imperative for liability reasons. You also cannot hold the class up when his teacher is trying to get the class inside. It is dangerous for all the kids, including your own.

If you are unhappy with turning your child over to the care of the school, you need to seriously consider homeschooling.

As a dcp, I am really surprised you don't see how this could be a large problem for the school if they let you be with your child in this very unorganized and chaotic situation. You of all people should know that things can get crazy with young kids and unknown situations. Things can get out of control quickly. Adding in even one other adult can cause a major issue for a variety of reasons.

This would precisely be one of the many, many reasons we homeschool. There is no way I would turn my kids over to anyone, and relinquish my rights as a parent. Nor would I have left the child there. I would have removed my child on the spot.

On the few occasions I have allowed the kids to "try" a semester of school or participate in activities, I made it VERY clear that I was NOT giving them that power, and that I would be on the premises or available by phone at any moment.
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Blackcat31 02:58 PM 02-14-2013
If I had it to do over. I would home school in a heart beat.
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jokalima 03:21 PM 02-14-2013
I will have my husband sit in front of pc and read all of this posts... Wow!

I can get the part of the teachers trying to do their jobs and keeping child safe but, if I know the parent, and know them well, why would I take the child away? I mean, is not like if it was a stranger grabbing the child, it was his mom and a teacher saw her, they new he was safe with that adult that was trying to be there for him. I personally would not be able to deal with this, and if is true that i have to sign papers and basically "surrender" custody to the state while they are @ school, then I don't want him in school. Anyone from CT that knows if that applies to the schools here?
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JenNJ 03:34 PM 02-14-2013
You are all taking custody too far. I mean that my child is in their physical custody during school hours and in order to see him, I need to follow procedure. For safety reasons I cannot just enter the school, find my child, and leave.
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bunnyslippers 03:42 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
You are all taking custody too far. I mean that my child is in their physical custody during school hours and in order to see him, I need to follow procedure. For safety reasons I cannot just enter the school, find my child, and leave.
I didn't do that - the kids were outside, and I was standing right there. But thanks. You are a peach.
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Sugar Magnolia 04:00 PM 02-14-2013
What happened at pick up?
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Country Kids 04:11 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
I will be the one to disagree. While I think dcm could have gone about it better, YOU were wrong.

When you enroll your child in school, you are turning them over to the state and school district's rules. I know I had to sign papers agreeing to how the school is run and how all sorts of situations would be handled. I know my son is in the custody of the school from the moment he is picked up on the bus until the moment he is dropped off at home.

Dcm was doing her job. She was following the rules that her job requires her to follow. They need to be in control of the kids and surroundings 100% of the time. You were interfering with procedure. It stinks to see your kid hurt and sad, but you said he was holding his teachers hand. He was going back into the school presumably to be taken care of.

That is a lot of kids, a lot of UNKNOWN adults, and very few staff members trying to keep charge in the face of an emergency in the school. You can be upset about it, but dcm did the right thing. You can't remove your child from the school/teacher without following policy which usually involves proper identification and signing the child out. that is for the safety of your child and it shows a chain of custody which is imperative for liability reasons. You also cannot hold the class up when his teacher is trying to get the class inside. It is dangerous for all the kids, including your own.

If you are unhappy with turning your child over to the care of the school, you need to seriously consider homeschooling.

As a dcp, I am really surprised you don't see how this could be a large problem for the school if they let you be with your child in this very unorganized and chaotic situation. You of all people should know that things can get crazy with young kids and unknown situations. Things can get out of control quickly. Adding in even one other adult can cause a major issue for a variety of reasons.
For one I have NEVER signed any such forms and I have been in the school system since the 90's and have 8 more years to go.

I have been through 4 principles in just the elementary school, 2 through middle school, we have 1 at our hs but 4 or 5 assistants principles. I have been fortunate enough to know several outside of school and believe me, there is no way they would allow a stunt like that to be pulled.

I would never sign my child OVER to the school system. It would be a cold day before that happened.

In fact everytime there is an even in school, I sign my child out early and they come home with me. There has never been a problem with that.
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JenNJ 05:21 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
Let me start my response with this...I agree with most of what you said and think many of your points are valid. HOWEVER, you have some of your facts wrong. And your delivery is downright nasty and a bit offensive. You can express your opinions while still being kind.

I didn't insult anyone nor was I unkind. The facts I had wrong were not clear in the OP.


I was a teacher in a public school, for many years. I recognize the difficult position the teachers were in today, and also recognize how important it is for them to keep every child safe. I both recognize and respect that. I do entrust my children to them, every day. I live in a very small town, and the teachers in the school all know me, on sight. We are a very close knit community, and we all take care of one another. When the children were exiting the building, I walked several of them out to their class lines. That is just how we operate in this town.

I did not pull him out of line. His teacher was fully aware of me being there and walking with him - in his line - to calm him down. She let go of his hand and allowed me to walk with him.

That sounds great. Small town schools are awesome, but again, that info wasn't clear in the OP.

The teacher who pulled him away from me is NOT his teacher. She is a friend of mine, and also a parent of some of the children I care for each day. I was upset because my injured child was moved away from me before I could even say goodbye to him.

Totally understandable, and I agreed with you that how she handled it was not professional at all.

Again, I recognize the chaotic situation we were in. It was frightening, for everyone involved. The children, parents and staff were all in a heightened state of fear. Thank goodness it turned out to be a false alarm, or this would be a very different post.

The teacher/friend who pulled my child away from me just came and picked up her children. The first thing she did when she walked in was hug me and apologize for "tearing my bleeding child away" from me. We all discussed the situation frankly and openly, and thanked God that our children are safe and that we have one another to look after each other's children.

My sweet little man is home and doing fine. Thanks to all of you for your supportive words today. I did need to hear from other moms, and I was feeling very sad about the whole thing. You all (well, most of you) helped me through a trying day. Again, I am grateful I have this forum!
Originally Posted by Angelsj:
This would precisely be one of the many, many reasons we homeschool. There is no way I would turn my kids over to anyone, and relinquish my rights as a parent. Nor would I have left the child there. I would have removed my child on the spot.

On the few occasions I have allowed the kids to "try" a semester of school or participate in activities, I made it VERY clear that I was NOT giving them that power, and that I would be on the premises or available by phone at any moment.
I have never relinquished my parental rights, but by having a child attend any school, you are giving them the RESPONSIBILITY of caring for your child. You are agreeing to certain procedures. Many schools have a chain showing where each child is at all times. This is why attendance is called each morning, head counts are done, and signing kids in/out is so important. It keeps track of the kids at all times.

Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
I didn't do that - the kids were outside, and I was standing right there. But thanks. You are a peach.
Not sure what I said here to make you mad, I was referring to the other posters who were insinuating that I somehow gave my kid away be sending him to public school.

Originally Posted by Country Kids:
For one I have NEVER signed any such forms and I have been in the school system since the 90's and have 8 more years to go.

I have been through 4 principles in just the elementary school, 2 through middle school, we have 1 at our hs but 4 or 5 assistants principles. I have been fortunate enough to know several outside of school and believe me, there is no way they would allow a stunt like that to be pulled.

I would never sign my child OVER to the school system. It would be a cold day before that happened.

I was saying that you are agreeing to certain school/county/state procedures. Very similar to how we as daycares need to adhere to state/county laws in our childcares. We cannot just release kids to anyone and have to have our paperwork in order when an emergency occurs.

I have never seen any child accepted into any school where paperwork was not handed in. No emergency forms? No procedure and policy handbook? Really? I find that VERY hard to believe. Ours is on the school website. It explains every facet of the school policy and who to contact with questions. I had to agree to those policies before my child could attend school. I signed forms at registration. Again, very similar to a contract that we work with as childcare providers.


In fact everytime there is an even in school, I sign my child out early and they come home with me. There has never been a problem with that.
As do I. The school always allows me immediate access to my child when needed. As long as I show up with my ID and sign the paper in the office, I can take him out of school anytime.
Sorry if I offended you OP, but you really weren't very clear in the first post. I'm glad dcm apologized for being rude and I'm glad your son is doing better.
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AfterSchoolMom 06:50 PM 02-14-2013
Bunnyslippers, what finally happened? How is your child now?
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Angelsj 07:42 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by JenNJ:
You are all taking custody too far. I mean that my child is in their physical custody during school hours and in order to see him, I need to follow procedure. For safety reasons I cannot just enter the school, find my child, and leave.
Actually, you can. You have the final say in your child's whereabouts. You are letting the school know AS A COURTESY, but you are the parent. You do NOT have to relinquish that power.
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Country Kids 08:25 PM 02-14-2013
"I was saying that you are agreeing to certain school/county/state procedures. Very similar to how we as daycares need to adhere to state/county laws in our childcares. We cannot just release kids to anyone and have to have our paperwork in order when an emergency occurs.

I have never seen any child accepted into any school where paperwork was not handed in. No emergency forms? No procedure and policy handbook? Really? I find that VERY hard to believe. Ours is on the school website. It explains every facet of the school policy and who to contact with questions. I had to agree to those policies before my child could attend school. I signed forms at registration. Again, very similar to a contract that we work with as childcare providers.

For our schools we fill out a emergency form/picture form/watch a movie form/field trips. The school handbook is way off on another table and the school actually has hardly any takers on them as they aren't a "required" part of the paperwork. If you want one, you take it if not no problem.Nothing on our websites either but everything else is-teachers numbers, pictures, lunch menu, etc.



In fact everytime there is an even in school, I sign my child out early and they come home with me. There has never been a problem with that.
As do I. The school always allows me immediate access to my child when needed. As long as I show up with my ID and sign the paper in the office, I can take him out of school anytime. "

Today when I was at our valentine party, I went to the office and the secretary said just go on down, you've been here for enough years- no worries. The principal was even standing there and there were no issues about me not signng in.
Reply
MyAngels 09:12 PM 02-14-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
Let me start my response with this...I agree with most of what you said and think many of your points are valid. HOWEVER, you have some of your facts wrong. And your delivery is downright nasty and a bit offensive. You can express your opinions while still being kind.

I was a teacher in a public school, for many years. I recognize the difficult position the teachers were in today, and also recognize how important it is for them to keep every child safe. I both recognize and respect that. I do entrust my children to them, every day. I live in a very small town, and the teachers in the school all know me, on sight. We are a very close knit community, and we all take care of one another. When the children were exiting the building, I walked several of them out to their class lines. That is just how we operate in this town.

I did not pull him out of line. His teacher was fully aware of me being there and walking with him - in his line - to calm him down. She let go of his hand and allowed me to walk with him.

The teacher who pulled him away from me is NOT his teacher. She is a friend of mine, and also a parent of some of the children I care for each day. I was upset because my injured child was moved away from me before I could even say goodbye to him.

Again, I recognize the chaotic situation we were in. It was frightening, for everyone involved. The children, parents and staff were all in a heightened state of fear. Thank goodness it turned out to be a false alarm, or this would be a very different post.

The teacher/friend who pulled my child away from me just came and picked up her children. The first thing she did when she walked in was hug me and apologize for "tearing my bleeding child away" from me. We all discussed the situation frankly and openly, and thanked God that our children are safe and that we have one another to look after each other's children.

My sweet little man is home and doing fine. Thanks to all of you for your supportive words today. I did need to hear from other moms, and I was feeling very sad about the whole thing. You all (well, most of you) helped me through a trying day. Again, I am grateful I have this forum!
For those asking, this was the resolution .
Reply
AfterSchoolMom 04:03 AM 02-15-2013
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
For those asking, this was the resolution .
Sorry, I missed that. Really glad that it turned out ok and that DCM apologized.
Reply
bunnyslippers 04:53 AM 02-15-2013
All is well ~ my little one is great ~
Reply
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