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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do You Ever Wonder That Maybe It IS You And Not Them?
E Daycare 07:04 AM 05-13-2011
You know, I look at us providers as people with more than the average experience with children. More so because we've either had our own children, worked with children and/or have child education. With that being said, for those parents with whom we are always incredulous over, do you ever wonder maybe its just ME??

I do.

The day to day interactions with the parents in my life (minus a few) really just make me shake my head and kinda blink. Whether its via real life, via facebook or just from reading on here or watching what goes on in the news, this stuff has become the "norm" of parenting. How come to us its not but to the outsiders it is? I worked in childcare 5yrs before I did my last marketing job from '06-'10. I didnt have my own child yet and still I felt like I was doing more than the parent AND I was younger than most parents too! Now I have my own son and ventured back into child care in the home setting I still feel the same way. Nothing has changed in the 5yrs I was away from daycare. Parents seemed to get lazier and lazier. Lately Ive dealt with:

The dcf I booted because of inconsistent EVERYTHING. Come one people, dont you want a scheduled life where your child gets the proper rest and nutrition they need and thrive on? Apparently no, its easier to just hope the kid gets on my schedule and not bother doing anything else to get the kid up to par.

One current dck whos almost 2 and constantly comes in with a bottle full of chocolate milk or nutter butters in the am because "little johnny wouldnt leave with out the bag of cookies/fruit snacks/bandaids all over himself". Funny cause he gets in the car great for me and if not hes kicking screaming and the radio goes up louder. This same dck is now on pedisure via mom because he "wont eat". No he doesnt eat REAL food of course. He does love him some snacks though. You even mention part of the word sna.... and hes all like NAK NAK NAK. This same mother took him to mcdonalds the other day so he could have some chicken nuggets and fries because she said its "better then no calories".

Im surprised Im not bald from pulling my hair out.

Another play date mom brings her 2.5yr old over and talks about how his morning bottle is the last one to get rid of and its so hard cause he just loves it and they need to move again in like 6 months and she doesnt want the move to delay the weaning. I had to finally tell her "yeah the last one is hard but there is no way its going to take 6 MONTHS to wean him off that bottle. DS was off his at 1yr in 3 weeks. ALL of them". Then she goes and tells me shes ready to potty train him because shes tired of changing diapers and wetting thru them in the middle of the night. Yeah, sounds like the kid is ready for potty training believe me. I mentioned that even veteran kids sometimes still need to wear pullups or good nights at night because they go so long with getting up that they have more frequent accidents. So this wont really fix her overnight changing issues. Maybe cutting out water after 7? She has a hard time though because the kids bed time is 10p and hes up at 10 so he stays up longer and is thirsty longer. He also sleeps from 2pm till 6 or 7pm at night than gets up to eat dinner at 8.

Not my ideal schedule of course but Im not the parent.

One stay at home mom has her 2yr old in daycare and stays home with her littlest one. How she duped her hubby to putting her kid in daycare so she only had to take care of one of her offspring is beyond me because if I said that to my husband he'd be like "what the heck are you a stay at mom for if you send a kid to daycare?!". This continues to blow my mind. I knew her personally so I know she really wanted the second kid to keep from having to get another job to help pay bills. So its more of the she loves the "Im pregnant" and "I have a newborn, look!" attention. Once that wears off she will put that one in care and pop out another one.

Sometimes I wish I was just as duh. Maybe to other parents I am but for the most part I feel like I can adequately raise a respectable human being that knows his manners, was encouraged to meet his milestones on time for HIS well being and not because "Im tired of changing diapers", one that eats good for him food and can do his own laundry ( ). Everyone here is on the same page.

How is it just us and not them? Maybe it IS us huh?

LMAO
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Zoe 07:15 AM 05-13-2011
Sometimes I feel like I'm in the minority as well. I don't feed my kids organic food or anything, but I do limit their sugar intake and I rarely serve chocolate milk. My kids DO NOT talk back to me, it is not tolerated here. I expect them to treat their friends nicely and follow the rules of the house that they are in.

My best friend however, lets her kids determine their bedtime, thus they finally konk out on the couch around midnight. If she wants to go to bed earlier than that then she puts them in her bed with her because "they won't go to sleep in their own beds". Well I've babysat her children and I got them to bed at 9pm with jammies in their own beds. NO problem.

I just don't get it! The 5 year old still drinks from a sippy cup. The 3 yo pushes my son down constantly with no consequences.

And this type of parenting is becoming so typical. Yes, it does make me wonder why I'm so "strict".

Don't think it's going to make me change my tune though.
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morgan24 07:29 AM 05-13-2011
I think that this is a growing trend of typical parenting. This upcoming generation is going to be the "Because it's easier" If I had a nickel for every time I have heard that in the last 10 years I could of retired 5 years ago. It gets worst with each new dck.
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MsMe 07:34 AM 05-13-2011
I have had a home daycare for 7 years but have no children of my own and sometimes feel bad when I (like you in the past) think to myself "Wow I would never so that"

My Mother was strict when I was growing up and with a 13 yr age difference between me my youngest younger brother coupled with a severe peanut allergy he has a completly differetn mother than I have growing up. I drives me nuts to see the things he gets away with that I would have never even dreamed of doing. I have called her out on it for the last few years and she can't seem to stop herself.

Many parents today (liek my mother now) are scared to hurt their childs feelings or make them sad (she certainly had no trouble with this when I was a child)

If even a "good" Mother can turn into a "lazy" parent I am worried there maybe no hope at all for some parents!
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missnikki 07:39 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by Zoe:
Sometimes I feel like I'm in the minority as well. I don't feed my kids organic food or anything, but I do limit their sugar intake and I rarely serve chocolate milk. My kids DO NOT talk back to me, it is not tolerated here. I expect them to treat their friends nicely and follow the rules of the house that they are in.

My best friend however, lets her kids determine their bedtime, thus they finally konk out on the couch around midnight. If she wants to go to bed earlier than that then she puts them in her bed with her because "they won't go to sleep in their own beds". Well I've babysat her children and I got them to bed at 9pm with jammies in their own beds. NO problem.

I just don't get it! The 5 year old still drinks from a sippy cup. The 3 yo pushes my son down constantly with no consequences.

And this type of parenting is becoming so typical. Yes, it does make me wonder why I'm so "strict".

Don't think it's going to make me change my tune though.
Did I write this?!? Seriously, right?

I have school age kids, and they are giant overgrown toddlers who cannot tie their own shoes -I have a 2nd grader who can't (won't), a few of them can't (won't) try to open their own applesauce or fruit cup at lunch (don't get me started on the food quality from home issue ), and the multitude of kids up to about 3rd grade who 'need help' reading their homework the second it comes out of their folder, until I say "Ok, let's see- what does this say?" and surprise! They can read! But these parents don't let them try to do it on their own. They read it to them because it's a math word problem and don't realize that reading it themselves is half the problem...Sorry, rant...
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ChaserT27 07:45 AM 05-13-2011
Oh I am SOOO on noard with this one!!!

I have parents who have a two yr old still on baby food and just recently off the bottle. Baby food for when she does not want the third different meal cooked for her. Same child does not go to bed at a decent hour because Mom and Dad can not let her cry. They are late for work every day because so and so wanted mac n cheese (at 8 AM really???)
Another child (second for parent, apparently has not learned from first) still on bottle with pacifier. Then feels bad and consoles the child when I take them away before she is in my door.
Another nearly choked on a pacifier (hence my rule..you have teeth..no pacifier in my home) yet at 3..still has one :0(

I have had the 7 AM drop offs with chocolate chip cookies and become upset when I explain it is in my policy NO food or drink in child's hand at drop off.

I have the parents that BEG for advice..but never take it

And the "I think I am a good mom" who can barely last the hr and a half she has with them each night. Complains about how rough it is to spend this small amount of time with a clingy child.

And do not even get me started on my 17 year old's friend's parents....OMG!!!!

So yes..I do sit back and say..Am I the only one that wants my children (and DCK) to have values, good nutrition, nurturing and a sense of what is right and what is wrong...better yet..am I the only one that has children to care for them and see them become independent and successful adults..not to just let them be and hope for the best!....:0)
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sharlan 07:47 AM 05-13-2011
What is that movement that allows children to make all of their own decisions?
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3kidzmama 07:48 AM 05-13-2011
In my opinion, this decline in "parenting" is largely due to the selfishness of our society. Every generation gets more and more "me" centered. It's whatever makes their life easier. If it's too hard to raise their child right, it's not gonna happen. It's easier for them to overlook behaviors and feed their kids fast food junk than to discipline and cook good healthy meals.
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missnikki 07:48 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
What is that movement that allows children to make all of their own decisions?
Politics. Oops, did I say that out loud?
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3kidzmama 07:50 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by sharlan:
What is that movement that allows children to make all of their own decisions?
Stupidity???
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ChaserT27 07:54 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by 3kidzmama:
Stupidity???

LOL
Reply
Blackcat31 07:57 AM 05-13-2011
Of course it is us....LOL!!

I mean seriously, people have all kinds of different routines and things in their lives that we find weird, not normal, out of the ordinary, stupid, rude, dumb, or whatever.... It explains why some people have beige houses and others have neon green ones.

I see furniture and clothes and art and music and hair products, toys, houses etc that I think to myself, "I would never do/have/say/wear that! Boy, what were they thinking?" Well, they were thinking that it is what works for them and what THEY like. Some people like country music, some like rock or classical etc etc etc.

We, as child care providers, measure what we think is correct or normal by how well it matches our own parenting ideas and how well things work in our programs. That is really the only time it matters. If we didnt do child care and you saw a mother in a store bribing a child with a lollipop, we might think that mom is a bad or lazy mom or we might not, but I guarantee you that you don't really care if she is because it really doesn't effect us so we don't give it more than a passing thought. We surely don't stress about it or try to change the mom's behavior and we definitley don't post about it on message boards looking for advice. lol!

Why? because it doesn't have anything to do with us. We only care when it concerns us......just as the parents do that we have in care. They do what works for them because it only concerns them. We may have plenty of families who respect us and follow our policies and we may even have a few who listen and learn and really apply what they picked up from us to their own parenting styles but in all honesty, at the end of the day, they all still do what works for them.

I have alot of parents who have asked me what I think and for advice because they do know I have the experience/education or whatever and I am glad they asked, but I still think that most parents only change how they see things when it works for them. If it is in the best interest of their child most will comply but still it is because it works for them.

I mean, really, think about it. Educators and nutritionists have been telling us for years how bad TV is for young children and how unhealthy McDonald's is but I haven't seen a decline in TV shows geared toward kids. McDonald's is still on the Fortune 500 list....

Heck, TV shows have started targeting younger and younger children everyday....I just got a notice on my DirectTV bill about a new channel called BabyFirstTV...America's first channel for babies....really? A whole channel for infants, not ABOUT infants; FOR infants!!

Just my thoughts....
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DCMom 07:59 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by missnikki:
Politics. Oops, did I say that out loud?
Had to go there, didn't ya??

After 22 years of childcare, I honestly don't know how much longer I can do it because the parenting style of today is so different from my own philosophy. Do I go along to get along as they say or stick to my guns and be in constant conflict with one or more of my clients?

The last few interviews I have had have been just a disaster; nice enough people but I just know I would end up terminating them because the bugged the hell-o out of me. When they call back for the second interview I just tell them that it isn't a good fit, but what if someone who is a 'good fit' doesn't come along?

So yeah. I think it is me and that's ok.
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nannyde 08:32 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Of course it is us....LOL!!

I mean seriously, people have all kinds of different routines and things in their lives that we find weird, not normal, out of the ordinary, stupid, rude, dumb, or whatever.... It explains why some people have beige houses and others have neon green ones.

I see furniture and clothes and art and music and hair products, toys, houses etc that I think to myself, "I would never do/have/say/wear that! Boy, what were they thinking?" Well, they were thinking that it is what works for them and what THEY like. Some people like country music, some like rock or classical etc etc etc.

We, as child care providers, measure what we think is correct or normal by how well it matches our own parenting ideas and how well things work in our programs. That is really the only time it matters. If we didnt do child care and you saw a mother in a store bribing a child with a lollipop, we might think that mom is a bad or lazy mom or we might not, but I guarantee you that you don't really care if she is because it really doesn't effect us so we don't give it more than a passing thought. We surely don't stress about it or try to change the mom's behavior and we definitley don't post about it on message boards looking for advice. lol!

Why? because it doesn't have anything to do with us. We only care when it concerns us......just as the parents do that we have in care. They do what works for them because it only concerns them. We may have plenty of families who respect us and follow our policies and we may even have a few who listen and learn and really apply what they picked up from us to their own parenting styles but in all honesty, at the end of the day, they all still do what works for them.

I have alot of parents who have asked me what I think and for advice because they do know I have the experience/education or whatever and I am glad they asked, but I still think that most parents only change how they see things when it works for them. If it is in the best interest of their child most will comply but still it is because it works for them.

I mean, really, think about it. Educators and nutritionists have been telling us for years how bad TV is for young children and how unhealthy McDonald's is but I haven't seen a decline in TV shows geared toward kids. McDonald's is still on the Fortune 500 list....

Heck, TV shows have started targeting younger and younger children everyday....I just got a notice on my DirectTV bill about a new channel called BabyFirstTV...America's first channel for babies....really? A whole channel for infants, not ABOUT infants; FOR infants!!

Just my thoughts....
Baby TV

Wowie zops

I'm more interested in the commercials than the programming.
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nannyde 08:44 AM 05-13-2011
Instead of the Star Spangled Banner, this should be our new National Anthem:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A
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E Daycare 08:48 AM 05-13-2011
Yes this generation drives me nuts and I AM this generation. I turn 29 in two weeks and all my peers are either new parents or are having kids. Some days I want to yell at them and others I remember everyone has their own way.

Just my way is the way. They need to see this LMAO JK JK
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Blackcat31 08:50 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Instead of the Star Spangled Banner, this should be our new National Anthem:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A
OMG!! LOVE it!! Beeker was always my favorite!
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jodi 09:05 AM 05-13-2011
Don't you wish you could post this whole string on the parent board? But the ones in question wouldn't see themselves I'm sure. So frustrating. My daughter-in-law is like this and I hate it but taking care of my grandchild is sooooooooo hard - I don't even look forward to it. Very difficult to bite my tongue.
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elle73 09:06 AM 05-13-2011
I have a friend who has 2 kids and she makes 3 seperate meals at dinner time because the kids won't eat what she cooks for herself, but they both don't like the same things so she has to prepare a different meal for each of them its crazy, and she also lets them tell her when its bedtime because she doesn't want to deal with the fighting to get them to bed they are 3 and 5 they shouldn't have a choice.
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E Daycare 09:08 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
Instead of the Star Spangled Banner, this should be our new National Anthem:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpcUxwpOQ_A

AHAHAHAHAHAHA that made me laugh so hard! Good one Nan!
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ammama 09:13 AM 05-13-2011
I think there are two reasons why kids are the way they are these days.

1. My generation (i'm 28, but I know 40 yr olds who parent this way) feels so entitled to their free time, leisure time, whatever you want to call it that they think that parenting is too much work. Granted, here I am, on my computer while my 2 yr old is asking for more strawberries and i'm telling her to wait.

2. The philosophy that children are born with the instincts and knowledge that they need for themselves to grow up and be happy people is a great excuse to let children run wild. I know a few 'unschoolers' who have taken the philosophy so far that their children choose what/when/how to eat, when/how to sleep, what the rules are ect, because the parents say that the children instinctively know what they need! Bull! Kids don't know what they need! McD's is not healthy food!
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E Daycare 09:13 AM 05-13-2011
Right now I have the one kid who "doesnt" eat. Lunch was cheese quesidilla de E (my version), steamed green beans, blue berries, a mix of fruit including mango and watermelon and chopped salad. My son LOVES this lunch and asked for more. Dck just sat there.

But if I mention Id make chocolate Milk the kid would drink that Im sure and nothing else. Tonight's chuckie cheese night for him too (dck). So hes gonna be all for the junk and chaos when he leaves.

Guess I should be happy the parent is taking the kid out am I right?

I guess for me it I know Im fighting an internal battle Ill never win but my kid is the one that will grow up and have to deal with these picky self righteous kids. In school, in work, in general. Its already hard dealing with my generation, my poor kid is going to have a heck of a time lol. I guess its ME being selfish wanting it to be MY way for him to have it better. hahahaha


me me me me me me me
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SilverSabre25 09:34 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by E Daycare:
Yes this generation drives me nuts and I AM this generation. I turn 29 in two weeks and all my peers are either new parents or are having kids. Some days I want to yell at them and others I remember everyone has their own way.

Just my way is the way. They need to see this LMAO JK JK
Ugh, I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm this generation, too...(I'm 25). The parenting I see out there drives me so BONKERS. Even my sisters--who are great parents, all things considered, better than most (and they're 10 and 12 years older than me, for perspective)...they miss some things...like teaching their kids how to behave at OTHER people's houses and things like that. My niece and nephew have no trouble walking into my kitchen and begging for the food they see, but I would NEVER have dreamed of doing that at someone else's house, not even a relative I was close to!
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nannyde 10:31 AM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by ammama:
I think there are two reasons why kids are the way they are these days.

1. My generation (i'm 28, but I know 40 yr olds who parent this way) feels so entitled to their free time, leisure time, whatever you want to call it that they think that parenting is too much work. Granted, here I am, on my computer while my 2 yr old is asking for more strawberries and i'm telling her to wait.

2. The philosophy that children are born with the instincts and knowledge that they need for themselves to grow up and be happy people is a great excuse to let children run wild. I know a few 'unschoolers' who have taken the philosophy so far that their children choose what/when/how to eat, when/how to sleep, what the rules are ect, because the parents say that the children instinctively know what they need! Bull! Kids don't know what they need! McD's is not healthy food!
I think I love me some ammama

very simply put cuz it's pretty simple

The philosophy that children are born with the instincts and knowledge that they need for themselves to grow up and be happy people is a great excuse to let children run wild.

Very true but think of this. What other animal with a beating heart does this with their young? It's a survival mistake. It's a survival of our species mistake.

The way you know it is is to look at the health of the species first. These facts aren't made up or opinion.

I was thinking about something I did in the early nineties. I was a school nurse for what was then the biggest school in Iowa. Moulton Elementary. It had 450 kids.

I was on contract year around because this was and still is the poorest elementary school in Iowa. After a couple of years I got to know the families pretty well.

One of my jobs was to do a yearly height and weight on all the kids. I figured out their percentages on the growth charts and sent them home to all 450 kids parents.

The last year I did this I decided to send home notes on the kids who had more than a thirty-five percent difference in percentage between height percentile and weight percentile. The note was just to start a convo with the parents about a concern about under or overweight. I checked with the DSM public school doctor before I sent the notes to ask him... where is the line.. what percentage do you think.. and we settled on 35 percent difference was worthy of a discussion both for under and over.

Out of the 450 kids I only sent 12 notes home for obesity. I remember it clearly because they were twelve pissed off parents who all called me to tell me not to call their kid fat.

That was in 1993. How quickly times have changed. 2.6 percent of the poorest kids were obese with that measure. I think now it would be closer to 30-35 for the same age group.

These were five to twelve year olds who nearly all qualified for free breakfast, lunch, and the church across the street did supper EVERY night Monday thru Friday. But... in those days pizza was a big monthly treat not a breakfast twice a week. Chocolate milk was served ONE day a month... last Friday of the month.
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Blackcat31 11:29 AM 05-13-2011
I also think the concern for a child's self esteem has had a huge hand in this change in parenting. Not one single time as a child growing up do I remember either of my parents or any adult in my life giving me directions, rules or punishments ever asked me what I thought or felt about the matter at hand. NOT ONE. Today parents and teachers are directed to explain everything. You rarely hear "Because I said so." anymore.

Schools have eliminated any type of activity where children can or could be separated and thought of as anything but equal yet they are taught that they are all unique too so how can children absorb each message clearly and fully. They can't play competitive sports or any activity where someone could be a loser because what will that child grow up to be if he is a loser in a simple game of dodgeball?! Now we need to expain that every child is a winner and every child is special. If they ask why, we need to expalin that to them as well.

Kids don't have respect because who are they suppose to respect?...the people they are allowed to control (parents, teachers, caregivers). They also do not have rules because if they did it may hurt their self esteem and make them feel bad about themselves so we can't confine them to a set of rules; that is unhealthy for their egos.

IMPO, this new age of parents really just has such low level of self-esteem that they can't possibly bear to have anyone dislike them.....especially their children. Much like growing a backbone, you cannot develop one unless you use it so, I think self esteem is the same way...if you aren't the loser and/or winner a few times in your life, how do you ever figure out who you are or what you are made of?

I appreciate good food because I have been poor enough to not be able to afford it.
I appreciate good friends and family because I know what it is like to be alone.
I appreciate my car because I have had to walk before.
I appreciate good daycare families who pay on time and respect my rules because I have had really bad ones before.

KWIM?
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countrymom 11:52 AM 05-13-2011
a mom on another board was asking if her child didn't eat enough. Her child was 2 yrs old and ate oatmeal with applesauce and brown sugar mixed in the oatmeal. She didn't eat lunch because she was sleeping, she drank 5 bottles of milk and the kicker was that for supper she ate babyfood. Oh and mom is a sahm. So everyone on the board is giving her hugs and telling her that she is doing well and her child sounds healthy, and I get on the post and tell her how it is. I just don't understand the need for junk food.

but I'm finding that parents are spending less and less time with their kids, kids are now an inconvience. No one cares anymore. I hate reading parents who complain that their kids are picky eaters or throw up on purpuse and everyone on the forums come running giving hugs.
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DCMom 12:40 PM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I also think the concern for a child's self esteem has had a huge hand in this change in parenting. Not one single time as a child growing up do I remember either of my parents or any adult in my life giving me directions, rules or punishments ever asked me what I thought or felt about the matter at hand. NOT ONE. Today parents and teachers are directed to explain everything. You rarely hear "Because I said so." anymore.

Schools have eliminated any type of activity where children can or could be separated and thought of as anything but equal yet they are taught that they are all unique too so how can children absorb each message clearly and fully. They can't play competitive sports or any activity where someone could be a loser because what will that child grow up to be if he is a loser in a simple game of dodgeball?! Now we need to expain that every child is a winner and every child is special. If they ask why, we need to expalin that to them as well.

Kids don't have respect because who are they suppose to respect?...the people they are allowed to control (parents, teachers, caregivers). They also do not have rules because if they did it may hurt their self esteem and make them feel bad about themselves so we can't confine them to a set of rules; that is unhealthy for their egos.

IMPO, this new age of parents really just has such low level of self-esteem that they can't possibly bear to have anyone dislike them.....especially their children. Much like growing a backbone, you cannot develop one unless you use it so, I think self esteem is the same way...if you aren't the loser and/or winner a few times in your life, how do you ever figure out who you are or what you are made of?

I appreciate good food because I have been poor enough to not be able to afford it.
I appreciate good friends and family because I know what it is like to be alone.
I appreciate my car because I have had to walk before.
I appreciate good daycare families who pay on time and respect my rules because I have had really bad ones before.

KWIM?
Very well said, thank you.

--> applause smiley <--
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QualiTcare 01:22 PM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Of course it is us....LOL!!

I mean seriously, people have all kinds of different routines and things in their lives that we find weird, not normal, out of the ordinary, stupid, rude, dumb, or whatever.... It explains why some people have beige houses and others have neon green ones.

I see furniture and clothes and art and music and hair products, toys, houses etc that I think to myself, "I would never do/have/say/wear that! Boy, what were they thinking?" Well, they were thinking that it is what works for them and what THEY like. Some people like country music, some like rock or classical etc etc etc.

We, as child care providers, measure what we think is correct or normal by how well it matches our own parenting ideas and how well things work in our programs. That is really the only time it matters. If we didnt do child care and you saw a mother in a store bribing a child with a lollipop, we might think that mom is a bad or lazy mom or we might not, but I guarantee you that you don't really care if she is because it really doesn't effect us so we don't give it more than a passing thought. We surely don't stress about it or try to change the mom's behavior and we definitley don't post about it on message boards looking for advice. lol!Why? because it doesn't have anything to do with us. We only care when it concerns us......just as the parents do that we have in care. They do what works for them because it only concerns them. We may have plenty of families who respect us and follow our policies and we may even have a few who listen and learn and really apply what they picked up from us to their own parenting styles but in all honesty, at the end of the day, they all still do what works for them.

I have alot of parents who have asked me what I think and for advice because they do know I have the experience/education or whatever and I am glad they asked, but I still think that most parents only change how they see things when it works for them. If it is in the best interest of their child most will comply but still it is because it works for them.

I mean, really, think about it. Educators and nutritionists have been telling us for years how bad TV is for young children and how unhealthy McDonald's is but I haven't seen a decline in TV shows geared toward kids. McDonald's is still on the Fortune 500 list....

Heck, TV shows have started targeting younger and younger children everyday....I just got a notice on my DirectTV bill about a new channel called BabyFirstTV...America's first channel for babies....really? A whole channel for infants, not ABOUT infants; FOR infants!!

Just my thoughts....
i totally agree! i'm sure that you do at least one thing as a parent that i'd find crazy and i probably do something that you would find crazy - and the same goes for every single one of us.

i care about manners, nutrition, routines, etc., but that doesn't mean you won't see me at McDonald's or catch me digging for a quarter for a gumball machine just to get my son to be quiet. nobody is perfect.

everyone wants to feel like they're a good mom and/or the BEST mom. if someone does something differently it doesn't mean that they're wrong bc they don't do it the way that "you" or i would do it, and it doesn't make us better moms than each other IMO. everyone does what works for them. unfortunately, when you keep kids in a daycare, what works for them at their home might not work for "you" in yours which makes it hard on the routine and easier to spot the "flaws."
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ChaserT27 02:01 PM 05-13-2011
I agree that everyone has their own parenting styles. However this generation just doesn't want to deal with "parenting" period.
I do see people on the out side doing things that get under my skin and I do think about it. Stress about it nope..maybe post about it on facebook

But when these parents that are catering to their 1 yr old come to me when the child is three and out of control..parent beyond frustrated because they can not afford to keep cooking three meals for their child anymore...that is when I get agitated. A client of mine just today has been complaining for 6 months about how she (mom) can not get anything done nor can she do anything right for said child. This parent will keep cooking for her child who is just over two until she can't cook anymore. Then will give up and give her either baby food or junk food. Parent is now in distress because child is no longer part time with me..full time and will not eat lunch. Rule in my house - eat what is given or starve!! This child will eventually get that in my house..but my house only because after countless nights of giving mom advice..she refuses to take it because god forbid her child cries. Today when mom picked up, child grabbed a baby food container out of her diaper bag and wanted it. Mom said when we get home..child stomped her foot and said no now. Mom said honey fine in the car..child said no now and smacked her mother...I explained to mom..I am not going anywhere..(still over an hr to go) feel free to place her in time out right here. Mom refused and left. Sure enough I can see out my window mom gave in and gave child what she wanted.
This is what I am referring to...parents are creating mini monsters and can not figure out WHY they can not get their kids to do what they want them to. When this child becomes a teen..OMG!! I can see it now

Yes nutrition is important..especially in my home. However I am not a nazi to others about it. However baby food at 2 and 3 yrs old...Come on now. Same child was on formula until her 2nd birthday (nope not kidding!!! and no NOT dr orders and NO not in my home. I personally took the child off the bottle etc. when she turned ONE. Mom had a hard time letting go...notice I said mom not the child)

If I was not in the field I am in..would I have the same out look? Absolutely!!!
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nannyde 02:08 PM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by Herbrandm:
I agree that everyone has their own parenting styles. However this generation just doesn't want to deal with "parenting" period.
I do see people on the out side doing things that get under my skin and I do think about it. Stress about it nope..maybe post about it on facebook

But when these parents that are catering to their 1 yr old come to me when the child is three and out of control..parent beyond frustrated because they can not afford to keep cooking three meals for their child anymore...that is when I get agitated. A client of mine just today has been complaining for 6 months about how she (mom) can not get anything done nor can she do anything right for said child. This parent will keep cooking for her child who is just over two until she can't cook anymore. Then will give up and give her either baby food or junk food. Parent is now in distress because child is no longer part time with me..full time and will not eat lunch. Rule in my house - eat what is given or starve!! This child will eventually get that in my house..but my house only because after countless nights of giving mom advice..she refuses to take it because god forbid her child cries. Today when mom picked up, child grabbed a baby food container out of her diaper bag and wanted it. Mom said when we get home..child stomped her foot and said no now. Mom said honey fine in the car..child said no now and smacked her mother...I explained to mom..I am not going anywhere..(still over an hr to go) feel free to place her in time out right here. Mom refused and left. Sure enough I can see out my window mom gave in and gave child what she wanted.
This is what I am referring to...parents are creating mini monsters and can not figure out WHY they can not get their kids to do what they want them to. When this child becomes a teen..OMG!! I can see it now

Yes nutrition is important..especially in my home. However I am not a nazi to others about it. However baby food at 2 and 3 yrs old...Come on now. Same child was on formula until her 2nd birthday (nope not kidding!!! and no NOT dr orders and NO not in my home. I personally took the child off the bottle etc. when she turned ONE. Mom had a hard time letting go...notice I said mom not the child)

If I was not in the field I am in..would I have the same out look? Absolutely!!!
"after countless nights of giving mom advice..she refuses to take it because god forbid her child cries.

That's the money shot.

It is a very sad story but a very common scenario.
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SimpleMom 02:29 PM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by QualiTcare:
i totally agree! i'm sure that you do at least one thing as a parent that i'd find crazy and i probably do something that you would find crazy - and the same goes for every single one of us.

i care about manners, nutrition, routines, etc., but that doesn't mean you won't see me at McDonald's or catch me digging for a quarter for a gumball machine just to get my son to be quiet. nobody is perfect.

everyone wants to feel like they're a good mom and/or the BEST mom. if someone does something differently it doesn't mean that they're wrong bc they don't do it the way that "you" or i would do it, and it doesn't make us better moms than each other IMO. everyone does what works for them. unfortunately, when you keep kids in a daycare, what works for them at their home might not work for "you" in yours which makes it hard on the routine and easier to spot the "flaws."

Totally agree with this (and Blackcat's statement)!
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MG&Lsmom 05:06 PM 05-13-2011
Jumping on this really late, but I wanted to add that DH and I always say "are we really that much different than everyone else?" I have to consciously stop myself from shaking my head in disbelief when some of our friends and family talk about "problems" with their children. We have 2 special needs kids. In our eyes just about every one else is lazy. I'm not sure it's all the younger generation. Almost all the parents I know who started in their 40s are just as bad. My husband actually can't be around my friend's DH because of how he complains about having to "parent". When he's done working, from home, all he wants to do is watch his shows on TV and not be bother by the kids wanting to interact with him. They have a decade on us but have the same age kids.
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nannyde 05:09 PM 05-13-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I also think the concern for a child's self esteem has had a huge hand in this change in parenting. Not one single time as a child growing up do I remember either of my parents or any adult in my life giving me directions, rules or punishments ever asked me what I thought or felt about the matter at hand. NOT ONE. Today parents and teachers are directed to explain everything. You rarely hear "Because I said so." anymore.

Schools have eliminated any type of activity where children can or could be separated and thought of as anything but equal yet they are taught that they are all unique too so how can children absorb each message clearly and fully. They can't play competitive sports or any activity where someone could be a loser because what will that child grow up to be if he is a loser in a simple game of dodgeball?! Now we need to expain that every child is a winner and every child is special. If they ask why, we need to expalin that to them as well.

Kids don't have respect because who are they suppose to respect?...the people they are allowed to control (parents, teachers, caregivers). They also do not have rules because if they did it may hurt their self esteem and make them feel bad about themselves so we can't confine them to a set of rules; that is unhealthy for their egos.

IMPO, this new age of parents really just has such low level of self-esteem that they can't possibly bear to have anyone dislike them.....especially their children. Much like growing a backbone, you cannot develop one unless you use it so, I think self esteem is the same way...if you aren't the loser and/or winner a few times in your life, how do you ever figure out who you are or what you are made of?

I appreciate good food because I have been poor enough to not be able to afford it.
I appreciate good friends and family because I know what it is like to be alone.
I appreciate my car because I have had to walk before.
I appreciate good daycare families who pay on time and respect my rules because I have had really bad ones before.

KWIM?
Black Cat can write herself a dang good post LIKEY

I don't know about the self esteem part though. I have to sit on that one.
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MommyMuffin 06:46 PM 05-13-2011
I am 26.

I had a child because I WANTED to be a mom. And when you WANT to be a mom you always think about what is best for your child. I also grew up in a strict household and I have a strong sense of faith. These things drive me to, spend as much quality time with my kid and provide as healthy meals as possible.

I feel for the parents who work outside the home. I do think it can be hard to work all day away from home, pick up your kid, bring them home, by the time you get home its late. Try to make a decent supper before getting kids ready for bed and get a few minutes to spend with them and then finally get to do some things you need to.

I'm just saying since being home doing daycare I have been able to be a much better mom than I was when I worked outside the home. I hardly got to see my kid and when I did I was so tired and had a list a mile long of chores that I barely spent "quality time" with her. And because I felt so guilty about that, I would let things slide.
Now I have time to plan how I want to parent, research the best solutions to discipline and dont give in to her because I know what is good for her and I dont feel guilty anymore.


I know lots of parents do "what works" and I shake my head. (My dcb 3 yr old still calls milk "moo moo"....its called milk...teach him the right word!!! They also still carry him to and from the car!!) drives me nutty!

There are so many different factors in why people parent the way they do. But, yes sometimes I just shake my head and it drives me coo coo seeing some parenting techniques.

But I always tell myself, they are the parent and they are doing what they think is best for their child and it is their right.
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nannyde 06:55 PM 05-13-2011
I think one thing that is missing too is the praise that needs to come the way of the ones that ARE doing a really good job.

When you have family, friends, and clients who are raising GREAT kids you should tell them you like the way they parent and enjoy being around their children. Tell them the things YOU learn from THEM and how it has helped YOU be a better parents.

Good, solid, hard working parents should know when "society" appreciates the great job they are doing. They need to hear the words "you are an excellent parent. I admire that and I dig your kids"
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CdnMumof4 05:38 AM 05-14-2011
I agree 100%! It drives me nuts to see parents with their children sometimes. My dck parents are all very good though, but when we do playdates with other parents or even go to places that have other providers and children, and parents and children...I too shake my head in disbelief.

My favourite, is how I get nothing but compliments when I've got my entire crew out ,either at the park, the resource centre, library..etc. Everyone goes " are these ALL your children? becasue you are so amazing with them, I don't know how you do it!" ...... I'm 28yrs old, no, I don't have 6 children of my own and one on the way - but I always thank them and tell them I love what I do and my children love having their playmates. I do see people at the park with their kids...the shadow parents drive me CRAZY. yes..it's important to watch your child and be aware of what he/she is doing at all times- but don't stand on top of her while she's trying to explore. Don't correct the way she's pretending at the "corner store" , don't start picking apart her outfit choice when she's headed toward the slide...just let the kid PLAY.

I had to ask this man who didn't speak English, to let my children play on their own. He kept correcting my youngest son , who likes to go down the slide, backwards and on his belly [feet first]. he LOVES this. the man kept picking him up, and putting him on his bum to push him forward - no thanks mister, my kid is going to grabthe sides of the slide to flip, and flip right off the edge of the slide. LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!
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jen2651 06:35 PM 05-15-2011
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I appreciate good food because I have been poor enough to not be able to afford it.
I appreciate good friends and family because I know what it is like to be alone.
I appreciate my car because I have had to walk before.
I appreciate good daycare families who pay on time and respect my rules because I have had really bad ones before.

KWIM?
Amen sister.

I appreciate my house and the things I have in it as I have made my choices/sacrifices for them.
I appreciate my life because this is what I have created for myself and while there are minor things I would change, our hearts and souls are right where they need to be.
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SilverSabre25 05:34 AM 05-16-2011
On this subject, today I'm wondering if it's just me who teaches kids to manage their own clothing from a very young age...my 3 yo dcb can't take off his own shirt (and by extension, the dress-up dress I just 'rescued' him from), my 2 yo dcg can't manage her own shoes, or pants, or pull-up (she's the one being forced into potty training...whose parents told me before her birthday that they were potty training her starting on her second bday and that they'd be sending her in underwear from then on--i said NO btw).

I also keep seeing my dcps send these two kids (two different families, btw) in clothing they couldn't POSSIBLY manage on their own...belts and overalls on the pt'd 3 yo, tightly buckled sandals that *I* have trouble with on the 2 yo...sure thing set your kid up for failure why don't you?

My DD was undressing herself sometime during her second year (by 18 months for sure) and was managing her own shoes (easy ones) by two. I made sure that she had clothes she could do easily on her own (or with minimal assistance), I made sure that she had/has shoes she can manage on her own, now that she has learned to buckle herself into her car seat, I make sure to leave enough time to let her do so in 24/25 cases! Once she can do something, I let her as much as I possibly can!

So why does it seem like I'm such a whacko? Or are they (the dcps) the whackos?!
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countrymom 06:04 AM 05-16-2011
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
On this subject, today I'm wondering if it's just me who teaches kids to manage their own clothing from a very young age...my 3 yo dcb can't take off his own shirt (and by extension, the dress-up dress I just 'rescued' him from), my 2 yo dcg can't manage her own shoes, or pants, or pull-up (she's the one being forced into potty training...whose parents told me before her birthday that they were potty training her starting on her second bday and that they'd be sending her in underwear from then on--i said NO btw).

I also keep seeing my dcps send these two kids (two different families, btw) in clothing they couldn't POSSIBLY manage on their own...belts and overalls on the pt'd 3 yo, tightly buckled sandals that *I* have trouble with on the 2 yo...sure thing set your kid up for failure why don't you?

My DD was undressing herself sometime during her second year (by 18 months for sure) and was managing her own shoes (easy ones) by two. I made sure that she had clothes she could do easily on her own (or with minimal assistance), I made sure that she had/has shoes she can manage on her own, now that she has learned to buckle herself into her car seat, I make sure to leave enough time to let her do so in 24/25 cases! Once she can do something, I let her as much as I possibly can!

So why does it seem like I'm such a whacko? Or are they (the dcps) the whackos?!

I have kids who at teh age of 2 can undress and redress in seconds, then I have a 5.5yr old who can't do anything. How many times he comes with clothes that are backwards, can't put his coat on, his shoes. His mom says its easier if she does it rather than letting him do it.
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countrymom 06:10 AM 05-16-2011
I was talking to a mom this weekend and she works with kids with mental illnesses. She said the same thing, parents are so self absorbed that they don't want to deal or listen to their children. Its easier to argue with your kids and give them what they want. Also, parents seem to be stressing their children out so much with their own probloms.

I too get "are these all your children" "omg they are so well behaved" seriously how hard is it to let kids be kids, and let them know what boundries are. I love the parents who complain and they they only have 1 kid.
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