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Old 07-26-2011, 07:55 PM
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LuckyLeo LuckyLeo is offline
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Default New And Wanting Advice... Please :)

Hi! I am very new at Daycare... very new. Three weeks ago I started providing care for a 3 year old girl and 2 year old boy. They are siblings and I have been friends with their mother for over 5 years now. I felt blessed that she was needing a daycare provider just as I was beginning, and although I still feel blessed, I also feel tormented.

The 2 kids are nothing like how they were when their mother and I visited in the past. I am constantly catching the little girl lying to me and the little boy pretends that everything is a weapon. These are both big no-nos in my home. The two of them hit each other and call everything "mine". I am also finding out their mom does not really parent them. She just lets them do whatever they want at home.

My 1st concern is the influence these two children will have on my own toddler. He so far has not copied any of their negative behavior, only the positive. I also know that he understands the rules of the house, and I am diligent in teaching my Daycare kids what is appropriate. I was just wondering what other peoples experiences were with this. I guess I am just worrying about a possibility, but I would rather be safe than sorry.

My 2nd concern is the lack of parenting. I know that I can't tell her how to parent her children... so I just wanted to know how others handle this part mentally. It frustrates me beyond belief when the kids are so happy to see her and she does not show any joy at all towards them.

Just looking for advice... sorry for the long post!
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:01 PM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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This is one reason why the majority of providers on here do not accept friends as daycare clients. You are already overinvolved with the family and it is so much harder to address issue with a parent when you also have the friendship at stake. I would stay consistent on the daycare rules, decide on a probationary period and then after that period is over, decide if you want to continue working with this family or not. You cannot change what this mother is doing at home so the only option is to stop thinking about that and focus on the kids behavior at daycare. They are old enough to understand that things are different at your house. As for your son, he WILL be influenced by every kid coming thru your front door. Its part of the risk when you open your home as a daycare. Its up to you where you draw the line on rules and behavior. No matter what, I would highly recommend you not take any more friends as clients and that you stop thinking about a family's parenting style. As long as there is no abuse or neglect, its really none of your business and not something you are going to change. You may be able to influence a parent over time but I don't think you would be able to change anything in this case. Good luck
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:06 PM
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Thank you very much. I guess I was just looking for reassurance because everything you said has already gone through my head.
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Old 07-26-2011, 08:31 PM
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Yeah, that's a tough one. Business and friendship can be a difficult mix. I really don't think there's anything you can do about the parenting issue. Even if you weren't friends, you could mention things in a roundabout way, and either nothing would change, or nothing would change AND the parents would get upset.

One of the veterans on the board, Catherder I think, said that when she has a difficult child who is making her days miserable, she immediately goes over to the calendar and marks the day that's 30 days away. When that day comes around, if nothing has changed, then the kid is outta there! You've got to decide how long you want to deal with this, choose a cutoff date, and then chat with your friend about the issues and give her the heads up as to what the probation period is. If you think she won't receive this well, then I would let her know that you value her friendship very much, and ask her to find a new daycare because you made a mistake in taking on so many children at once...or something or other like that. Blame it on yourself and get out of it, and let her know she's done nothing wrong, and you just know you need to focus on infants, or school agers, or something. Basically, blame it on inexperience, which will be true.

I wish you much luck. I hope you're still friends once this irons itself out, and I'm sure it will work out just fine.
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Old 07-27-2011, 07:15 AM
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MichellesKiddos MichellesKiddos is offline
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I had this exact same situation when I first started doing daycare! The mom and I were friends beforehand and I quickly found out how bad of an idea it was to take the dck in the first place. He would lie constantly, bite, throw toys, shove, punch and kick kids...yea it wasn't fun. I handed out my handbook at the beginning of the year because she was walking all over me. That didn't go over too well with her and she threw an ever-loving fit about it. It just seemed to be one issue after another with this family...but yet all my other families were completely happy and even told me how happy they were with the care their kids received. After I handed out an ammendment to my handbook, basically covering new issues mostly pertaining to them, she showed up that evening and took all of his belongings and terminated him. Since then she has broadcasted drama pertaining to that situation all over facebook (without specifically naming names or saying daycare). Needless to say there is NO friendship there anymore.
If I were you, I would terminate saying something like you cannot fullfill the needs of their family anymore. If she is a true friend, which I hope she is, you will still have a friendship afterwards. Good luck with whatever you decide to do
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Old 07-27-2011, 07:57 AM
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I was thinking of starting daycare out of my home. I work in a center now.

I was talking about taking family my great neice and nephews. Upon reading on here and hearing about not watching friends and family I am so glad God kept that door shut.

I did do daycare for a few of my neighbors years ago. Knowing what I know now I would not do daycare for people I know again.
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