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Old 02-17-2012, 11:32 AM
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trish1980 trish1980 is offline
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Default Giving Notice - Please Help!!

I have had a child in my care for 3 months now. He is almost 3 years old. It has become very apparent that I need to give the parents notice. He is affecting the other children in my care. He is very abusive to me and to them and screams and cries all day. Mom was recently approached by his previous caregiver about him possibly having a problem. He is in the process of being tested for autism. Mom dropped him off this morning and made the comment that I was very good at concealing his behavior from her. I am very upset by this statement because I feel I have told her every time there was an issue. I did not come right out and say I think he is autistic. At first I thought he had seperation anxiety and was willing to work through it. It has become far more than I can handle and I have other children in my care to consider. I have included a list of the behavior issues for comment. I must give them notice. I do not know where to begin. I feel I have to be very careful with this situation. I desperately need help composing my termination letter.

In the morning when he is dropped off he cries and screams. This isn't all the time, but it happens a lot. Most children only had separation anxiety for the first couple of days or weeks. It has been months for him.

Leaving to go home in the evening is a tough transition too. He cries and whines and wants to be carried. I have begun to wonder if it is because he doesn't want to walk down stairs for fear of falling.

When I am preparing meals he sits at the table and watches me. I tell him to go play and he repeats me go play. He runs to look at other children and then quickly runs back to table. Almost like he forgot what he was doing. If he has to sit in another chair other than the one he is used to, he throws a tantrum and cries. I've noticed
that he throws his plate on the floor, but only if there are peas on it. Peas seem to trigger something he doesn't like. Sometimes when he is eating his body shakes. I have only noticed it when we are sitting down not standing or playing. When I wash his face with a washcloth after meals he screams and pinches my arm. I do it as gentle as
possible and he still does not like his face touched. Recently he has started to spit his food out. I haven't noticed it being a specific food.

He has a hard time with any transition (cleaning up, moving on to a new activity, parents coming) anything that is different. When we transition to anything he screams, cries and whines. Any change for him causes great fear. If he does not want to do something, he hits whatever is close to him. He hits the table in a demanding manner or
the nearest friend.

I recently rearranged the playroom and I could not get him to go in it. It took a lot of encouragement and he can finally play in there.
When parents come to pick up their children he holds his right hand over his forehead and begins to shake and sometimes closes his eyes or rolls them back into his head.

Going potty is hit or miss with him. Some days he is great and cooperative and other days he screams and cries when I take him to the bathroom. He has not ever told me he needs to go or expressed feelings about it. I change all diapers with gloves and he is really afraid of them. The entire time I am changing him he cries, fights, kicks,
wiggles and does not take his eyes off of the gloves. He has a look of fear on his face. I have tried changing without the gloves and he still fights and kicks and moves without the crying and fear of the gloves.

He does not engage with other children and isolates himself almost 100% of the time.

He is very attached to certain toys and stuffed animals. He walks around with the same item in his hand all day. I've noticed that he has started talking to the stuffed animal. You cannot understand what he is saying when he is talking to it.
He seems to have irritable bowel. Some days his poop is almost diarrhea and up to five times a day.

Repeats only what you say and cannot express his own feelings.

Repeats the same sentence or words several times even if I have responded already.

Does not remember that an action is wrong even though he has sat in time out for the same action several times.

He seems very clumsy. He is always falling. When we are outside playing he seems very confused. I have to direct him to the slide in order for him to play. And he stays on the slide until I move him to another toy. He has a hard time making his own decision to play with something different. Going up and down the stairs is very hard for him
and he almost always has to be carried up or down. If I do not carry him he stands at the top or bottom of the stairs and screams.

It is very hard to get through to him. He seems to look at you but right through you.

He is very smart when it comes to letters, numbers and music. He is drawn to any toy that involves these 3 things and far surpasses the other children his age when it comes to knowing his letters, sounds and numbers.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 02-17-2012 at 03:12 PM.
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Old 02-17-2012, 03:23 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
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Personally, I would keep it short and sweet. Don't over explain and don't leave the door open for negotiation. Maybe something similar to this:

"Dear daycare family

This letter is written notice of termination of our daycare agreement. The last day I will provide care for Billy is ***x, 2012.

I feel at this time, I can not provide the services that Billy requires.


Daycare provider."

This kind of situation is always tough...but in my personal experience, the less said, the better.
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Old 02-17-2012, 03:56 PM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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I agree, the less is said, the better. You don't have to outline every single thing he is doing nor do you have to respond to the mom's snarky comment. Just hand them the letter and make sure that you just calmly repeat the same phrases over and over to them should they start getting confrontational. If I have to terminate, I don't go into details, only say that we are not the right fit for the child.
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Old 02-17-2012, 04:00 PM
AnneCordelia AnneCordelia is offline Member
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Posts: 813

Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Personally, I would keep it short and sweet. Don't over explain and don't leave the door open for negotiation. Maybe something similar to this:

"Dear daycare family

This letter is written notice of termination of our daycare agreement. The last day I will provide care for Billy is ***x, 2012.

I feel at this time, I can not provide the services that Billy requires.


Daycare provider."

This kind of situation is always tough...but in my personal experience, the less said, the better.

I agree! I try to say very little on paper but if I feel like they will benefit from it I will explain the reasons verbally. Mostly I recognise that no matter the reason for termination parents will likely be upset so the fewer words the better. More words complicates thing, IME.
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Old 02-17-2012, 04:06 PM
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Heidi Heidi is offline
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Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 6,858

It sounds like you are past the point of trying to find resources, right? Not judging, just making sure. It sure sounds like a referral to your local birth to three is in order.

So, I agree with the other ladies. Keep you letter simple. Along with it, perhaps you can give her a booklet or phone number for birth-to-3?

It sounds like mom already has an idea that something is going on. Maybe your terminating him will push her to take action!

I know this is a tough thing to do, but you are strong for recognizing your limitations...
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Old 02-17-2012, 04:30 PM
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nannyde nannyde is offline
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Personally I wouldn't even write anything down at all. I would call her tonight and tell her you have decided to terminate their care. Tell her she is welcome to bring him for the next two weeks but should she decide today is his last day that she is more than welcome to have him leave today.

I don't think you have to do anything in writing. Just tell her and be done with it. If she asks why just tell her that you have decided for personal reasons to make changes in your business.

I would get this done BEFORE he has an autism diagnosis.

You should NOT have a child in your home that you can't properly care for. It's not good for him and it's not good for his mother. For the sake of the child and his parents, give them notice asap.

My guess is that he was booted out of his last day care and the mother did not tell you the gravity of his behavior. If that is correct, then you need to give her the gift of another termination. She needs the life experience to have to go seek care with everything on the table so that she doesn't go thru this again in three months when his next provider cannot tolerate another minute of his abusive behavior towards her.
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Old 02-17-2012, 05:59 PM
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familyschoolcare familyschoolcare is offline
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I like Nannyde advice the best. I wish this parent the best and hop that the testing shows what is going on with the child and that if the child is austic (what you describe is def. austic type behavior) the parent will get the resources needed to raise the child, and find a daycare situation that will work for the child.

I would not mention wiether or not you think the child is austic parents do not like it when non-professional try to label their child. Also, it might be nothing or something entirely different.
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autism, clumsy, contagious behavior, crying - all day, disruptive, falling, notice, pick up behavior, separation anxiety, transitioning

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