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Old 06-22-2010, 06:11 AM
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Default Am I Out of Line?

I've got a set of siblings that I'm watching for the summer (ages 5 and 9)
The mom called me this morning with some issues. Am I out of line with these things? I'm not doing anything anyone else wouldn't do right?

1. Last week they were fighting over who got to sit next to them on the couch. They didn't want my son J to sit next to them...which of course MADE him want to sit by them. Then they jumped up and ran to the chair which of course my son went running to the chair. What ever happened my son (age 3) fell over the side of the chair crying. They said they just moved their leg and he fell. But I find that hard to believe.

Then the next day they (siblings) were rough housing around on the couch and so I told them that they could not sit on the couch or chair unless it was quite time. That was Friday and I told them yesterday too.

While they were crying to their mom last night about it and now she questioning about it. I told her how they were rough housing and she agreed that they couldn't do it, nor can they at home.

She wanted to know when they could sit on the couch again, since she didn't think it was nice not too.

2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.

3. Meal time! These kids are SO picky. They don't like most veggies and fruits(almost all). I don't feel like I should cook around their pickyness. I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't.

I told them that they needed to at least try the foods on their plate. The 9 year old doesn't like peas and she had to try them yesterday. The 5 year old ate his and ate them last time and he says "I like these peas, their good!" And the 9 year old replied "You don't like peas...you never eat them at home" I told her "Why would you tell him that...he's eating them right now and says he likes them" She does a lot of thinking for HIM.

So the mom had to tell me today that she doesn't like peas and they don't eat them at home.

I have it listed in the handbook that I don't make them clean their plate but I do think they can try what they are offered.

From what I've gathered from the kids, they can eat what they want at home and if it's a meal they don't like they get something different. One day the 9 year old couldn't believe that the 5 year old was eating something because again he doesn't eat it at home. I told her because he doesn't have a choice here. It's eat or be hungry. I think the one day that they didn't eat because 'they didn't like it' was enough for him!



Things were okay the first 2 1/2 weeks. Then the 9 year old started fussing about having to play where ever they were playing, outside or in the playroom in the basement. She'd send my son to tell me he didn't want to do it anymore. When I heard her say it, I knew it was her.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that they play outside in the mornings before it's 80 outside. And it's not like there's nothing out there. We have a yard full of toys...too many almost!

I'm having my own little issues with them in the first place...mostly listed above. I don't want to let them go because I'm saving the money from this to cover my son's preschool this fall. But with the kid puking in my car last week I'm at the end of my rope right now. Thank goodness that they are on vacation next week!!
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Old 06-22-2010, 06:27 AM
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Originally Posted by Persephone View Post
I've got a set of siblings that I'm watching for the summer (ages 5 and 9)
The mom called me this morning with some issues. Am I out of line with these things? I'm not doing anything anyone else wouldn't do right?

1. Last week they were fighting over who got to sit next to them on the couch. They didn't want my son J to sit next to them...which of course MADE him want to sit by them. Then they jumped up and ran to the chair which of course my son went running to the chair. What ever happened my son (age 3) fell over the side of the chair crying. They said they just moved their leg and he fell. But I find that hard to believe.

Then the next day they (siblings) were rough housing around on the couch and so I told them that they could not sit on the couch or chair unless it was quite time. That was Friday and I told them yesterday too.

While they were crying to their mom last night about it and now she questioning about it. I told her how they were rough housing and she agreed that they couldn't do it, nor can they at home.

She wanted to know when they could sit on the couch again, since she didn't think it was nice not too.

2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.

3. Meal time! These kids are SO picky. They don't like most veggies and fruits(almost all). I don't feel like I should cook around their pickyness. I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't.

I told them that they needed to at least try the foods on their plate. The 9 year old doesn't like peas and she had to try them yesterday. The 5 year old ate his and ate them last time and he says "I like these peas, their good!" And the 9 year old replied "You don't like peas...you never eat them at home" I told her "Why would you tell him that...he's eating them right now and says he likes them" She does a lot of thinking for HIM.

So the mom had to tell me today that she doesn't like peas and they don't eat them at home.

I have it listed in the handbook that I don't make them clean their plate but I do think they can try what they are offered.

From what I've gathered from the kids, they can eat what they want at home and if it's a meal they don't like they get something different. One day the 9 year old couldn't believe that the 5 year old was eating something because again he doesn't eat it at home. I told her because he doesn't have a choice here. It's eat or be hungry. I think the one day that they didn't eat because 'they didn't like it' was enough for him!



Things were okay the first 2 1/2 weeks. Then the 9 year old started fussing about having to play where ever they were playing, outside or in the playroom in the basement. She'd send my son to tell me he didn't want to do it anymore. When I heard her say it, I knew it was her.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that they play outside in the mornings before it's 80 outside. And it's not like there's nothing out there. We have a yard full of toys...too many almost!

I'm having my own little issues with them in the first place...mostly listed above. I don't want to let them go because I'm saving the money from this to cover my son's preschool this fall. But with the kid puking in my car last week I'm at the end of my rope right now. Thank goodness that they are on vacation next week!!
It sounds like the older one is going home & complaining about infractions that really aren't problems. You are NOT out of line. I don't think it's ridiculous to not allow outside food, sounds like it's junk food that they don't need. And you can't be a short order cook, you have to cook ONE meal & if they don't like it too bad. I learned that pretty quick! I can't believe the mom is questioning you about such ridiculous things.
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Old 06-22-2010, 06:34 AM
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Originally Posted by janarae View Post
It sounds like the older one is going home & complaining about infractions that really aren't problems. You are NOT out of line. I don't think it's ridiculous to not allow outside food, sounds like it's junk food that they don't need. And you can't be a short order cook, you have to cook ONE meal & if they don't like it too bad. I learned that pretty quick! I can't believe the mom is questioning you about such ridiculous things.
While that's what I figured! Everything I wrote is stuff that I know I read others here have done or did or do.

Very true about the food! We have very little junk food in the house. They didn't like it the first day at breakfast they asked for fruity pebbles. I told them that I don't buy that sugary cereal. If I bought it I'd eat it all before the next day!! LOL
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Old 06-22-2010, 06:42 AM
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How did you react to the mom's "concerns"? Did she agree with your responses? I'd try to buck it up if you can. Do you have them everyday? Take their vacation week & REALLY enjoy yourself & get some relaxation in. I hope it gets better.
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Old 06-22-2010, 06:46 AM
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Eww...sorry, what I read here is SPOILED BRATS.

You are so not out of line. Mom is tho!
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Old 06-22-2010, 06:56 AM
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#1 – So DCM thinks it’s not nice for them to lose the privilege of sitting on the couch? It’s YOUR couch and they were misusing it! It’s not like you are telling them that they can’t sit on some other piece of furniture or the floor. Heck, I’m pregnant with twins and I am constantly sitting on the floor and trying to haul myself and my rapidly growing belly off the floor. I love how DC parents agree that their child’s behavior is inappropriate, but don’t think we are being fair when we take away a privilege. I would tell her, “fine, if you think I am being so unreasonable, I am willing to let them use my couch as they see fit. However, I will charge you for any and ALL damage that they do to my couch.” I’m sure she’ll see that you are only protecting your couch and her wallet by taking away this one privilege.

#2 – Explain to her what you explained to us. Plus, powdered doughnuts and toaster pastries! Are you kidding me!? If I let any of my DC kids eat that for breakfast, I would be setting myself up for a day from h***! I do not serve anything with that kind of sugar content. And I would tell her that. I have actually gotten into it with a parent who wanted her 1 year old to drink more juice and less milk. Your house, your business, your rules. By the way, she wants to argue over you NOT giving her children unhealthy, sugar-laden, cavity-making food, instead of the healthy, nutritious food you want and intend to serve? *Sigh* Seriously, we need to implement a mandatory Parenting 101 for all high schoolers.

#3 – Have you tried to “doctor” the veggies up? I use Ranch dressing or Parmesan cheese (both very sparingly) when I have a picky eater. For corn, try ketchup. I know it sounds gross, but kids LOVE ketchup and since it seems weird, they will probably like it. My DC kids do (so do I – shhh, don’t tell anyone how weird I am). But, no, you are not a short order cook. You are a daycare provider. Clarify this with the parent. Obviously, if we are talking allergy issues or religious issues, you need to make exceptions, but not just because they are picky. I tried to work around one of my daycare kids (at the parent’s request), then the parent complained that I didn’t give him a large enough variety!!! LOSE-LOSE situation when you give in to the picky eaters. Obviously, don’t serve stuff that almost no kid will eat like liver and onions, spinach, and pickled beets. But, I highly doubt you are doing that. I only require that they take a bite. If they don’t like it, fine. But you must try it. Plus, kids’ taste buds change from day to day, week to week, month to month. Just because one kid claims (s)he doesn’t like it now, doesn’t mean (s)he won’t like it the next time. So, I think the 1 bite rule is very reasonable.

It sounds like these children run their home and control their parents. Sadly, this family will probably leave in search of an enabler who will cater to them, but don’t let them control you and your family, especially since your child has a highly sensitive food allergy.

For the one who said "Spoiled Brats" - yes, yes, yes! I just don't understand why parents today don't have a backbone at all and let their children dictate everything.
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Old 06-22-2010, 06:59 AM
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not out of line at all sounds like a five year old I have here I finally told the mom last week I have rules here at my house and if she doesn't want to follow them then you need to find somewhere else to send her. I use to bend backwards but I'm way too old for that now
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:01 AM
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not out of line at all sounds like a five year old I have here I finally told the mom last week I have rules here at my house and if she doesn't want to follow them then you need to find somewhere else to send her. I use to bend backwards but I'm way too old for that now
You are not too OLD. You're too WISE, now! I'm getting there too! And I am much happier for it!
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:01 AM
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I definitely agree that you are not out of line with not allowing outside food! I actually think it's very rude, b/c then all of the kids are drooling over donuts they don't get to have! I allow it IF they bring enough for everyone to enjoy, but when you have a child with food allergies you just can't allow it at all. And yes, we are NOT short order cooks. You eat what you are given or you do not eat at all. There's always the next meal or snack they can eat if they don't approve of the current meal/snack.

With the couch and chair situation, I would treat it as a privilege that can be taken away if it is abused. Time-outs don't really work on 9 yr olds, so we take away privileges. If they abuse it, they don't get to do it. Plain and simple!!

I definitely think the 9 year old is the problem, but try to keep in mind that she is starting to grow up and not want to do what the little ones are doing all of the time. Maybe try to do an activity with her during the day that is especially for her to enjoy (maybe during naptime). When you win her over, she may just forget about all of the things she doesn't like about being there.
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:20 AM
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Originally Posted by Persephone View Post
1. Last week they were fighting over who got to sit next to them on the couch. They didn't want my son J to sit next to them...which of course MADE him want to sit by them. Then they jumped up and ran to the chair which of course my son went running to the chair. What ever happened my son (age 3) fell over the side of the chair crying. They said they just moved their leg and he fell. But I find that hard to believe.

Then the next day they (siblings) were rough housing around on the couch and so I told them that they could not sit on the couch or chair unless it was quite time. That was Friday and I told them yesterday too.

While they were crying to their mom last night about it and now she questioning about it. I told her how they were rough housing and she agreed that they couldn't do it, nor can they at home.

She wanted to know when they could sit on the couch again, since she didn't think it was nice not too.
I do not let kids on my furniture. They must earn the right 1st. Most of the time I find it easy keep them off cuz it helps to keep it nice & then it does not get dirty as fast. I have it in my policy as well.

Quote:
2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.
I do not allow outside food either. My one DCB will come with a gramcracker in the morning (which I am OK with that) but when he comes in he will give to me right away. I think he thinks he is sharing cuz most of the time it does not have a bite taken from it but the DCP tell me that he asks for one almost every morning.

Quote:
3. Meal time! These kids are SO picky. They don't like most veggies and fruits(almost all). I don't feel like I should cook around their pickyness. I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't.

I told them that they needed to at least try the foods on their plate. The 9 year old doesn't like peas and she had to try them yesterday. The 5 year old ate his and ate them last time and he says "I like these peas, their good!" And the 9 year old replied "You don't like peas...you never eat them at home" I told her "Why would you tell him that...he's eating them right now and says he likes them" She does a lot of thinking for HIM.

So the mom had to tell me today that she doesn't like peas and they don't eat them at home.

I have it listed in the handbook that I don't make them clean their plate but I do think they can try what they are offered.
I make the same for everyone. I will not make something special for one & something different for another. I too try to get the kids to try a bite or 2 of everything on their plate. Sometimes kids will eat something that they will not eat at home. I am on the food program so I have to offer something from every food group whether they eat it or not. Kids learn to "play" their parents & it is natural for them to try it with us as well but they usualy learn that their charm does not work on us.


Quote:
Things were okay the first 2 1/2 weeks. Then the 9 year old started fussing about having to play where ever they were playing, outside or in the playroom in the basement. She'd send my son to tell me he didn't want to do it anymore. When I heard her say it, I knew it was her.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that they play outside in the mornings before it's 80 outside. And it's not like there's nothing out there. We have a yard full of toys...too many almost!
They need to learn they have boundries & that they can not go where ever they please. When kids are in the house they must stay in the one room to play for the day & they know when it is nap time they go into the bedroom & there they stay until nap time is done. They are not aloud to walk all over my house & when it is time for lunch/snack they walk into the kitchen. Drinks & food stay in the kitchen- no exceptions. When we go outside we have boundries there as well. The front half they can play the back half is where the dog goes potty. They are not aloud near the steps that go up to the garage unless we are going on a walk or on a trip. If they do not want to play outside then they can either sit & watch the others play or they can go in to bed & rest while the rest enjoy their time outside. When the kids rest they know they must stay in their spot or they will be standing in time out out facing a corner.

I have had a lot of kids that know how to "play' their parents & get away with everything but when they come here will be a totally different child cuz they know they can not get away with it here. Parents have a hard time seeing how well behaved they are for me compared to for them. Parents need to realize that when they drop their child off in the mornings that it then becomes your rules & standards that they can not tell you how to do things in your home (business) that they are paying & trusting you to take care of their child & that you have more then just their child to think of.
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:22 AM
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While I agree that it is natural for us moms to want our kids to be happy when at someone elses house, parents also need to realize it's not just thier kids we have to care for, therefore more strict rules need to be applied in a daycare setting. And more so when it's our personal home....kids will be kids but we need them to respect our belongings AND our rules.

I do find myself harder on the daycare kids because they have more limitations as to what they can touch or rooms they can be in....I wouldn't expect my kids to disrespect a providers rules if they were in home daycare, therefore I have the same standards for those that come to my daycare...especially school age children.

I don't feel any of your consequences are out of line, most of us would do the same thing...if they misbehave, a consequence is in order. Plus I'm the same with food...everyone eats the same thing...if they didn't, I would be in the kitchen all day long trying to please everyone..and that's not going to happen.
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:31 AM
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Originally Posted by Lilbutterflie View Post

I definitely think the 9 year old is the problem, but try to keep in mind that she is starting to grow up and not want to do what the little ones are doing all of the time. Maybe try to do an activity with her during the day that is especially for her to enjoy (maybe during naptime). When you win her over, she may just forget about all of the things she doesn't like about being there.
I have to agree, do a fun craft with her...like a recycled rag rug or something fun, but will take on going days.. And then during that time the 2 of you can get know each other...

No I don't think your being unreasonable!! Spoiled little brats is right!!
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Old 06-22-2010, 07:48 AM
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Well about the couch and chair I did tell her that they would be able to today. She agreed that she would talk to the about the way they were on the couch and chair.

My nephew who I watch (is older 12) said that his old sitter they could not sit on the couch either. But the sitters son would let them sit on his bed sometimes.

So I don't think I'm in the wrong here.

I have a couch in the basement that I don't care one bit if they sit on.

I'm a little bit of a germaphobe and I don't really like the idea of them laying on my pillows that I lay on too.

I'm trying to think about how I want to handle this. I had told them that they could sit on the couch at quite time. But this morning I told the mom that it wouldn't be a problem. I just don't see a need for them to be on the couch during play time.

I'm thinking I'm going to just tell her that after talking to my husband that we agreed that they don't need to be on it during play time in the main living room.
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Old 06-22-2010, 09:25 AM
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Originally Posted by Persephone View Post
I've got a set of siblings that I'm watching for the summer (ages 5 and 9)
The mom called me this morning with some issues. Am I out of line with these things? I'm not doing anything anyone else wouldn't do right?

1. Last week they were fighting over who got to sit next to them on the couch. They didn't want my son J to sit next to them...which of course MADE him want to sit by them. Then they jumped up and ran to the chair which of course my son went running to the chair. What ever happened my son (age 3) fell over the side of the chair crying. They said they just moved their leg and he fell. But I find that hard to believe.

Then the next day they (siblings) were rough housing around on the couch and so I told them that they could not sit on the couch or chair unless it was quite time. That was Friday and I told them yesterday too.

While they were crying to their mom last night about it and now she questioning about it. I told her how they were rough housing and she agreed that they couldn't do it, nor can they at home.

She wanted to know when they could sit on the couch again, since she didn't think it was nice not too.

2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.

3. Meal time! These kids are SO picky. They don't like most veggies and fruits(almost all). I don't feel like I should cook around their pickyness. I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't.

I told them that they needed to at least try the foods on their plate. The 9 year old doesn't like peas and she had to try them yesterday. The 5 year old ate his and ate them last time and he says "I like these peas, their good!" And the 9 year old replied "You don't like peas...you never eat them at home" I told her "Why would you tell him that...he's eating them right now and says he likes them" She does a lot of thinking for HIM.

So the mom had to tell me today that she doesn't like peas and they don't eat them at home.

I have it listed in the handbook that I don't make them clean their plate but I do think they can try what they are offered.

From what I've gathered from the kids, they can eat what they want at home and if it's a meal they don't like they get something different. One day the 9 year old couldn't believe that the 5 year old was eating something because again he doesn't eat it at home. I told her because he doesn't have a choice here. It's eat or be hungry. I think the one day that they didn't eat because 'they didn't like it' was enough for him!



Things were okay the first 2 1/2 weeks. Then the 9 year old started fussing about having to play where ever they were playing, outside or in the playroom in the basement. She'd send my son to tell me he didn't want to do it anymore. When I heard her say it, I knew it was her.

I don't feel it's too much to ask that they play outside in the mornings before it's 80 outside. And it's not like there's nothing out there. We have a yard full of toys...too many almost!

I'm having my own little issues with them in the first place...mostly listed above. I don't want to let them go because I'm saving the money from this to cover my son's preschool this fall. But with the kid puking in my car last week I'm at the end of my rope right now. Thank goodness that they are on vacation next week!!
Not out of line at all. If you do not treat toys, furniture or whatever right than you can't use it. Outside food is ANNOYING. The only thing I am confused about is the line I bolded above. Can't they eat the things that your son eats if they want too? I guess it depends on what it is. My son gets Pediasure and the daycare kids want it to and I have to say no.
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:03 AM
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I got lucky in this retrospect last week. 8 year old dcg is normally really good for me but I allowed her bff to start coming to my daycare thinking she would still obey...NOPE. I wrote dcm like a 4 paragraph e-mail on Wednesday saying that she was being completely disrespectful and sassy...that that is not acceptable nor will it be tolerated at my house. She said I will completely back you on any punishment you give her and I will make sure it's followed through at home too. She ALSO says make them sit and do nothing all day! lol OHHHH, how I loved hearing her say that...not that I would ever do it but still it was nice to have a parent tell me to do that to their child.

I agree with pp's....you are absolutely not out of line! I think you stood up for yourself and I wouldn't let this mom bully you into changing YOUR rules!
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:05 AM
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Not out of line at all. If you do not treat toys, furniture or whatever right than you can't use it. Outside food is ANNOYING. The only thing I am confused about is the line I bolded above. Can't they eat the things that your son eats if they want them too. I guess it depends on what it is. My son gets Pediasure and the daycare kids want it to and I have to say no.
Sometimes I give them mac and cheese. I buy the cheap kind that may have traces of egg and nuts, since it's made in a factory with it. Most pasta is.

So I'll give my son a piece of butter bread and them pasta. Since I know my son won't eat it anyways, I feel I can control it pretty much. The chance of the allergen is pretty small since it's just a 'may contact trace' but I still don't fed it to my son.

There are days when they do get butter bread with things so it's not like they never get it.
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:15 AM
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Well I just told 9 year old that she could sit on my couch but I didn't think she needed to sit there while she played. She grabs a toy gets on the couch lays back and puts her feet up. Just seems lazy to me. I don't see a reason she can't be on the floor playing with that toy.

When I was at daycare we didn't have couches. Imagine that! Kids had to sit on the floor on just in chairs at a table! I spent my days for years on the floor or in a hard wood chair.
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Old 06-22-2010, 10:17 AM
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Im a little surprised,.. all the kids can sit on my furniture, as long as they are sitting on their bottoms. No standing, or playing. But sitting nicely,.or. reading a book... no worries. My rule is,.. if you can get "on" by yourself, you can sit on it nicely. I do have a no toys on the couch rule. As far as meals,.. EVERYONE eats the same things. If my child had an allergy,.. everyone would be fed that diet. I dont do doughnuts or poptarts either. I would tell them to eat before they came. My kids who arrive after 6 am eat before coming.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:10 AM
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my kids went to a daycare that didn't allow outside food and they went to another where they could bring their own food. i personally liked the one where they could bring their own. the other daycare's reason was the same: other kids don't have the same food, it's not fair, etc. i think that's ridiculous. when kids start preschool or kindergarten they can pack their lunch and not everyone has the same food. when DO they start learning that they won't always have the same things as everyone else? might as well get used to it early cus someone will ALWAYS have things you don't. that's life. they wouldn't let kids bring money on field trips either because "some kids might not have money since their parents can't afford it." SOO? i was one of those kids that didn't have money on field trips. i'm not scarred because my friends got things i didn't. it just made me want to do more and have more for my own kids. besides, most parents who "can't afford it" would be able to if they'd give up a pack of cigs or a couple of pills.

you said, "I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't."

so your son gets foods that they don't get, but they can't bring food that he doesn't get? maybe i'm reading that wrong, but that doesn't make sense to me.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:25 AM
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my kids went to a daycare that didn't allow outside food and they went to another where they could bring their own food. i personally liked the one where they could bring their own. the other daycare's reason was the same: other kids don't have the same food, it's not fair, etc. i think that's ridiculous. when kids start preschool or kindergarten they can pack their lunch and not everyone has the same food. when DO they start learning that they won't always have the same things as everyone else? might as well get used to it early cus someone will ALWAYS have things you don't. that's life. they wouldn't let kids bring money on field trips either because "some kids might not have money since their parents can't afford it." SOO? i was one of those kids that didn't have money on field trips. i'm not scarred because my friends got things i didn't. it just made me want to do more and have more for my own kids. besides, most parents who "can't afford it" would be able to if they'd give up a pack of cigs or a couple of pills.

you said, "I'm already cooking around a food allergy. Which again, they don't like since sometimes my son gets foods they don't."

so your son gets foods that they don't get, but they can't bring food that he doesn't get? maybe i'm reading that wrong, but that doesn't make sense to me.
The food issue makes sense to me b/c the child could be bringing in a food that my child is allergic to. Some kids, not sure about persephone's, who are allergic to a certain food could have an issue just from exposure. They don't even need to ingest said item for that to happen. For my son it could be life-threatening. I know my son't Kind. class went to the zoo on a field trip. They couldn't bring $$ to buy things but it was more of a time issue. There was no time to allow 100 some Kindergarteners to pick out items to buy when you are only at the zoo for 3 hours tops.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:44 AM
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The food issue makes sense to me b/c the child could be bringing in a food that my child is allergic to. Some kids, not sure about persephone's, who are allergic to a certain food could have an issue just from exposure. They don't even need to ingest said item for that to happen. For my son it could be life-threatening. I know my son't Kind. class went to the zoo on a field trip. They couldn't bring $$ to buy things but it was more of a time issue. There was no time to allow 100 some Kindergarteners to pick out items to buy when you are only at the zoo for 3 hours tops.
well, she did say her son would be going to preschool. what happens when a kid with an allergy goes to school? i went to school with a kid that couldn't even smell peanut butter so he had to get his lunch before they put the PB out and go eat in a classroom. with a kid whose allergy isn't that severe, they have to watch other kids eat things they don't get. kids without allergies have to watch kids eat things they don't get. the daycare director's thoughts were it wasn't fair if one kid had an apple for snack and another kid had a little debbie cake. my thoughts are when a kid starts school, they will have to deal with it. we aren't doing the kids any favors by making them think they'll always get the same things everyone else has cus it's not true in the cafeteria at school or in life.

as for the field trips - it was solely about money at the daycare. i worked there one summer and the kids had plenty of time to be able to buy things if they wanted to. i understand the kindergarten/time factor, but the point with the daycare was - again, that people will always have something you don't have whether it's a $2 toy or a corvette.
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:52 AM
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I dont think you are out of line AT ALL!

If there is ANY rough housing on my couch's they are off for the day, and get to start over the next day. I only have one boy (my autistic one who would do headstands on them if I didn't say anything!) that I normally have to speak to on this. Before I decided to start my daycare we bought a $5,500 leather couch set (most expensive furniture purchase to date!!!) so there is not much leeway with this rule..the kids know and respect this and the parents do as well. They do nap on them, and sit if reading a book, watching TV, ect ect...they are not banned, they just know its not a jungle gym (a term I use often lol).

I would suggest writing down your concerns, ask to have a face to face meeting with her and go over them. Chance's are dcg has overly exaggerated things to mom and she's misunderstanding your actions and reasoning.

Melissa
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:52 AM
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I can't say it enough! You're not out of line. First off, your child has a food allergy and you don't want dck's bringing it food from home. It's not like you don't provide food. Your child's health is way more important than making sure that your spoiled brat dck's have their fricking Pop-tarts!

Also, I totally understand the couch thing. I have a couch in my daycare room but I wish I didn't. If I had somewhere else to put it, I would. When my kids start goofing around on the couch, I ban them from it. If they try to keep other kids from sitting on it, I ban the bossy one from the couch. Really, for the most part when we sit, it's either at the table for meals, snacks & art, or we sit on the floor. This includes myself.

Picky eaters are just SOL at my house because I can't and won't construct my menu around what the picky eaters will and won't eat. I offer enough choices at meal time so that there has to be at least one thing that a kid willl eat and if they don't, then they will learn that it sucks to be hungry and have to wait for something to eat until the next time a meal or snack is offered. Don't you just love how some older siblings will insist that the younger sibling doesn't like a certain food, but yet the younger child is sitting there eating that food right in front of you?

I have had school age kids and I haven't had problems with entertaining them during naptime for the simple reason that I won't do it. Long ago I had a school age girl who had a younger brother and a younger sister and she expected me to entertain her during naptime. I gave her a ton of things that she could do quietly and independently but she wanted to be up my butt during naptime. I set up tons of arts & crafts projects and I set up a movie for her to watch. I put out books to read and I put out madel magic clay for her. She still was coming to be every few minutes asking me to play with her. This is probably going to come across badly and I'm fairly certain that I'll get flamed for this but I'm going to say it anyway. I need my time during the day to regroup and I can't do that with a school ager who talks too loud during nap and is capable of entertaining herself. I do not get paid to entertain school age kids during naptime. Naptime is a time to rest and regroup for everyone. Not just me. I interact with my kids the entire time that they are here. They get all of my attention and I an 100% tuned in to them. I very seldom get the chance to even eat lunch because I make sure to meet their needs. I don't do much cleaning throughout the day because I am more interested in interacting with them. I am present with them for the entire time that they are awake. It's not asking much to expect a school aged child to be able to entertain themselves during nap time. Maybe I'm alone in feeling that way, but I need the time for me.

The mom of these kids sounds like she has raised herself a couple of total brats. How she handles them at home is her business, but she can't expect you to give in to their every demand. I cannot stand parents like that. If they want to raise kids who feel entitled then that's their prerogative, but they can't expect their daycare providers to do things at daycare the way that they do them at home. Ugh...
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Old 06-22-2010, 11:59 AM
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Im a little surprised,.. all the kids can sit on my furniture, as long as they are sitting on their bottoms. No standing, or playing. But sitting nicely,.or. reading a book... no worries. My rule is,.. if you can get "on" by yourself, you can sit on it nicely. I do have a no toys on the couch rule. As far as meals,.. EVERYONE eats the same things. If my child had an allergy,.. everyone would be fed that diet. I dont do doughnuts or poptarts either. I would tell them to eat before they came. My kids who arrive after 6 am eat before coming.
This is now my new rule. I just told the kids. They may sit on the bottoms on the couch. No toys on the couch but they may read. No rough housing around on it.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:03 PM
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I have had school age kids and I haven't had problems with entertaining them during naptime for the simple reason that I won't do it. Long ago I had a school age girl who had a younger brother and a younger sister and she expected me to entertain her during naptime. I gave her a ton of things that she could do quietly and independently but she wanted to be up my butt during naptime. I set up tons of arts & crafts projects and I set up a movie for her to watch. I put out books to read and I put out madel magic clay for her. She still was coming to be every few minutes asking me to play with her. This is probably going to come across badly and I'm fairly certain that I'll get flamed for this but I'm going to say it anyway. I need my time during the day to regroup and I can't do that with a school ager who talks too loud during nap and is capable of entertaining herself. I do not get paid to entertain school age kids during naptime. Naptime is a time to rest and regroup for everyone. Not just me. I interact with my kids the entire time that they are here. They get all of my attention and I an 100% tuned in to them. I very seldom get the chance to even eat lunch because I make sure to meet their needs. I don't do much cleaning throughout the day because I am more interested in interacting with them. I am present with them for the entire time that they are awake. It's not asking much to expect a school aged child to be able to entertain themselves during nap time. Maybe I'm alone in feeling that way, but I need the time for me.
I'm not going to flame you on the nap time! I need my time too! The mom said that they've not took naps since they turned like 2. She even at the old sitters. She told me she got on the sitters about giving them a nap. The 5 year old I had in the fall took a long nap every day.

She wants to get them workbooks to do during quite time (which is about 30-45 mins for them...which is quietly sitting to read or just sit) I just hate to tell her that I'm not going to sit there and read to the 5 year old how to do this workbook during 'my' quite time!

I love my nap times...I need the quite from my son...who never stops!
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:07 PM
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While I agree with the 'spoiled brat stuff' wholehearteldly, I guess I might add one thing:
The older sister might just feel like she's 'in charge' of her younger brother. I might try to get her to be my 'assistant' whenever possible (I also liked the long- term project idea a lot) and have her help me prep, clean, etc.., especially with the food. Food always tastes better when you've had a hand in making it when you are a kid. Give her the chance to make decisions ('should we put it in this bowl, or this one?' or 'do you want to stir the mac and cheese, or help put it on the plate?'...etc...) Whatever you have going on, she may feel more useful and important if you give her the chance to participate as a big girl. Always 2 options, always offer 2 that you are ok with...and she'll be walking tall and respect you more.
Just my 2 cents.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:09 PM
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As far as the allergies go. I did tell her before hand that he had allergies and I wouldn't serve a lot of foods. She said something about the boy eating powdered doughnuts every morning and I said that I didn't buy those because of the allergies.

I do have an epi-pen. I've never had to use it and don't plan to use it...if I'm careful I won't have too...it's the other people I worry about.

His egg allergy is in the HIGH area. So a reaction could be big if he ate it. So far his reaction (which has been a long time now) was just hives and itching.

I do worry about preschool. But the preschool I picked seemed more then willing to work with us on it. Plus an added bonus is that my DH aunt works there and I never knew it. Over all it was a great place.

I've already got it planned out for birthdays at preschool. I found a great company that makes allergy free baked goods. (I make our own here for us) So I'll freeze a bunch of those cupcakes and ask that the school lets me know before a party (plus I live 1 block away) and I'll bring in a cupcake for him while the rest of the class has the store cupcakes.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:12 PM
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And one more thing-
If she sends the little guy to tell you that he is done playing wherever... AND she tells you he won't eat a certain thing...
it sounds like she isn't able to express HERSELF. If you think of it that way, you might head things off at the pass by addressing her concerns before they pop up... Then once your activity is underway, she'll know what is expected of her. Hope that makes sense.
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Old 06-22-2010, 12:17 PM
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Your house, your rules.
If the kids mistreat my things, then they don't get to use my things, to include the couch in the daycare area. That poor thing has been shipped overseas and back with another move half way across the country on top of that. It's 13 years old and going strong, and I'll be darned if some 7 year old is going to bust it because they don't know how to sit down and act like a human on it.
They usually get my "I don't care what you do at home, you are going to do A,B, and C while you are here".

As for food, there just is no outside food allowed. End of story. They don't eat, so be it, mom and dad won't let them starve to death. I had a woman get upset with me during an interview when SHE told ME her kids would be bringing their own food because they wouldn't eat "all that healthy stuff". I told her no outside food, she told me "but they won't eat", I told her sorry and that was the end of the interview (this was an 8 and 11 year old).

Your home and business, you run it how you see fit. The nine year old is trying a power grab and it sounds like the mom is willing to throw you under the bus to keep things running smoothly at her house. Can you imagine the whining and moaning going on there?
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Old 06-22-2010, 04:30 PM
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well, she did say her son would be going to preschool. what happens when a kid with an allergy goes to school? i went to school with a kid that couldn't even smell peanut butter so he had to get his lunch before they put the PB out and go eat in a classroom. with a kid whose allergy isn't that severe, they have to watch other kids eat things they don't get. kids without allergies have to watch kids eat things they don't get. the daycare director's thoughts were it wasn't fair if one kid had an apple for snack and another kid had a little debbie cake. my thoughts are when a kid starts school, they will have to deal with it. we aren't doing the kids any favors by making them think they'll always get the same things everyone else has cus it's not true in the cafeteria at school or in life.

as for the field trips - it was solely about money at the daycare. i worked there one summer and the kids had plenty of time to be able to buy things if they wanted to. i understand the kindergarten/time factor, but the point with
the daycare was - again, that people will always have something you don't
have whether it's a $2 toy or a corvette.
oh gasp, some school have done nut free zones, meaning nothing with nuts are allowed on the school grounds... Also alot of school arenot allowing junk food on the grounds either, therefor snacks are healthy snacks!! My dd with the food allergy at our last school didn't care, this one us always on top if things for her, even the first few weeks of school, when they forgot a out her allergy; the principle would go out and get her something for the grocery store deli!! Food allergies are a frowning problem in schools as well as obesity, we need to take an active role in all childrens lives if we are to continue the longgevity!!
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Old 06-22-2010, 04:52 PM
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1. Kids may sit on my couch, UNTIL they abuse that privilage. Then they get a period of time they may NOT sit on the couch. Then when they abuse it the second time ( either by standing, jumping, etc.) then they can pick a soft chair or sit on floor. I do not think you are out of line.

2. NO OUTSIDE FOOD AT ALL! It is your house, your rules. My own kids get different snacks then the daycare kids sometimes ( in their room, where kids cant see ) that is the privilege they get by being my kids, and dealing with all the other kids in THEIR house. If they want to serve them that junk, do it at home.

3. Meal time. Serve them what is for lunch. Let them know they can have seconds on bread/milk/fruits/veggies, after they finish what is on their plate first. ( this is law in WI, that I must offer seconds of everything but meat) If they are hungry they will eat. Give them only 5 peas, 5 corn, etc. small portions. If they are hungry they will eat. If not they can wait a few hours til snack. They will learn quick.


I would put an end to the 9 year olds comments at your house, by telling her to bring it up to her mom, and that she is being a bad influence on what the younger kids eat, and that will not happen. ( use your strictest, meanest face and voice)
Then I would tell mom same thing, "your 9 year old might not like something, or you may not eat it at home, but she is no longer allow to say those things here in front of anyone, it is hindering their eating"


SCHOOL AGERS ARE THE HARDEST AGE I THINK!!!! I agree with naptime as well. My "naptime/freetime" is cut short in the summer but I still get it. If the school agers are loud, they will nap with the little ones. They can go outside, watch movie, read, art, anything QUIET! The first time they are loud, or wake up the smaller kids, they have to rest or lay there.
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Old 06-22-2010, 05:42 PM
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oh gasp, some school have done nut free zones, meaning nothing with nuts are allowed on the school grounds... Also alot of school arenot allowing junk food on the grounds either, therefor snacks are healthy snacks!! My dd with the food allergy at our last school didn't care, this one us always on top if things for her, even the first few weeks of school, when they forgot a out her allergy; the principle would go out and get her something for the grocery store deli!! Food allergies are a frowning problem in schools as well as obesity, we need to take an active role in all childrens lives if we are to continue the longgevity!!
i know most schools don't serve junk food in the cafeteria anymore or allow food like mcdonald's or something to be brought in. that doesn't stop kids from bringing lunchboxes filled with cakes and chips. it's not really even about a kid that's allergic SEEING the food and having a reaction. it's about them seeing it, wanting it, and not being able to have it. that's my point. that's what i was saying about the daycares that won't let a kid bring food because "it's not fair to the kids that don't have it" or won't let them bring money on field trips because "everyone can't afford something." if it's a temptation they're going to have to deal with the rest of their life - might as well get used to it now. otherwise, i'd like for everyone that drives my dream car to take a detour around me at all times because it's not fair that i don't have one therefore i shouldn't be exposed to it.
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Old 06-22-2010, 05:46 PM
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This is probably going to come across badly and I'm fairly certain that I'll get flamed for this but I'm going to say it anyway. I need my time during the day to regroup and I can't do that with a school ager who talks too loud during nap and is capable of entertaining herself. I do not get paid to entertain school age kids during naptime. Naptime is a time to rest and regroup for everyone. Not just me. I interact with my kids the entire time that they are here. They get all of my attention and I an 100% tuned in to them. I very seldom get the chance to even eat lunch because I make sure to meet their needs. I don't do much cleaning throughout the day because I am more interested in interacting with them. I am present with them for the entire time that they are awake. It's not asking much to expect a school aged child to be able to entertain themselves during nap time. Maybe I'm alone in feeling that way, but I need the time for me.
Get flamed? Heck, NO!! Nap time is the ONLY break I get in what can sometimes be a 10-16 hour day! Lay down, close your eyes, keep them closed, no fidgeting, no humming, nothing. Be quiet! Period! FYI - my home, my rules!

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Originally Posted by Janet View Post
The mom of these kids sounds like she has raised herself a couple of total brats. How she handles them at home is her business, but she can't expect you to give in to their every demand. I cannot stand parents like that. If they want to raise kids who feel entitled then that's their prerogative, but they can't expect their daycare providers to do things at daycare the way that they do them at home. Ugh...
This is what is sad. The parents have no backbones anymore. They coddle their children beyond spoiling and even to the point of the child's detriment. Then they EXPECT you to bow down to the children as if the child is your boss/king/queen/God. One of my (obviously former) clients actually told me she wanted someone who "works for the children". Really? So they are my bosses? I work FOR myself. I work to put food on the table FOR my family. I work with children. I teach them, take care of them, love them, nurture them, guide them, direct them, and basically help to mold them into great people. But I will never work FOR a child nor would I let a child boss me around! They need to get over themselves, grow a spine, and actually BE parents, instead of buddies with their children.
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Old 06-22-2010, 08:00 PM
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oh gasp, some school have done nut free zones, meaning nothing with nuts are allowed on the school grounds... Also alot of school arenot allowing junk food on the grounds either, therefor snacks are healthy snacks!! My dd with the food allergy at our last school didn't care, this one us always on top if things for her, even the first few weeks of school, when they forgot a out her allergy; the principle would go out and get her something for the grocery store deli!! Food allergies are a frowning problem in schools as well as obesity, we need to take an active role in all childrens lives if we are to continue the longgevity!!
amen!!:d
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Old 06-22-2010, 08:08 PM
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I would put an end to the 9 year olds comments at your house, by telling her to bring it up to her mom, and that she is being a bad influence on what the younger kids eat, and that will not happen. ( use your strictest, meanest face and voice)
Then I would tell mom same thing, "your 9 year old might not like something, or you may not eat it at home, but she is no longer allow to say those things here in front of anyone, it is hindering their eating"
I might have to do this. I did let the mom know that she was doing it and I told her (and the mom) that there was no reason to say it when he was clearly eating it right there.

If it happens again I'll talk to the mom with the 9 year old right there.


They are no coming tomorrow. They said that when they got home the 5 year old had a fever and said he had a sore throat. Funny that he acted totally fine here.

Even getting banned from the couch for the last 30 mins of the day because he was grabbing and jumping at his sister on the couch. After I had been talking about how we use the couch half the afternoon.
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  #36  
Old 06-22-2010, 08:28 PM
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2. Outside food for breakfast. My son has food allergies and I'd rather outside food not be bought in the house. Last week they bought powered doughnuts and toaster pastries. The girl wanted me to put the pastries in the toaster but I told her that I wouldn't since I didn't want the allergen on my toaster. That night I left a note asking for no outside food.

The mom didn't understand since my son would not be eating them. I told her it's not fair to him, since my son LOVED doughnuts before and he can't eat them now and then to have someone eating them right in front of them in his home.

Plus you just never know if that sugar is going to drop on the floor and my son plays there and then he puts his fingers in his mouth and has a reaction.

I told her how bad his allergy was.

Plus I know most sitters won't let other food in their home.
Question? Are you on the food program? Just wondering because I thought if you were on the food program..there is no outside food at all.
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Old 06-22-2010, 08:31 PM
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Persephone Persephone is offline
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Question? Are you on the food program? Just wondering because I thought if you were on the food program..there is no outside food at all.
I'm not. Or I could use that.
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Old 06-22-2010, 08:41 PM
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I'm not. Or I could use that.
True.

I just think its so rude for this family to do that. I hated it when kids would come in with their happy meals or their Taco Cabana tacos and the kids would be just staring at them. It made me mad.

I can't tell you how many times I voiced my opinion to the director on that. I was always blown off. "Well at least they are eating breakfast" or some stupid excuse.
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Old 06-23-2010, 05:41 AM
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Quickly adding my 2 cents here, forgive me if it comes out rushed

1. The couch. Use the couch as it was intended or lose the priviledge. My kids were very surprised one morning to find mine GONE. I have a dedicated space, so it was an easy solution, but I got so tired of them treating it like a trampoline and then carrying that energy to everything else that I simply removed it. We have kid-sized furniture for them to sit on anyway. Geesh, I spend most of MY time on the floor, there is no reason they have to have use of a couch they don't appreciate.

2. Outside food. You have a child with an allergy, you are so not out of line. Even if not, children will use outside food as a way to point out the special treat they have that others do not. Parents don't get that the upset this causes can remain for quite some time afterward. They need to be reminded that their child wouldn't like it either. Being said, I DO allow outside food, even though my contract states otherwise. AS LONG as it doesn't cause me grief. Then, I let them know to stop for a while as I have a few that just aren't handling it well.

3. Picky eaters. I don't stress over it. Standing rule here is don't complain, or I will avoid serving your favorite foods for a while. I always tell the kids that today is Johnny's favorite, tomorrow is Suzie's, and if you can manage to not be a stinker about it - the next day is YOURS We all have our dislikes, and that's ok. But complaining won't get you something different, you have to earn that around here - by being polite.
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Old 01-11-2011, 10:22 PM
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MARSTELAC MARSTELAC is offline
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[quote=Lilbutterflie;33515]I definitely agree that you are not out of line with not allowing outside food! I actually think it's very rude, b/c then all of the kids are drooling over donuts they don't get to have! I allow it IF they bring enough for everyone to enjoy, but when you have a child with food allergies you just can't allow it at all. And yes, we are NOT short order cooks. You eat what you are given or you do not eat at all. There's always the next meal or snack they can eat if they don't approve of the current meal/snack.

I am so glad you said we are NOT short order cooks. I had a parent today (say in front of his kid) that his kid won't eat certain foods, especially what I served for lunch and he has instructed the kid to ask for peanut butter sandwich if I don't serve what he likes! I told dcd NO, I am not a short order cook. So glad I had my backbone today! That kid would have to have peanut butter everyday! P.I.T.A. parents!
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