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  #1  
Old 07-20-2012, 02:06 PM
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Default iPhone for a 4 Year Old?

I'm a registered daycare provider on this site, but I want to keep my name private for the time being.

I am a single parent and I am very blessed to run a successful home daycare that I make a very good living off of. I graduated high school at 16, competed my bachelors degree at 19 and finished my masters degree at 22 in Early Childhood Education.
I immediately set out to start my own home daycare so that I could stay home with my daughter. I must have entered the field at the best time because I filled up within a month, started a waiting list and hired an assistant to expand to a large home daycare within my 1st year. I was able to buy my own home after the 1st year and switched my daycare over from my parent's finished garage to my own home.

I come from an extremely close family and my parents and siblings live less than 20 minutes away from me. My family helped care for my daughter while I attended school and with two grandparents, three aunts and one uncle at her beck and call, my daughter grew up a very fortunate (aka spoiled). I was the first out of my siblings to have a child so everyone doted on her. I feel very lucky to have such a great family that loves my daughter and I, myself, was guilty of buying my daughter things she wanted, but not never really necessarily needed. Her birthdays are a big deal and we make a family vacation out of it and we've been to DisneyLand, DisneyWorld and Six Flags so far.

For her upcoming 4th birthday, I plan on having it at my house and inviting my extended out-of-town family up to celebrate. It is going to be subdued compared to her other birthdays but my family has decided to buy her expensive gifts instead.

She's having a custom-made princess bed made by my parents that is going to cost just under $2000. It's almost finished and my parents are pleased with the results (I've yet to see it). My brother and two sisters are going in together for an indoor jungle gym for her playroom. My third sister has always been my daughter's favorite. She called me a couple days ago and asked if she could get my daughter an iPhone. I, maybe naively, thought she meant an iPod touch for music and games. I immediately said "sure" and told her to try and find an orange cover/case as it's my daughters favorite color. She then went on to ask how many minutes should she get to start with. My first reaction was, "What?!?" My sister wants to buy my daughter an actual iPhone.

I told her I'd take a few days to think about it and I have. I've gone back and forth with the idea and when I feel like I'm about to come to a definite answer, I always come up with a reason to switch to the other and I'm back at square one. I know I'm going to get some comments that start with, "What the heck kind of parent are you allowing a 4yo to have an iPhone?" and I'm okay with that. I didn't necessarily post this for everyone to agree with me but I just thought I'd get some insight on my situation.

It's not like my daughter NEEDS an iPhone. She doesn't even NEED a cell phone at all for at least another 10 years! I know this and before I had a child I would have laughed at my current situation. A 4yo with a cell phone? Really? But, now that I'm a parent I think much differently. My daughter uses my iPhone for her games, music and for taking pictures (most are blurry and her finger covers the lens a lot of the time) but she knows how to work it really well. I'm not really concerned with her on the phone as I can put a lot of limits on it for her and I would certainly put limits on how often she is allowed on it each day and when she's allowed on it. I spent my own childhood outside and I'm pretty sure I was barefoot for most of it. I would love for my daughter to explore the world like I did when I was younger.

I guess I'm leaning towards to 'yes'. My sister will be going half-ers with me on the bill each month and, like I said, I can put limits and I certainly will. I also feel that my daughter doesn't ask for much. She is a very well-mannered, easy going behaved little girl despite her spoiled upbringing. She appreciates little things and I know she'd be over the moon. Also, I cannot predict the future - especially on my home daycare's success, so I feel like I should do this now for my daughter simply because I can. Her cell phone bill wouldn't make but a small dent in my expenses each month so I'm not worried about that either. I maybe feel bad for my daughter. She has to wait until after 6pm each evening to talk to her grandparents and aunts and uncle instead of the constant contact she had with them while I was living with my parents. Whenever she falls or gets hurt she liked to call each of them to inform them of her "injury" (as she calls them) and she doesn't get that much anymore.

I know I'm a little crazy. I'd respect you a little more if you even called me crazy :P But, I still want some insight on this. Am I not thinking of something that I should be? Would there be any long-term problems that I'd run into by allowing my daughter to own an iPhone? I think it'd allow her to keep close contact to our family and she'd be free to call them at every fall, scrape, funny moment, new accomplishment and so on.

Thanks in advance!
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Old 07-20-2012, 03:25 PM
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Ok I am going to bite: You ARE crazy! I understand where you are coming from but honestly with your knowledge about ECE (CONGRATULATIONS btw for all your achievements! You should be VERY proud! )

..... but you, more than anyone, should know that it isn't about what she does or doesn't need in regards to things like this but how many other things could or can be done with that kind of money.

Why not make a memory?
take her on a trip
enroll her in a class (music, painting, gymnastics)
save for college (since daycare is a scary unstable field)
get her a puppy or a kitten
have her donate money and or time to someone less fortunate
ect ect etc.....

......anything that could give your daughter so much more than a few minutes or hours of fun! (FWIW~ Angry Birds just makes you angry )

Ok... I am done. I have my opinions but that is all I am going to say.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 07-20-2012 at 04:36 PM.
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:03 PM
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I'm not even sure how to respond-

I'm around BlackCats age and I'm just amazed at the way the world is going. Please do have her get her something else! A years woth of tickets to the zoo (or tickets equivilent to the cost of the phone), dance lessons, a savings bond for college, a special weekend with Auntie, the possibilities are endless.

My oldest is only 18 but how the world has changed in that time. I took my kids many places without "entertainment" and they survivied. I think that is why they are the kids they are-they have to think.

You have done amazinglingly well it sounds like and I congratulate you for that~. Keep up the good work and teach your daughter about love, family and good times. That is what is important. It really will teach her patience and such if she has to wait to call everyone at 6 o'clock at night. Life is full of instant gratification and no one is learning the word~WAIT a little bit.
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:13 PM
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Why not just have your sister get her an iTouch? It does everything your phone does except for calls--except that she could Facetime with you or anyone else in your family with an iPhone, iTouch, iPad, or Mac computer (then she could even show the family member her "injury" . With the iTouch, she'd have all the apps, games, camera, and everything she's used to on your phone. My 3yo loves my iPhone. She loves to Facetime with her Daddy if he's working late or with her aunts/uncles/grandparents (we have a lot of iPhones between my husband's and my family). IMPO, an iTouch would be a good compromise without having the added expense of minutes each month.

Then, you could take the savings from not having minutes to pay for each month and use it toward some gymnastics lessons or special activities (monthly Mommy/Daughter date)? My 3yo has been in gymnastics for a year now. She loves it.
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:22 PM
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Default NoPhone

I agree, no Iphone for your 4 year old. I love the idea of a years worth of tickets to the zoo or dance lessons with the Aunt..imagine all of the great memories she will have from that because she will have none from the iphone. Sadly my 4 year old recently asked for an IPhone...dad and I just laughed. If she is set on something that makes noise a great gift is the Leapad..you can hook it up to the computer and track your child's progress, it works like a tablet and all the games are learning ones.
I have a 19 year old so he grew up with all of the video games, computers, television, etc. I was lucky that we read to him and took him outings so he ended up being well rounded but it is a hard line to walk.
I have to constantly tell my 11 year old to put the game/laptop/phone/television/ipod away and do something else. My 11 year old does have a cell phone but it is only for calling us and once in a awhile a friend (only with permission). She has had her phone since she was 10 and she uses it to call us when she reaches her friends house (around the block) and when she is leaving their house to return home, she also uses it to tell us when theatre practice is over and she needs picked up because it is not always the same time. Technology is great but it needs to be used with moderation and supervision.
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Old 07-20-2012, 04:22 PM
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I wouldn't do an iPhone, even if you are "only" paying half the bill each month..well, that really isn't a "gift" if you have an ongoing expense.

If your sister wants to do an electronic gift, why not an ipod touch (which is what I have), an iPad, or a Kindle Fire? Personally, I would go for the Kindle Fire as you can get kids books (even picture books). And still the apps and games that your sister probably wants to get the iPhone for.

FWIW, when I take the kids to the parks...there are usually multiple kids with iPhones & other smartphones...one in particular I remember a 10yo sending his iPhone down the slide like you would a hot wheels car. Oh, if I was his mom I would be so ticked off seeing that...jeez.

Problems...is that kids are just NOT good at the responsibility of it all. innappropriate pictures & texts...not a good mix. It is more of a setup to fail, honestly.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:29 PM
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Default I would say No to the Phone

What is the reason behind your sister wanting to get your 4 year old a phone at all? My son has had a phone since he was in 4th grade, he was 9/10 at the time, he's now 15, but I didn't get him a phone just because I could or just to show off. That year, at the beginning of the school year, bus drivers dropped off two children at wrong addresses, one of the little boys even told the bus driver that he didn't see his house anywhere and even after doing that the bus driver told him that that was the address he had for him and left him there, both children were returned home safely by good people that found them. There's about 6/7 homes in the street that we live and they are all spread out, at that time I worked in a different city 45 mins. away from home and would always make it home right before my son got home, there were several occasions when he was just getting off the bus and I'd be driving up. I worried that one day I would get caught in traffic or that I would not be there when he got home so I bought him a phone, not only so that he could call me or his father in case I didn't make it on time, but also to track the phone location along with him in case something bad was to happen. I actually went and spoke to his Principal so that she was aware that he would be carrying his phone in his backpack. I bought him a backpack that had a hidden zippered pouch inside and he kept his phone there. I didn't tell the world that he had a phone and the ones that knew were family and close friends. To me at that time it was a necessity not a luxury. He still has a phone now, now I consider it more of a luxury, but it works to my advantage, because when he doesn't follow rules, his phone is the first thing that goes. When he turned 13 (middle school) he started being a bit rebellious, he lost his phone that whole summer and believe me, his attitute straightened right back. I'm totally up for electronic gadgets, but like Solandia stated, it isn't a gift if you are going to be paying a monthly bill, if she really wants to get her a cool "in" gadget, then like others have said why not just get her the iPod touch.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:42 PM
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Childhood is such a short time these days. As others have posted, membership to a zoo or something similar would be wonderful. You are to be commended for your accomplishments and your daughter sounds like a wonderful little girl. However, the time you spend with her and the love you give her is so much more important than what you can buy her.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:45 PM
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I would say no to the iphone. A year's membership to a local zoo, amusement park, etc that she could spend time with Auntie at would be a better bet. A bicycle that she could ride along with Auntie would be great, too.

Yes, my 5 yo grandson can work all the electronics (iphone, ipad, ipods, game boys, kindles, etc) better than I can. But kids do not get enough outside playtime anymore.
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Old 07-20-2012, 06:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Ok I am going to bite: You ARE crazy! I understand where you are coming from but honestly with your knowledge about ECE (CONGRATULATIONS btw for all your achievements! You should be VERY proud! )

..... but you, more than anyone, should know that it isn't about what she does or doesn't need in regards to things like this but how many other things could or can be done with that kind of money.

Why not make a memory?
take her on a trip
enroll her in a class (music, painting, gymnastics)
save for college (since daycare is a scary unstable field)
get her a puppy or a kitten
have her donate money and or time to someone less fortunate
ect ect etc.....

......anything that could give your daughter so much more than a few minutes or hours of fun! (FWIW~ Angry Birds just makes you angry )

Ok... I am done. I have my opinions but that is all I am going to say.
I completely agree.

But, we're a conservative, young (I'm in my early 20s and my husband is nearly 30), Christian family who values humility and service to others. Not to say that we don't have our moments where we would like to go above and beyond gift-wise for our child (adopting a child who comes from a neglected/abused past makes you want to provide for them above and beyond), but we don't. Our teenager does not have a cell phone. He just recently was given a used iPod Touch for his birthday in order to communicate with us when we're out of the house (via text messages on an app).

I suppose everything, not just the iPhone, that she is given comes down to what you want her to ultimately value .
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Old 07-20-2012, 07:07 PM
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I would say no phone. If you think she needs or would like something like that, I would go for the itouch or kindle fire. Not as much expense with it and you still get all the great games and stuff.

My sister takes my kids for a weekend near their birthdays and they get to pick what they want to do! Every year they talk about it and they remember it more. I guess I would lean more toward doing something with her instead. She will have so much more fun!
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:45 AM
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I wanted to give you my first thoughts without reading what anyone else said.
My initial thinking of seeing any youngster (under 10) with a cell phone is:
WHAT???
When my kids were that age, I was in full charge of who they saw, where they went, etc...
That being said, my brother is divorced from his wife and purchased his 10 year old daughter a cell phone to keep in touch with her 100% of the time, except during school hours. So, I get that. She has also lost/broken several phones too. She was only 10 at the time...but she's better now (12).

If you want her to play all those awesome games (the educational ones are fabulous!!!! I wish my kids were young to enjoy & learn from them as well, LOL) I would go with the ipod. It meets what you really want for her. If she wants to talk with family, she can still use your phone or home phone. Sometimes too much access isn't a good thing - not to sound rude.

Congrats on your successes!!! I'm so proud of you. You seem to be such a level-headed young woman; and a great mom!
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:48 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpe******t View Post

I suppose everything, not just the iPhone, that she is given comes down to what you want her to ultimately value .
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Old 07-21-2012, 03:41 PM
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I'm not going to respond emotionally at all.


But in my personal opinion, a just turning four year old needs none of the devices mentioned. There is no way a four year old could make enough use of any of those to justify buying it without having the thing in her face 24/7. Plus, kids that age are very curious and you may end up having to explain to your sister that the $500 phone is now broken.

And I know you didn't ask this, but don't you think your family is going a little overboard on the gifts? Your daughter is only four, and she has plenty more birthdays down the road. Like you said, you don't know what the future holds, and if she's getting accustomed to being indulged like this and something happens where that has stop, her young psyche probably isn't going to say "well, i enjoyed it while it lasted". I'm sure with an early childhood degree, you might understand how this may affect her in the long run. It sounds like you're raising her well and you said she enjoys the little things - let her enjoy those little things. Ask your family to instead stock her private school or college fund, or start a savings account for her first car, or etc - if they must spend that kind of money.

This is only my humble opinon - please treat it as such
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Old 07-21-2012, 05:35 PM
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I will be completely honest here. I would be LIVID if my mother blew $2,000 on a BED for my four year old to just outgrow. (and she WILL outgrow it faster than you think, my daughter had a princess canopy bed at 3, and HATED it by 5). I would have said to put it into a CD for her future.

My 8 year old DCG has an iphone (4? idk, a newer one), she has NO FRIENDS to call, and she barely knows how to use it. When she brought it here on show and tell day, she played with it when they were playing house only.
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Old 07-21-2012, 08:04 PM
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interesting dilemma. I'm going to say see what can be done to turn it down. It won't do your child much good. I'm actually surprised that would be offered over an iPad (which too is overkill)

I like all the memory making activity suggestions.
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Old 07-21-2012, 09:09 PM
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Waaay back in 2005 we set my daughter up with a simple cell phone as she entered her freshman year of college because there were no longer landline phones available in the dorms, and we did want to visit with her on the telephone on occasion.
In SEVEN years things have changed so much that anyone even considers giving a 4 year old ANY type of a phone?! Old fogy that I am - i don't get it at all. In my daycare, the 4 year olds like to play phone by putting blocks, etc. to their ears and carrying on really creative conversations. Let your child PLAY.
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Old 07-21-2012, 09:36 PM
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So, what did you decide to do??
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Old 07-22-2012, 09:11 AM
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Took me 45 years to get an iphone. Why do we rush our kids to grow up let them be kids. JMO
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Old 07-22-2012, 01:01 PM
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I like the comment about considering the ultimate goal for your child's upbringing.

One of my goals is for my kids to live a modest life of moderation. I feel that keeps them humble and well balanced. I dont promote anything that is not towards that ultimate goal. We do not take lavish trips, have over the top parties, buy expensive gifts. It is very rare that my children have anything brand new.....most is second hand, hand me downs, sales or clearance items, yard sale items, etc. I think it is important for them to learn to live without and learn to life frugally, even though they are young and there are times that we can afford more.

With this in mind, I personally would never allow a family member to purchase any of the pricey items your daughter has received, nor would we take any of the trips you all have taken. My kids are 4 and younger and own no electronics although we do have a DVDs and such that belong to the family.

I dont think you should do things just because you can. You worked hard and scratched your way to success, the best thing you can do for your daughter is to guide her towards the same work ethic and not just give her things because you are better able too than maybe your parents were when you were younger.

For example, my 4 year old wanted a Rapunzel doll for about 6 months. I purposefully did not get it for her for awhile because I wanted her to know the feeling of wanting and waiting for something. She earned her doll with patience and good behavior.
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Old 07-22-2012, 06:17 PM
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Wow, a lot of replies! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post.

I'll try to answer everything in one post!

My daughter has a college fund already set up. For the three years we took vacations - we had our extended family donate to her college fund instead of purchasing gifts. This worked out wonderful because my daughter will not have the doll she received at her 1st of 2nd birthday - but she will always be grateful and have the monetary means to afford college. She may or may not attend after high school - I personally know that college is not for everyone. But, she can use the money towards a home or a car when she graduates high school.

She is in gymnastics class once a week and ballet once a week. For now, I feel that is more than enough extra-curricular activities for her. We attend a music class, a dramatic play zone and swimming activities within my daycare so she gets to participate in a lot of programs. We also purchase zoo/aquarium memberships for each daycare child so she already has that set.

And I'm really trying hard not to take offense to the comments about my child not leading a real childhood because she may or may not be getting an iPhone. My child doesn't sit in front of the tv all day, she doesn't get to snack around the clock on chips, soda and candy, she isn't stuck indoors all day nor does she get to act spoiled. I'm considering getting her an iPhone - I'm not sure where it can be assumed I am cheating her out of a real childhood. She likes to play outside like any other 3 year old and she doesn't have a tv in her bedroom nor in her playroom. She's allowed 1 hour of television each day and it's usually 1/2 in the morning as she wakes up and 1/2 snuggling on the couch at the end of the day when all her friends are gone. She's even on a vegetarian organic diet and her idea of 'juice' is a fruit smoothie.

And to the person who called me out on the expensive gifts my family is getting her - no way would I say no to parents and siblings who helped raise me. Grandparents get spoiling rights - that's how it's always been and I'm perfectly okay with that! With my degree in ECE, never once has the thought of how this will affect my child in the "long-run" come to mind. Quite honestly, it's a cell phone. I'm pretty confident that having a cell phone doesn't pose any healthy risks or developmental delays in children and I do believe I'm up-to-date with my training.

I didn't grow up priviledged in the slightest and I learned respect, consideration, how to be humble and how to appreciate everything by my parents. I didn't learn that from what I received during my birthday nor did what I receive for my birthday affect my attitude on life or ability to appreciate. I think it comes down to how you parent your child(ren). If I allow my sister to buy the iPhone, I'm not going to fail in my ways of parenting and give up on what I hope to teach her in life. I'm still going to be a parent who will guide her, love her, teach her, appreciate her and help her while I'm needed.

I'm very, very lucky and very, very thankful that my career as a provider is going wonderful for me. I won't always know what the future holds nor will my stability as a sought-after daycare in my city still uphold in a few years. But, I feel that I'm fortunate enough to buy things for my child that others will see as "lavish" and perhaps unncessary. Will it matter to my child in a few years? I believe so. I can teach her to appreciate a bed that cost $2000 and to be careful and considerate of a phone that cost over $500.

So my ultimate goal for my child? To be appreciative, loving, considerate, honest, helpful, hopeful and happy. I do not feel that if she were to get an iPhone, all of this would go out the window. I can still teach her all I hope to but the only difference is that now she can call grandma, grandpa, uncle and auntie and tell on me when I insist on finishing all of her peas for dinner :P
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Old 07-22-2012, 10:17 PM
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After reading your post, I'm not sure why you asked others' opinions. It seems that your mind is made up. That's fine, your her mother and it's up to you. But don't ask for opinions and then get offended when they're not to your liking.
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Old 07-23-2012, 01:24 AM
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I think honestly in your situation I would get an ipad (easier for her to use) and use the money that would have gone towards the phone costs to maybe set up an account to get new books or apps every month. Apps are usually pretty cheap, but books can add up. There are also magazine subscriptions for kids. My mother is buying my kids an ipad (they are 4.5, 7, 8, 8), and although I don't think they need it, they will enjoy it. Your dd can use it to skype with family instead of calling, or just call on the regular telephone. I would use the same money and get the bigger screen, and more books and magazines for her to use and explore every month instead of a phone plan.
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Old 07-23-2012, 01:58 AM
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What is the reason behind your sister wanting to get your 4 year old a phone at all? My son has had a phone since he was in 4th grade, he was 9/10 at the time, he's now 15, but I didn't get him a phone just because I could or just to show off. That year, at the beginning of the school year, bus drivers dropped off two children at wrong addresses, one of the little boys even told the bus driver that he didn't see his house anywhere and even after doing that the bus driver told him that that was the address he had for him and left him there, both children were returned home safely by good people that found them. There's about 6/7 homes in the street that we live and they are all spread out, at that time I worked in a different city 45 mins. away from home and would always make it home right before my son got home, there were several occasions when he was just getting off the bus and I'd be driving up. I worried that one day I would get caught in traffic or that I would not be there when he got home so I bought him a phone, not only so that he could call me or his father in case I didn't make it on time, but also to track the phone location along with him in case something bad was to happen. I actually went and spoke to his Principal so that she was aware that he would be carrying his phone in his backpack. I bought him a backpack that had a hidden zippered pouch inside and he kept his phone there. I didn't tell the world that he had a phone and the ones that knew were family and close friends. To me at that time it was a necessity not a luxury. He still has a phone now, now I consider it more of a luxury, but it works to my advantage, because when he doesn't follow rules, his phone is the first thing that goes. When he turned 13 (middle school) he started being a bit rebellious, he lost his phone that whole summer and believe me, his attitute straightened right back. I'm totally up for electronic gadgets, but like Solandia stated, it isn't a gift if you are going to be paying a monthly bill, if she really wants to get her a cool "in" gadget, then like others have said why not just get her the iPod touch.
iPAD is better then a iPhone for a 1st grade student

We found a personal iPad to be very positive for the learning progress of our first graders. Every new 1st grade student will have access to carefully selected learning content on his or her i-pad assigned to him upon entry to school.
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  #25  
Old 07-23-2012, 08:12 AM
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Wow, a lot of replies! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post.

I'll try to answer everything in one post!

My daughter has a college fund already set up. For the three years we took vacations - we had our extended family donate to her college fund instead of purchasing gifts. This worked out wonderful because my daughter will not have the doll she received at her 1st of 2nd birthday - but she will always be grateful and have the monetary means to afford college. She may or may not attend after high school - I personally know that college is not for everyone. But, she can use the money towards a home or a car when she graduates high school.

She is in gymnastics class once a week and ballet once a week. For now, I feel that is more than enough extra-curricular activities for her. We attend a music class, a dramatic play zone and swimming activities within my daycare so she gets to participate in a lot of programs. We also purchase zoo/aquarium memberships for each daycare child so she already has that set.

And I'm really trying hard not to take offense to the comments about my child not leading a real childhood because she may or may not be getting an iPhone. My child doesn't sit in front of the tv all day, she doesn't get to snack around the clock on chips, soda and candy, she isn't stuck indoors all day nor does she get to act spoiled. I'm considering getting her an iPhone - I'm not sure where it can be assumed I am cheating her out of a real childhood. She likes to play outside like any other 3 year old and she doesn't have a tv in her bedroom nor in her playroom. She's allowed 1 hour of television each day and it's usually 1/2 in the morning as she wakes up and 1/2 snuggling on the couch at the end of the day when all her friends are gone. She's even on a vegetarian organic diet and her idea of 'juice' is a fruit smoothie.

And to the person who called me out on the expensive gifts my family is getting her - no way would I say no to parents and siblings who helped raise me. Grandparents get spoiling rights - that's how it's always been and I'm perfectly okay with that! With my degree in ECE, never once has the thought of how this will affect my child in the "long-run" come to mind. Quite honestly, it's a cell phone. I'm pretty confident that having a cell phone doesn't pose any healthy risks or developmental delays in children and I do believe I'm up-to-date with my training.

I didn't grow up priviledged in the slightest and I learned respect, consideration, how to be humble and how to appreciate everything by my parents. I didn't learn that from what I received during my birthday nor did what I receive for my birthday affect my attitude on life or ability to appreciate. I think it comes down to how you parent your child(ren). If I allow my sister to buy the iPhone, I'm not going to fail in my ways of parenting and give up on what I hope to teach her in life. I'm still going to be a parent who will guide her, love her, teach her, appreciate her and help her while I'm needed.

I'm very, very lucky and very, very thankful that my career as a provider is going wonderful for me. I won't always know what the future holds nor will my stability as a sought-after daycare in my city still uphold in a few years. But, I feel that I'm fortunate enough to buy things for my child that others will see as "lavish" and perhaps unncessary. Will it matter to my child in a few years? I believe so. I can teach her to appreciate a bed that cost $2000 and to be careful and considerate of a phone that cost over $500.

So my ultimate goal for my child? To be appreciative, loving, considerate, honest, helpful, hopeful and happy. I do not feel that if she were to get an iPhone, all of this would go out the window. I can still teach her all I hope to but the only difference is that now she can call grandma, grandpa, uncle and auntie and tell on me when I insist on finishing all of her peas for dinner :P
I completely understand your reasonings and think that ultimately it is up to you as this is your child.

However, I think everyone here offered you some really good advice, opinions and thoughts on the matter but one thing I personally want to say is that if I saw a 4 year old walking around with an i-phone, I would NOT be impressed....as a matter of fact, I would have all sorts of opinions, thoughts and major judgements about the parent(s) of the child.

I know my judgments and opinions are mine but I also think that I wouldn't be the only one judging you. Maybe the only one to admit it, but I know not the only one.....and the only person hurt by opinionated, judgmental people will probably be your daughter.

Ultimately, what I think or anyone else thinks should make no difference but somewhere in the grand scheme of it all, you must have had your doubts too about the whole thing or you wouldn't have posted and asked others to share their thoughts.

Whatever you decide to do, I do wish you the best as you sound like a mom who genuinely cares and is trying to do right by everyone involved (grandparents, sister, yourelf and your DD) and I am sure that you will do what ever works for you and your daughter.

Happy Birthday to your daughter too!
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Old 07-23-2012, 09:56 AM
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I wouldn't want to cover the monthly bills of a phone just so my child can play games. I'm not really into all the Apple products, but think an Ipod touch or Ipad would be a better idea (personally I would go for a Kindle Fire) you can still get apps to text on all these devices and you get all the games...TONs of fun books to read...but no monthly bill. My niece just learned to read and her mom got her a Kindle fire for her 6th birthday and she loves it...reads it ALL the time and plays her games. It depends a lot on your child too. My son just turned 6 as well, but would be happier playing with a pile of sticks so I wouldn't dream of getting him a gift like this, he can just play a few games on my phone when he wants. My nephew is only 3 1/2 though and I can totally see him with an ipod touch or kindle fire in HIS hands. In the end, you just do what you think is best. Happy Birthday to your daughter!
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Old 07-23-2012, 10:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Wow, a lot of replies! Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post.

I'll try to answer everything in one post!

My daughter has a college fund already set up. For the three years we took vacations - we had our extended family donate to her college fund instead of purchasing gifts. This worked out wonderful because my daughter will not have the doll she received at her 1st of 2nd birthday - but she will always be grateful and have the monetary means to afford college. She may or may not attend after high school - I personally know that college is not for everyone. But, she can use the money towards a home or a car when she graduates high school.

She is in gymnastics class once a week and ballet once a week. For now, I feel that is more than enough extra-curricular activities for her. We attend a music class, a dramatic play zone and swimming activities within my daycare so she gets to participate in a lot of programs. We also purchase zoo/aquarium memberships for each daycare child so she already has that set.

And I'm really trying hard not to take offense to the comments about my child not leading a real childhood because she may or may not be getting an iPhone. My child doesn't sit in front of the tv all day, she doesn't get to snack around the clock on chips, soda and candy, she isn't stuck indoors all day nor does she get to act spoiled. I'm considering getting her an iPhone - I'm not sure where it can be assumed I am cheating her out of a real childhood. She likes to play outside like any other 3 year old and she doesn't have a tv in her bedroom nor in her playroom. She's allowed 1 hour of television each day and it's usually 1/2 in the morning as she wakes up and 1/2 snuggling on the couch at the end of the day when all her friends are gone. She's even on a vegetarian organic diet and her idea of 'juice' is a fruit smoothie.

And to the person who called me out on the expensive gifts my family is getting her - no way would I say no to parents and siblings who helped raise me. Grandparents get spoiling rights - that's how it's always been and I'm perfectly okay with that! With my degree in ECE, never once has the thought of how this will affect my child in the "long-run" come to mind. Quite honestly, it's a cell phone. I'm pretty confident that having a cell phone doesn't pose any healthy risks or developmental delays in children and I do believe I'm up-to-date with my training.

I didn't grow up priviledged in the slightest and I learned respect, consideration, how to be humble and how to appreciate everything by my parents. I didn't learn that from what I received during my birthday nor did what I receive for my birthday affect my attitude on life or ability to appreciate. I think it comes down to how you parent your child(ren). If I allow my sister to buy the iPhone, I'm not going to fail in my ways of parenting and give up on what I hope to teach her in life. I'm still going to be a parent who will guide her, love her, teach her, appreciate her and help her while I'm needed.

I'm very, very lucky and very, very thankful that my career as a provider is going wonderful for me. I won't always know what the future holds nor will my stability as a sought-after daycare in my city still uphold in a few years. But, I feel that I'm fortunate enough to buy things for my child that others will see as "lavish" and perhaps unncessary. Will it matter to my child in a few years? I believe so. I can teach her to appreciate a bed that cost $2000 and to be careful and considerate of a phone that cost over $500.

So my ultimate goal for my child? To be appreciative, loving, considerate, honest, helpful, hopeful and happy. I do not feel that if she were to get an iPhone, all of this would go out the window. I can still teach her all I hope to but the only difference is that now she can call grandma, grandpa, uncle and auntie and tell on me when I insist on finishing all of her peas for dinner :P

Don't let some of these answers get to you...Yes, as many people have stated, things have certainly changed in the last 10yrs-but not all in a bad way. Your daughter can totally have a "real childhood" and an Ipod touch as well...sheez. I know a lot of kids who have and use all of these devices and they do not sit with it in front of their faces day in and day out. My nephew is 3 1/2 and is one of the smartest kids I have ever known and yes I think a lot of it is becuase his brain is a sponge right now and he has access to all of these great learning games and he just soaks it in. He is in NO WAY a couch potato and spends most of his time playing outside in the dirt like any 3yr old boy would. My daughter will be 11 in a couple of weeks and I got her a Kindle Fire for her birthday and she already has a list a mile long of the books she wants on it (she isn't even a huge reader...but it's just cooler on a fire I guess. I think they are all great things and I think you sound like a very reasonable mother who is more than capable of monitoring the time your daughter spends on these devices. If I had more $$ I would totally buy this stuff for all of my kids. (I still think an Ipad or touch...would be better than a phone because it does the same things without the monthly payment

As far as the gifts your family buys for your daughter...If my parents had a dime to spend they would do the same and I would let them!
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  #28  
Old 07-23-2012, 12:25 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I completely understand your reasonings and think that ultimately it is up to you as this is your child.

However, I think everyone here offered you some really good advice, opinions and thoughts on the matter but one thing I personally want to say is that if I saw a 4 year old walking around with an i-phone, I would NOT be impressed....as a matter of fact, I would have all sorts of opinions, thoughts and major judgements about the parent(s) of the child.

I know my judgments and opinions are mine but I also think that I wouldn't be the only one judging you. Maybe the only one to admit it, but I know not the only one.....and the only person hurt by opinionated, judgmental people will probably be your daughter.

Ultimately, what I think or anyone else thinks should make no difference but somewhere in the grand scheme of it all, you must have had your doubts too about the whole thing or you wouldn't have posted and asked others to share their thoughts.

Whatever you decide to do, I do wish you the best as you sound like a mom who genuinely cares and is trying to do right by everyone involved (grandparents, sister, yourelf and your DD) and I am sure that you will do what ever works for you and your daughter.

Happy Birthday to your daughter too!

Agree 100%
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  #29  
Old 07-23-2012, 11:13 PM
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iphone for a 4 year old baby?What you have done? Please update after making any decision.
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  #30  
Old 02-23-2013, 05:31 PM
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Look I didn't grow up with much privilages either and my mom was a single mom, she worked all the time and I always had to watch my younger brother. But it annoyed me everytime she gave in and gave him what ever he wanted when he threw a fit and didn't set boundries because I basically had to give up my childhood to raise my brother and when ever I tried to set limits that mom had set he would never follow it and she would even cave in and let him do what he wanted. I do not regret that I didn't always get what I wanted, I regretted that my mom never listened to me when it came to my brother and always tried to still act like she was the boss of me and act like everything was fine. She's one of those moms that says 'we never talk we need to talk more' but once you say something she doesn't like she tells you to 'shut up' we have gotten in fights when she would even say that I was stupid and then tell me later that she's glad I'm her daughter and she loves me and try to buy me gifts. Kids are smarter than you think, they can see right through you when you try to buy them whatever they want all the time and they know how to get to you. I never got much of a childhood but today I am 21 and I am more mature and responsible than some 25-40 year olds I used to know. My brother is 20 just now starting to get his life on track (a job trying to get GED) and still hasn't graduated high school (he left off as a sophmore) and has gotten introuble with the law alot in his teens and has alot of issues with authority

I have said before that I want to be able to give my kids the life I never had but by that I mean: a family with 2 caring parents that make a comfortable living, a healthy lifestyle (I was and still am overweight), a low environment, and yes, a few toys here and there; but I want them to still do chores and have responsibilities. My fiance and I have talked about when we would let our future kids have cell phones and we said MAYBE when they were about 9 or 10 but it would be one of those cheapy phone where they can only store a certain amount of numbers and most of the numbers on it would be ours and family. And this is because I don't want my kids to feel like toys and technology is a right- It's a previlage and if they do anything to deserve to have that privilage taken away I would more than gladly give it to a child who is less privilaged and will appriciate it.

And yes I too have taken child development classes (currently 29 completed units of ECE as of last semester) and many of my CD/ECE professors who are always keeping up-to-date on studies/laws and have had many years expierience working in the ECE industry (one for over 40 years) all say that children who have too much toys and are exposed to too much technology at a young age tend to be at a higher risk of having lower attention spands and less imagination as they get older than children who are given less electronics and less toys.

Try reading the book 'the power of play' by David Elkind Ph.D- he says he goes into a room of school-agers and non of the children know what imagination is! He also talks about how toys are becoming more like adult items and how it is effecting childhood.
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Old 02-23-2013, 07:33 PM
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After reading your post, I'm not sure why you asked others' opinions. It seems that your mind is made up. That's fine, your her mother and it's up to you. But don't ask for opinions and then get offended when they're not to your liking.
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Old 02-23-2013, 08:28 PM
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I would go with the Ipad. So much more for her to do, and she can skype with all those people for FREE
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Old 02-24-2013, 06:28 AM
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This post kind of makes me feel sick.

Seems wasteful to spend so much $$ on such a lil person!?

What kind of expectations will she have when she's 9 years old? 13 years old? 16 years old? Better start saving......
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  #34  
Old 02-24-2013, 08:40 AM
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This post is an older one.

As a matter of fact, I don't think the OP is even a regular here anymore.
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Old 02-24-2013, 12:38 PM
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Lol I didn't read the date on it
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Old 02-25-2013, 02:48 PM
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This post is an older one.

As a matter of fact, I don't think the OP is even a regular here anymore.
I was just about to go IN on this post... then I saw the date
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Old 02-25-2013, 06:52 PM
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I see it's an old post, but this old broad just has to chime in anyway.



I am honestly appalled. This child is learning from everyone around her that "love" means "get stuff"

I went to school with a neighbor girl who had an affluent family. She had everything you could think of. Us less well-off little girls were very jealous of her designer room and gorgeous clothes and all the latest toys etc.

Fast forward to her early 20's. She simply couldn't understand why her new husband... (they were struggling financially like most young folks) wasn't willing for her to live the way she had been brought up and buy everything she saw. She was divorced before she turned 23 and then flitted from sugar daddy to sugar daddy. She now lives alone. We e-mail on occasion and she is one unhappy woman.

Her parents did her no favors indulging her. They set her up to expect it all the time.
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