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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Taking Away The Blankie
midaycare 05:46 AM 09-19-2017
I have a new dcg, just turned 2. She is super focused on comforting items. This is her 3rd week. She carries the grossest blanket with her everywhere, along with her shoes, 2 fingers constantly in her mouth to suck, and when upset, one hand in the butt section of her diaper.

I've never taken away a "lovey" before, but she is way too attached. It's getting in the way of her enjoying her time here.

Dcg is...super stubborn I was warned and the warnings were spot on. I think she'll be great though. I just need help breaking a few habits.

1) The blanket and the shoes. I took them away 30 minutes ago and screaming has been occurring ever since. I just rinse and repeat that she can have it at naptime and largely ignore. Any other advice?

2) She often chooses to stand in front of the door for long periods of time, saying or crying for her Dad or Mom. If we are outdoors, she will stand by the gate. This doesn't surprise me. She's a teachers' kid and they pull her out each summer, and she's attended a different daycare each year, poor thing. I largely ignore and let her participate when she's ready. Any other advice?
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Cat Herder 06:01 AM 09-19-2017
1. A washcloth (or playsilk). Let her pick one each morning and toss it the laundry, herself, as she leaves. It will be easier to give up and allow a transition.

2. Time, distraction and patience; like everything else.

You got this.
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Blackcat31 06:12 AM 09-19-2017
I would insist mom remove her shoes before passing her off to you. I would not engage in that issue. If you have a rule of no shoes in the house, then DCM must adhere to this rule and support her child in learning this.

As for the blanket....I would never remove a comfort or security item from a child. No matter how old they are.
I would however set some boundaries.

Blanket in quiet spot ONLY.
YOU dictate where that spot it.
SHE decides how long she chooses to sit there with it
Blanket STAYS in quiet spot when she chooses to get up.


I would not allow her to stand at the gate and cry for her parents.

Also if the blanket is really gross I'd insist mom launder before returning or even consider a no back and forth rule for blankets (bed bugs, lice, scabies, germs etc..) and launder it yourself when needed.
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midaycare 06:20 AM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I would insist mom remove her shoes before passing her off to you. I would not engage in that issue. If you have a rule of no shoes in the house, then DCM must adhere to this rule and support her child in learning this.

As for the blanket....I would never remove a comfort or security item from a child. No matter how old they are.
I would however set some boundaries.

Blanket in quiet spot ONLY.
YOU dictate where that spot it.
SHE decides how long she chooses to sit there with it
Blanket STAYS in quiet spot when she chooses to get up.


I would not allow her to stand at the gate and cry for her parents.

Also if the blanket is really gross I'd insist mom launder before returning or even consider a no back and forth rule for blankets (bed bugs, lice, scabies, germs etc..) and launder it yourself when needed.
I feel if I were to try to enforce a blankie spot/comfort spot, I would be engaging in a struggle all day. She is super strong willed and would fight me on this.

The reason for taking away this comfort item is her intense focus on it. It seems unhealthy.
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Cat Herder 06:23 AM 09-19-2017
Do you have a policy on items from home? I do for this reason. Here, the blanket would stay in car and be the parents issue to solve.
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Blackcat31 06:26 AM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I feel if I were to try to enforce a blankie spot/comfort spot, I would be engaging in a struggle all day. She is super strong willed and would fight me on this.

The reason for taking away this comfort item is her intense focus on it. It seems unhealthy.
But setting boundaries IS healthy.
Especially for the string willed child.

I understand her fighting you on this but it's setting a limit for HER own good.

I'd dust my gloves off and focus on the fact that YOU are the adult and she is the child.....I am guessing that when it comes down to who will win; I'm putting my money on you!
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Max 09:01 AM 09-19-2017
I have this exact two-year-old. I take the blanket and stuffed lovie away when it causes issues with other children. For ex, DCG leaves it lying around, another child picks up, DCG snatches it away and/or cries that someone else has it.

When she cries and goes on and on at the door - I tried a few things to see what works best. Sometimes offering comfort and a hug works well, other times I have to be stern and tell her we're not going to go on and on with this fit. I'll ask if she wants to lay down for a bit so she can calm down. She gives me a death stare but that usually works to stop the crying and screaming.
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midaycare 10:29 AM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by Max:
I have this exact two-year-old. I take the blanket and stuffed lovie away when it causes issues with other children. For ex, DCG leaves it lying around, another child picks up, DCG snatches it away and/or cries that someone else has it.

When she cries and goes on and on at the door - I tried a few things to see what works best. Sometimes offering comfort and a hug works well, other times I have to be stern and tell her we're not going to go on and on with this fit. I'll ask if she wants to lay down for a bit so she can calm down. She gives me a death stare but that usually works to stop the crying and screaming.
I think we are living in parallel universes with the same kid. I do the exact same thing. I hug sometimes and sometimes I'm stern, depending on the situation.

When I first opened daycare, I also had a dcg like this, and it got a little better but never fully went away. I think the parents thought dcg would be happier elsewhere, but when they pulled her out after a year, she had such a bad reaction to the new place that she only lasted a little less than two weeks. They had to end up working from home, quitting their current jobs - and they did not have the money for this.

As an interesting sidenote...both girls have experienced a lot of change and have parents that are constantly changing things in their lives. Such as my current dcg, who gets a new daycare every year, and her parents are always moving and selling things. It's very chaotic. House is on the market. Dad wants to move to Florida. Boat is on the market. Time for a new boat. Nope, never mind. Time to build a house. Nope, let's buy a house. Take the house off the market. Sell the car. Buy a car. New job. I mean, nothing is ever just "settled".

The other dcg when I first started had a similar life. Parents moved every 6-12 months, changed jobs often, bought and sold things all the time. Nothing was ever permanent.

As another side note...we moved around when our ds was little. All that moving is not easy on a kid. When we made our big moves (cross country), I made sure to stay home until he was settled. One of the moves I didn't work at all. Another move I took a serious pay cut and became a church secretary making half of what I could so that I could be in the same building as his preschool. He still was affected negatively. You do what you have to as a parent, and yes, kids will adjust eventually. A lot of the stuff I mentioned above with my current and former dcg's is just unnecessary crap though.
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midaycare 10:30 AM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
But setting boundaries IS healthy.
Especially for the string willed child.

I understand her fighting you on this but it's setting a limit for HER own good.

I'd dust my gloves off and focus on the fact that YOU are the adult and she is the child.....I am guessing that when it comes down to who will win; I'm putting my money on you!
Don't bet more than you can lose. My ears can only take so much screeching
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hwichlaz 11:45 AM 09-19-2017
I'd take a bit of time getting it away from a new child. kids that have been here since the start are used to my "blankets are for naptime" policy.

I might start telling her she can have her blanket if she goes to lay down with it. When she refuses, then put it up out of reach. After she's calmed down and asks for it again, make the same offer. Rinse repeat.
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midaycare 12:05 PM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
I'd take a bit of time getting it away from a new child. kids that have been here since the start are used to my "blankets are for naptime" policy.

I might start telling her she can have her blanket if she goes to lay down with it. When she refuses, then put it up out of reach. After she's calmed down and asks for it again, make the same offer. Rinse repeat.
That's not a bad middle ground.
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Blackcat31 12:15 PM 09-19-2017
Do you tell parents that you take the blanket or security item away from the child?

I don't know...I understand where you are all coming from but the first thing I learned in regards to social-emotional development is that allowing a child to form and keep an attachment to something that provides security to them in unfamiliar places actually helps promote secure attachment to others in life and actually helps them become more independent.

Dr Sears says some of the most secure children he's ever seen are those who are not weaned from any object or person of attachment before their time.

I totally understand not wanting them to drag it all over the place but I don't understand with holding something from them that meets a foundational need.

What comfort is offered in place of the blanket?

What is being done/said to help the child understands why they cannot have their security blanket?

Does the child understand why they can't have their security item?

Obviously we all do what works for us but sometimes there are things we should try to understand verses just outright denying.

fwiw~ none of my comments are directed at anyone in particular so please don't take offense. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this and I guess this this is just one of those "sore spots" or "hot topic" issues for me. As a child that had a security blanket and a parent of a child that required a security blanket... I just don't understand
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hwichlaz 12:18 PM 09-19-2017
My reason for not allowing a comfort item is that I've never had it stay safe. The child eventually reaches a point where they are so protective of it that they start hitting other children that touch it.
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Cat Herder 12:27 PM 09-19-2017
I am not offended, so I'll bite.

Blankets, paci's and stuffies from home are a huge cause of infectious disease spread in daycare settings. The risks outweigh the benefit for me.

That said I do purchase each enrolling child a special fleece print blanket, a set of pj's, bedroom shoes and stuffed animal for their cubby (that they have free access to) and that are laundered daily. I also keep an assortment of fun pattered wash cloths and play silks (that are also laundered daily) for my Linus kids . Kids have their special stuff here as well as at home.

I never understood parents wanting a kid to have stuff from their home in a childcare setting all day to possibly infect their whole family at night, especially after a bath. The first thing I'd want to do was wash the daycare out of it every day.
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Snowmom 12:35 PM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I am not offended, so I'll bite.

Blankets, paci's and stuffies from home are a huge cause of infectious disease spread in daycare settings. The risks outweigh the benefit for me.

That said I do purchase each enrolling child a special fleece print blanket, a set of pj's, bedroom shoes and stuffed animal for their cubby (that they have free access to) and that are laundered daily. I also keep an assortment of fun pattered wash cloths and play silks (that are also laundered daily) for my Linus kids . Kids have their special stuff here as well as at home.

I never understood parents wanting a kid to have stuff from their home in a childcare setting all day to possibly infect their whole family at night, especially after a bath. The first thing I'd want to do was wash the daycare out of it every day.
^^ That's my thought process too.

Anything brought from home will stay here. In their designated space.
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midaycare 12:38 PM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Do you tell parents that you take the blanket or security item away from the child?

I don't know...I understand where you are all coming from but the first thing I learned in regards to social-emotional development is that allowing a child to form and keep an attachment to something that provides security to them in unfamiliar places actually helps promote secure attachment to others in life and actually helps them become more independent.

Dr Sears says some of the most secure children he's ever seen are those who are not weaned from any object or person of attachment before their time.

I totally understand not wanting them to drag it all over the place but I don't understand with holding something from them that meets a foundational need.

What comfort is offered in place of the blanket?

What is being done/said to help the child understands why they cannot have their security blanket?

Does the child understand why they can't have their security item?

Obviously we all do what works for us but sometimes there are things we should try to understand verses just outright denying.

fwiw~ none of my comments are directed at anyone in particular so please don't take offense. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this and I guess this this is just one of those "sore spots" or "hot topic" issues for me. As a child that had a security blanket and a parent of a child that required a security blanket... I just don't understand
I have always allowed security items, with the understanding it may get destroyed here.

Her parent's actually did not want her to bring a blankie and I suggested it because of her attachment to her coat and shoes, which were getting wrecked by being dragged around.

I've seen attachments and have had children dropped off with 2 pacis and a blanket. No problem. This though is unhealthy. It's not helping her, it's hindering her because all she can focus on is the blankie.

I would go as far to say it's not causing security but making her more upset as she's constantly standing by the door, shrouded in her blanket, crying for home. I had less issues pre-blanket.
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Blackcat31 01:02 PM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
I am not offended, so I'll bite.

Blankets, paci's and stuffies from home are a huge cause of infectious disease spread in daycare settings. The risks outweigh the benefit for me.

That said I do purchase each enrolling child a special fleece print blanket, a set of pj's, bedroom shoes and stuffed animal for their cubby (that they have free access to) and that are laundered daily. I also keep an assortment of fun pattered wash cloths and play silks (that are also laundered daily) for my Linus kids . Kids have their special stuff here as well as at home.

I never understood parents wanting a kid to have stuff from their home in a childcare setting all day to possibly infect their whole family at night, especially after a bath. The first thing I'd want to do was wash the daycare out of it every day.
I don't allow anything to be brought back and forth. Parents bring a blanket that stays here. period.
Paci's new in the package (2) are required if a child has one. Again, left here.

So no items from home.

But familiar items belonging to the child for security.

Originally Posted by midaycare:
I have always allowed security items, with the understanding it may get destroyed here.

Her parent's actually did not want her to bring a blankie and I suggested it because of her attachment to her coat and shoes, which were getting wrecked by being dragged around.

I've seen attachments and have had children dropped off with 2 pacis and a blanket. No problem. This though is unhealthy. It's not helping her, it's hindering her because all she can focus on is the blankie.

I would go as far to say it's not causing security but making her more upset as she's constantly standing by the door, shrouded in her blanket, crying for home. I had less issues pre-blanket.
How long has she been in care?

I really do understand (I have little to zero tolerance for crying/screaming kids) but like I said previously I think I'd work towards getting her to remain in one spot with her blanket if she wants it. If she wont stay in that spot, she can leave but her blanket stays. That way it's HER choice to use her security item or not.

As for the filth....like I said above I require one freshly laundered blanket to be brought to care and left. Can.Not. go home again.
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midaycare 01:12 PM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I don't allow anything to be brought back and forth. Parents bring a blanket that stays here. period.
Paci's new in the package (2) are required if a child has one. Again, left here.

So no items from home.

But familiar items belonging to the child for security.



How long has she been in care?

I really do understand (I have little to zero tolerance for crying/screaming kids) but like I said previously I think I'd work towards getting her to remain in one spot with her blanket if she wants it. If she wont stay in that spot, she can leave but her blanket stays. That way it's HER choice to use her security item or not.

As for the filth....like I said above I require one freshly laundered blanket to be brought to care and left. Can.Not. go home again.
This is week #3. First week was Labor Day week, so 4 days. So that makes today day #11.

I think she would stayin the spot all day long with blankie. She's a tough cookie and parents give in so they don't have to deal with her. Would you let her stay there all day?
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Blackcat31 02:03 PM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by midaycare:
This is week #3. First week was Labor Day week, so 4 days. So that makes today day #11.

I think she would stayin the spot all day long with blankie. She's a tough cookie and parents give in so they don't have to deal with her. Would you let her stay there all day?
Yep. Because I am not making her. She is choosing to.

Once kids feel secure or comfortable they do begin moving farther and farther away from their safe/secure space.

In all my years as a provider I've never have a kid sit in one spot for more than a few weeks.... My own child was THE most stubborn kid I've ever met. He would help me throw his own toys in the garbage before he'd willingly help pick them up so I completely understand strong willed. I really really do.

But yes, I would continually invite her to participate and would coax her out of the spot for lunch and snack (allowing her to retreat if she chooses to...just once though.. no going back and forth from security spot to lunch chair) but I would absolutely allow her to stay and sit there with her blanket as long as she wants to.

If she were 4 or 5 yrs old, I'd feel differently for sure but she's still pretty young and doesn't fully understand yet...she simply feels like a foreigner in a foreign country without anything that reminds her of home ie comfort.

She needs that secure base to feel comfortable and self confident enough to begin exploring the new world she has been thrust into.

I am so not trying to tell you what to do. We all need to do what we all need to do but from a parent of a stubborn child (that was highly attached to a security item until age 3) I am just sharing another perspective.

If the blanket filth and the constant crying for mom/dad continues or are more than you care to deal with, she just might not be the right fit for daycare. I know my kid was not. Hence, my current career.
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Josiegirl 02:53 PM 09-19-2017
I'm with BC on this one. My ds had a security blanket for a few years.
I did have to make the rule they could only use their blankets while they were sitting on the couch though because watching blankets get dragged all over the house, then left someplace for other to trip on, etc. got really old very quickly. I like the idea of them bringing 1 clean blanket and leaving it at dc.
My sweet dcg who just left last month for Kindergarten has always had a blanket. Heck, some days she brought 3. But mostly they stayed in her cubby til nap time.
I try to keep pacifiers in the cubby too until nap time because it felt like they were always being lost or dropped on the floor. Yuck. And one of my dogs thought they were an incredibly tasty chewy toy.

As for standing by the door crying for mom, she's only been there for 3 weeks. Some kids adjust faster than others but eventually she'll learn. Have her draw a picture for mom while she waits for her. My sweet K dcg's sister came this past summer and she had a rough few weeks in the beginning, finally about 5 weeks into the summer she was happily waving bye bye to mom, and playing with the kids. She was 18 mo.
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midaycare 04:42 PM 09-19-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Yep. Because I am not making her. She is choosing to.

Once kids feel secure or comfortable they do begin moving farther and farther away from their safe/secure space.

In all my years as a provider I've never have a kid sit in one spot for more than a few weeks.... My own child was THE most stubborn kid I've ever met. He would help me throw his own toys in the garbage before he'd willingly help pick them up so I completely understand strong willed. I really really do.

But yes, I would continually invite her to participate and would coax her out of the spot for lunch and snack (allowing her to retreat if she chooses to...just once though.. no going back and forth from security spot to lunch chair) but I would absolutely allow her to stay and sit there with her blanket as long as she wants to.

If she were 4 or 5 yrs old, I'd feel differently for sure but she's still pretty young and doesn't fully understand yet...she simply feels like a foreigner in a foreign country without anything that reminds her of home ie comfort.

She needs that secure base to feel comfortable and self confident enough to begin exploring the new world she has been thrust into.

I am so not trying to tell you what to do. We all need to do what we all need to do but from a parent of a stubborn child (that was highly attached to a security item until age 3) I am just sharing another perspective.

If the blanket filth and the constant crying for mom/dad continues or are more than you care to deal with, she just might not be the right fit for daycare. I know my kid was not. Hence, my current career.
I think she will adjust. The whining and crying doesn't bother me, just the blanket obsession because it's such a crutch. And again, I've had many kids who have had many security items, but this just seems odd to me.

The filth is just gross, yuck I'm not the most obsessed person re: cleaning to begin with so if it bothers me, you know it's dirty.

I just want her to have a smoother transition, but like I said with some info I posted above, I don't know that she will ever really fully adjust, much like one of my first dcgs I had. When their little lives are always so full of change, then they never quite get comfortable.
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Ariana 06:05 PM 09-19-2017
I have a child with huge anxiety issues. He comes into care with two "babies" and a blanket. The babies are just heads on a piece of fabric. They are gross and disgusting and even when I have laundered them they do not come completely clean. They are blue so I can't soak them in bleach. His sisters "baby" is light pink so I bleached it! Anyway they go on his bed and he can go and cuddle them any time he wants but they cannot leave his bed. After a few weeks he now throws them on his bed and thats it. He is not attached anymore because I slowly broke that attachment and he realized he is ok without it.

I agree with BC that security items are important but boundaries need to be set. Not having boundaries creates much more anxiety.
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daycarediva 09:26 AM 09-20-2017
I allow copies of lovies to remain here. I had one incredibly anxious child in care who just KNEW it was not the original. If the parents washed it daily, I allowed it.

They can have them as much as they want- in the cozy area.

I had a Linus kid, and I understand the attachment to comfort objects. He's 10 now, and his blankie is still in his bed. It's hidden in a dresser drawer for sleep overs, but I won't take it away from him.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...st-teddy-bears
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storybookending 10:44 AM 09-20-2017
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I allow copies of lovies to remain here. I had one incredibly anxious child in care who just KNEW it was not the original. If the parents washed it daily, I allowed it.

They can have them as much as they want- in the cozy area.

I had a Linus kid, and I understand the attachment to comfort objects. He's 10 now, and his blankie is still in his bed. It's hidden in a dresser drawer for sleep overs, but I won't take it away from him.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...st-teddy-bears
I have nothing to contribute to this thread that hasn't already been said. Just wanted to add that my sister also had a blanket she was attached to. It actually ended up in rags and she moved on to a quilt in its place somewhere around age 9 that now at age 24 is in rough shape. I don't believe she took it to college with her, although she might have but I know for sure she left the stuffed clown she was attached to at home. She's back home with my parents now working full time and attending grad school. Sometimes I'll go over there and that quilt, also now in two pieces, will be up in the living room with her.

My baby blanket is currently in my attic. It's always joked that mine is in perfect shape and then hers is in scraps. I never got attached to mine, some kids just do.
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