Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would Your Husband Go For It?
Play Care 09:21 AM 05-08-2013
The thread about the mom who trains and wanted FT day care got me thinking. I can't imagine my husband ever being okay with that. No matter how much money we made. A mother's helper in a day here and there? Sure. But if the whole reason I wasn't working was to be a SAHM, I guess the expectation would be that I would, well, stay home. Maybe it's because my area isn't that affluent, so we don't have the SAHM with a nanny situation as the norm. I don't know...Am I the only one?

(And I do think SAHM's "work" but I'm talking about the income generating kind of work)
Reply
daycarediva 09:42 AM 05-08-2013
NO WAY! My dh said he could see 1/2 day prek, or part time care for socialization and to give Mom a break or time to train, but not 50 hours a week.

I have to admit, I was quite envious of her situation, I would love to be a sahm but that isn't in the cards for us. (although I do enjoy my job, it's tiring and stressful and does mean less time devoted to my own kids, just like any other job.)
Reply
RosieMommy 10:06 AM 05-08-2013
I highly doubt my husband would be ok with that. The benefit of me being SAHM would be me being home. I do take two days a week to write but even then my daughter is only at daycare for half a day. He takes my writing seriously but up to a point.
Reply
coolconfidentme 10:19 AM 05-08-2013
I have running buddies who pay for PT DC because their husband will NOT watch the kids while they run. They aren't into fitness & resent the time it takes to prepare for an event.

I pay PT help so I can train too, my situation is totally different though. I'm a provider & my DC is open 1st, 2nd & 3rd shift Mon-Fri. (not in my home) I can't find consistent FT help for the off shifts, so I am here throughout the week until I do. I train 3 nights a week & weekends, it's my sanity.

I am in events every other weekend. Mostly half, full, trail & relay marathons. (I do the 5K fun runs too.) I am currently training for my first ultra marathon, gulp. Running on a treadmill while kids sleep isn't the same road/trail running.


ps... I have no hubster to complain.
Reply
RosieMommy 10:39 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
I have running buddies who pay for PT DC because their husband will NOT watch the kids while they run. They aren't into fitness & resent the time it takes to prepare for an event.

I pay PT help so I can train too, my situation is totally different though. I'm a provider & my DC is open 1st, 2nd & 3rd shift Mon-Fri. (not in my home) I can't find consistent FT help for the off shifts, so I am here throughout the week until I do. I train 3 nights a week & weekends, it's my sanity.

I am in events every other weekend. Mostly half, full, trail & relay marathons. (I do the 5K fun runs too.) I am currently training for my first ultra marathon, gulp. Running on a treadmill while kids sleep isn't the same road/trail running.


ps... I have no hubster to complain.
So the husbands are available, they just don't want to? I find family dynamics, even my own, so interesting. Lol at your PS.
Reply
canadiancare 10:42 AM 05-08-2013
I think if we didn't have to worry about money and I was a hot trophy wife he'd be fine with it. If he hated his job and begrudged me the freedom to do my own thing then it would be a different story. Unfortunately I don't expect to ever be in the situation where I can test this.
Reply
RosieMommy 10:42 AM 05-08-2013
Here's another question I have and I'm wondering if it impacts the answer to the thread: if you're a mother and don't work outside of the home does that automatically mean you're a SAHM? In other words, you're not working but the reason you aren't isn't to stay home with your children.
Reply
Play Care 10:46 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
I think if we didn't have to worry about money and I was a hot trophy wife he'd be fine with it. If he hated his job and begrudged me the freedom to do my own thing then it would be a different story. Unfortunately I don't expect to ever be in the situation where I can test this.
I've got the hot trophy wife part down!
Reply
Play Care 10:52 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme:
I have running buddies who pay for PT DC because their husband will NOT watch the kids while they run. They aren't into fitness & resent the time it takes to prepare for an event.

I pay PT help so I can train too, my situation is totally different though. I'm a provider & my DC is open 1st, 2nd & 3rd shift Mon-Fri. (not in my home) I can't find consistent FT help for the off shifts, so I am here throughout the week until I do. I train 3 nights a week & weekends, it's my sanity.

I am in events every other weekend. Mostly half, full, trail & relay marathons. (I do the 5K fun runs too.) I am currently training for my first ultra marathon, gulp. Running on a treadmill while kids sleep isn't the same road/trail running.


ps... I have no hubster to complain.
That is awesome! See, my husband would have no issue "watching" his own kids while I pursued other things *with* reason. When I was taking classes in the evenings, he was my biggest cheerleader. When I was trying to do the couch to 5K challenge, he encouraged me and made sure I had time in the evenings to run (I found I only feel like running if I'm being chased )
Reply
daycare 10:54 AM 05-08-2013
yes he would. IN fact I plan to do exactly what this mom is doing when my youngest hits high school..
Reply
Laurel 11:00 AM 05-08-2013
I'm not sure. I'll ask him as he'll be coming home soon.

Laurel
Reply
Lyss 11:06 AM 05-08-2013
No way my dh would be ok with dd being in daycare 10hours, 5 days a week when I'm not working. Occasionally sure, even a few hours a week would be fine but not full time. If it was him not working same rules apply. We've made a commitment to put our children 1st, yes we need breaks and things/time to ourselves but our family comes 1st.

NOT saying anyone who would or does do this is wrong, its just not something our family would do
Reply
DaisyMamma 11:08 AM 05-08-2013
I don't think it would be a problem if money was no issue.

It sounds like the woman in the other thread has been doing this a long time, even before the baby.
I don't think she had the baby and then said - Oh, I'm going to quit my job and be a SAHM and then - Oh by the way, I'm not going to take care of little Johnny after all, I'm going to send him to daycare.
Reply
Blackcat31 11:09 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by RosieMommy:
Here's another question I have and I'm wondering if it impacts the answer to the thread: if you're a mother and don't work outside of the home does that automatically mean you're a SAHM? In other words, you're not working but the reason you aren't isn't to stay home with your children.
I'm confused by your question....

If I have children and don't work outside the home, I would be a stay at home mom.

I guess I am not understanding very clearly....

Sorry.....I am sure it is pretty simple but those kinds of questions are the ones that throw me
Reply
daycarediva 11:11 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
I don't think it would be a problem if money was no issue.

It sounds like the woman in the other thread has been doing this a long time, even before the baby.
I don't think she had the baby and then said - Oh, I'm going to quit my job and be a SAHM and then - Oh by the way, I'm not going to take care of little Johnny after all, I'm going to send him to daycare.
Op of the other thread. She started ft training when her son was 6 months old. Prior to that she worked FT (with her Dh, they met at work).
Reply
canadiancare 11:11 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'm confused by your question....

If I have children and don't work outside the home, I would be a stay at home mom.

I guess I am not understanding very clearly....

Sorry.....I am sure it is pretty simple but those kinds of questions are the ones that throw me
I think the question is do you consider non-working mothers who put their child in daycare full-time stay at home mothers?
Reply
Blackcat31 11:21 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
I think the question is do you consider non-working mothers who put their child in daycare full-time stay at home mothers?
Just checkin'

Yes. I would still consider them SAHM's.
Reply
RosieMommy 11:23 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
I think the question is do you consider non-working mothers who put their child in daycare full-time stay at home mothers?
Thank you! That's what I was asking lol
Reply
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:26 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
I think the question is do you consider non-working mothers who put their child in daycare full-time stay at home mothers?
I don't.
I actually had this discussion last night with someone. I have 6 children here that have moms who stay home and don't go to work.

Three of the children are here 45 hours per week while their Moms take care of their other sibling(s) at home. I'd consider them stay-at-home-moms, although odd ones.

I would, personally, feel WEIRD to be a "stay-at-home-mom" who doesn't stay at home to be a Mom. That's just me, though. I think I'd call that more of a housewife than a SAHM.
Reply
RosieMommy 11:29 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by canadiancare:
I think the question is do you consider non-working mothers who put their child in daycare full-time stay at home mothers?

Wait. That was very close to what I was asking. I think what I'm asking more generally is what makes a mother a stay at home mom? I'm not even going as far as stay at home moms who use daycare fulltime or use daycare at all. Is it merely the fact that she doesn't work outside of the home?

I'm just wondering if women have any other alternatives besides working outside of the home mom and stay at home mom because I'm not sure all non-working moms are necessarily stay at home moms. I guess I tend to think stay at home mom is more specific than just a mother who doesn't work.

Sidenote: When I say mother who doesn't work, I mean outside of the home.
Reply
RosieMommy 11:31 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I don't.
I actually had this discussion last night with someone. I have 6 children here that have moms who stay home and don't go to work.

Three of the children are here 45 hours per week while their Moms take care of their other sibling(s) at home. I'd consider them stay-at-home-moms, although odd ones.

I would, personally, feel WEIRD to be a "stay-at-home-mom" who doesn't stay at home to be a Mom. That's just me, though. I think I'd call that more of a housewife than a SAHM.
Me too. I'd feel strange calling myself a stay at home mom if I'm not staying at home to be with my kids as opposed to staying home or rather not working to do other things. I'm not making any value judgements on the latter option at this point but it would be odd for me.
Reply
RosieMommy 11:33 AM 05-08-2013
I asked the question about non working mothers who might or might be stay at home moms because I wonder, if my reason for staying at home wasn't to be with the kids, if my husband would be more open to me training or writing full time (as in my case) if it were an option financially since a lot of us said hubbys wouldn't be cool with the question of the original thread.
Reply
DaisyMamma 11:38 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Just checkin'

Yes. I would still consider them SAHM's.
No way, that's just a housewife.

Originally Posted by RosieMommy:
Sidenote: When I say mother who doesn't work, I mean outside of the home.
I work inside the home by taking care of all these daycare children. My children are here with me and I do not consider myself a SAHM by any means, in fact, I consider my children to be in daycare.

Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I don't.
I actually had this discussion last night with someone. I have 6 children here that have moms who stay home and don't go to work.

Three of the children are here 45 hours per week while their Moms take care of their other sibling(s) at home. I'd consider them stay-at-home-moms, although odd ones.

I would, personally, feel WEIRD to be a "stay-at-home-mom" who doesn't stay at home to be a Mom. That's just me, though. I think I'd call that more of a housewife than a SAHM.
Why do they drop off some of the kids and not the others?? That is odd.
Reply
canadiancare 11:43 AM 05-08-2013
I have had mums continue to send one child to me full-time while home on mat leave with an infant in an effort to give that baby special attention the way the first child had be given it while also giving the preschooler a more enriching experience of being in daycare rather than having them need to keep quiet while the baby naps, be still while the baggy nurses etc.
Reply
Blackcat31 11:47 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:

I would, personally, feel WEIRD to be a "stay-at-home-mom" who doesn't stay at home to be a Mom. That's just me, though. I think I'd call that more of a housewife than a SAHM.
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
No way, that's just a housewife.
See the terminology is confusing because I am offended that you guys (ladies) feel that just because they don't actually have their children home with them, they should be called housewives and not mom's.

My children don't live with me anymore but I still a mom.
Reply
littlemissmuffet 11:50 AM 05-08-2013
On one hand, I want to say that my husband would (and does) allow whatever makes me happy... happy wife, happy life, right?

But on the other hand, we are EXTREMELY family oriented. The whole reason I started daycare was that so one day when we did decide to have a child, I would already have an established home-business to contribute financially while still being our child's primary caregiver.

Once we actually got pregnant, years later, we decided dad would stay home her first year of life and we would share the responsibilities of the daycare and our daughter.

To us, it is important that we are the primary influences and caregivers that raise her into a productive member of society...
so with that said, I would NEVER give up the oppurtunity to be a SAHM (or WAHM as it were) and therefor the situation would never come up for my hubby to go for it or not.



As for "stay at home moms" who don't actually keep their children home (ie put them in DC full-time) - are NOT SAHMs in my book. They are stay at home women.
Reply
NeedaVaca 11:50 AM 05-08-2013
The phrase A Happy Wife is a Happy Life comes to mind

That being said, it wouldn't be something I would choose to do. My kids are growing up sooooo fast, it amazes me sometimes and I don't want to miss it. I do little things for myself to keep me sane and when they get older I will have more time to do other things but for now there is no way I would want them in daycare for 50 hours per week unless it was completely necessary.
Reply
LaLa1923 11:52 AM 05-08-2013
My DH would go for it if I was paid well for it. I would personally not do it if it were 40-50 hrs a week if I was a SAHM. That would defeate the purpose.

My DH is already saying I need to find something to do outside of the house....


I wonder where I'd find the time for that??!!
Reply
EntropyControlSpecialist 11:57 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
See the terminology is confusing because I am offended that you guys (ladies) feel that just because they don't actually have their children home with them, they should be called housewives and not mom's.

My children don't live with me anymore but I still a mom.
They're still Moms just not stay-at-home-Moms. I wouldn't consider you a SAHM either.

I don't consider myself to be a SAHM even though I work from home. But, even if I didn't work outside/inside of the home I still wouldn't consider myself to be a SAHM. My son goes to school outside of my home. TECHNICALLY, I do stay at home and in the summer my son is here all of the time so I suppose I COULD be considered a stay-at-home-mom??? Or TECHNICALLY, I do stay at home and will have my youngest child with me from birth-college (homeschooling) so I suppose that COULD be considered a stay-at-home-mom?? But, I still don't consider myself to be a SAHM. I consider myself to be a work-at-home-mom. Crystal clear...!
Reply
LaLa1923 11:57 AM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
See the terminology is confusing because I am offended that you guys (ladies) feel that just because they don't actually have their children home with them, they should be called housewives and not mom's.

My children don't live with me anymore but I still a mom.

I think this thread is geared toward moms who still have small kids at home. Don't feel offended.
Reply
DaisyMamma 12:33 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
See the terminology is confusing because I am offended that you guys (ladies) feel that just because they don't actually have their children home with them, they should be called housewives and not mom's.

My children don't live with me anymore but I still a mom.
I don't think its anything to get offended about. Like the OP said, you're still a mom .

But IMO a SAHM is a mom who is staying home in order to raise her children herself, rather than having them in daycare.

If you happen to be a mom and are at home, but not to care for children, and not working from home (by working I mean earning an income) then IMO you don't qualify as a SAHM, instead I would consider you a housewife - and that's assuming you are married.
If you aren't married, have no kids and just stay home, well, I would just consider that lucky. ... (and you must be independently wealthy.)
JK! I love my family!

Like I said, that's just my opinion.
Reply
Play Care 12:53 PM 05-08-2013
To be clear I was only referring to parents of young children as it was related to paying for FT daycare in order to pursue a hobby. If your kids are in school/out of the house you are not shelling out for ft dc. (At least you hope not! )
Reply
Blackcat31 01:02 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by DaisyMamma:
I don't think its anything to get offended about. Like the OP said, you're still a mom .

But IMO a SAHM is a mom who is staying home in order to raise her children herself, rather than having them in daycare.

If you happen to be a mom and are at home, but not to care for children, and not working from home (by working I mean earning an income) then IMO you don't qualify as a SAHM, instead I would consider you a housewife - and that's assuming you are married.
If you aren't married, have no kids and just stay home, well, I would just consider that lucky. ... (and you must be independently wealthy.)
JK! I love my family!

Like I said, that's just my opinion.
I'm not really offended. I have a pretty thick skin and it takes a lot to offend me but my point was whether you stay at home (physically) or not, if you have a child, you are a mom.

Doesn't matter if you work at home, outside the home or not at all.

Doesn't matter if you spend all day, part of the day, or none of the day with your child.

If you have a child, you ARE a mom.

There are obviously different levels of parenting and different ways to do it but what we (as provider's) value about our children or being a mother is not the set of values/rules ALL mother's have to abide by.

Everyone parents in a different way.

We do what works for us and I would think that ALL parents have that same right.

fwiw~ my response is NOT directed towards only you.
Reply
julie 01:04 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
See the terminology is confusing because I am offended that you guys (ladies) feel that just because they don't actually have their children home with them, they should be called housewives and not mom's.

My children don't live with me anymore but I still a mom.
I think the difference is that you used the verb. You "mothered" them as they were growing up, therefore you deserve the term even if they don't live at home. If you have kids, and you have the opportunity to "mother" while staying at home with them, and you decide instead to send them full time to daycare while you go and do whatever it is that you do instead of working and mothering, that sort of disqualifies you from the "stay-at-home mom" category, in my personal opinion.

My daycare parents all HAVE to work in some capacity. Some of them I can see it tears them up to leave their kids at daycare. They don't want to miss anything. That's kind of the way I think it should be. Naturally, you should want to care for your kid and be there for them. We provide a very necessary service, but in all honesty, their own parents would provide them care in a perfect world. I consider those parents "mothers". Many call to check up on them during the day. They ask questions, they are involved. Their kid is with me when he has to be, but THEY are the mommy. I think that's how it should be.

And yeah, it might sound judgey, but I don't care. I don't think I could care for someone's kid who had a mindset like that it would be okay for to go running all day while I watched their two year old for TEN flippin hours a day, even though they had the money to stay home and be with him. Why even have kids if you have the means to care for them yourself and you decide you have better things to do? I mean, WHAT?! And no, daycare, I totally don't think you are doing the exact same thing. If your kid is in highschool, he will be pretty much able to fend for himself and your training would not impact him the way a toddler who could have his mom at home with him choosing 50 hours of daycare a week for him instead. I just don't get that mindset. I wouldn't take them as clients though so it wouldn't be my problem. Feel for the kid though.

And no, my husband would not be cool with it. And I love him for it!!
Reply
RosieMommy 01:59 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by julie:
I think the difference is that you used the verb. You "mothered" them as they were growing up, therefore you deserve the term even if they don't live at home. If you have kids, and you have the opportunity to "mother" while staying at home with them, and you decide instead to send them full time to daycare while you go and do whatever it is that you do instead of working and mothering, that sort of disqualifies you from the "stay-at-home mom" category, in my personal opinion.

My daycare parents all HAVE to work in some capacity. Some of them I can see it tears them up to leave their kids at daycare. They don't want to miss anything. That's kind of the way I think it should be. Naturally, you should want to care for your kid and be there for them. We provide a very necessary service, but in all honesty, their own parents would provide them care in a perfect world. I consider those parents "mothers". Many call to check up on them during the day. They ask questions, they are involved. Their kid is with me when he has to be, but THEY are the mommy. I think that's how it should be.

And yeah, it might sound judgey, but I don't care. I don't think I could care for someone's kid who had a mindset like that it would be okay for to go running all day while I watched their two year old for TEN flippin hours a day, even though they had the money to stay home and be with him. Why even have kids if you have the means to care for them yourself and you decide you have better things to do? I mean, WHAT?! And no, daycare, I totally don't think you are doing the exact same thing. If your kid is in highschool, he will be pretty much able to fend for himself and your training would not impact him the way a toddler who could have his mom at home with him choosing 50 hours of daycare a week for him instead. I just don't get that mindset. I wouldn't take them as clients though so it wouldn't be my problem. Feel for the kid though.

And no, my husband would not be cool with it. And I love him for it!!
I think it's hard to talk about someone else's parenting styles or family choices when they differ from our own and NOT sound judgegy. We can ALL sound that way. I try to respect varying family style choices because I don't think there's any particular script women have or should have to follow if they are mothers. But that can get dicey when other parents do stuff that makes you shake your head. I wish women were more supportive of each other and less critical generally. It's hard enough being a mother without all of the extra judgment from our peers. At least for me.
Reply
RosieMommy 02:23 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I'm not really offended. I have a pretty thick skin and it takes a lot to offend me but my point was whether you stay at home (physically) or not, if you have a child, you are a mom.

Doesn't matter if you work at home, outside the home or not at all.

Doesn't matter if you spend all day, part of the day, or none of the day with your child.

If you have a child, you ARE a mom.

There are obviously different levels of parenting and different ways to do it but what we (as provider's) value about our children or being a mother is not the set of values/rules ALL mother's have to abide by.

Everyone parents in a different way.

We do what works for us and I would think that ALL parents have that same right.

fwiw~ my response is NOT directed towards only you.
I would definitely like to see more narratives about motherhood than the big cultural ones we have of working mom or stay at home mom. I'm really impressed that the woman's husband is so supportive of her endeavors because culturally we tend not to give women permission to forgo staying at home with her children unless she's working and even then, because she HAS to. That narrative doesnt fit a lot of women I know who are also mothers.
Reply
Willow 02:46 PM 05-08-2013
Would he be ok with it?

No. We both have higher expectations out of each other as parents than that.


Even if he was ok with it there is no way I could ever justify to my God or my heart spending the life I've been blessed with in such a selfish way.

I cannot even fathom being that obsessed with self fulfillment, especially when it came at the expense of my children.


The whole thing just blows my mind.....imho any man who would be alright with his wife putting her own needs before those of their children *to that extent* is nearly if not just as deluded.
Reply
daycare 02:53 PM 05-08-2013
As I said before, after my son starts high school, I will more than likely be done with DC and have dreams to open a sports gym.

I will do every Ironman, marathon, triathlon, race or anything in that realm. I will train while my child is in school and I will not work.

I have worked my tail end off, putting mu husband through medical school the last 12 years, most of the time on only one income. It has not been easy.

My husband would never in a million years every tell me that I could not do something. He is very supportive of everything that I want to do. I also would never want to pull the rug out from under my kids feet either, so I would never imagine doing this now.

I guess you could look at it like this, if she was working, she would be gone away from their child anyways..............Maybe this is how they justify it, making it ok for them??? Who knows.
Reply
Blackcat31 03:03 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by RosieMommy:
I would definitely like to see more narratives about motherhood than the big cultural ones we have of working mom or stay at home mom. I'm really impressed that the woman's husband is so supportive of her endeavors because culturally we tend not to give women permission to forgo staying at home with her children unless she's working and even then, because she HAS to. That narrative doesnt fit a lot of women I know who are also mothers.
It would definitely be an interesting thing to look into.....

I just had the conversation with a potential client about my DH coming into the daycare each day and helping out.....the mom didn't understand that concept at all.... she kept saying "But WHY does he come here? Doesn't he work?"

I kept trying to explain that he does work but he comes to daycare to help me out and to assist me with lunch duties.

She basically asked me if there was something wrong with him...

The roles that American parents, or even the Americanized version of what parental roles "should" be always amazes me.

I think parenting in other cultures is valued much more than it is in America.

The values that American's hold are ALOT different too..... ONLY In America do we measure ourselves by what others think or what we THINK others think of us and by the amount of material possessions we have.
Reply
RosieMommy 03:07 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
As I said before, after my son starts high school, I will more than likely be done with DC and have dreams to open a sports gym.

I will do every Ironman, marathon, triathlon, race or anything in that realm. I will train while my child is in school and I will not work.

I have worked my tail end off, putting mu husband through medical school the last 12 years, most of the time on only one income. It has not been easy.

My husband would never in a million years every tell me that I could not do something. He is very supportive of everything that I want to do. I also would never want to pull the rug out from under my kids feet either, so I would never imagine doing this now.

I guess you could look at it like this, if she was working, she would be gone away from their child anyways..............Maybe this is how they justify it, making it ok for them??? Who knows.
I only wanted to quote your last sentence but couldn't. Boo.

It may not be that complex for her; it just sounds like she has different value system. How old is the kid again?
Reply
daycare 03:11 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It would definitely be an interesting thing to look into.....

I just had the conversation with a potential client about my DH coming into the daycare each day and helping out.....the mom didn't understand that concept at all.... she kept saying "But WHY does he come here? Doesn't he work?"

I kept trying to explain that he does work but he comes to daycare to help me out and to assist me with lunch duties.

She basically asked me if there was something wrong with him...

The roles that American parents, or even the Americanized version of what parental roles "should" be always amazes me.

I think parenting in other cultures is valued much more than it is in America.

The values that American's hold are ALOT different too..... ONLY In America do we measure ourselves by what others think or what we THINK others think of us and by the amount of material possessions we have.
very true BC....my father would have NEVER EVER helped my mother with a child care if she had one. Heck I don't think I ever recall my father step foot into the kitchen, unless he was passing through to the back door.
Reply
RosieMommy 03:15 PM 05-08-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
It would definitely be an interesting thing to look into.....

I just had the conversation with a potential client about my DH coming into the daycare each day and helping out.....the mom didn't understand that concept at all.... she kept saying "But WHY does he come here? Doesn't he work?"

I kept trying to explain that he does work but he comes to daycare to help me out and to assist me with lunch duties.

She basically asked me if there was something wrong with him...

The roles that American parents, or even the Americanized version of what parental roles "should" be always amazes me.

I think parenting in other cultures is valued much more than it is in America.

The values that American's hold are ALOT different too..... ONLY In America do we measure ourselves by what others think or what we THINK others think of us and by the amount of material possessions we have.
Speaking of other cultures, a lot of clients I work with come from different cultural backgrounds where parenting is an entirely different endeavor-- there's no such thing as parents feeling overwhelmed or needing breaks because the whole family lives together and raising a child is more a family communal event.
I feel very isolated sometimes because we (me and my husband) just don't have that kind of support not even from our church family. I have a good girlfriend who is also a mom and we try to be there for each other even though we differ in our parenting philosophies. I guess that's as good as its going to get.

I still don't know what my husband would think of that. I'm on the fence myself in terms of whether I would do that. Probably not but not for any of the reasons stated on here.
Reply
Reply Up