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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Should I Term This Family?
ILMommy 08:17 AM 08-02-2012
I have a dcg, age 2 & 1/2. Not a bad kid, but one of those that the other kids think is annoying, she cries a lot for attention, a little sneaky and dishonest. I've been intending to term her for awhile when I had a replacement for minor reasons. I agreed to a rotating schedule, and she arrives at 5 am. She was my first dck, so I agreed to anything! But its been 9 months, and I'm not crazy about continuing that anymore. There have a been few times Mom dropped her off at 5, only to tell me she was going back home to sleep because she didn't good. So they have definitely taken advantage of my accommodating their early hours.

I had given this family a discounted rate until July of $20/day, trying to get my daycare going. In July, they knew they would pay my regular daily rate of $25. At the end of July, I rewrote my handbook and re-did my contracts. I decided my part-time rate would be $28/day, and I was going to require pre-pay (after reading all the excellent advice here!). For this family, my contract stated I would give until the beginning of October, so 2 months, until their part-time rate and pre-pay would take effect, knowing they don't have a lot of money. I've had some issues getting payment from them, sometimes a few days late, and I've been super nice about working with them.

Mom tells me Dad wants a meeting about new contract, so we meet that evening. I expected and was prepared for complaints about money, but dad starts in by going through the list of licensing requirements he got offline and trying to find ways I'm violating them. "Shouldn't your smoke detectors be hard-wired into the electrical system?" No, my home is older with no significant remodeling to structure or wiring, I'm 100% compliant. Then, what about lead paint? Why do I need a copy of birth certificate? Of course, he's perfectly right to question the safety, but this family has NEVER asked anything about these concerns before. Did not ask about our activities, or how dcg was doing at daycare. Then brought up the rate and pre-pay.

Clearly, dad isn't concerned about the issues he raised. He was looking for a way to bully me into not increasing their rate. He thought he could find something I was doing wrong and use it as a way to show my daycare isn't worth it. I listened, answered all his questions politely, the meeting ended friendly enough. Then I really thought about it, and I got mad.

My instinct is to term effective immediately. Although I know its all about the money, he stated he didn't trust anyone "no offense against you, I don't trust anyone" as why he didn't want to provide copy of birth certificate, and why I couldn't be sure my home wasn't full of lead paint and mold (people could lie to you). Dcg is scheduled to come tomorrow. Last night I wanted to notify family I was done, and not charge them for Monday and Tuesday of this week. My husband thinks I should give 2 weeks notice, even though because I haven't required pre-pay yet, I doubt I get paid. Plus, I don't really want this family having access to my home anymore. I don't want to be a jerk and put someone in a terrible spot, and I'd never term someone because they wanted to question something like that, but I know the reason behind it, and I won't be pushed and bullied into thinking my home and my daycare aren't what they should be.

I still have a lot to learn about running a daycare, and I appreciate any advice for your experiences. What would you do?
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sharlan 08:34 AM 08-02-2012
First of all, I would never provide anyone with a copy of a birth certificate.

Second, I agree with you that it's time for this family to move on. I would give them a two week notice and be prepared for licensing to show up at your door.
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Country Kids 08:39 AM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by sharlan:
First of all, I would never provide anyone with a copy of a birth certificate.

Second, I agree with you that it's time for this family to move on. I would give them a two week notice and be prepared for licensing to show up at your door.
I think the dad was asking why he needed to provide the childs birth certificate.
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cheerfuldom 08:42 AM 08-02-2012
I think you are doing the right thing in terminating. I would offer to do two weeks only if they could pre-pay and if they should up ready to play nice, otherwise, immediate termination.

"Kristy, I have had some time to consider our meeting and I really feel that, judging from the questions presented, that I know longer have your trust in caring for your child. Its not fair for any of us to continue to work together now that there appear to be doubts about my capabilities and judgement. With that in mind, I have decided that it is best your family move on to a provider where you feel comfortable with their home and with the care provided......"
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sharlan 08:43 AM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by Country Kids:
I think the dad was asking why he needed to provide the childs birth certificate.
I understand that. I would never give a daycare a copy of my child's bc. That is documentation that we don't need.
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JenNJ 09:26 AM 08-02-2012
"Dear Mom & Dad,

I have reflected on our meeting and come to the conclusion that I can no longer continue care for Girl. You brought up that you don't trust anyone with her and in my daycare, trust is paramount.

Care is terminated effective immediately. I will have Girl's belongings available at *** time for pickup.

I wish you and Girl all the best.

- Provider"
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Jenniferdawn 09:51 AM 08-02-2012
Honestly the 5 am drop off would be enough for me to term them, but you shared plenty of other reasons. I think the examples others gave you for wording is wonderful. I know it's not pertinent, but about the birth certificate...do you have to for licensing request a birth certificate?? I understand why he wouldn't want to give you that unless you are required by law to have it on file.
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Lucy 09:59 AM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by ILMommy:
There have a been few times Mom dropped her off at 5, only to tell me she was going back home to sleep because she didn't good. So they have definitely taken advantage of my accommodating their early hours.
The 2nd time this happened, (I say 2nd because I think I would have been speechless the 1st time!) I would have said, "The thing about that is, I don't open at 5:00; I'm just doing it as a favor to you because of your unconventional hours. My Daycare is really supposed to be for WORKING hours."

Yes, I realize that she would still bring her, but just not SAY that she was going back to bed. But at least I would try to put some guilt into her.
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countrymom 10:09 AM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by Lucy:
The 2nd time this happened, (I say 2nd because I think I would have been speechless the 1st time!) I would have said, "The thing about that is, I don't open at 5:00; I'm just doing it as a favor to you because of your unconventional hours. My Daycare is really supposed to be for WORKING hours."

Yes, I realize that she would still bring her, but just not SAY that she was going back to bed. But at least I would try to put some guilt into her.
I have to agree. The early morning drop off would be it for me. Funny how suddenly the minute the parents have to pay more they have "issues" with the place there child has been going to for months.
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Lucy 10:15 AM 08-02-2012
I wouldn't do immediate termination, and I wouldn't make it sound confrontational. For example, I wouldn't say things like "it's obvious that you don't trust me"... things like that. To me, it sounds like something that would tick off this Dad. I think I would type up a letter to all Daycare parents (even if you ONLY give it to THIS family, but at least make it look like it's to everybody) and just say something like

"Now that I have had time to establish my Daycare and decide how I want to run it, I have come to the decision that effective (2 weeks from now) my hours will be (7-5 or whatever -- something that is NOT 5 am.) In addition, your introductory rate will expire on (date) and your new rate of (amount) will begin on (date). This amount is due on (day of week) in advance of care."

Then go on to describe your policy on late payments and things like that.

My thought is that the later opening time will not work for them, and they will walk. Hopefully!

Bottom line though, I really don't think it's wise to come off confrontational and point up that they don't trust you. I really think that opens the door for a disagreement, and that's never a good thing. You don't have to SAY that they don't trust you, just be professional and stand your ground without using "you" words and accusations. If that makes sense! Basically, keep all emotion out of it.

Just my little ol' opinion.....
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cheerfuldom 10:53 AM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by Lucy:
I wouldn't do immediate termination, and I wouldn't make it sound confrontational. For example, I wouldn't say things like "it's obvious that you don't trust me"... things like that. To me, it sounds like something that would tick off this Dad. I think I would type up a letter to all Daycare parents (even if you ONLY give it to THIS family, but at least make it look like it's to everybody) and just say something like

"Now that I have had time to establish my Daycare and decide how I want to run it, I have come to the decision that effective (2 weeks from now) my hours will be (7-5 or whatever -- something that is NOT 5 am.) In addition, your introductory rate will expire on (date) and your new rate of (amount) will begin on (date). This amount is due on (day of week) in advance of care."

Then go on to describe your policy on late payments and things like that.

My thought is that the later opening time will not work for them, and they will walk. Hopefully!

Bottom line though, I really don't think it's wise to come off confrontational and point up that they don't trust you. I really think that opens the door for a disagreement, and that's never a good thing. You don't have to SAY that they don't trust you, just be professional and stand your ground without using "you" words and accusations. If that makes sense! Basically, keep all emotion out of it.

Just my little ol' opinion.....
I disagree. I prefer straight forward communication with just the parents in the discussion, not broad letters and notices to every family, when the others have nothing to do with the situation. I would not leave myself open to the parents staying because the issue isnt just the hours or rate....it is also the treatment at this meeting. I dont go for passive aggressive actions or "I dont want to seem confrontational" actions. You can stand up for yourself and your daycare and if the other parents view that as confrontational, then so be it. I just think professionalism should always be strive for. I dont understand the thought that professionally and respectfully sticking to your policies somehow makes a person not nice, or confrontational.
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Vesta 10:56 AM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I understand that. I would never give a daycare a copy of my child's bc. That is documentation that we don't need.
In Illinois you are required to have a copy of the child's birth certificate in order to be enrolled. DCFS started that requirement about 2 years ago I think.
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sharlan 10:57 AM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by Vesta:
In Illinois you are required to have a copy of the child's birth certificate in order to be enrolled. DCFS started that requirement about 2 years ago I think.
Different states, different regs. We don't require it.
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ILMommy 11:05 AM 08-02-2012
Yes, birth certificate is required by the state. I definetly wouldn't have minded the question, but he made a point of telling me he printed off all the licensing requirements, therefore he KNEW that. I felt the whole conversation was strange and that he kept jumping abruptly from one topic to another, and then back, sometimes asking the same things.
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Hunni Bee 11:32 AM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by sharlan:
I understand that. I would never give a daycare a copy of my child's bc. That is documentation that we don't need.
We're required to here. I dont really see why either, but if we are caught without it after the child has been in enrolled longer than two weeks, we'd get written up.

Edit - sorry I didn't read all the replies
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Truly Scrumptious 11:37 AM 08-02-2012
I'm not providing care for any family who tells me they don't trust me. I would give an immediate termination. I wouldn't want the responsiblity of caring for the child for the next 2 weeks and possibly being blamed for something happening.
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Lucy 12:38 PM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I disagree. I prefer straight forward communication with just the parents in the discussion, not broad letters and notices to every family, when the others have nothing to do with the situation. I would not leave myself open to the parents staying because the issue isnt just the hours or rate....it is also the treatment at this meeting. I dont go for passive aggressive actions or "I dont want to seem confrontational" actions. You can stand up for yourself and your daycare and if the other parents view that as confrontational, then so be it. I just think professionalism should always be strive for. I dont understand the thought that professionally and respectfully sticking to your policies somehow makes a person not nice, or confrontational.
I hear what you're saying, and it is totally valid. We all have different styles. I just try to protect myself from retaliation from an unreasonable parent. I believe in taking the un-confrontational route all the way. It's why I've never had a silly complaint from a disgruntled parent in 18 years. As I said, we all have different styles, and that's great. Just givin' my two cents.
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Blackcat31 12:49 PM 08-02-2012
I would absolutely term. Effective IMMEDIATELY. There is no trust and without trust, no care can ever be good enough and I won't work under those conditions.

I would be honest and tell the parents that they are not a good fit for my program and I would offer them the number to the local CCR&R agency.

I wouldn't even feel one bit bad about not giving two weeks notice either. I know it is the nice/professional thing to do, but in this situation, it is only giving them more time to find things you are doing wrong or against regulations. Thanks but no thanks.
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cheerfuldom 12:53 PM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by Lucy:
I hear what you're saying, and it is totally valid. We all have different styles. I just try to protect myself from retaliation from an unreasonable parent. I believe in taking the un-confrontational route all the way. It's why I've never had a silly complaint from a disgruntled parent in 18 years. As I said, we all have different styles, and that's great. Just givin' my two cents.
yes, I agree, we are totally different styles obviously and that is okay. I dont make decisions based on what a parent might do....or make decisions based on fear of retaliation. thats not my style at all and while I have not been doing daycare as long as you, I am not a newbie and I havent had any complaints from disgruntled parents either. so I dont necessarily think that one style is the only way to gain a long standing business.
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Blackcat31 01:26 PM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
yes, I agree, we are totally different styles obviously and that is okay. I dont make decisions based on what a parent might do....or make decisions based on fear of retaliation. thats not my style at all and while I have not been doing daycare as long as you, I am not a newbie and I havent had any complaints from disgruntled parents either. so I dont necessarily think that one style is the only way to gain a long standing business.
I've been doing child care now for 20 years and I have never had a complaint from a parent.....and you and I are on the same wave-length as far as honesty and direct open, no nonsense communication.

There is no one right or wrong way and what works for one provider most definitely does not work for another so thank goodness, it takes all kinds to make the world go round.
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Lucy 01:44 PM 08-02-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I dont necessarily think that one style is the only way to gain a long standing business.
Agreed!
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