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Old 12-04-2019, 12:34 AM
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Default How to explain to a parent....

I have a parent who is upset that I have not been telling them every negative behavior their child does while with me.... i.e, that they throw toys a couple times a day. I want to explain that anything that is a typical toddler behavior I handle immediately and anything outside the norm or disruptive or not improving I share with them so we can collaborate on a plan of action for handling the behavior.
It honestly never occurred to me to tell the parent their child throws toys. I find that most toddlers do this. I redirect and move on. I don't want every interaction with parents at pick up to be a list of all the things their child did wrong that day. I couldn't imagine listing all the typical things toddlers are redirected for each day.

I know what I want to say but I can't figure out how to say it
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:13 AM
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I used to joke with parents saying "what goes on at Daycare stays at daycare". Then of course explain exactly what you said. Normal behavior is expected. That its your job to redirect and teach appropriate behavior. I always added that they do not need to be spoken to about something that happened at the beginning of the day when it was taken care of then.I would assure them you will let them know when needed.
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:21 AM
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I think the way you've worded it for us is the perfect way to word it for the parent. I've said almost the exact same thing to a couple of my dc parents, including rosieteddy's suggestion, "What happens in day care stays at day care." The only other thing I've added is that at day care, I'm the authority figure and that basically "telling on" the kids at the end of the day is tantamount to saying, "Just wait until your father gets home!" It tends to usurp my authority with the kids so I don't do it.
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Old 12-04-2019, 06:49 AM
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"I only discuss negative issues that are not age-appropriate and require a team approach for intervention. Are there any specific issues that you are concerned about? Would you like to schedule a conference?"

My bet is her kid is giving mom a hard time and she wants confirmation that it happens at your house, too since you probably make it look too easy to believe or she feels she is doing something wrong and needs encouragement.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
"I only discuss negative issues that are not age-appropriate and require a team approach for intervention. Are there any specific issues that you are concerned about? Would you like to schedule a conference?"

My bet is her kid is giving mom a hard time and she wants confirmation that it happens at your house, too since you probably make it look too easy to believe or she feels she is doing something wrong and needs encouragement.
They are actually withdrawing from daycare over this. I had about a 2 min conversation with dcd about a couple things dcb does not thinking much of it since it's all typical behavior. Then dcm texts me saying my lack of communication is frustrating. How she phrased DCB behavior makes it sound like a game of telephone... not close to what is actually happening at all.
It's funny she mentioned communication because she didn't speak to me at all about it... she just heard a 2 min convo 3rd party from Dcd. I honestly think she was just looking for an excuse as dcd mentioned when leaving that she was having a hard time with DCB being in daycare.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:30 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenboo View Post
They are actually withdrawing from daycare over this. I had about a 2 min conversation with dcd about a couple things dcb does not thinking much of it since it's all typical behavior. Then dcm texts me saying my lack of communication is frustrating. How she phrased DCB behavior makes it sound like a game of telephone... not close to what is actually happening at all.
It's funny she mentioned communication because she didn't speak to me at all about it... she just heard a 2 min convo 3rd party from Dcd. I honestly think she was just looking for an excuse as dcd mentioned when leaving that she was having a hard time with DCB being in daycare.
That's definitely your "why".

It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with mom.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:32 AM
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That's definitely your "why".

It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with mom.
Oh for sure. It just sucks getting blamed for it.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenboo View Post
They are actually withdrawing from daycare over this. I had about a 2 min conversation with dcd about a couple things dcb does not thinking much of it since it's all typical behavior. Then dcm texts me saying my lack of communication is frustrating. How she phrased DCB behavior makes it sound like a game of telephone... not close to what is actually happening at all.
It's funny she mentioned communication because she didn't speak to me at all about it... she just heard a 2 min convo 3rd party from Dcd. I honestly think she was just looking for an excuse as dcd mentioned when leaving that she was having a hard time with DCB being in daycare.
Ahhh, got it. The "I want to be a SAHM Triangulation" drama creation. I have been hit by that bus a few times. Usually at the beginning of summer or the holidays.

She had to convince Dad it was in kids' best interest and try for a "get out of paying vacation" and "get my deposit back" loophole by claiming it is your fault.

The tri-fecta. Sorry. That stinks.

I always try to get both parents to conferences for this reason. It is difficult to do, though. Sometimes it backfires into divorces.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:46 AM
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Ahhh, got it. The "I want to be a SAHM Triangulation" drama creation. I have been hit by that bus a few times. Usually at the beginning of summer or the holidays.

She had to convince Dad it was in kids' best interest and try for a "get out of paying vacation" and "get my deposit back" loophole by claiming it is your fault.

The tri-fecta. Sorry. That stinks.

I always try to get both parents to conferences for this reason. It is difficult to do, though. Sometimes it backfires into divorces.
Yeah it sucks but oh well. I would rather not have a family who jumps from DCB throws toys a couple times a day to withdrawing from care.
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Old 12-04-2019, 07:49 AM
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Yeah it sucks but oh well. I would rather not have a family who jumps from DCB throws toys a couple times a day to withdrawing from care.
Oh definitely. In my experience, these moms just keep inflating the accusations until they get their way. They can do serious damage to reputations for no other reason than manipulation of their husbands into pulling the full financial weight of their decisions. It's sickening.
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