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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Ugh! My DCG Screamer Has Now Decided She Isn't Going To Sleep!!!
sahm2three 01:00 PM 10-21-2011
She JUST turned 1. She screams from the time she gets here (is my first kid to arrive) to the time she leaves (she is the last kid to leave). My only saving grace before this week was the fact that she slept a lot. Now, she has decided she isn't going to sleep a wink. I love the mom. She is at a loss as to what to do. I am so tired of telling her what a tough day it was. I am so fed up. Ugh. My assistant and I have been trying to trade off dealing with her so not one of us gets overly frustrated. I think she made small improvements today (she may have not cried quite so loudly today, or my hearing is going, one of the two). But she isn't sleeping, and she cries LOUDLY in the bedroom and has already woken up 2 of the toddlers. Any thoughts? Or is this just a terming time type of situation? I am ready to do it, my assistant isn't. This girl's cry is like fingernails on a chalkboard.
cheerfuldom 01:03 PM 10-21-2011
well its your decision, not your assistant's. I have gone thru a few cryers myself and have only had success with CIO. Routine is kept consistently, if they are crying constantly then they go back into the pack n play until they stop crying. its a tough few days (it can even take a few weeks to break that habit) but its either that or keep putting up with the crying or term.
sahm2three 01:24 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
well its your decision, not your assistant's. I have gone thru a few cryers myself and have only had success with CIO. Routine is kept consistently, if they are crying constantly then they go back into the pack n play until they stop crying. its a tough few days (it can even take a few weeks to break that habit) but its either that or keep putting up with the crying or term.
I have a boy screamer too that I have had since he was 4 months and is now about 20 months. I love him. He is a sweet boy, but has issues. He still screams. Doesn't say more than a couple words. When the screaming starts and he doesn't stop when i say stop, he goes into the pnp until he stops screaming. Sometimes he doesn't stop and I know my day is going to be a nightmare. I keep telling myself that these kids are here for a reason, and would be mistreated or termed time and time again some place else. So I make myself miserable and keep them. I don't know if I think I can save the world one kid at a time or what. Ugh. So, with my screamers, putting them in a room until they stop screaming doesn't work. They just scream and scream and scream.well its your decision, not your assistant's. I have gone thru a few cryers myself and have only had success with CIO. Routine is kept consistently, if they are crying constantly then they go back into the pack n play until they stop crying. its a tough few days (it can even take a few weeks to break that habit) but its either that or keep putting up with the crying or term.
cheerfuldom 01:41 PM 10-21-2011
how do you know they would be mistreated or termed some place else? sometimes kids really are happier and it really is best to let a parent look for a better situation for their kids. you aren't the best provider for every child, none of us are. maybe it really would be best to let these screamers move on. you aren't the only good daycare option either. I am not saying that to make you feel bad, only pointing out that there are surely numerous choices of daycares in your area that would do just as good of a job as you are doing. don't feel that you have to solve every issue and be what every kid needs. sounds like a good way to get burnt out fast.
sahm2three 01:49 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
how do you know they would be mistreated or termed some place else? sometimes kids really are happier and it really is best to let a parent look for a better situation for their kids. you aren't the best provider for every child, none of us are. maybe it really would be best to let these screamers move on. you aren't the only good daycare option either. I am not saying that to make you feel bad, only pointing out that there are surely numerous choices of daycares in your area that would do just as good of a job as you are doing. don't feel that you have to solve every issue and be what every kid needs. sounds like a good way to get burnt out fast.
Wow. Thanks. One reason why I say this is because my boy screamer was 4 months old when I got him. I am his 4th daycare. The little girl screamer was let go by her AUNT. They are very trying. I don't KNOW they would be mistreated, but they HAVE both been termed. I am not saying I am the best, I am just trying to do my best. Man. This is what you get when you ask for advice.how do you know they would be mistreated or termed some place else? sometimes kids really are happier and it really is best to let a parent look for a better situation for their kids. you aren't the best provider for every child, none of us are. maybe it really would be best to let these screamers move on. you aren't the only good daycare option either. I am not saying that to make you feel bad, only pointing out that there are surely numerous choices of daycares in your area that would do just as good of a job as you are doing. don't feel that you have to solve every issue and be what every kid needs. sounds like a good way to get burnt out fast.
Unregistered 02:10 PM 10-21-2011
I don't agree with some on here because this has always worked for me. When she starts to pull that she goes in a room by herself until she stops. Take her out, the minute she starts up for no reason back she goes. Sounds mean, yet always worked but you have to be consistent.
The problem is the parent instead of saying No has always given in, now a nightmare for everyone else. It will only get worse as she gets older. The funny thing is if the parent doesn't change their ways, the child will continue to do that on their time. However, you'll see the changes. I don't care if people think its not good, it works and much better for the child rather than all the trauma of bouncing from daycare to daycare and problems in school.
The problem is the parent instead of saying No has always given in, now a nightmare for everyone else. It will only get worse as she gets older. The funny thing is if the parent doesn't change their ways, the child will continue to do that on their time. However, you'll see the changes. I don't care if people think its not good, it works and much better for the child rather than all the trauma of bouncing from daycare to daycare and problems in school.
Cat Herder 06:13 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
how do you know they would be mistreated or termed some place else? sometimes kids really are happier and it really is best to let a parent look for a better situation for their kids. you aren't the best provider for every child, none of us are. maybe it really would be best to let these screamers move on. you aren't the only good daycare option either. I am not saying that to make you feel bad, only pointing out that there are surely numerous choices of daycares in your area that would do just as good of a job as you are doing. don't feel that you have to solve every issue and be what every kid needs. sounds like a good way to get burnt out fast.
how do you know they would be mistreated or termed some place else? sometimes kids really are happier and it really is best to let a parent look for a better situation for their kids. you aren't the best provider for every child, none of us are. maybe it really would be best to let these screamers move on. you aren't the only good daycare option either. I am not saying that to make you feel bad, only pointing out that there are surely numerous choices of daycares in your area that would do just as good of a job as you are doing. don't feel that you have to solve every issue and be what every kid needs. sounds like a good way to get burnt out fast.
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
This is what you get when you ask for advice.
I think you have misunderstood her. This is what you get when you ask for advice.
What she is telling you is a very valuable lesson. I promise. It stung the first time someone said it to me, too.We all have to learn it some time.
We absolutely CANNOT "save" them all. We were never intended to. Cheer is telling you that if you cannot make this work, you are not a failure. Sometimes a different situation IS the best answer for a screamer.
Keep trying if you see progress, but let go if it continually detracts from the group.Don't see each particularly difficult child's success as a validation of your worth. Value the GROUPS success as validation of a good childcare program.
Burnout is very real and can happen way too fast with too many stressors in our lives.
Cheer was being supportive.
Cat Herder 06:20 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I don't agree with some on here because this has always worked for me. When she starts to pull that she goes in a room by herself until she stops. Take her out, the minute she starts up for no reason back she goes. Sounds mean, yet always worked but you have to be consistent.
The problem is the parent instead of saying No has always given in, now a nightmare for everyone else. It will only get worse as she gets older. The funny thing is if the parent doesn't change their ways, the child will continue to do that on their time. However, you'll see the changes. I don't care if people think its not good, it works and much better for the child rather than all the trauma of bouncing from daycare to daycare and problems in school.
Actually this is basically how I do it, too. I don't agree with some on here because this has always worked for me. When she starts to pull that she goes in a room by herself until she stops. Take her out, the minute she starts up for no reason back she goes. Sounds mean, yet always worked but you have to be consistent.
The problem is the parent instead of saying No has always given in, now a nightmare for everyone else. It will only get worse as she gets older. The funny thing is if the parent doesn't change their ways, the child will continue to do that on their time. However, you'll see the changes. I don't care if people think its not good, it works and much better for the child rather than all the trauma of bouncing from daycare to daycare and problems in school.
I just cannot leave the room because of regs. We are all in one room ALL day.After I rule out all medical causes, I Divide and Conquer.
Put child in PNP or Soft Seating area (depending on age) anytime the screaming starts.
Have them come out and get welcomed back into the group when it stops. Rinse & Repeat. Works like a charm or they move on after 30 days of trying. 
sahm2three 06:26 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by Catherder:
I think you have misunderstood her. What she is telling you is a very valuable lesson. I promise. It stung the first time someone said it to me, too.
We all have to learn it some time. We absolutely CANNOT "save" them all. We were never intended to.
Cheer is telling you that if you cannot make this work, you are not a failure. Sometimes a different situation IS the best answer for a screamer. Keep trying if you see progress, but let go if it continually detracts from the group.
Don't see each particularly difficult child's success as a validation of your worth. Value the GROUPS success as validation of a good childcare program.
Burnout is very real and can happen way too fast with too many stressors in our lives. Cheer was being supportive.
Well her delivery was anything but supportive. When a person is down, and at a loss, and sacrificing all she can to do everything in her power to fix the issues that are going on, and reaching out for support, to be talked down to in that way is not ok. It isn't supportive. Delivery is very important.I think you have misunderstood her.
What she is telling you is a very valuable lesson. I promise. It stung the first time someone said it to me, too.We all have to learn it some time.
We absolutely CANNOT "save" them all. We were never intended to. Cheer is telling you that if you cannot make this work, you are not a failure. Sometimes a different situation IS the best answer for a screamer.
Keep trying if you see progress, but let go if it continually detracts from the group.Don't see each particularly difficult child's success as a validation of your worth. Value the GROUPS success as validation of a good childcare program.
Burnout is very real and can happen way too fast with too many stressors in our lives.
Cheer was being supportive.
Cat Herder 06:33 PM 10-21-2011
Originally Posted by sahm2three:
Well her delivery was anything but supportive. When a person is down, and at a loss, and sacrificing all she can to do everything in her power to fix the issues that are going on, and reaching out for support, to be talked down to in that way is not ok. It isn't supportive. Delivery is very important.
I understand. Well her delivery was anything but supportive. When a person is down, and at a loss, and sacrificing all she can to do everything in her power to fix the issues that are going on, and reaching out for support, to be talked down to in that way is not ok. It isn't supportive. Delivery is very important.
I would be willing to bet she was typing really fast to get it up quick. I think she has a similar schedule to mine and I have been closed for 3.5 hours, now.
I am pretty sure you are about the 50th person she has explained it to on several forums.
You know how when you say the same thing over and over you tend to shorten it?
I do it, too, on days I am not feeling chatty or am a bit rushed but really want to help. (I have lots of time right now as I am waiting on HUGE coats to dry 
)