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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Interview? and Please DO Bring Child
WBee 10:50 AM 02-07-2019
Hello all! I recently gained a new opening in my home daycare (licensed for 6 so every child counts financially) and need to fill the spot. My only current inquiry is a mom who had interviewed here 2.5 yrs ago and chose elsewhere. She wants to come back for another "good fit" meeting as she is happy with curriculum at her current daughters home care however, isn't happy with their discipline methods and feels the provider is holding grudges the day after the child has made a "not so good behavior choice." She also informed me that she is on her 2nd daycare in 2.5 years. (Left 1st due to not enough learning activities.) She also stated that she knows all parents say this but her child is "advanced for 3.5 years old." Question, she wants to visit w/out the child and if we talk and she feels I'm a good fit, she will come back with the child. She doesn't want to upset her as she hasn't told her she wants to change daycares. I typically ask that the child come during the interview and if my red flags aren't failing me, this may not be a good fit already. How would you word this? I only want one meeting.
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Ac114 10:56 AM 02-07-2019
Originally Posted by WBee:
Hello all! I recently gained a new opening in my home daycare (licensed for 6 so every child counts financially) and need to fill the spot. My only current inquiry is a mom who had interviewed here 2.5 yrs ago and chose elsewhere. She wants to come back for another "good fit" meeting as she is happy with curriculum at her current daughters home care however, isn't happy with their discipline methods and feels the provider is holding grudges the day after the child has made a "not so good behavior choice." She also informed me that she is on her 2nd daycare in 2.5 years. (Left 1st due to not enough learning activities.) She also stated that she knows all parents say this but her child is "advanced for 3.5 years old." Question, she wants to visit w/out the child and if we talk and she feels I'm a good fit, she will come back with the child. She doesn't want to upset her as she hasn't told her she wants to change daycares. I typically ask that the child come during the interview and if my red flags aren't failing me, this may not be a good fit already. How would you word this? I only want one meeting.
I personally wouldnít entertain the interview at all. I see red flags and she sounds high maintenance. But thatís my personal opinion. Either way, I would say I donít hold interviews without the child present. End of story.
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e.j. 11:12 AM 02-07-2019
Even if the child is wonderful to care for, the mom sounds very high maintenance. Based on what you've shared, I wouldn't want to have to deal with her. If it were me, I would tell her what I recently told a red flag mom who had contacted me: "After thinking it over, I've decided not to fill the spot right now. Thank you for contacting me, though, and good luck in your search."
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Snowmom 11:15 AM 02-07-2019
2 daycares in 2.5 years and the FIRST one "didn't have enough learning activities"- that's a hard no on enrollment from me.

I have a feeling this "advanced" child would be better suited in a formal school and I'd likely tell them that.

I also never do interviews without the child present. It's a waste of my time and theirs.
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Bluemoon5 11:42 AM 02-07-2019
To borrow a phrase I heard recently, that mom has 'more red flags than a communist gift shop.'
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trytobearunner34 11:43 AM 02-07-2019
Another vote for passing given the red flags. Just let her know you only hold one interview and since she is not comfortable with that model unfortunately it is not going to work out.
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DaveA 12:05 PM 02-07-2019
+1 on the "red flag" alert. Sounds like Mom is looking for someone who she can boss around.
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Ariana 12:20 PM 02-07-2019
Originally Posted by DaveA:
+1 on the "red flag" alert. Sounds like Mom is looking for someone who she can boss around.
100%!! I would also decline to see her. If it ends badly youíll be the next she bad mouths.

Funny how she wants to get a feel for how you will be but wasnít able to do that the last two times. I can pretty much guarantee her kid got kicked out which is why she is not bringing her OR kid talked the last time she went looking for another provider.

I had a mom come and not bring her kids. I did not sign her on. Huge red flag for me!
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Blackcat31 12:25 PM 02-07-2019

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Leigh 01:55 PM 02-07-2019
Originally Posted by Bluemoon5:
To borrow a phrase I heard recently, that mom has 'more red flags than a communist gift shop.'


I would look into selling a kidney on the black market before I willingly started a relationship with this DCM.
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Josiegirl 03:22 PM 02-07-2019
I absolutely agree with every one who replied already. Well, except selling my kidney. I'd like to keep mine.
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Josiegirl 03:24 PM 02-07-2019
I don't think you need to say much to her; just tell her you don't feel your dc will be a good fit.
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marshallbrown 05:25 AM 02-08-2019
I am sorry but I don't know what is the red flag, can anyone please tell me?
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mommyneedsadayoff 06:42 AM 02-08-2019
Originally Posted by marshallbrown:
I am sorry but I don't know what is the red flag, can anyone please tell me?
These are the red flags in my opinion:

- this will be her third day care in less than 3 years. Most likely, the mom is seeking a daycare where she has complete control, which doesn't exist. The first daycare didn't teach enough for her "gifted" child, the second daycare doesn't discipline to her standards when her super smart 3 year old makes a "bad choice", and her third day care will probably have a policy she doesn't agree on, most likely napping, since her child is over 3 years old.

- Not wanting to bring her child to the interview. She says it's because she hasn't told her she's changing daycares, but most likely its bc she doesn't want her child to know and tell her current provider until mom is ready to move on. She doesn't want to lose her current daycare, until she has another one lined up, so bringing the daycare girl would compromise that. Another possible reason, is that daycare girl has significant behavioral issues, and was asked to leave those other daycares, so she wants to hide the fact her little sweetheart is not so perfect.

- the biggest red flag for me, though, is that she already checked her dc out, but chose not to go with it. In my opinion, if my daycare wasn't good enough the first time around, it's best not to entertain an interview when mom has lost her other options. It would make me question what has changed for her to now consider my daycare. If I haven't changed anything on my end, that means her situation has changed and it's generally not for a good reason. In this case, if Mom is telling the truth, the daycare she is seeking will offer high levels of academia, and a discipline style that may not be suitable for group care. I'm sure there will be other things she requires as well, but for me, those two issues would be enough to pass, as they go against my childcare philosophy. Most likely, their current provider is not holding a grudge against her daughter, but is frustrated with Mom's reaction to her daily reports of misbehavior. I would guess that mom makes excuses for why her daughter has poor behavior, versus working with the provider and her daughter to encourage better choices and enforce consequences when needed. When parents do this, it can instantly leave a bad taste in a provider's mouth when it comes to that child. The grudge is not with the child. It's with the parent who refuses to believe their child can do wrong. This is simply my experience, and maybe this mom is awesome and super great. If she brings her child to the interview and it all goes well, it could be a great working relationship. Past experience tells me otherwise, but there's only one way to find out.
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Lovisa 06:59 AM 02-08-2019
Originally Posted by Leigh:


I would look into selling a kidney on the black market before I willingly started a relationship with this DCM.

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Snowmom 08:42 AM 02-08-2019
Originally Posted by marshallbrown:
I am sorry but I don't know what is the red flag, can anyone please tell me?
What IS a red flag or what are the indicators?

Just to clarify: a "red flag" is a warning signal. Something someone does or says to indicate "trouble ahead".

In this instance, the red flags would be that the mom wasn't satisfied with the educational activities offered in the BABY'S first daycare. Educational activities for an infant or young toddler should be exploring their world, not learning ABC's. No matter how "gifted" the child is (and using that term without an actual assessment can spell trouble as well). If the child is truly gifted and the mom thinks she needs more educational activities, then in home daycare is not the source she needs. In home daycare is great for the social development a child needs and that is important too... but this mom is pushing academics!

Second red flag: multiple daycares for a young child. So many reasons this can be trouble.

The third red flag is wanting to interview without the child. That tells me they want to hide something. Likely behavioral. It's a waste of my time if I can't observe the child to make my decision on if it's a good fit for both parties. And because she doesn't value my time by wanting two interviews, she likely won't value any of my time in the future as well.
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Josiegirl 09:34 AM 02-08-2019
Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff:


- the biggest red flag for me, though, is that she already checked her dc out, but chose not to go with it. In my opinion, if my daycare wasn't good enough the first time around, it's best not to entertain an interview when mom has lost her other options. It would make me question what has changed for her to now consider my daycare. If I haven't changed anything on my end, that means her situation has changed and it's generally not for a good reason. In this case, if Mom is telling the truth, the daycare she is seeking will offer high levels of academia, and a discipline style that may not be suitable for group care. I'm sure there will be other things she requires as well, but for me, those two issues would be enough to pass, as they go against my childcare philosophy. Most likely, their current provider is not holding a grudge against her daughter, but is frustrated with Mom's reaction to her daily reports of misbehavior. I would guess that mom makes excuses for why her daughter has poor behavior, versus working with the provider and her daughter to encourage better choices and enforce consequences when needed. When parents do this, it can instantly leave a bad taste in a provider's mouth when it comes to that child. The grudge is not with the child. It's with the parent who refuses to believe their child can do wrong. This is simply my experience, and maybe this mom is awesome and super great. If she brings her child to the interview and it all goes well, it could be a great working relationship. Past experience tells me otherwise, but there's only one way to find out.
What was said in this whole paragraph is how I felt reading the OP. I never have taken a dcf that refused to enroll the 1st time around, or if they quit and then beg to come back. No, sorry, you had your chance and I wasn't good enough before.
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Mom2Two 01:22 PM 02-08-2019
Originally Posted by Bluemoon5:
To borrow a phrase I heard recently, that mom has 'more red flags than a communist gift shop.'
You guys are cracking me up with your responses.

And ITA with all of them. You will NEVER be good enough for this mom. She has unrealistic expectations for everyone...including her own daughter, and I feel badly for her daughter. It sounds like her daughter is some kind of trophy child.

1. That she didn't choose you 2.5 years ago.
2. That "learning activities" were a concern 2.5 years ago (i.e. for such a young child).
3. That she thinks the provider holds grudges for misbehavior the next day. Coz, like as providers, we get SO LITTLE misbehavior on a daily basis that we are actually put out by it.
4. That she finds fault so much about trivial issues
5. That she feels so free to keep shopping around. If you take her, you know that she won't stay long. Do you really want to invest your time/energy in someone who is not likely to stick it out?
6. Just overall crazy vibes coming glaring through.
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knoxmomof2 08:43 AM 02-09-2019
😂😂😂 This is great!

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:

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knoxmomof2 08:51 AM 02-09-2019
Another vote for "red flags". My big ones are : she already passed on you once and how many times they've changed care already.

That being said, the biggest red flag is : she's bashing the current provider. There is a tasteful way to say something isn't a good fit or there's a need they have that her current provider doesn't provide but to just complain, complain, complain doesn't sit well with me. That's like bashing your current employer to a potential new employer. I don't like it because I wonder how long it will be before she's doing the same to me, plus people like that have no sense of decency and are generally high drama. Not who you want to work with!!
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WBee 09:46 AM 04-03-2019
So I emailed Mom back and said I didn't think it would be a good fit. Guess what? She emailed me back stating I was "judging her and/or her child" and she "is glad because it would not have been a good fit seeing as how I am judging them before even meeting them." LOL Yup. Ummm, we did meet 2.5 years ago and now I'm already on her poop list and she never even walked through my door! Hahaha.... Thank you for not wanting to bring your child in the first place. You just saved my reputation DCM!
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Cat Herder 10:02 AM 04-03-2019
How dare you judge me judging you!



Clearly, you made the right decision.
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WBee 11:45 AM 04-03-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
How dare you judge me judging you!



Clearly, you made the right decision.
Yes! LOL :lol
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Pestle 11:46 AM 04-03-2019
GAD, WBee, you didn't want them even without MEETING the amazing child she didn't want you to MEET. A child so amazing, it would have changed your LIFE if you'd had the privilege of caring for them. You are so JUDGY. And OFFENSIVE. Just like, for some reason, 80% of the people this COMPLETELY REASONABLE and EXCELLENT PARENT interacts with.

(I'm gonna go check the Sanctimommy Facebook page now to detox in the comments.)


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Cat Herder 12:19 PM 04-03-2019
I had not heard of Sanctimommy, Pestle, and now I am in tears laughing. "My daughter, Epsom Salt (not vaccinated), wants to make her home among the wild squirrels in our backyard and Iím looking for recommendations of feeders large enough to accommodate a 1 year old girl. Her favorite color is rabies red. Please donít turn this post into a debate, REBECCA."

Oh, I have a feeling this is going to take up a lot of my free time this week.
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Mom2Two 05:02 PM 04-03-2019
Originally Posted by WBee:
So I emailed Mom back and said I didn't think it would be a good fit. Guess what? She emailed me back stating I was "judging her and/or her child" and she "is glad because it would not have been a good fit seeing as how I am judging them before even meeting them." LOL Yup. Ummm, we did meet 2.5 years ago and now I'm already on her poop list and she never even walked through my door! Hahaha.... Thank you for not wanting to bring your child in the first place. You just saved my reputation DCM!
Wow, narrow escape on this one.
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DaveA 03:54 AM 04-04-2019
OYE! Did you ever make the right decision not enrolling.
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knoxmomof2 08:57 AM 04-05-2019
Originally Posted by WBee:
So I emailed Mom back and said I didn't think it would be a good fit. Guess what? She emailed me back stating I was "judging her and/or her child" and she "is glad because it would not have been a good fit seeing as how I am judging them before even meeting them." LOL Yup. Ummm, we did meet 2.5 years ago and now I'm already on her poop list and she never even walked through my door! Hahaha.... Thank you for not wanting to bring your child in the first place. You just saved my reputation DCM!
And there you have it... The reinforcement you need to feel good about your decision and remember this for next time! Lol.... I used to be so quick to disregard my gut feeling and fill a spot. It's taken me a while, but I think I've learned my lesson... Haha
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Tags:drama - parent, interview
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