Daycare.com Forum Daycare Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 08-25-2016, 07:32 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,543
Default The Self Help Skills Nightmare

Dcb-2.5. Dcm is trying to potty train. Dcb does show signs of readiness- wakes up dry, asks to be changed, shows interest in the bathroom. but has ZERO self help skills. He's only been here a few weeks, but he cannot remove slip on shoes (for example). If I do "superfunactivity" and tell dcb "you can come as soon as your shoes are off! He will say "ok" and sit and watch. Verbal direction gets him nowhere and it I hand over hand to show him, he loses his mind, and asks me to "help". I sent mom my potty training letter yesterday.

Today, another dcb, almost 3 comes in- they have been off and yay dcb is doing great on the potty. Here are pull-ups. Dcb has been here for a year. He also has zero self help skills.

Learned helplessness! It's a big trend here that children don't learn these skills! What the heck parents?!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 08-25-2016, 07:50 AM
Controlled Chaos's Avatar
Controlled Chaos Controlled Chaos is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,131
Default

Even some of my favorite dkps are afraid of being seen as "mean" so they won't make their children do tasks they KNOW they can do in front of other adults if there is any resistance from the child.

Nothing more frustrating (for me at least) than a child 2.5 and older who won't/can't take off their shoes. One of my 2.5dcbs has been carrying his shoes outside A LOT lately. He can put them on, he just doesn't. I am happy to help with straps and even getting the heel on a tricky pair, but when they won't even try to get their toes in...ack it just drives me nuts!
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 08-25-2016, 09:09 AM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 8,970
Default

Its because parents are in a rush all the time and can't sit and wait for their kids to learn this skill. It is so easy to just put the shoes on, zip the coat etc and if you don't have a determined child it makes it even worse because they won't insist on doing it themselves.

My first child was not a very determined kid and I kept doing everything for her, finally at 3 I was like "what the heck am I doing"???? She learned after that. My second child is very determined and she learned everything on her own with very little help from me by the time she was 3!
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 08-25-2016, 10:35 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,543
Default

Both dcb's are treated MUCH younger than they are. In fact, dcm refers to dcb's age in months "He's 31 months!"

It is just becoming a thing with all of my kids, I used to have to help the youngest or on occasion older kids with tricky shoes. I have 18m-5yo's. The 18mo can do more for herself than the 2.5-3.5yo's! And she has a motor delay!

I of course try. Bring shoes out, natural consequences of missing out on fun things. Nothing works. Both kids would just sit and mope or ask for help (although they don't want HELP, they want it done for them)
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 08-25-2016, 10:41 AM
EntropyControlSpecialist's Avatar
EntropyControlSpecialist EntropyControlSpecialist is offline
Embracing the chaos.
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: A toasty environment!
Posts: 7,430
Default

I pretend like I don't notice that they do everything for their child.

I will say something like, "Here I will help a child ONLY IF they cannot do something themselves. I won't rescue a child from doing something they CAN do themselves but don't want to. That was the best parenting advice I've ever received and it was from a Bible study group! I know you do the same for Johnny and that's SO beneficial for him."

They tend to stop rescuing after that (in front of me).
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 08-25-2016, 11:23 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
Both dcb's are treated MUCH younger than they are. In fact, dcm refers to dcb's age in months "He's 31 months!"

It is just becoming a thing with all of my kids, I used to have to help the youngest or on occasion older kids with tricky shoes. I have 18m-5yo's. The 18mo can do more for herself than the 2.5-3.5yo's! And she has a motor delay!

I of course try. Bring shoes out, natural consequences of missing out on fun things. Nothing works. Both kids would just sit and mope or ask for help (although they don't want HELP, they want it done for them)
I do this with EVERYTHING.

If they don't put on their own shoes, walk in on their own, etc...

They aren't "big" kids.

Here "big kids" have LOTS of special privileges.

I know you said it isn't helping or making much of an impact but I've found its about the second week of being denied these privileges that the light bulb suddenly goes off.

I also do alot of superficial and over inflated praising and commenting about what fun things the "big kids" get to do.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 08-25-2016, 12:13 PM
TXhomedaycare's Avatar
TXhomedaycare TXhomedaycare is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Lonestar State
Posts: 293
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I do this with EVERYTHING.

If they don't put on their own shoes, walk in on their own, etc...

They aren't "big" kids.

Here "big kids" have LOTS of special privileges.

I know you said it isn't helping or making much of an impact but I've found its about the second week of being denied these privileges that the light bulb suddenly goes off.

I also do alot of superficial and over inflated praising and commenting about what fun things the "big kids" get to do.
I have to start doing that more. I do it for some things but not as much as I could. I have 2 new dcg this week and the 4 yo wants me to come and wipe her in the restroom, lay down with her during nap (nope) and play with her while she ignores the other kids. She cannot put her shoes on and does not try and do much herself. I struggle greatly with kids who are 3 and 4 and have no self-help skills. In her defense she always has converse or lace up cloth shoes that are terrible to put on for a young child. I wish parents would stop trying to dress their children cute and send them in clothes and shoes they can try and learn to put on themselves. Once my sons turned 2 they were on their own but they are also very determined and will figure things out with our without me
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 08-25-2016, 12:34 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TXhomedaycare View Post
I have to start doing that more. I do it for some things but not as much as I could. I have 2 new dcg this week and the 4 yo wants me to come and wipe her in the restroom, lay down with her during nap (nope) and play with her while she ignores the other kids. She cannot put her shoes on and does not try and do much herself. I struggle greatly with kids who are 3 and 4 and have no self-help skills. In her defense she always has converse or lace up cloth shoes that are terrible to put on for a young child. I wish parents would stop trying to dress their children cute and send them in clothes and shoes they can try and learn to put on themselves. Once my sons turned 2 they were on their own but they are also very determined and will figure things out with our without me
I just keep reminding myself

Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 08-25-2016, 12:50 PM
racemom's Avatar
racemom racemom is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: nebraska
Posts: 974
Default

Oh yes, I hear "mommy do it", a lot from one dcg. I just respond mommy isn't here, and I am not doing it for you. It doesn't matter what it is, she doesn't want to do anything for herself, and her statement that mommy do it, tells me mommy does do eveeything!
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
learned helplessness

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Yes! Study Shows the Long-Term Effects of Social Skills or Lack Thereof spud912 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 0 08-21-2015 07:21 AM
Motor Skills Activity Terre Curriculum 8 08-28-2013 09:58 AM
How To Speak With Parents About Self-Help Skills blandino Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 13 06-06-2013 05:29 PM
What Kinds of Activities sahm2three Curriculum 10 04-26-2010 01:47 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:49 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming