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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Strange Encounter with DCD
Kajbk 07:30 PM 05-09-2018
Sorry but this will be a long post. I had an awkward conversation with a daycare dad and am not sure what to expect from the mom in the morning.
A little background info... The DCM is very reliable- always pays, never late to pick up, keeps supplies stocked, and never complains about anything. I’ve kept the baby almost a year now. He seems very well taken care of and there seems to be no issues with that. All payments and daycare business go through DCM and she does most drop off and pick ups.
So yesterday afternoon the baby had a fever and I called the mom for pick up. Her phone was dead (which has never happened before when I’ve called) so I called DCD. When he arrives for pickup he asked if Mom paid two weeks in advance. I said no (that’s not how I do things) and he huffed and puffed and said well she told me she did but she lies all the time. He then said if she ever doesn’t pay you just call me and I’ll take care of it. He then kept saying she lies all the time. I explained to him payment has never been an issue.
I’m sure he went home mad and probably told the mom I said she hadn’t paid in advance. I feel guilty that I caused her trouble but I wouldn’t lie for her. She’s had black eyes before and when she saw I noticed she nervously told me a fishy story.
Would you explain to the mom your side of the conversation or just try to avoid the topic altogether? I have a good working relationship with her and don’t want things to be awkward.
A little background info... The DCM is very reliable- always pays, never late to pick up, keeps supplies stocked, and never complains about anything. I’ve kept the baby almost a year now. He seems very well taken care of and there seems to be no issues with that. All payments and daycare business go through DCM and she does most drop off and pick ups.
So yesterday afternoon the baby had a fever and I called the mom for pick up. Her phone was dead (which has never happened before when I’ve called) so I called DCD. When he arrives for pickup he asked if Mom paid two weeks in advance. I said no (that’s not how I do things) and he huffed and puffed and said well she told me she did but she lies all the time. He then said if she ever doesn’t pay you just call me and I’ll take care of it. He then kept saying she lies all the time. I explained to him payment has never been an issue.
I’m sure he went home mad and probably told the mom I said she hadn’t paid in advance. I feel guilty that I caused her trouble but I wouldn’t lie for her. She’s had black eyes before and when she saw I noticed she nervously told me a fishy story.
Would you explain to the mom your side of the conversation or just try to avoid the topic altogether? I have a good working relationship with her and don’t want things to be awkward.
Josiegirl 03:48 AM 05-10-2018
Hard place to be in and I have no experience with this type of situation. Just tread carefully for dcm's sake if you're assuming what dcd might be doing to her. I think maybe if it was me, I'd ask her a general question like 'is everything alright, anything I can help you with?' Look to your gut feelings when you see her, maybe that will help guide you. If her dh is violent and controlling, she needs to watch out for herself and reach out for help. If she's not opening up to you, there isn't much you can do.
Snowmom 06:20 AM 05-10-2018
Do you require a deposit or enrollment fee in the amount equal to two weeks? Sometimes people have it in their head that since they paid that, they're paying two weeks in advance.
As far as the black eyes, that has me concerned.
Next time I saw Mom, I would say something like: "Hey Sally, Joe seemed a little upset the other day. Is everything alright?"
"Just know if you ever need to reach out for anything, I'd be happy to help you."
As far as the black eyes, that has me concerned.
Next time I saw Mom, I would say something like: "Hey Sally, Joe seemed a little upset the other day. Is everything alright?"
"Just know if you ever need to reach out for anything, I'd be happy to help you."
Blackcat31 06:26 AM 05-10-2018
I agree with Snowmom in regards to the black eyes...
As for feeling the need to explain to mom, there really isnt anything to explain. Dad asked if mom paid for two weeks in advance. She has not, you stated such.
There isn't anything to explain. He asked a question; you answered. If DCM told DCD something different that's between them.
He said/She said is a slippery slope and not one I'd get involved in. Other than addressing the physical condition of the parent if you see bruises or injuries, I don't think it's necessary to get involved any deeper.
As for feeling the need to explain to mom, there really isnt anything to explain. Dad asked if mom paid for two weeks in advance. She has not, you stated such.
There isn't anything to explain. He asked a question; you answered. If DCM told DCD something different that's between them.
He said/She said is a slippery slope and not one I'd get involved in. Other than addressing the physical condition of the parent if you see bruises or injuries, I don't think it's necessary to get involved any deeper.
284878 07:19 AM 05-10-2018
If you suspect abuse then call CPS and get advice from them. They can start a case and help DCM get into a safe home, if that is what is needed.
Recently learned that CPS isn't just for reporting abuse, it has so many more functions and this case can help DCM if she needs it.
Recently learned that CPS isn't just for reporting abuse, it has so many more functions and this case can help DCM if she needs it.
Cat Herder 08:34 AM 05-10-2018
If you have a parent resource board or digital file be sure domestic violence shelters and resources are also listed.
It is possible she is lying to him. She may be withdrawing two weeks daycare fees each time then putting half into her "get out" fund.
It is often recommended as not as likely to be noticed from joint checking when planning to leave.
I'd wait and follow her lead.
It is possible she is lying to him. She may be withdrawing two weeks daycare fees each time then putting half into her "get out" fund.
It is often recommended as not as likely to be noticed from joint checking when planning to leave.I'd wait and follow her lead.
daycarediva 09:34 AM 05-10-2018
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
If you have a parent resource board or digital file be sure domestic violence shelters and resources are also listed.
It is possible she is lying to him. She may be withdrawing two weeks daycare fees each time then putting half into her "get out" fund. It is often recommended as not as likely to be noticed from joint checking when planning to leave.
I'd wait and follow her lead.
This. If you have a parent resource board or digital file be sure domestic violence shelters and resources are also listed.
It is possible she is lying to him. She may be withdrawing two weeks daycare fees each time then putting half into her "get out" fund.
It is often recommended as not as likely to be noticed from joint checking when planning to leave.I'd wait and follow her lead.
I once had a dcm write me a check for $250, her weekly tuition was $200. I would give her $50 cash the following week after it cleared. Less than a year later, she left her dh. Of course, I was aware and she gave me notice, but we said nothing to the hubby. He was emotionally abusive, controlling, manipulative, and it progressed to threats of violence against dcm (and taking the kid away from her).
A woman asked for my help, I helped her. I tried to help her get out SOONER. I called CPS (nothing) I found resources. Scary situation!