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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Divorced Parents
AmandasFCC 07:46 AM 09-10-2009
Just wondering if any of you have had the situation in your daycares where a child is in a joint-custody (50/50) agreement, where the child is with one parent for a week, then another parent the next.
I recently had this with a little boy. His dad lived in another town so the weeks he was with dad I didn't have him. The problem was that the parents were not on the same page whatsoever in terms of parenting, so I basically would work hard to get this little boy to play nicely, share, not be violent, etc., only to have it erased the week he was at his dad's and have to start over... This was not only frustrating for me but very disruptive to the other kids because of the amount of time I had to dedicate to watching this kid's every move.
This family has since left my daycare (kid threatened to kill me and the babies in care so he didn't have to come - I made that wish a reality for him lol), but I'm seriously considering denying anyone else that comes to me with this kind of arrangement. I just wanted to know if that situation is a common one or if this family was an exception? Am I justified in simply denying care to this kind of situation?
I recently had this with a little boy. His dad lived in another town so the weeks he was with dad I didn't have him. The problem was that the parents were not on the same page whatsoever in terms of parenting, so I basically would work hard to get this little boy to play nicely, share, not be violent, etc., only to have it erased the week he was at his dad's and have to start over... This was not only frustrating for me but very disruptive to the other kids because of the amount of time I had to dedicate to watching this kid's every move.
This family has since left my daycare (kid threatened to kill me and the babies in care so he didn't have to come - I made that wish a reality for him lol), but I'm seriously considering denying anyone else that comes to me with this kind of arrangement. I just wanted to know if that situation is a common one or if this family was an exception? Am I justified in simply denying care to this kind of situation?
mac60 08:48 AM 09-10-2009
I haven't been in that situation. I do have a divorced family, but dad isn't that involved. I understand your frustration. I probably would not take on a on/off child like that. You are losing 2 weeks pay per month unless you can fill it or charge them something. Maybe I would offer a 1/2 rate tuitiion for week off, hoping they just say well we will just continue full time, thus the problem would be gone.
laundryduchess@yahoo.com 09:28 AM 09-10-2009
I havent had that problem,... they know whatever the rules are at home,.. MY rules apply here. every day, every week, every year every decade. I never change. I promise , they can learn different rules for your house than other places. just be consistant.
Former Teacher 09:45 AM 09-10-2009
at my former center there was once this little girl who was 4 years old. She lived here in TX and her father lived in Calif. She also had a half sister who lived here as well.
Well Jillian (child) would spend 2 months here and then go to Calif. for 2 months and back and forth like that. First time it happened the mother did not tell us that it would be a recurring thing. She just said Jillian is going to visit her father for 2 months. We were nice and didn't charge her. Second time came around and said again Jillian is visiting her father. Again she was not charged. Third time around, I got smart haha. I said wasn't Jillian just there with her father. She then explained the situation. I informed the director who turned around and said that from then on we would not be holding her space without payment. We were a small center and couldn't afford that type of arrangement.
As far as Jillian's behavior, it's hard to explain. Before when she knew she would be leaving, she would start to act out. When she came back, she would be very quiet for the first week or so and then start to act out. Then the rest of the time she would be great. However then mom would tell her that she would be leaving again and then again, she would act out. Jillian was never extremely violent but she was a handful!
Speaking of my own childhood, I had to spend every weekend with my natural father. I hated it. I'd come home on a Sunday. Sun, Mon, and Tues. I would be beastly. Wed, and Thurs just when things got settled I would be perfect only to have it disturbed again.
So I totally see from both the providers view and the child's view. Then there is the other view. The business view. I agree with Mac. You are losing 2 weeks of your pay (if that is your policy).
If it were me, as horrible as the little monster sounds and as long as they were paying regardless, I would have kept him. Sounds to me like you were the only stable thing in his young life.
I am pleased for you though that they are no longer in your center. Been there done that!!!!!
Well Jillian (child) would spend 2 months here and then go to Calif. for 2 months and back and forth like that. First time it happened the mother did not tell us that it would be a recurring thing. She just said Jillian is going to visit her father for 2 months. We were nice and didn't charge her. Second time came around and said again Jillian is visiting her father. Again she was not charged. Third time around, I got smart haha. I said wasn't Jillian just there with her father. She then explained the situation. I informed the director who turned around and said that from then on we would not be holding her space without payment. We were a small center and couldn't afford that type of arrangement.
As far as Jillian's behavior, it's hard to explain. Before when she knew she would be leaving, she would start to act out. When she came back, she would be very quiet for the first week or so and then start to act out. Then the rest of the time she would be great. However then mom would tell her that she would be leaving again and then again, she would act out. Jillian was never extremely violent but she was a handful!
Speaking of my own childhood, I had to spend every weekend with my natural father. I hated it. I'd come home on a Sunday. Sun, Mon, and Tues. I would be beastly. Wed, and Thurs just when things got settled I would be perfect only to have it disturbed again.
So I totally see from both the providers view and the child's view. Then there is the other view. The business view. I agree with Mac. You are losing 2 weeks of your pay (if that is your policy).
If it were me, as horrible as the little monster sounds and as long as they were paying regardless, I would have kept him. Sounds to me like you were the only stable thing in his young life.
I am pleased for you though that they are no longer in your center. Been there done that!!!!!
AmandasFCC 11:53 AM 09-10-2009
Oh he's been gone for awhile now. He was miserable coming here. He was horribly violent and it was just impossible to keep him. seriously. I hate to say that about any child but with the fact that the other kids in my group are so young I simply couldn't keep someone that unstable around them. He made the decision really easy for me.
I was also in a joint custody arrangement, so I really do also see it from that side as well (although, I was only with my dad weekends so it wouldn't disrupt daycare or school and I liked going to see my dad lol). This situation just wasn't normal. This kid's brother was the one I was having potty issues with too.
I just wanted to see if this was a common trend - this, one week on, one week off nonsense. It's so unstable and so horrible for the kids, I don't know how any judge in their right mind could allow it ...
I was also in a joint custody arrangement, so I really do also see it from that side as well (although, I was only with my dad weekends so it wouldn't disrupt daycare or school and I liked going to see my dad lol). This situation just wasn't normal. This kid's brother was the one I was having potty issues with too.
I just wanted to see if this was a common trend - this, one week on, one week off nonsense. It's so unstable and so horrible for the kids, I don't know how any judge in their right mind could allow it ...
Chickenhauler 03:32 AM 09-12-2009
In summer months, or in situations where both parents live in the same school district, or when the children are under the age of school, this is becoming more and more common.
I think it's total and complete BS, especially when the parents are total and complete polar opposites (usually the reason for the divorce in the first place) and each wants to "win" the parenting game. Really sad, honestly.
Some people really should never be allowed to have kids, they wouldn't pass the cursory overlook to adopt a cat from the pound, yet they can raise children?
I think it's total and complete BS, especially when the parents are total and complete polar opposites (usually the reason for the divorce in the first place) and each wants to "win" the parenting game. Really sad, honestly.
Some people really should never be allowed to have kids, they wouldn't pass the cursory overlook to adopt a cat from the pound, yet they can raise children?
AmandasFCC 06:32 AM 09-17-2009
LOL chickenhauler, I agree. I've been saying for years that people should be tested prior to giving birth. if they're unfit, put child up for adoption. It's sad how many people use their kids are pawns in divorces to hurt the other. That's what was happening in this case. The father actually called me after I asked the child not to return and tried to give me a hard time. He was trying to use the "boys will be boys" excuse. LOL. I allowed, with this child, much more wrestling and "boys will be boys" nonsense than I was comfortable with him to begin with. When it gets to the point that he is throwing pretend punches at people he doesn't even know, or even worse, at BABIES, then I have an issue. I would play pretend hunting with him to keep him amused and I was constantly on watch for him. I bought lots of non-violent but still fun toys for him and still he was just miserable. His favourite statements were "I don't like fun", "I'm not nice", "My dad isn't nice", "I watched Pink Floyd's The Wall and saw everyone all bloody", (kid is not even 5 yet!!!!), and my personal favourite, "SHARING ISN'T MUSCULAR - my dad doesn't share ..." ... things like that. at 4 years old he was already horrendously chauvenistic. I had told her originally if she got the problem under control I'd be happy to take the kid back. When he wasn't being a little dink (which was often), he actually had some niceness and decency underneath. however after speaking with the father it was clear that no changes were going to be made on his end, thus the problem would only get worse. No thank you. Once again, I have a young group and I don't need the others learning that kind of language and behaviour. The childrens' wellbeing is my primary focus and I'm not jeopardizing everyone else for ONE CHILD.
end rant.
end rant.