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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Is There A Kid That You Just Don't Like?
jokalima 11:14 AM 09-12-2012
I am sorry if it sound horrible, I know it does.. But are there kids that you just don't like? If yes, how do you deal with them? I have this one child that I fell terribly sorry for him because I just don't like him, I try and try but his ways don't help. He is noisy, wild, messy,puts everything in mouth constantly, he hits and throws toys constantly, does not know what is to be gentle with toys. I try and try to show him how to use toys nicely, I give him warnings about throwing toys. The past 2 days other kids got hurt because of his behavior, did I say he is wild? And strong? the way he hits is using his fist and is really hard that it sounds like someone bumped with the wall.... Arghh! I can't stand him
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brookeroo 11:20 AM 09-12-2012
YES!!!!!!
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cheerfuldom 11:23 AM 09-12-2012
Can i ask why you are keeping a child in care that is hurting others?
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Blackcat31 11:24 AM 09-12-2012
I am pretty sure that it isn't that you don't like this kid as much as it is that he is just not the right fit for you and your child care.

I have had many kids with whom I did not really connect very well with. Sometimes, it was due to behaviors and other times it was just different temperaments and personalities clashes.

It happens. The best thing you can do in this situation is to be truthful with yourself and know that it isn't you and it isn't him. It is just you two together that isn't working. That is perfectly fine.

If at all possible, I would let him go so he can be placed in a care environment that better meets his needs.
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daycare 11:28 AM 09-12-2012
I have a child that I can say I am not crazy about....but I still love this child to pieces would do anything to protect this child and do everything I can to give dck what they need.

I think as adults we will always find someone that we don't work well with, yet we find a way to make it work.
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daycarediva 11:29 AM 09-12-2012
Yes

dcg, crazy mouthy, rude, disrespectful, lies constantly, mean (with words) to the other kids. It doesn't help that her parents think she hung the moon and everything out of her mouth is gold. Some of the choice phrases from today include:

"I can paint better than you"
"Miss ***** I know more stuff than you do!"
"I can sing better than this singer. This singer is bad." (it was a kids cd)
"I can do karate the best in the world and I don't even need lessons!"
"I am the most beautiful little girl ever, more pretty than other dcg."
"It's not fair I have to follow X, Y, Z rules, because I shouldn't have to!"

She gets the same EXACT treatment as every other kid in my care, it's just harder to smile and bear it while nicely giving her better words to use after 8+ hours of her.
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Blackcat31 11:35 AM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Yes

dcg, crazy mouthy, rude, disrespectful, lies constantly, mean (with words) to the other kids. It doesn't help that her parents think she hung the moon and everything out of her mouth is gold. Some of the choice phrases from today include:

"I can paint better than you"
"Miss ***** I know more stuff than you do!"
"I can sing better than this singer. This singer is bad." (it was a kids cd)
"I can do karate the best in the world and I don't even need lessons!"
"I am the most beautiful little girl ever, more pretty than other dcg."
"It's not fair I have to follow X, Y, Z rules, because I shouldn't have to!"

She gets the same EXACT treatment as every other kid in my care, it's just harder to smile and bear it while nicely giving her better words to use after 8+ hours of her.
I feel sorry for kids like that. She is being inadvertantly set up by her parents for a rude awakening when she gets a bit older.

No one wants to hang out with or be friends with someone who constantly has to "one-up" them or be better than them.

Relationships are a give and take and I think her need to constantly say things like that are a cry for reassurance or a show of low self esteem. I would take the opportunity to talk with her and help her get back on track with learning how to be a friend to not only herself but to others.

This little girl seems to be presenting you with a giant "teachable moment" ...
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daycarediva 11:36 AM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I am pretty sure that it isn't that you don't like this kid as much as it is that he is just not the right fit for you and your child care.

I have had many kids with whom I did not really connect very well with. Sometimes, it was due to behaviors and other times it was just different temperaments and personalities clashes.

It happens. The best thing you can do in this situation is to be truthful with yourself and know that it isn't you and it isn't him. It is just you two together that isn't working. That is perfectly fine.

If at all possible, I would let him go so he can be placed in a care environment that better meets his needs.
Really? why? Eventually there will be teachers, bosses and coworkers who don't mesh well with these kids and EVERYONE needs to learn to get along, like each other or not. Of course there are kids who are my "favorites" but they don't get special treatment, more hugs, cookies, etc. kwim? The same with the kids I don't make as much of a connection with. They will never know I felt differently about them. This is my job, my dcg does amazingly well and has thrived in my care. Her parents are happy with her being here, she is happy. She just will never know that the minute she leaves I do a little happy dance inside.
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Blackcat31 11:38 AM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Really? why? Eventually there will be teachers, bosses and coworkers who don't mesh well with these kids and EVERYONE needs to learn to get along, like each other or not. Of course there are kids who are my "favorites" but they don't get special treatment, more hugs, cookies, etc. kwim? The same with the kids I don't make as much of a connection with. They will never know I felt differently about them. This is my job, my dcg does amazingly well and has thrived in my care. Her parents are happy with her being here, she is happy. She just will never know that the minute she leaves I do a little happy dance inside.
I'm not understanding what you mean? Why what?

I think we are on the same page and just saying it differently....
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daycarediva 11:38 AM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I feel sorry for kids like that. She is being inadvertantly set up by her parents for a rude awakening when she gets a bit older.

No one wants to hang out with or be friends with someone who constantly has to "one-up" them or be better than them.

Relationships are a give and take and I think her need to constantly say things like that are a cry for reassurance or a show of low self esteem. I would take the opportunity to talk with her and help her get back on track with learning how to be a friend to not only herself but to others.

This little girl seems to be presenting you with a giant "teachable moment" ...


Oh I totally agree. We have had MANY chats about how even though she is a wonderful artist, and sings beautifully that other people have those same talents as well and even if they don't, we never make them feel badly. By Wednesday, I have her spontaneously saying nice things, and by Friday she is everyone's BFF. When Monday rolls around however.... I really think it boils down to picking it up from Mom. (Who can be catty, and thinks she is amazing) Some kids are just set up to be 'mean girls'
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daycarediva 11:40 AM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
If at all possible, I would let him go so he can be placed in a care environment that better meets his needs.
^ why that. Sorry, should have clarified.

I JUST realized I could edit the quotes tags. HAHAHA!
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brookeroo 11:42 AM 09-12-2012
I have one that is driving me batty but I am having the hardest time getting him replaced. Just no calls coming in. I was putting him in his pack and play for time outs because it just wasn't doing any good to have him sitting for short times. (He is nearly 2 years old). I can't tell if he's just not very smart or he has a disorder. I have been successful with time outs with other's his age despite what others believe. You have to start somewhere. Usually small amounts of times and gradually increase the times little bit little. Others have said this doesn't work for children his age but I don't believe that is the case for every child. They are all different and even if they are not ready you can't just let it slide.

I do think he may have a couple disorders possibly which might be part of the problem but I can't get his parents to have him seriously checked for it or possible underlying medical disorders. He eats anything but food pretty much. He's destroying my toys and home. Doesn't listen for anything...what . so. ever... TERRIBLE manners (Puts his feet on the table during snacks and meals, (I'm sure at most his parents laugh at him and calls him a "silly boy" as she always does when she picks him up and he's acting up and pushing boundaries) stands and climbs on the furniture, throws toys, screams, pulls my toy bins over, doesn't listen. Will look right at you after you tell him not to do something and do it. ... And as of last weekend I am afraid to leave him unattended in his pack and play too long because his mom texted me numerous times this weekend (which she's not supposed to do) telling me about how he is now climbing out of his crib and pack and plays at home. He has yet to do it here surprisingly, I'm not sure why but I'm crossing my fingers. Apparently he totally trashed his bedroom the other day.

Eats rocks, sticks, his diaper, dirt, sand, chews on his arms to the point he has hickeys, his toes, his shoes, lint, scratches at my furniture to get it to open a hole to get to stuffing or scratch up lint to eat (he also does this to the carpet), ruins my toys, blankets & stuffed animals, chews on my banister, kitchen chairs, booster straps, bench (where I was putting him for time outs originally)... I can continue but regularly that's it in a "nutshell"

Oh and he screeches this ear piercing screech all day.

I would like to put a mask on him (like the one in Silence of the Lambs) and stick him in handcuffs all day but at this point there is nothing I can do. His parents think he is "normal" because they talked to the doctor about him eating his diaper and allegedly the doctor told him that it is normal and there is nothing unsafe about it. Therefore I am supposed to drop it even though he's doing all these other things she's not addressed with the doctor...nor willing to. So... I will be replacing him ASAP but just having a difficult time getting calls to come in. I can't afford to lose him right now.
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Blackcat31 11:48 AM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
^ why that. Sorry, should have clarified.

I JUST realized I could edit the quotes tags. HAHAHA!
Oh ok...gottcha

I just think that our early years are sooo important in forming our personal views of ourselves and others and the outside world that having the absolute BEST care possible along with a close bond with your primary caregivers creates a well rounded well adjusted adult later in life.

I think that even though we "think" we aren't treating a kid any differently doesn't necessarily mean we aren't sending hidden signals. Kids are VERY in tune to our body language, our tone and our mannerisms. They can tell if our faces light up when we greet them or if we are simply going through the motions...kwim?

I just meant that if the OP really truly doesn't mesh well with this little guy, then let him go and he can be in a child care when he does fit well.

Everyone deserves to have the right fit. We do this as ajob and a way to make income. We get to pick which kids we take and which we don't take. Parents get to pick which provider they use based on their wants and needs (money, convenience, hours etc) and the kids just have to come whether they always like it or not....kwim?

It just seems as though as adults we understand this stuff. We get it. We know that we HAVE to deal with certain kids, certain parents and situations but kids don't get that. They don't know how to think outside of what it means to them and how it effects them. I just think that as adults, if we have a kid in care we "don't like" much...let them go. It is probably for the best.
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daycarediva 11:54 AM 09-12-2012
Ahhh I see. Gotcha.
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crazydaycarelady 12:40 PM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by :
Eventually there will be teachers, bosses and coworkers who don't mesh well with these kids and EVERYONE needs to learn to get along, like each other or not. Of course there are kids who are my "favorites" but they don't get special treatment, more hugs, cookies, etc. kwim? The same with the kids I don't make as much of a connection with. They will never know I felt differently about them. This is my job, my dcg does amazingly well and has thrived in my care. Her parents are happy with her being here, she is happy. She just will never know that the minute she leaves I do a little happy dance inside
I totally agree with this! I have kids who I don't really connect with and kids who I cherish, but if you asked my dcparents, they would ALL say that their kid is my favorite! I treat them all the same, act like I am thrilled to see each one of them in the morning, and give them all a big hug when they leave. (I consider myself to be a top notch acctress! LOL)
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Bookworm 01:44 PM 09-12-2012
In my last group, I had 4 kids like that. After they all left, I realized that it wasn't the kid that I didn't like. It was the parenting skills of all four sets of parents. The overly permissive, my child is extra special and can do no wrong parenting. Once I realized that, I changed the way I now see my kids. I just got a new group in August and I've noticed a difference in the way I interact with my "problem" kids.
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clep 02:02 PM 09-12-2012
I had a child in my care that drove me nuts. I am confident she was on the spectrum and pushed for mom to have her assessed. Every time she was asked to do something, she would say "okayyyyyyyyyyyy" for a long period of time in a whiney, crying voice. It drove me nuts. Every time she would see her mom she would freak out, screaming and misbehaving. Mom would start to count from one to 30 with the child screaming "NO" at the top of her lungs after each number her mom said. Every drop off and every pick up. Now that she is gone our house is peaceful again.

She received the same care as every other child, the same kisses, hugs and tickles. I just had to force it with her and not the others.
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daycare 02:26 PM 09-12-2012
I have to agree that there will be people we cross in our lives that we won't mesh well with. This is where our ability to be professional and respectful comes into play.

I agree that kids can tune into Our personalities towards them, when we treat them in a different way.

I have dcp who I can't stand but I am professional and I kill them with kindness because that is the right thing to do.

The parents or the kid has NO clue how I truly feel about them.
And I see nothing wrong with it.
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Blackcat31 02:34 PM 09-12-2012
Here are two more threads about this same subject.

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...+a+daycare+kid
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saved4always 02:35 PM 09-12-2012
I haven't had a child who I did not like but I have had ones that have tried to drive me CRAZY!
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Meeko 06:40 PM 09-12-2012
I had one little girl leave me last year after 5 years of care (from birth). I did the happy dance the moment I shut the door.......I usually cry like a baby when my little ones leave. She was a gorgeous baby...and then the parents split and spent every second trying to outdo each other and win their place as her favorite parent. She became a manipulative little monster.

This girl was Angelica from the "Rugrats" in the flesh. Spiteful, self-absorbed, rude, spoiled....the list goes on. So sad.

I recently saw them in town. Nothing has changed. The child showed me her latest toy and clothes. (Close your eyes and see Angelica doing this with attitude) She then announced that she hated school and that Mommy was going to move her to another one. The mom whispered to me that there had been "problems" in KG. No duh!!!! Of course the child is blameless and it's all the teachers fault for expecting too much of her....... Mom needs to open her eyes and see what they have created.
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Sprouts 06:52 PM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Yes

dcg, crazy mouthy, rude, disrespectful, lies constantly, mean (with words) to the other kids. It doesn't help that her parents think she hung the moon and everything out of her mouth is gold. Some of the choice phrases from today include:

"I can paint better than you"
"Miss ***** I know more stuff than you do!"
"I can sing better than this singer. This singer is bad." (it was a kids cd)
"I can do karate the best in the world and I don't even need lessons!"
"I am the most beautiful little girl ever, more pretty than other dcg."
"It's not fair I have to follow X, Y, Z rules, because I shouldn't have to!"

She gets the same EXACT treatment as every other kid in my care, it's just harder to smile and bear it while nicely giving her better words to use after 8+ hours of her.
Oh man, this sounds some what like my daughter, but I don't feed into it or tell her those things...i feel bad because when she acts likes this to other children I feel bad and try and lead her in the write direction...but it is a bit frustrating
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jokalima 08:08 PM 09-12-2012
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
Can i ask why you are keeping a child in care that is hurting others?
Because usually he is always hurting his sibling and I've been trying to work w/mom on this. He did good for a while, but for the past 2 weeks he is going backwards and it's becoming really difficult for me to handle such a messy child. is like he does not understand rules or how to follow them.
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Jetsmama 08:56 PM 09-12-2012
I wouldn't say I have a child I can't stand. Although, I do have one that annoys me and can make my blood pressure rise. He's almost 5 and if another kids looks at him wrong he whines, and if he gets hit the whining can go on and on. And he also will lie and blame other children for his actions, not to mention he argues with me, which is my pet peeve. But, he can be the most sweet and loving child the next moment....go figure.
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My3cents 04:37 AM 09-13-2012
I have kids that are very spirited, strong little personalities. Very loved by the parents. They think the world revolves around just them. There are things that I don't like about each of them, but I love my little group- all of them. I find that kids will go through phases of "behaviors" we don't like, but all in all there is a sense of innocence in children and they have so much learning going on in the first five years of their little lives. Kids adapt and they are capable of learning the rules from one place to another. Doesn't mean that they won't try to manipulate all of us.
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Mom&Provider 05:02 AM 09-13-2012
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
In my last group, I had 4 kids like that. After they all left, I realized that it wasn't the kid that I didn't like. It was the parenting skills of all four sets of parents. The overly permissive, my child is extra special and can do no wrong parenting. Once I realized that, I changed the way I now see my kids. I just got a new group in August and I've noticed a difference in the way I interact with my "problem" kids.
I agree with this. I had one child, he moved and is no longer here, but there were days I just had enough and it always seemed to be this one child that was the issue. I thought long and hard about what the issues really were (I was considering letting him go), it's only then I realized it wasn't the child but the parents who I had the real issues with. The parents were the ones bringing him into care ill, late/early and always picking up late and telling me what he needed (i.e. don't forget a drink outside, my child drinks alot as you know etc.). But it made me feel disconnect with the child since I would become upset he had come ill, I was angry he was always the last child here etc.

For me it was easy, he was leaving anyway, but next time I will look at the real reasons for my upset with one specific child and try to work it out sooner!
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countrymom 05:54 AM 09-13-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I have to agree that there will be people we cross in our lives that we won't mesh well with. This is where our ability to be professional and respectful comes into play.

I agree that kids can tune into Our personalities towards them, when we treat them in a different way.

I have dcp who I can't stand but I am professional and I kill them with kindness because that is the right thing to do.

The parents or the kid has NO clue how I truly feel about them.
And I see nothing wrong with it.
I agree with this. I also agree with the poster who said that in life we are always going to meet people or work with people that don't mesh with us, but we make it work, nobody says we have to like them we just have to tolerate them.
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cheerfuldom 08:45 AM 09-13-2012
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Yes

dcg, crazy mouthy, rude, disrespectful, lies constantly, mean (with words) to the other kids. It doesn't help that her parents think she hung the moon and everything out of her mouth is gold. Some of the choice phrases from today include:

"I can paint better than you"
"Miss ***** I know more stuff than you do!"
"I can sing better than this singer. This singer is bad." (it was a kids cd)
"I can do karate the best in the world and I don't even need lessons!"
"I am the most beautiful little girl ever, more pretty than other dcg."
"It's not fair I have to follow X, Y, Z rules, because I shouldn't have to!"

She gets the same EXACT treatment as every other kid in my care, it's just harder to smile and bear it while nicely giving her better words to use after 8+ hours of her.
she sounds like a very insecure little girl. I know the parents think they are doing the right thing in over praising her but clearly she is still looking for validation...thinking that what she does or how she looks determines who she is....thats sad
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EntropyControlSpecialist 09:00 AM 09-13-2012
Those that have not been a good fit we have termed. It made me dread work every single day that they were here. It wasn't healthy for them and it wasn't healthy for me.
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Tags:dislike, disliking a daycare kid, not meshing
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