meli829 06:57 AM 09-08-2010
I had two dcg's start this morning integration for 2 hours. First dcg didn't cry and did great! The other dcg came with her dad, he stayed a bit. then left when she wasn't looking. It took all of 3 seconds for dcg to notice and she started screaming and cried the whole time until I called dcd to pick her up. He disclosed that at her previous daycare, she cried the entire day for a week! I'm not sure what to do, they are only a temp family, but dcm doesn't have any other time for integration, as she's starting school next week. We would only have tomorrow to try to work something out. What would you do?
missnikki 07:30 AM 09-08-2010
I think I would tell the dad that in order for her to have a sucessful time here, he needs to talk to her about what is going to happen before they get to daycare. He needs to go over the fact that he'll be back to pick her up after ____time, and to pick her favorite way to give him 'loves' before he leaves. It can be a hug, blow a kiss, etc... It can be anything she wants but one and done. Then you need to tell him to leave immediately, and that you will do your best to comfort and distract her once he is out of sight. Most importantly, let him know that she knows when she is being tricked and that is very scary for a little kid.
I would cry too if my mom plopped me with a stranger then POOF, disappeared.
MarinaVanessa 08:05 AM 09-08-2010
Originally Posted by missnikki:
I would cry too if my mom plopped me with a stranger then POOF, disappeared.
I completely agree. Maybe having whichever parent drops her off spend some time in the AM with her and explaining the whole time what is going to happen and what is expected of her so that she fully understands what is going to happen. Explaining to a child that mom/dad will be back in a few hours to pick her back and that they love her and will always come back for her helps too. He tried coming in and staying with her for a bit and she cried, maybe he should drop her off and say his goodbyes at the door before even knocking. I had the experience where a DC mom would stay for 15-20 mins each morning and when it was time to leave DC girl would cry. When we tried the "goodby's at the door" thing, she cried for a bit at first but as soon as I walked DC girl in (DCM stayed outside) and mom left she was fine. Try different things until you find something that works.
kitkat 10:20 AM 09-08-2010
Daddy did a big no-no with his disappearing act. I'd freak out, too! I agree with the others, a short, sweet, and to the point good bye and out the door. We have a big window that all the kids stand at to wave good bye (we wave to everyone's parent). Maybe have her and any other kids wave good bye and she can blow kisses.
kendallina 10:20 AM 09-08-2010
Originally Posted by missnikki:
I would cry too if my mom plopped me with a stranger then POOF, disappeared.
Absolutely! I never let parents sneak out. Just because it's easier on the parent does not mean it's easier on the child. That child is not going to trust her dad anymore if whenever he takes her somewhere he just leaves without saying goodbye. I tell parents that they need to come in with the child, help them get involved in whatever we're doing, say goodbye, tell them when they'll be back and promptly leave. Good luck!