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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Why Does Everyone Think EXTRA Or MORE Is Always Better?
wdmmom 09:24 AM 02-23-2012
Previously I wrote a thread regarding daycare hours and activities your own children are involved in.

Many of you said that if your parents didn't agree to let you transport or wouldn't accommodate you toting your kid to hockey, gymnastics, dance, etc, you'd term or they would be forced to comply with your earlier hours on certain days.

So, I thought for grins I'd put that out there. I have a total of 6 families and my current closing time is 530pm. To which I usually only have 2 to 4 kids after 5pm.

I thought I'd try it slow and tell families that I wanted to change my hours to close at 515pm. 1 family said that wasn't going to work for them and that if I chose to do that, I needed to let them know right away so they could make arrangements. (I'm assuming this meant arrangements to look for other care although they are my longest running clients.)

Another DCM said she usually works until 445pm but during tax season she works until 515pm and could be here at 520pm to pick up. She wanted to know if I would accommodate that.

Another family (which the DCM is off at 4pm everyday) said that they will accommodate the earlier closing time when it is final. (In other words, until then, they are going to continue to keep the 510pm pickup.)

Now my kids are at an age where I feel sports and activities may be something to consider. Cost is always the big question along with the hours the activity runs and the extended transportation needed.

I have a part time family that has a 3 year old that is in gymnastics, their school age boy is in t-ball and helps out. Given their dad is the sports director at the high school, they are an active family and they can afford the extras in life.

I have another DCB in my care full time that goes to preschool twice a week. Because I don't provide transportation, DCM has to pay for someone to take him back and forth along with the cost of tuition ($140 a month) plus daycare. Now she's pregnant and contemplating going back to work after the baby is born yet she was just complaining about the expense she is paying out for daycare, preschool and transportation?!

None of the other kids are in any activities.

My own children are 15, 12, 11, 10 and 7. My stepson is 10 and he is in hockey. It is not paid for by us (grandma) and we are only required to take him 4 out of the 8 days per month.

My own son, 11, wants to join Taekwondo. So not only do I need to consider the cost of that but the fees associated: buying a uniform, enrollment fee and transportation.

Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably? I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Are they on top of their school work? Are they able to transport themselves? Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them?

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?
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Country Kids 09:48 AM 02-23-2012
My hubby became a coach to a sport and all but one of our kids have played it. He didn't set out to become the coach but did and loved it. People asked for him to coach teams because he was so good at it. I guess if there where no kids to do this sport, he wouldn't have found one of his true callings/passions in life.

This isn't something new for kids. I remember way back in the 80's playing sports after school, during the summer and being in elementary school. There was always dance/gymnastics/something going on. Maybe not to the extent now but they have always been there.

With school eleminating pe programs left and right/taking recesses out of schools and parents working all crazy hours, when are these kids suppose to get exercise. It is one of the biggest health problems in kids-childhood obesity-but everything is being cut. Even alot of the sports programs in schools are being cut and there is nothing for kids to do.

Now, with the schools that do have sports programs. Its getting to the point that schools from all stages-elementary through college-will see how long a child has played a sport. You no longer cans start playing in highschool unless you are some gifted person. I know are middle schools start making cuts in 7th grade. If you are just starting then you probably won't be making the team.

All the programs my kids participate in offer scholarships for parents who absolutely can't afford them. I personally would rather my kids be in an activity than cooped up in the house playing video games that cost-$65, phones that cost so much a month, the internet that has things on it that aren't appropriate and cost, and also watching the tv that cost so much a month. Once you add these 4 things up, probably a month of them would pay for your child to play a sport for a whole season. Some things are more expensive-gymanstics for one and dance. Those are things you have to weigh if its right for for our family.

We are involved in activities but we are also outside with our kids playing, bike riding, walking, etc. It depends on your family and whats important for them.
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Solandia 09:49 AM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?
Because the school years is the perfect time to experience things beyond school...a wonderful way to find your passions and a wonderful way to gain confidence.

How often do you hear of an adult picking up an instument (never having played anything, ever?) And then having the time to devote 3+ times a week to practice to even become middling good so that it is actually enjoyable to play. Same with sports...I was in volleyball, basketball, track...I certainly wouldn't have signed up with the YMCA to join a sand volleyball team or an adult saturday tourney for basketball (If I have never played competitive before). Not , as an adult, you are working fulltime, and/or have your own kids....these type of things take a ton of effort as an adult.

I am willing to schlep my jr high/high schooler around to "experience" these things...it is teaching them time management, being part of a team, how to prioritize when they can't be in everything...choosing one activity over the other. They are gaining their own experiences AWAY from the family...a very important transition for teens...IMO.

I do NOT find value in preschoolers/grade schoolers in a ton of activities...that is when you DO want to be family centric...so that you can have a solid base for letting them grow their own wings as teens.
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cheerfuldom 09:55 AM 02-23-2012
I like much of what you had to say OP. These ideas are in general, one of the reasons I am closing my daycare. For the past year, we have been in a huge push to live debt free and are making good progress. Right now, my three kids have no "extras" like dance or sports. Yes they are all under 5 but by preschool age, many of their little friends have very full schedules. We have downsized our vehicles, paid off bills, started couponing and cut our vacation out for the summer (its now a "staycation"). With all those changes, in the next month or so, I will be down to one daycare kid and one part time job on the weekends to make ends meet. My kids need more mom time and more family time more than anything that any lesson or group or club can teach them. Plus we have some good options for free activities in my community and church. More is not always better but this is America, so most people think that way. People practically pass out when me or my husband mention cloth diapering, minimalist living and the other choices we have made in order for both of us to spend more time with our kids. We also do all this with no government assistance or extended family support whatsoever. When it is time for my kids to have the opportunity for music lessons or such, we will find a way to do that without going overboard, stressing them or our finances. I am a big supporter of music and the arts as well as sports....there is a lot of great learning opportunities there but these things are luxuries and it is important to keep that in mind when we decide to enter our kids into anything like that.
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iheartkids 09:59 AM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by Solandia:
Because the school years is the perfect time to experience things beyond school...a wonderful way to find your passions and a wonderful way to gain confidence.

How often do you hear of an adult picking up an instument (never having played anything, ever?) And then having the time to devote 3+ times a week to practice to even become middling good so that it is actually enjoyable to play. Same with sports...I was in volleyball, basketball, track...I certainly wouldn't have signed up with the YMCA to join a sand volleyball team or an adult saturday tourney for basketball (If I have never played competitive before). Not , as an adult, you are working fulltime, and/or have your own kids....these type of things take a ton of effort as an adult.

I am willing to schlep my jr high/high schooler around to "experience" these things...it is teaching them time management, being part of a team, how to prioritize when they can't be in everything...choosing one activity over the other. They are gaining their own experiences AWAY from the family...a very important transition for teens...IMO.

I do NOT find value in preschoolers/grade schoolers in a ton of activities...that is when you DO want to be family centric...so that you can have a solid base for letting them grow their own wings as teens.
I agree 100%
I can't wait for junior high so my daughter can start experiencing everything she wants. I regret not doing some things in school that were offered. But I do agree that when they are preschool age they should have family/play time.
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renodeb 09:59 AM 02-23-2012
My own kids are 15 and 9. They are each in a sport and thye love it. Grandma pays for them and helps transport them when she can. SPorts has been apart of there lives for a long time. I try not to make my kids do without if at all possible. SOmetimes they are late to practice but they always make it. I dont transport my dc kids with me to these sports but if the dc parents are late picking up them it does mess us up time wise. I to have tried to close at 515 and it was a no go. I would say if you have a lot of kids of your own sports could get pricy. Each person has to decide what they can and cant live without. Dont be so quick to judge others, we are all trying to do the best we can.
Debbie
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wdmmom 10:06 AM 02-23-2012
I agree to certain extents with each of you.

I don't think forking over a ton of money is advantageous when a child is 2-10. I think when they hit about 12 is when they are more understanding of what being in an activity is going to do for them, their schedule, their schooling, etc.

More the reason that my girls don't much care to participate. They are both in chorus...most of which is done during school hours. There are few and infrequent times that they are required after school, an occasional Saturday or an evening for a concert. They are fully understanding that they are not only doing something they love but they are also receiving high school credit for partaking in the class.

I grew up in the 80's too in a great neighborhood full of families with other kids. I don't remember any of us being in any activities...at least not until we hit middle/high school. Even then, there were several struggling families that didn't have their kids in anything. I wanted to be in gymnastics. Do I hate my parents for not letting me be...of course not. We weren't well off and the cost of the activity would have caused financial hardship for my family.

My kids might not be in anything that is an activity/sport but they do not have full access to a computer or internet (a parent must log them in). We also have the computer in our family room so we can monitor what they are doing. The game controllers are locked up and the kids have to ask for them.

The kids get plenty of exercise. They have PE 2-3 times per week in school, they have 3 recesses per day and they are always outside (weather permitting) riding bikes, playing basketball, rip-sticking, or playing with the neighborhood kids. I realize childhood obesity is a problem...it is among adults as well. But it shouldn't be used as a reason to promote activities either.
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meganlavonnesmommy 10:07 AM 02-23-2012
I dont think more is better, but I do think extra activities are good for kids. My kids are 5 and 9. They are each in one activity. They can choose the activity, but only one at a time. My son does Tae Kwon Do twice a week, and my daughter does Girl Scouts once a week. They are both relatively cheap, $20 per year for girl scouts, plus $5 dues per month, and Tae Kwon Do is $35 a month. They are both just a few miles from our home, so not far, and in a direction that I usually go for running errands anyway.
I think both activities have taught my kids a TON! Girl scouts has taught my daughter about community service, helping others, to be responsible, to be outgoing and to be a good friend. Tae Kwon Do has taught my son HUGE lessons in self discipline, respect, and responsibility. I think group activities with their peers is a great teaching tool, and well worth the hassle of us bringing them to the activities. I would rather do without myself and cut back in other areas so my kids can keep their activities.

I do agree that many families overschedule their kids. I see many families that never have dinner together because they are running from activity to activity. Their kids are eating dinner at 8pm and going to bed well after 10pm.
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daycare 10:08 AM 02-23-2012
I have coached sports for almost 20 years I feel that sport and other activities gives a child a chance to learn to master something, to build self-esteem, confidence, to learn to work as a team, to learn to work with people they don't like and still create fun and success. It can help motivate children to excel academically and can help build social skills. Participation also can teach children the benefits of goal-setting and practice.

It also helps children to learn to make a commitment and stick to it. Teaches them respect and responsibility. It is also a great way for a child to learn healthy exercise at a young age and hopefully can carry it over into adulthood.


Kids learn leadership skills, team-building skills and communication skills that will help them in school, their future career and personal relationships.

I believe that if children have something to do, that they won't go looking for something to do.

But this is just me and what I believe
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Cat Herder 10:10 AM 02-23-2012
I am preparing my kids for college. Our after school activities and electives are in the interest of scholarships.

ROTC, Band, Chorus, Yearbook, Student Council, Wrestling and Basketball will help my (3) teens down the road. BUT all are supported by donations to the school booster clubs.

When I home schooled, the sports leagues, field trips and lessons (violin, karate, dance, etc.) were to open their world a bit bigger.

All were calculated and budgeted for. I don't regret any of them... granted I am not struggling financially, either. I can't afford much more, but eat very well.

IMHO, All things, in proportion, can build character, self-esteem and broaden their horizons a bit.
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daycare 10:14 AM 02-23-2012
Oh I also forgot to mention that it look OUTSTANDING on a college application as well!!!!!
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My3cents 10:25 AM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Previously I wrote a thread regarding daycare hours and activities your own children are involved in.

Many of you said that if your parents didn't agree to let you transport or wouldn't accommodate you toting your kid to hockey, gymnastics, dance, etc, you'd term or they would be forced to comply with your earlier hours on certain days.

So, I thought for grins I'd put that out there. I have a total of 6 families and my current closing time is 530pm. To which I usually only have 2 to 4 kids after 5pm.

I thought I'd try it slow and tell families that I wanted to change my hours to close at 515pm. 1 family said that wasn't going to work for them and that if I chose to do that, I needed to let them know right away so they could make arrangements. (I'm assuming this meant arrangements to look for other care although they are my longest running clients.)

Another DCM said she usually works until 445pm but during tax season she works until 515pm and could be here at 520pm to pick up. She wanted to know if I would accommodate that.

Another family (which the DCM is off at 4pm everyday) said that they will accommodate the earlier closing time when it is final. (In other words, until then, they are going to continue to keep the 510pm pickup.)

Now my kids are at an age where I feel sports and activities may be something to consider. Cost is always the big question along with the hours the activity runs and the extended transportation needed.

I have a part time family that has a 3 year old that is in gymnastics, their school age boy is in t-ball and helps out. Given their dad is the sports director at the high school, they are an active family and they can afford the extras in life.

I have another DCB in my care full time that goes to preschool twice a week. Because I don't provide transportation, DCM has to pay for someone to take him back and forth along with the cost of tuition ($140 a month) plus daycare. Now she's pregnant and contemplating going back to work after the baby is born yet she was just complaining about the expense she is paying out for daycare, preschool and transportation?!

None of the other kids are in any activities.

My own children are 15, 12, 11, 10 and 7. My stepson is 10 and he is in hockey. It is not paid for by us (grandma) and we are only required to take him 4 out of the 8 days per month.

My own son, 11, wants to join Taekwondo. So not only do I need to consider the cost of that but the fees associated: buying a uniform, enrollment fee and transportation.

Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably? I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Are they on top of their school work? Are they able to transport themselves? Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them?

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?
It all depends on what you want for your family. For us it became a resentment when every night we were doing something and weekends too. There was not rest time, no family unit time, and it was just way too much for us. It was also hard to let go of all the things we wanted to do.

Kids that are involved, stand a better chance of staying out of trouble, drugs etc... studies show this. They also have a support system of friends.

I think parent's want our children to experience things. We "want" for our kids. There is more out there to want for, then when we were kids.

Affording activities takes a toll. Exercise for health is important, because we are not as active as we were. Our faces are planted in front of a screen more then they were five years ago, ten years ago and so on. We don't just tell our kids to go out and play and come back when the street lights come on anymore. It is not safe. So many variables fall into place.

I don't think it has taken over our lives I think we just want for our children. I feel it can take over if you don't step back and take a look at what is in the best interest of your family unit. We have always gone with out so that we can do for our kids if it is important to us. They are only little for so long, and then they grow up and start their own lives. I guess it all depends on what drives you. Money, time, commitment, prestige, etc.... I will never be driven on having my child involved with something because xy and z are doing it. My husband and I run our family and we do what we feel is the best for us.

The economy has definitely impacted how much we do, and what we buy. We used to buy ice cream once in a while as a treat. Now we will only buy it if it's on sale, and then we still look at it to see if we really want to spend so much $$$ on it. Clementines at the beginning of the season started off at $9.99 a box- who can afford that? Many other items like this. We stretch meals out more and buy less. We plan trips to the store and think about gas. Gas irritates me, because when the weather is nicer the gas goes up, holidays the gas goes up. Maintaining a home is harder because of inflation. Vacations, most of us end up doing day trips and packing a lunch, because its not affordable to go away and stay over night. I used to be very involved in scrapbooking, now its the last thing I think of because I don't have that extra money to spend on. Everything has gone up, but peoples wages. Wages have not gone up enough to keep up.

3cents jumping off the box now..... don't know if I answered your ?'s
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countrymom 10:32 AM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I have coached sports for almost 20 years I feel that sport and other activities gives a child a chance to learn to master something, to build self-esteem, confidence, to learn to work as a team, to learn to work with people they don't like and still create fun and success. It can help motivate children to excel academically and can help build social skills. Participation also can teach children the benefits of goal-setting and practice.

It also helps children to learn to make a commitment and stick to it. Teaches them respect and responsibility. It is also a great way for a child to learn healthy exercise at a young age and hopefully can carry it over into adulthood.


Kids learn leadership skills, team-building skills and communication skills that will help them in school, their future career and personal relationships.

I believe that if children have something to do, that they won't go looking for something to do.

But this is just me and what I believe

I couldn't have said it better. I have 4 kids and they are involved in tons of activities and when you see their faces when they accomplish something then its all worth it.
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countrymom 10:35 AM 02-23-2012
op, I don't understand what you are asking. Are you mad because kids take activities, is it that the parents don't want to accomadate you, what are trying to say.
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bunnyslippers 11:11 AM 02-23-2012
I have to be honest, I am a little bothered by this thread. I may be taking it personally, but I think it is just fine to include your children in as many opportunities as you can. I work very hard to be able to afford lessons, sports, and extras for my boys, and I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to do so. In order for them to be the well-rounded people I want them to grow into, it is my job to expose them to as much as we are able. If not, how will they know what they love and are passionate about? I also make it a point to organiza my child care model around the needs of my family. Our schools do not offer many of the activities that once were available. I do not believe in overscheduling every minute of every day, but I think a couple of activities per child is just fine.
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Springdaze 11:19 AM 02-23-2012
I am not sure what the OP is asking either, but I wish I could have my kids do what they want to and need to, but sometimes you do have to draw the line. Right now, my kids have a church group on weds (kinda like scouts) and football/cheer in the fall. son is going to try tball in the spring, but Im not sure when the practices are, so that could be a problem.

My dd also is in tumbling for cheer since nov and I have to take her out because it is getting too costly. 170 per 2 months. football/cheer is 200 each, but we get 100 each back when its over. now DH wants ds to do katate, but then dd will want to and I cant do it all! I have to struggle with not being able to give them what they want and I have to remember that I didnt do much more than band from 5th to 12th, and I dont feel overly deprived!

not to mention that dh works second shift so guess who gets to bring them all over for everything?
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WImom 11:27 AM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
I have to be honest, I am a little bothered by this thread. I may be taking it personally, but I think it is just fine to include your children in as many opportunities as you can. I work very hard to be able to afford lessons, sports, and extras for my boys, and I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to do so. In order for them to be the well-rounded people I want them to grow into, it is my job to expose them to as much as we are able. If not, how will they know what they love and are passionate about? I also make it a point to organiza my child care model around the needs of my family. Our schools do not offer many of the activities that once were available. I do not believe in overscheduling every minute of every day, but I think a couple of activities per child is just fine.
I have to agree. We have an awesome rec department here and classes run about $25-35 dollars and last about 6 weeks. My kids usually take 1-2 classes at a time and have a lot of fun. Through doing this my 9y DD has learned she loves to dance and my 7y old DD likes baseball and track. I've finally now with my oldest being 9y old am moving away from rec department for her. She LOVES dance and is on a competitive cheer team. It's a little expensive but I'm doing daycare to help pay for it. We are also lucky that our elem. schools have orchestra, chorus and band. My 9y old is in chorus and plays cello (going on 3 years now) and my 7y old plays violin. I have been lucky that other school kids live close to us and can take my kids since practice is before school and I can't take them. I feel like my kids taking all these things makes them very well rounded. We are not busy every night (2-3 a week). They are learning alot from sports,music, etc. (rec. is luckily in the evenings after 5pm) I also think this keeps them active and healthy. They watch maybe 3 hours of tv a week and haven't been sick once this whole school year yet (YET...knocking on wood).
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WImom 11:31 AM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I have coached sports for almost 20 years I feel that sport and other activities gives a child a chance to learn to master something, to build self-esteem, confidence, to learn to work as a team, to learn to work with people they don't like and still create fun and success. It can help motivate children to excel academically and can help build social skills. Participation also can teach children the benefits of goal-setting and practice.

It also helps children to learn to make a commitment and stick to it. Teaches them respect and responsibility. It is also a great way for a child to learn healthy exercise at a young age and hopefully can carry it over into adulthood.


Kids learn leadership skills, team-building skills and communication skills that will help them in school, their future career and personal relationships.

I believe that if children have something to do, that they won't go looking for something to do.

But this is just me and what I believe
I totally agree!!
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saved4always 11:35 AM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
I have to be honest, I am a little bothered by this thread. I may be taking it personally, but I think it is just fine to include your children in as many opportunities as you can. I work very hard to be able to afford lessons, sports, and extras for my boys, and I feel it is my responsibility as a parent to do so. In order for them to be the well-rounded people I want them to grow into, it is my job to expose them to as much as we are able. If not, how will they know what they love and are passionate about? I also make it a point to organiza my child care model around the needs of my family. Our schools do not offer many of the activities that once were available. I do not believe in overscheduling every minute of every day, but I think a couple of activities per child is just fine.
ITA, Bunnyslippers. My children have never been overscheduled, but they have been able to take part in after school activities that they enjoy. We have generally kept them to one chosen activity at a time. Church activity does not have to count as the one activity (cuz my dh and I are the ones who originally wanted them in those ). I have always had the 1 chosen activity rule because I do not want our family running every evening. Now, none of their activities are on the weekend, so that is really good for our family time, too.

My 10 yo daughter is in a girl's club at church one evening a week and she takes gymnastics on another evening. She absolutely loves both. She tried soccer when she was younger but she did not like it so we let her try something else. She didn't think piano was "worth practicing" so we let her stop that, too. Then she found gymnastics a few years ago and she absolutely loves it! If we hadn't let her try different activities outside of school and homework, she would never have know that she loves doing a cartwheel, handstand or double front hip circle (or something like that ). These activities also allow her to have friends outside of school or outside of the neighborhood (there is sometimes alot of drama within the neighborhood so it is good to have something else to do sometimes).

My 17 yo son used to play soccer. He was a very good goalie. For years he wanted to learn piano and I finally found a woman gives lessons nearby 5 or 6 years ago. He is so good!! He was able to find a talent he has because we let him take lessons. He is still taking lessons now. He also has been on the tennis team for the last few years at school. He enjoys it sooo much! Now that he can drive, his activities really only involve him. He also goes to a bible study one night a week. He gets mostly A's and has no problem keeping up with his homework.

So, these activities are actually making my kids well-rounded. They would probably be bored and just watch more tv if they had no activities. They are discovering the types of activities that they like and do not like. They are getting physical activity. If grades did start to fall, I would actually be more likely to blame it on too much tv or video games than on extracuriculars. The one time my ds's grades did drop years ago was because of his Nintendo DS playing instead of doing his assignments, not because of outside activities.
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wahmof3 11:37 AM 02-23-2012
This is exactly why I quit a $25/hour job to start my own child care. So my kids could participate in extra-cirriculars. I am a FIRM believer that keeping my kids active will lower the chances of them getting bored & then getting in trouble.

My parents are very flexible come spring when softball/baseball kicks in. But my advantage is: my families are all teachers school is out at 3:15, they are always here for pick up by 4:30 & on days when I need to be at the ball field early they work with me. In return on nights they have meetings or need to bring a little earlier I don't charge them. Its a happy medium
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MN Mom 11:44 AM 02-23-2012
I live 20 miles from town. Unfortunately, due to the economy and gas prices (which are on the rise....AGAIN..ugh) my children are not able to be involved in much. My oldest DD started violin in 5th grade. She's still playing in 7th, and I am paying for extra 1 hour lessons 2x / a month vs. 30 min lessons each week to save on gas. She is also allowed to be in 1 school play per year (preferably the fall play due to better driving conditions). They practice after school and on Saturdays so, again my 1 play per year limit is due to gas prices.

My second oldest dd just started flute this year, and will start doing lessons next year as well IF I can coordinate them on the same day as her older sisters Violin lessons. I have 2 more, both in elementary, and they are not involved in extras...yet. My oldest dd also has confirmation on Wed evenings from 6:45-8pm. Luckily, the church is a country church and only 1.5 miles from my home. All four of my kids are very involved in Church and Sunday School, and participate in that every week. Much of my time is coordinating and planning on getting as much as possible done when going to town as not to waste gas.

In reality...to me...it comes down to affordability. Sure those lessons / activities may only cost XXDollars / month...but after you figure in gas prices, car maintenance, and time invested how much does it REALLY cost?

If gas were 88cents a gallon, like it was when I graduated HS in 1998...my kids would be involved in EVERYTHING
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LittleD 11:44 AM 02-23-2012
Studies show active kids do better academically!
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MyAngels 12:01 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
I have coached sports for almost 20 years I feel that sport and other activities gives a child a chance to learn to master something, to build self-esteem, confidence, to learn to work as a team, to learn to work with people they don't like and still create fun and success. It can help motivate children to excel academically and can help build social skills. Participation also can teach children the benefits of goal-setting and practice.

It also helps children to learn to make a commitment and stick to it. Teaches them respect and responsibility. It is also a great way for a child to learn healthy exercise at a young age and hopefully can carry it over into adulthood.


Kids learn leadership skills, team-building skills and communication skills that will help them in school, their future career and personal relationships.

I believe that if children have something to do, that they won't go looking for something to do.

But this is just me and what I believe
This, exactly. Plus, a side benefit for my kids were the scholarships they received to college. Two partials and a full ride. They actually get to graduate from college without the crushing student debt that some of their peers have.
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MNMum 12:07 PM 02-23-2012
I think it's a great discussion. We are constantly revamping our "activities" calendar. I was in everything in school, but nothing consisitently. So I was well rounded but not the "best" at anything. Looked good on college apps. I hope for my children they will find at least one thing they love and are good at (or at least love to do it) and stick with it while trying other activities for short periods.

With my first child her early activities were more for me, to get to know other mothers with young kids. She started dance before she was 2. Now that we have 3 kids, the littlest will not have the same experience, cause I don't need it anymore!

We moved last summer so we are closer to schools and extracurriculars. We group things as much as possible, and hopefully we can set up some carpooling when the kids are older.

It's also more difficult to just send your kids out nowadays to go play with the neighborhood kids, there's no one home, they are all at daycare or activities.
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wdmmom 12:23 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by LittleD:
Studies show active kids do better academically!
I would have to disagree with this statement. My kids do exceptionally well in school. They have a tutor that comes twice a week to keep them all on task and make sure they are understanding material. (Sometimes it looks foreign to us! )

As for looking better on a college application...again...not true. In fact, only prestige colleges even have an application that asks about extra curricular activities. Most colleges don't care unless that is what you are going to school for.

And...to answer countrymom:

I'm not mad that kids take activities, I'm more tired of hearing people gripe on here about losing income yet never taking into consideration what sports are really costing you. People look at the per month price. They don't look at anything else.

This is something my husband and I disagree with all the time. I feel it is imperative for a child to have a loving mother and father in their household along with good food, meals together, time to focus on their homework and if time allows, time to play outside. (I guess we are fortunate enough to live in a cul de sac that is safe enough that we can send out kids out to play for an hour while dinner is cooking, while some are not.)

My husband was adopted at 3 years old and introduced to activities at that age. I find it completely obsurd to enroll a child in anything at that age. I even disagree with having the kids in anything beyond the norm. The kids can join scouts, band, orchestra, or chorus during elementary school. Scouts cost $20 a year, band is free, you just have to rent/purchase the instrument (they do have sliding fee scale for those unable to pay the full amount), same with orchestra and no fee for chorus. All of these activities are once a week or once every 2 weeks and are done during school hours with the exception of scouts and when there is a concert for the others.

Here's a prime example of what it is really costing. Keep in mind that I am in the midwest so prices may very from location to location. Hockey:

Equipment: $400 (this includes helmet, stick, knee pads, elbow pads, jersey, shorts, socks, skates, mouth guard, tape, bag for equipment, etc.

Annual cost: $360 (this includes 1 hour sessions usually twice per week)

Sharpening of skates: $90 ($10 each time, hockey is a 9 month committment)

Gas: $360 annually (I figured about $5 for a round trip.)

This comes to $1210!!!!!!!

And this doesn't include the wear and tear on your vehicle, tires, wiper blades, oil changes, etc!!!

Even when you take the total divided by 9 months it is in session, it's still equivalent to $135 a month or $32 a week or $15.70 per hour!!!!

To me, THAT is not going to scream anything OUTSTANDING when he is 10 years old!!!

What about those of you that have 3, 4, or 5 or more children? Are they all in activities?

Personally, I find living in a nice home, drive nice vehicles, eat good quality food, eating meals as a family, and being there to sit down with my kids at the kitchen table to play a game or do homework much more rewarding than toting them back and forth from activity to activity.

And...for my final 2 cents...perhaps childhood obesity is such a problem because kids are being run from school to home to get their things to McDonalds for a kiddy meal to gymnastics where they aren't burning off the full 600 calories they just ate. Just my opinion.

The other part that kills me is how are you able to sustain a business, afford activities for your children, still provide them with a wholesome meal, time to do schoolwork, time to do their chores, showers, and still give time for yourself?!
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Greenplasticwateringcans 12:40 PM 02-23-2012
I find some of these comments flawed and a bit judgemental.

My children come home everyday to me and DH when he is of work. They have a home cooked meal almost everynight, wear nice, clean clothes, get plenty of outdoor time, get lots of free play time, get lots of one on one time, and still happily get "dragged" around to activities each week.

My daughter does not each McDonald's after her dance classes, my 5 year old son loves his very expensive hockey, and my daughter's esteem has been boosted tremendously with voice lessons. The girls are also in Girl Guides, and 1 is also in skating and my littlest is in preschool 4 hours per week even with me doing daycare.

What works for some won't work for all but to come down on it as if it must be a worst case situation for the family is absurd.
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Solandia 12:42 PM 02-23-2012
Hockey, Gymnastics, DAnce, Swim team (travel), and any of the travel teams are notoriously expensive. That isn't even something I could consider even starting with my kids because it is completely unaffordable past 5 yo.

I take the lead from my KIDS, because...they have minds of their own. My values and wants for them are not the same as they want themselves.

My 10yo HATES the thought of being in anything except 4H. She doesn't even want to do a summer camp (I loved camps as a kid!). My 13yo LOVES being in everything. She loves being stretched to the limit, pushed and pulled. dd#2 is a homebody,and loves to eat at home every night, snuggle on the couch and play board games. My other two are too young to know what they want beside eat their boogers.

As far as my own activites...well, I have a couple of businesses, I have friends I see occasionally, and go out with my sissy once in a while. The jr high/high school years fly by...I would hate to miss out on my 13yo's acheivements and accomplishments because I thought her place was at my kitchen table every.single.night. BUT, I would have more "me" time.

I think the "complaining" that is annoying you so much is just a difference in priorities. I would rather complain of losing money or a client rather than not have the opportunities for my kids.
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Country Kids 12:45 PM 02-23-2012
Our kids do exceptional in school. I personally couldn't afford a tutor-ones in our area run $25 up an hour x 3 nope can't afford that. My kids can do work though in the classrooms afterschool for free-all the teachers encourage it!

We carpool to activities with other parents. My hubby takes while I'm home getting dinner done. When my one is coming home dinner is just getting done (as it would be whether we did activities or not) and we sit done for a meal. My other childs activity is afterschool and they are home by five. After dinner, it's like any evening-homework, quite time, showers, whatever time, and then off to bed. I strive to make it that way!

Make the kids work for the activity and show them what it takes to do it. I know cheerleading isn't cheap at all!!!!! Our daughter never has a "bill" because she fundraises every bit. We aren't talking a hundred bucks either-more towards $1,000. She knows she wants to do it and it takes money so she hustles to raise the money.

I don't really know anyone that is sending their kids to a "Prestige" college. Many universities for high fields of study. Our local highschool had 10 students receive full rides for sports last year! I can't tell you how many others received full rides for other activites-volunteering, band, different types of clubs but it was quite a few. Maybe the schools don't care what your are majoring in but believe me the "scholarships" do. I'm in the area of my life right now!

Please don't assume everyone does all this either. Also, please remember that we are all in different areas of our lifes and do things for our lifes, not for others lives.
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daycare 12:46 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
I would have to disagree with this statement. My kids do exceptionally well in school. They have a tutor that comes twice a week to keep them all on task and make sure they are understanding material. (Sometimes it looks foreign to us! )

As for looking better on a college application...again...not true. In fact, only prestige colleges even have an application that asks about extra curricular activities. Most colleges don't care unless that is what you are going to school for.

And...to answer countrymom:

I'm not mad that kids take activities, I'm more tired of hearing people gripe on here about losing income yet never taking into consideration what sports are really costing you. People look at the per month price. They don't look at anything else.

This is something my husband and I disagree with all the time. I feel it is imperative for a child to have a loving mother and father in their household along with good food, meals together, time to focus on their homework and if time allows, time to play outside. (I guess we are fortunate enough to live in a cul de sac that is safe enough that we can send out kids out to play for an hour while dinner is cooking, while some are not.)

My husband was adopted at 3 years old and introduced to activities at that age. I find it completely obsurd to enroll a child in anything at that age. I even disagree with having the kids in anything beyond the norm. The kids can join scouts, band, orchestra, or chorus during elementary school. Scouts cost $20 a year, band is free, you just have to rent/purchase the instrument (they do have sliding fee scale for those unable to pay the full amount), same with orchestra and no fee for chorus. All of these activities are once a week or once every 2 weeks and are done during school hours with the exception of scouts and when there is a concert for the others.

Here's a prime example of what it is really costing. Keep in mind that I am in the midwest so prices may very from location to location. Hockey:

Equipment: $400 (this includes helmet, stick, knee pads, elbow pads, jersey, shorts, socks, skates, mouth guard, tape, bag for equipment, etc.

Annual cost: $360 (this includes 1 hour sessions usually twice per week)

Sharpening of skates: $90 ($10 each time, hockey is a 9 month committment)

Gas: $360 annually (I figured about $5 for a round trip.)

This comes to $1210!!!!!!!

And this doesn't include the wear and tear on your vehicle, tires, wiper blades, oil changes, etc!!!

Even when you take the total divided by 9 months it is in session, it's still equivalent to $135 a month or $32 a week or $15.70 per hour!!!!

To me, THAT is not going to scream anything OUTSTANDING when he is 10 years old!!!

What about those of you that have 3, 4, or 5 or more children? Are they all in activities?

Personally, I find living in a nice home, drive nice vehicles, eat good quality food, eating meals as a family, and being there to sit down with my kids at the kitchen table to play a game or do homework much more rewarding than toting them back and forth from activity to activity.

And...for my final 2 cents...perhaps childhood obesity is such a problem because kids are being run from school to home to get their things to McDonalds for a kiddy meal to gymnastics where they aren't burning off the full 600 calories they just ate. Just my opinion.

The other part that kills me is how are you able to sustain a business, afford activities for your children, still provide them with a wholesome meal, time to do schoolwork, time to do their chores, showers, and still give time for yourself?!
In my state the schools don't have any form of extra anything including band and choir. They were all cut when budget cuts were made.
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bunnyslippers 01:20 PM 02-23-2012
I do live in a nice home, drive a lovely car, and always eat a good quality family meal with my family, every night. Even on the nights we have activities. We just eat either before or after, and I plan the meal earlier in the day to accomodate (crock pot meals, casseroles, salads with chicken). It can be done, and is done here week after week. I make the most of every second, and we still have a remarkable amount of down time each week. My business is quite successful, and I have a pretty active social life. We have bath time every night. And my children have never had McDonald's, or any other fast food. We occasionally swing through a drive thru, but that is to grab a milk and sometimes, a happy meal toy. Plan, budget, a supportive husband, and a positive attitude help make it all come together.
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bunnyslippers 01:22 PM 02-23-2012
Oh, and as I type this, my children are sitting next to me playing with the home made play dough we made this morning.
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daycare 01:26 PM 02-23-2012
What works for some doesnt for others and that is ok.

I have 3 kids and all of them are in at least 2 or more activities each week.

I never look at the cost as a burden. but that is just me.

Also, just so you k now, a lot of organizations have financial assistance for families that would not be able to afford the cost of playing sports. I should know, I currently sit on the board for the YMCA youth/senior campaign to raise funds for youth programs and senior programs.

It is ok that you don't like them, but if your children are wanting to do them will you allow them that opportunity?

When a child plays sports, it really is a family commitment and not all families want to make that kind of commitment and that's ok.

I think that this is a case of we can all agree to disagree and we still love ya no matter what.....
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saved4always 01:29 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
I would have to disagree with this statement. My kids do exceptionally well in school. They have a tutor that comes twice a week to keep them all on task and make sure they are understanding material. (Sometimes it looks foreign to us! )

As for looking better on a college application...again...not true. In fact, only prestige colleges even have an application that asks about extra curricular activities. Most colleges don't care unless that is what you are going to school for.

And...to answer countrymom:

I'm not mad that kids take activities, I'm more tired of hearing people gripe on here about losing income yet never taking into consideration what sports are really costing you. People look at the per month price. They don't look at anything else.

This is something my husband and I disagree with all the time. I feel it is imperative for a child to have a loving mother and father in their household along with good food, meals together, time to focus on their homework and if time allows, time to play outside. (I guess we are fortunate enough to live in a cul de sac that is safe enough that we can send out kids out to play for an hour while dinner is cooking, while some are not.)

My husband was adopted at 3 years old and introduced to activities at that age. I find it completely obsurd to enroll a child in anything at that age. I even disagree with having the kids in anything beyond the norm. The kids can join scouts, band, orchestra, or chorus during elementary school. Scouts cost $20 a year, band is free, you just have to rent/purchase the instrument (they do have sliding fee scale for those unable to pay the full amount), same with orchestra and no fee for chorus. All of these activities are once a week or once every 2 weeks and are done during school hours with the exception of scouts and when there is a concert for the others.

Here's a prime example of what it is really costing. Keep in mind that I am in the midwest so prices may very from location to location. Hockey:

Equipment: $400 (this includes helmet, stick, knee pads, elbow pads, jersey, shorts, socks, skates, mouth guard, tape, bag for equipment, etc.

Annual cost: $360 (this includes 1 hour sessions usually twice per week)

Sharpening of skates: $90 ($10 each time, hockey is a 9 month committment)

Gas: $360 annually (I figured about $5 for a round trip.)

This comes to $1210!!!!!!!

And this doesn't include the wear and tear on your vehicle, tires, wiper blades, oil changes, etc!!!

Even when you take the total divided by 9 months it is in session, it's still equivalent to $135 a month or $32 a week or $15.70 per hour!!!!

To me, THAT is not going to scream anything OUTSTANDING when he is 10 years old!!!

What about those of you that have 3, 4, or 5 or more children? Are they all in activities?

Personally, I find living in a nice home, drive nice vehicles, eat good quality food, eating meals as a family, and being there to sit down with my kids at the kitchen table to play a game or do homework much more rewarding than toting them back and forth from activity to activity.

And...for my final 2 cents...perhaps childhood obesity is such a problem because kids are being run from school to home to get their things to McDonalds for a kiddy meal to gymnastics where they aren't burning off the full 600 calories they just ate. Just my opinion.

The other part that kills me is how are you able to sustain a business, afford activities for your children, still provide them with a wholesome meal, time to do schoolwork, time to do their chores, showers, and still give time for yourself?!
I personally would never have the patience for hockey. I do have a good friend who also does childcare in her home. Her son is almost 11 and has been in hockey since he was very young. She has out of town games (like in neighboring states, not just around here) and practices many evenings and weekends. It is very expensive. I would never be able to commit the time or money to it. But....it is very important to her that her son be able to play. He is big for his age and has ADHD (those letters do not look right to me....did I "spell" that wrong?). He has a terrible time in school academically and the other kids really pick on him alot. To be honest, he can be very annoying. Hockey is the one of the few things right now that he is good at and his teammates are almost the only friends he has who are not unkind to him. It really helps his self esteem. So, I can understand why she feels the expense and time commitment is worth it for this child in particular.
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Countrygal 01:41 PM 02-23-2012
I didn't read all the replies as I'm a little short on time today, but I always limited my children to one thing, and as they got older it had to be one SHARED thing - like scouting or 4-H. They chose 4-H. We were all in it and that was our "thing". We were very active in it and it seemed to fulfill our need. We lived 15 mins from the closest town and only had one car. Driving in four or five times a week was just not an option for us.
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wdmmom 01:49 PM 02-23-2012
I'm just trying to figure out where you find the time?

For example: My kids don't get off the bus until 430pm. (They go to school until 4pm)

My husband is usually home from work between 430pm and 5pm.

I don't get off work until 530pm. I usually plan meals ahead of time as well so they are usually done and ready to eat at 530 or 545pm right when I am off work.

Sometimes hockey is as early as 5pm (He has to be there at 5pm. Sometimes it's as late as 8pm.) The taekwondo that my son wants to get into is 445pm to 530pm Monday through Thursday! As long as I didn't have to be there, he could join and it's within walking distance. But then I would never be able to see him in action. I wouldn't know whether he is screwing off or if he actually enjoyed it. Would my money be going to a good cause or would it be wasted. And he is in a youth group activity every Wednesday from 4pm to 5pm so he would have to miss.

Right now my husband has the luxury of working for a family business so his hours aren't set in stone. However, he is starting school next month and who knows what that will leave in terms of a schedule to accommodate transportation.

My kids are also upstairs and in bed at 8pm.

To the poster who discussed tutoring, we pay $15 an hour for 3 hours of tuturing a week. She comes to our home and she works with the 3 middle children. It's not a large expense by any means.

I think the kids (some of them anyway) have reached the age where they should be allowed to participate in something if they want to. I just don't see it happening. With work schedules, school schedules, and the times some of these activities take place, and to try to keep some what of a routine we have going on, isn't going to leave a lot of free time.

Right now their schedule is this:

430pm - Get home from school
Work on school work or go outside for an hour
530pm - Dinnertime
630pm - 730pm Family time (We are either playing a boardgame, Kinnect, chores, family meetings, talking, watching a movie, etc.
730pm - Showers
8pm - Upstairs in their rooms. Picking out clothes for the next day, cleaning, reading, etc.
830pm - Lights out

As you can see...there really isn't much time to accommodate activities...especially when we are talking 5 kids!

And I don't know about you but after working 10.5 hours a day, I want to sit down, enjoy dinner, talk with my kids, clean up from dinner and RELAX!!!
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Greenplasticwateringcans 01:56 PM 02-23-2012
I pick up my children from school at 2:40. Of the activities the four of them have most of them are done before 5:30. The exceptions are hockey which is over at 6:10 once per week and two dance classes and figure skating on the weekend. On hockey nights we eat early and have a large late snack. Dance and skating are over by noon on the weekends. I counted and combined they have 13 activities a week but we have so much down time it really doesn't feel like a lot.
Plus they are getting to an age where I can drop and leave (dance is a good example) and pick up 3 hours later when she's done a few classes.
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wdmmom 02:00 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by Greenplasticwateringcans:
I pick up my children from school at 2:40. Of the activities the four of them have most of them are done before 5:30. The exceptions are hockey which is over at 6:10 once per week and two dance classes and figure skating on the weekend. On hockey nights we eat early and have a large late snack. Dance and skating are over by noon on the weekends. I counted and combined they have 13 activities a week but we have so much down time it really doesn't feel like a lot.
Plus they are getting to an age where I can drop and leave (dance is a good example) and pick up 3 hours later when she's done a few classes.
Are you done working by 240pm?!?!?!?!?!

Heck, if I was off work by 240pm, I'd be able to take my own kids to 3 activities a piece!
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daycare 02:06 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
I'm just trying to figure out where you find the time?

For example: My kids don't get off the bus until 430pm. (They go to school until 4pm)

My husband is usually home from work between 430pm and 5pm.

I don't get off work until 530pm. I usually plan meals ahead of time as well so they are usually done and ready to eat at 530 or 545pm right when I am off work.

Sometimes hockey is as early as 5pm (He has to be there at 5pm. Sometimes it's as late as 8pm.) The taekwondo that my son wants to get into is 445pm to 530pm Monday through Thursday! As long as I didn't have to be there, he could join and it's within walking distance. But then I would never be able to see him in action. I wouldn't know whether he is screwing off or if he actually enjoyed it. Would my money be going to a good cause or would it be wasted. And he is in a youth group activity every Wednesday from 4pm to 5pm so he would have to miss.

Right now my husband has the luxury of working for a family business so his hours aren't set in stone. However, he is starting school next month and who knows what that will leave in terms of a schedule to accommodate transportation.

My kids are also upstairs and in bed at 8pm.

To the poster who discussed tutoring, we pay $15 an hour for 3 hours of tuturing a week. She comes to our home and she works with the 3 middle children. It's not a large expense by any means.

I think the kids (some of them anyway) have reached the age where they should be allowed to participate in something if they want to. I just don't see it happening. With work schedules, school schedules, and the times some of these activities take place, and to try to keep some what of a routine we have going on, isn't going to leave a lot of free time.

Right now their schedule is this:

430pm - Get home from school
Work on school work or go outside for an hour
530pm - Dinnertime
630pm - 730pm Family time (We are either playing a boardgame, Kinnect, chores, family meetings, talking, watching a movie, etc.
730pm - Showers
8pm - Upstairs in their rooms. Picking out clothes for the next day, cleaning, reading, etc.
830pm - Lights out

As you can see...there really isn't much time to accommodate activities...especially when we are talking 5 kids!

And I don't know about you but after working 10.5 hours a day, I want to sit down, enjoy dinner, talk with my kids, clean up from dinner and RELAX!!!
have you looked into maybe an activity that is only one day a week or weekend? My 4 year old play sports and it's 1.5 hours every Saturday morning. No practices and no expensive equipment to buy. Most stuff through the YMCA does not require you to buy equipment.
Trust me, if it were not for relying on my kids friends parents to get them to their events, they would not be able to do most of them. I buy the parents gas cards each month as a thank you. $20.00 each. I also carpool for them whenever it is possible for me

As for the tae kwan do....trust me your son will not get a chance to goof off. My son did it for years and he was forced to respect his teacher and students. I think a lot of his behavior now is because of his martial arts.

Hear me out for one second.

What if your child was the next Barry Bonds? They would never know and you would never know if they did not get the chance to explore that.

My son is 16 and he is on the golf team through school. I hate golf and was not really excited about him playing at first.

Well, His coach invited him to play at a $450.00 round of golf on Tuesday on a team of grown men. Guess what my son beat everyone on the team. I never knew he was so great at it. I never get to go to see him play or cheer him on, but I get to see the look on his face and see how proud he is of himself. That for me is worth it.

Also, his coach picked him up at our house and dropped him off. When I talked to the coach, he told me that my son was up for a scholarship for college...I am super excited about that... I am so proud of him...
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PolarCare 02:35 PM 02-23-2012
I have 6 children ranging from 13 down to 22 months. I'm due again in April.

We live small. We don't have a huge house. Our vehicles are paid off. I do before and after school care only, plus I own my own successful retail/wholesale business.

Why do I have my kids enrolled in extras? Several reasons.

First off, my children are VERY smart and do very well in school. They are also mannerly and helpful at home. There is no reason NOT to let them participate in things they enjoy. Cost isn't something my kids should be worried about. I'm the parent here. That's MY department.

That said, my kids aren't enrolled in anything particularly expensive. My two older kids, 12 and 13 year old boys, play paintball, which can add up to be costly when they play in tournaments,etc. Well, those two boys have taken over responsibility for part of our family's hobby farm, and they make their own money. They also babysit and do lawn chores and odd jobs all summer. They mostly pay their own way when it comes to paintball. I'm tickled that they are active and busy, because it gives them less time to sit in their rooms thinking about dying their hair purple and getting some little twit pregnant.

My 9 year old daughter is in drama. Very little cost, and it's done wonders for her self esteem.

My 8 year old and 22 month old are crazy about swimming. The 8 year old is taking diving lessons and getting competitive. She was overweight before she started, despite the fact that I can count on one hand the number of times we have eaten out in the last year, and it was NEVER fast food. She eats mostly organic. She's just a chub.

My 5 year old is in gymnastics. She's my stepdaughter. Her mom was in gymnastics, and it's something that they do together and have in common. It's not expensive, and her mom pays half, so what do I care?

Not one of my kids is in trouble, a "bad seed", emotional problems, etc. They don't have time. That in itself is priceless.

Whatever the expense...mine are worth it.
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Greenplasticwateringcans 02:43 PM 02-23-2012
I'm usually done by 4:10. Sometimes I have a child that doesn't get picked up until 5. Mostly I just drop the kids off at their activity and take the daycare kids to the closest park.
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jen 03:14 PM 02-23-2012
I just finished college aps for my son and they did in fact ask for extra-curriculars...not a prestige schools, all State Universities.

Also, STATISTICALLY kids who participate have higher GPA's and higher graduation rates. I'm working on my Master's in Education and this topic has been covered a few times.

Not that it's a ton, but kids who participate in sports, at least here, automatically get a small scholarship for college...it's only $500 or so, but still, it makes the kids feel a sense of accomplishment.
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countrymom 06:46 PM 02-23-2012
A lot of the activities offer scholarships and with four kids we need to look for these things. Also all 4 of my kids are on honor roll you can't beat that. I also find that they learn to juggle what comes their way. I have to agree that it's so nice to develops other friendship outside of school. I also look for activitys that start later.
My schedule so far goes like this,now wwhen gymnastics is done they do swimming and when dance is done its soccer time

Mon. Girl guides
Tues. scouts
Wed. Zumba for my oldest and badminton for mdd (these activities are voluntary)
Thurs. aikido for mdd and gymnastics for ydd and ds
Sat. Dance for all

Most activities are an hour so not to bad except for dance and thurs. but when I go into town I get everything done so I save gas because I don't have to make extra trips
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Unregistered 06:50 PM 02-23-2012
My girls' school offers afterschool programs right at the school which I find is ideal. They offer arts, gym, cooking, theatre and organized sports such as handball and indoor soccer twice a week. The cost is 5$ per day and the program runs twice a week. The kids get a snack as well as homework help too. It is perfect because it saves us from running all over in the evenings. They also have a program during school hours where once a week the kids get to participate in activities which are taught by parent and student volunteers. They can change acitivity every 6 weeks so it gives them a chance to experiment with all types of things....dance, scrapbooking, gymnastics, music etc.
It saves the parents from paying huge amounts of money to find out that their little one doesn't really like ballet or soccer!
I agree with the parents who said that kids don't really know what they want to get into until about the age of 10 or 12. I think prior to that it is more about making ourselves feel like better parents than it is about the kids. I believe that a child should have to ask if they can pursue an activity several times before making it worthwhile to dish out the cash.
Kids need time to be kids. I don't agree with overstructuring kids lives just for the sake of saying your child is in this or doing that....I think that unless the child has a real passion for something or is in need of exercise for health reasons then it is better to just let kids be kids.
What is the point of paying for guitar lessons or dance lessons if you end up having to hound your kids to practice everyday. A child with a real passion for something needs to be told to stop playing or dancing in order to get some homework done.
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Crazy8 07:49 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably? I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Are they on top of their school work? Are they able to transport themselves? Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them?

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?
Going to try to answer some of the questions here, as it pertains to me and my family....

I do not in any way feel the extras take over our lives - and I have 3 kids in a few different activities each. I don't feel I am a better parent for allowing my child to be in activities - but I don't for a second doubt they benefit from them. But what works for my family is not necessarily what works for everyone and for those who choose NOT to allow their kids to do them it is their personal choice.

One of the best things about running a home daycare is I can cook a nice healthy dinner at any time of the day.... so even if my son has a 5:30 practice there is no crazy rushing. It doesn't always mean sitting to eat together, but we do more nights than we don't and it doesn't mean a trip to McDonalds. I don't rush looking for tights and cleats - I am home ALL DAY - plenty of time to prepare for our evening activities. I do end my work day at 5pm to help accommodate their activities. I worked till 5:30 when they were younger and I didn't change my hours on my dc families. I've always run on contracted hours so when my 2 5:30 clients outgrew me and left for school I decided it would be easier to not take any more on that late. Sure, I turn some clients away who need a later pick up time but many are fine with a 5pm closing and those are the ones I will interview and take.

As for why my kids do them, its simple - they love it. My boys are energetic and love all types of sports. They are given the opportunity to try anything and then can choose to stick with the things the love most. My 2 older ones are straight A, honor roll students, I think they try harder knowing that their beloved activities would come to an end if they weren't getting their school work done. Do I feel they are benefiting from them? ABSOLUTELY. I believe their activities help them become well-rounded, more social individuals. I have seen a transformation in my son's self esteem when he became "good" at something. My daughter has received scholastic acheivement awards thru one of our sports organizations the last 2 years - you bet that goes on college applications - and I have a friend who's HS daughter just got offered a VERY lucrative sports scholorship for a state university.

We are fortunate that money is not a problem for us. We are thrifty, I live the Dave Ramsey way and budget for their activities but the cost of gas is not going to make or break me and losing a daycare kid or two is not going to affect us too badly either (although I do try to stay full). It is not a matter of a $200 sports registration or food on the table - not ever. If it was we'd give up the sports without question.

Again, people need to do what is right for their family, not worry about what the Joneses are doing.
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Crazy8 08:02 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
430pm - Get home from school
Work on school work or go outside for an hour
530pm - Dinnertime
630pm - 730pm Family time (We are either playing a boardgame, Kinnect, chores, family meetings, talking, watching a movie, etc.
730pm - Showers
8pm - Upstairs in their rooms. Picking out clothes for the next day, cleaning, reading, etc.
830pm - Lights out

As you can see...there really isn't much time to accommodate activities...especially when we are talking 5 kids!

And I don't know about you but after working 10.5 hours a day, I want to sit down, enjoy dinner, talk with my kids, clean up from dinner and RELAX!!!
I do not live by a time schedule after hours. I can run my daycare that way but not my family and I do not want to. Do your 12 & 15 year olds really need to be in bed/lights out by 8:30??? Do you really need to play games every single night. Would it be so horrible if Tuesday nights from 6-7:30 your child had a practice of some sort??

For us, middle/hs gets out early - DD is home by 2:30, elementary school is home by 3:30. Homework is done by 4:30ish most nights. I can have dinner on the table for all of us by 5:15 if need be. But if by some chance someone has an early practice (most start 5:30-6pm) I can have them to eat at 4:30 while I am still watching kids. I sometimes rely on a teammates SAHM to drive to practice if its before 5pm (and then I will reciprocate by picking up). Again, most practices are till 7:30ish, older kids until 8pm but that usually just means DH runs out to pick up while the youngers are getting ready for bed. My 12 year old is still in bed by 9pm most nights.

If you are trying to talk yourself out of it, that is ok. It sounds like money is tight for you and that in itself is enough of a reason to say no. But if its only a matter of time it really can be worked out without disrupting your life. Some people can just go with the flow, while others need complete structure and routine. Neither is wrong.
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momofboys 08:44 PM 02-23-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Previously I wrote a thread regarding daycare hours and activities your own children are involved in.

Many of you said that if your parents didn't agree to let you transport or wouldn't accommodate you toting your kid to hockey, gymnastics, dance, etc, you'd term or they would be forced to comply with your earlier hours on certain days.

So, I thought for grins I'd put that out there. I have a total of 6 families and my current closing time is 530pm. To which I usually only have 2 to 4 kids after 5pm.

I thought I'd try it slow and tell families that I wanted to change my hours to close at 515pm. 1 family said that wasn't going to work for them and that if I chose to do that, I needed to let them know right away so they could make arrangements. (I'm assuming this meant arrangements to look for other care although they are my longest running clients.)

Another DCM said she usually works until 445pm but during tax season she works until 515pm and could be here at 520pm to pick up. She wanted to know if I would accommodate that.

Another family (which the DCM is off at 4pm everyday) said that they will accommodate the earlier closing time when it is final. (In other words, until then, they are going to continue to keep the 510pm pickup.)

Now my kids are at an age where I feel sports and activities may be something to consider. Cost is always the big question along with the hours the activity runs and the extended transportation needed.

I have a part time family that has a 3 year old that is in gymnastics, their school age boy is in t-ball and helps out. Given their dad is the sports director at the high school, they are an active family and they can afford the extras in life.

I have another DCB in my care full time that goes to preschool twice a week. Because I don't provide transportation, DCM has to pay for someone to take him back and forth along with the cost of tuition ($140 a month) plus daycare. Now she's pregnant and contemplating going back to work after the baby is born yet she was just complaining about the expense she is paying out for daycare, preschool and transportation?!

None of the other kids are in any activities.

My own children are 15, 12, 11, 10 and 7. My stepson is 10 and he is in hockey. It is not paid for by us (grandma) and we are only required to take him 4 out of the 8 days per month.

My own son, 11, wants to join Taekwondo. So not only do I need to consider the cost of that but the fees associated: buying a uniform, enrollment fee and transportation.

Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably? I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Are they on top of their school work? Are they able to transport themselves? Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them?

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?
I have not read any of the responses so bear with me! First of all I live in a small town so any activity my children take part in takes us less than 2 miles to get to so it is not a problem & we are not consuming gallons of gas to partcipate. We also participate in many activities that are a part of our local parks & rec program so they are very economical. My boys will both play spring baseball (machine pitch for my 8-year old & kid pitch for my 10-year old) - the total cost for us for them to participate was $50 for kid 1 & $30 for kid 2, there are no other fees & the program runs for 10 weeks, they typically pla about 16 games each. I don't think my kids need sports to be a better person but I do think it helps them to be physically fit & it also is good for them to socialize. I would never allow my kids to do more than 1 sport at a time - too time consuming. I would guess over the course of the whole year we maybe spend $200 total for sporting activities (my boys do soccer, basketball & baseball) so it isn't expensive for everyone. In fact, our soccer fees are $25 for kid 1 & $5 for the 2nd kid (yes, you read that right $5 for the 2nd child) & that is for 2 months of action not per week!
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Meyou 02:45 AM 02-24-2012
My 13 year old daughter is a dancer. She dances in an intensive training program 4 days and 12 hours per week. It's a burden on me...I'll be honest. It's not a financial burden so much because my parents pay for her classes ($5000/year). We pay for dance gear and handle the day to day. But it's a time burden. At her old school she danced all weekend, every weekend and 2 week nights. We found a new school with a better program for her and she now buses from school to dance 4 afternoons per week, eats dinner with her classmates and a den mother and then goes to class. I pick her up between 7pm and 8pm in a neighboring city. Sounds awful, doesn't it? Until you see her dance. That makes every bit of it worthwhile, every second of traveling time, every $200 pair of pointe shoes, every $25 pair of tights and every daytime dance related activity that I have to bend over backwards to get her to and from.

She is my child and I could never ever take away that joy in her eyes because I didn't feel like driving her. Sometimes it's more than just money and being inconvenienced.

My mom had 4 years at one point when I was a teenager that she didn't have a night off from driving. I've asked her about how she did it and she always tells me that spending her evenings in a car was well worth the happy, healthy, and confident children that sports played a big part in creating. We all played competitive soccer, 2 of us refereed soccer and 2 of us coached as teenagers. All 3 of us played instruments in school and city bands. We all had part time jobs by 15. My mom did ALL the driving. I LOVED my childhood growing up.

FTR my parents didn't have alot of money when I was growing up. They're well off now which is why they pay for my dd's dance but as a child, not so much. We fund-raised, sold tickets, tagged in front of stores and did every single bit of fundraising that needed to be done so we could play. WE paid for most of our sports ourselves through fundraising. It was the only way it could work for our family.
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small_steps 05:21 AM 02-24-2012
My boys are in activities every season. We take a break during the summer but only because there's no sports provided by our local rec center. In fact, this summer I will probably try to find them something to do to keep them busy. My kids are very athletic and they love the sports they are involved in and they are really good. They've been playing soccer since they were 4 years old and even though they stopped playing soccer last year, I believe that because they began playing so young, they developed a love for sports early on. We just finished basketball (around 60 per kid for about 1 month and a 1/2 worth of play). I just signed them up for baseball which they will start next month $85 per kid with a $5 sibling discount...Yes, I will have to buy them a new bat this year (approx $200), and new cleats and such BUT..it's totally worth it in my eyes. They are learning to be a part of a team. They have tons of friends from playing on different teams throughout the years. We practice 2 nights a week for about an hour and a half each evening and play games on Saturdays (it takes up about 2 hours of our Saturdays). I wouldn't have it any other way. My kids get plenty of exercise. They learn so much from sports. They respect their coach and their teammates.

I have to agree with Catherder on the scholarship thing. I'm a single mom and I have high hopes for my boys being in Athletics when they get older and hopefully receiving scholarships. They do great in school, both straight A students so I'm hoping for some academic scholarships as well. My children's father isn't in their lives at all and we usually end up with the same coach for baseball. He's a great guy and I think them having another male role model to look up to is an added benefit, not to mention all the other dads that get out there and help the kiddos practice.

I guess I'm lucky with twins though. I do have the rule that they need to play the same sport (which there isn't many to choose from around here). So, my boys are always on the same team and that means only two evenings a week practice that we are having to make and only one game on Saturday.
However, my youngest will soon be old enough to play soccer and that's going to be interesting. I'm not quite sure how I will make that work yet, but I WILL make it work because I think that it is so important.
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JenNJ 06:13 AM 02-24-2012
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Economists are predicting gas to soar to over $5.00 a gallon by Memorial Day. How many of you will consider keeping your children in activities after that happens?

I will. My children are in activities where we could walk or bike if necessary. If gas became an issue, we would simply carpool, walk, or bike to he activity.

There are many of you providers struggling for clients right now. Why do you never consider dropping the EXTRAS so your family can live more comfortably?

If money became an issue, we would drop extras. But I would drop extras for myself and my husband before dropping extras for my kids. I would cut cable, reduce my cell phone plan, wear glasses vs. contacts, etc.

But, we live comfortably now. We have a year of expenses in savings, we contribute to retirement regularly, pay cash for vacations, pay off credit cards at the end of each month, and only buy what we need. We make smart money choices everyday in order to be able to have extras for our kids.


I'm sure many of you said you wouldn't want to take away from your child but at the same time, are they benefiting from the extra? Yes. My son has learned things that school and his parents could never teach. He has learned the value of a commitment, teamwork, personal responsibility, and how to be a good sport -- win or lose.

Are they on top of their school work? He is only in Kindergarten, but yes. He had a perfect report card and his teacher commented that she believes the Brazilian Jiu Jitzu played a large part in his leadership skills.

Are they able to transport themselves? At 6 years old, no he cannot. But it is less than one mile from our home. As he gets older, he will be able to ride his bike to and from.

Why pay $180 a month for Suzie to be in dance when $180 is a matter of paying the utility bill each month or groceries on a family of 4 for 2 weeks?
We budget activities as we do other bills. We have enough to pay for everything we want to do and pay our bills. I coupon to save money on groceries because it is an area I can save in. I cannot change the tuition at BJJ or baseball but that is why I cut back in other areas of our lives.

Since when has the EXTRAS seemed to take over our lives and you can't see life without them? I can see life without them. I choose to raise my kids this way. I have seen kids who aren't involved in the community. That is not a child a choose to raise. A busy child is a happy, safe child. Generally, kids who are bored find things to fill their time. the choices made are not always the best for themselves or their futures.

I would much rather greet my kids when they come home from school everyday and sit down and enjoy a nice homecooked family meal together rather than hustling and bustling to make sure Joe has his cleats for baseball and Suzie has her tights for ballet. Why is it either or? I make dinner each night, we sit as a family to eat, and then we go to activities. My kids are responsible for keeping their activity bags packed. That is part of the deal with activities.

Why does everyone think that their child needs tennis, football, track, dance, gymnastics, ballet, etc in their lives and that they are better children and you are a better parent for "allowing" your child to experience the opportunity?

I don't think it makes me a better parent. I think it makes my child happy which in turn makes me happy. It is a safe outlet to exercise, make new friends, get involved, and learn invaluable lessons. It doesn't make me a better parent, but it does make my children better people.

Since my ultimate goal is to release responsible, accountable, kind people into the world, I use activities as a tool to reach my goal.
Hopefully this answered some of you questions.
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countrymom 06:19 AM 02-24-2012
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
Going to try to answer some of the questions here, as it pertains to me and my family....

I do not in any way feel the extras take over our lives - and I have 3 kids in a few different activities each. I don't feel I am a better parent for allowing my child to be in activities - but I don't for a second doubt they benefit from them. But what works for my family is not necessarily what works for everyone and for those who choose NOT to allow their kids to do them it is their personal choice.

One of the best things about running a home daycare is I can cook a nice healthy dinner at any time of the day.... so even if my son has a 5:30 practice there is no crazy rushing. It doesn't always mean sitting to eat together, but we do more nights than we don't and it doesn't mean a trip to McDonalds. I don't rush looking for tights and cleats - I am home ALL DAY - plenty of time to prepare for our evening activities. I do end my work day at 5pm to help accommodate their activities. I worked till 5:30 when they were younger and I didn't change my hours on my dc families. I've always run on contracted hours so when my 2 5:30 clients outgrew me and left for school I decided it would be easier to not take any more on that late. Sure, I turn some clients away who need a later pick up time but many are fine with a 5pm closing and those are the ones I will interview and take.

As for why my kids do them, its simple - they love it. My boys are energetic and love all types of sports. They are given the opportunity to try anything and then can choose to stick with the things the love most. My 2 older ones are straight A, honor roll students, I think they try harder knowing that their beloved activities would come to an end if they weren't getting their school work done. Do I feel they are benefiting from them? ABSOLUTELY. I believe their activities help them become well-rounded, more social individuals. I have seen a transformation in my son's self esteem when he became "good" at something. My daughter has received scholastic acheivement awards thru one of our sports organizations the last 2 years - you bet that goes on college applications - and I have a friend who's HS daughter just got offered a VERY lucrative sports scholorship for a state university.

We are fortunate that money is not a problem for us. We are thrifty, I live the Dave Ramsey way and budget for their activities but the cost of gas is not going to make or break me and losing a daycare kid or two is not going to affect us too badly either (although I do try to stay full). It is not a matter of a $200 sports registration or food on the table - not ever. If it was we'd give up the sports without question.

Again, people need to do what is right for their family, not worry about what the Joneses are doing.
I'm doing the dave ramsey classes now, omg they are so good. I really recommend it.
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Crazy8 06:24 AM 02-24-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
I'm doing the dave ramsey classes now, omg they are so good. I really recommend it.
Oh how I would have loved to take the Financial Peace classes!!!! We didn't have them locally when I first started back in 2009 - so I bought the books (total money makeover, workbook, etc.) and also hang on some dave ramsey inspired forums. It has changed so much about our financial situation - without any change to our jobs/pay, etc.!! Can't recommend it enough!!
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countrymom 06:33 AM 02-24-2012
My kids get off the bus at 415pm everyday. They do homework right away because they are still in the school mood and later on would be a hassle. Since dinner is always ready by 5pm we don't have a problem. On the way to activities they talk about their day or sing songs (you have to hear 4 kids sing lfmao songs, omg its so funny) my kids go to bed at 9pm. I also find that activities build confidence.

My ds who is 9 had to do speeches, he had to say it infront of his class, well he has been in dance class for 2 yrs so he has to perform infront of parents and year end recital of 300 people. Sure he was nervous but he knew how to deal with it.

swimming classes are a must in our house. My odd has 2 more classes and she's a lifeguard (all the kids are going for lifeguarding) she will make alot of money (city work is over 20 dollars an hour) and it looks so good on a resume. Guides and scouts offer scholarships to universitys and college. My kids do activities because I want them to have an awesome resume when they go for jobs, and to have jobs other than working in a fast food place. I think you have to look at 5 yrs from now and see what you want for your kids.

I grew up with parents who easily could afford activities, they didn't want to sign us up for nothing, I really wish they did, when I hear adults talk about the experiences they had, I wish I had them too.
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countrymom 06:37 AM 02-24-2012
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
Oh how I would have loved to take the Financial Peace classes!!!! We didn't have them locally when I first started back in 2009 - so I bought the books (total money makeover, workbook, etc.) and also hang on some dave ramsey inspired forums. It has changed so much about our financial situation - without any change to our jobs/pay, etc.!! Can't recommend it enough!!
I have the books too, but I have to drive into the city to take the classes, I can't believe all the stuff I learned. Its the little stuff I didn't know. We really didn't have alot of debt so that wasn't our problem, its more with what to do with retirement, how do we put money aside for the kids (that unit is coming up) if you have a chance you should take them, you will love them. You can do it online too, but its way more fun in class. I too hang out on his forum, sometimes I listen to his broadcast or read his stuff on the ipod. The only thing (wed class we talked about) was that he doesn't buy warrenties, were I buy them.
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wdmmom 07:17 AM 02-24-2012
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I do not live by a time schedule after hours. I can run my daycare that way but not my family and I do not want to. Do your 12 & 15 year olds really need to be in bed/lights out by 8:30??? Do you really need to play games every single night. Would it be so horrible if Tuesday nights from 6-7:30 your child had a practice of some sort??

For us, middle/hs gets out early - DD is home by 2:30, elementary school is home by 3:30. Homework is done by 4:30ish most nights. I can have dinner on the table for all of us by 5:15 if need be. But if by some chance someone has an early practice (most start 5:30-6pm) I can have them to eat at 4:30 while I am still watching kids. I sometimes rely on a teammates SAHM to drive to practice if its before 5pm (and then I will reciprocate by picking up). Again, most practices are till 7:30ish, older kids until 8pm but that usually just means DH runs out to pick up while the youngers are getting ready for bed. My 12 year old is still in bed by 9pm most nights.

If you are trying to talk yourself out of it, that is ok. It sounds like money is tight for you and that in itself is enough of a reason to say no. But if its only a matter of time it really can be worked out without disrupting your life. Some people can just go with the flow, while others need complete structure and routine. Neither is wrong.
Money is not an object. But even if it was...forking over hundreds of dollars each month for 5 kids is not something I want to do.

My elementary kids aren't home until 430pm and I work until 530pm. We eat dinner when the last daycare kids leaves. I don't want to start eating dinner at 515pm just because it is done and still have children here...make sense? That just means an interrupted dinner and I don't like dinner being interrupted.

And, to answer your question, YES...my 12 year old has the same rule...lights out by 830pm. She will continue with this until 9th grade. 7th and 8th grade are junior high here and school starts at 735am. The bus will be here to pick her up at 655am. Keeping her on the same schedule is paramount to her succeeding in school.

As for my 15 year old, most nights she is in bed by 9pm with 1 night per week I allow her to stay up until 10pm. Weekends she is free to do what she wants but I don't allow any sleeping in past 10am.

As for playing board games each night...we don't but sometimes the kids need extra time to work on homework, study for tests or work on projects. Other times, we watch a movie or if the weather is decent, we are outside going on walks, tossing a ball, rollerblading, etc.

I'd like to think that we stay pretty active with our kids regardless of sports.

As for weekend activities...THEY (meaning the kids) have already said they don't want to be in anything that is every weekend. It means less of an opportunity to go see their relatives that live out of town. (We usually go see my family once a month.)
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wdmmom 07:26 AM 02-24-2012
And as for the poster who said they pick up their children from school at 240pm with daycare children in tow...that would never happen here. In order to transport, you have to have a commercial drivers license and carry a commercial auto policy to protect the passengers.

I don't transport anyone, anywhere during work hours. Even if DCM was ok with picking up DCB at the neighboring school/park/etc, if I did it, it would be illegal. I'm not about to lose my business, take a risk or have that kind of liability hanging over my head.
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Country Kids 07:35 AM 02-24-2012
As far as things going on every weekend, I set the presidence for my child not the coach. I learned that very early on-ask my hubby-he was the coach for a few years. These are my children and if something comes up, it comes up. I also won't allow my child to be with a coach that is a yeller.

I understand that its a team thing and we don't miss constantly. My son missed practice this week because there was a special event for his older sister during practice and we wanted to support her as a family.

It sounds like you guys are doing a great job with your kids! I think whatever you do, you do whats best for your family.
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Blackcat31 07:43 AM 02-24-2012
WDMMOM~ how do your kids feel about after school activities? Do they want to do them or do they not care? I guess the biggest thing for me in deciding how to handle things would be how my children feel about it.
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wdmmom 07:53 AM 02-24-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
WDMMOM~ how do your kids feel about after school activities? Do they want to do them or do they not care? I guess the biggest thing for me in deciding how to handle things would be how my children feel about it.
They're hit and miss. One second they talk about how great it would be to participate in something. Then when the time comes to make a decision, they back out.

My son particularly. He had the opportunity to be in hockey with his step brother and right at the last minute, he backed out. He wanted to be in soccer last year but waited until the last minute to decide. When he finally decided he wanted to, it was too late to sign him up. Then (of course) it was my fault.

My middle daughter is in scouts. I don't think she wants to be in anything else.

My youngest wants to be in gymnastics. The cost here is obsurd. The only benefit is that you can decide to do once a week, twice a week. Depending on the times, I might be able to make it happen.

The biggest problem that I've encountered is if I sign one up for something, then they all come at me full force saying they all want to be in something or that it's not fair for one to be in something and not the rest. If I tell them, Kid 4 will be in gymnastics til June, Kid 3 can join soccer in June and we go from there, they say, "yeah right." So, as I see it, it's all in or all out. There's no pleasing all of them...ever!
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Blackcat31 08:04 AM 02-24-2012
I can definitely see how there is a domino effect that happens when one joins. I guess if it were me in your position, what I would do is set an age where they can participate in one thing. If they enjoy that one thing, follow through with it and enjoy it, then go from there but I would still never let their activites interfear with family time.

I would also require them to have to do something to get something. Such as if they are going to need to be at practice 2 times per week, then they need to have to be able to either do a chore or job to help "pay" for the expense of their activity.

I would also make a list of approved activites that I would allow them to do. Such as, I USED to be a fan of hockey but after having seen first hand some pretty bad injuries that will last a lifetime, I am no longer a fan of anyone in my family playing so even if they were goood enough to go professional, it ain't happening with MY child...kwim?

I, personally, love the activities that Cat Herder allows her children to participate in. I think the things her kids do have an great impact on the adult people her children will be.

I allowed my kids to do whatever activites they wanted once they reached middle school age but when the activites they choose started being more than 1-2 nights per week, they had to drop down to one activity per child (or we would basically have to live in the car). They were also required to make school work and family chores higher priorities than their extra curricular activites. If any school or family work suffered, the extra activity was halted or paused until they were back on track.

I dunno if I am helping or not but those are just a few thoughts I had while reading this thread. I feel kind of like you feel bad about your kids maybe not being in a ton of things like other kids but at the same time don't know how to fit those things into what beliefs and ideas you have for what is important for being a family. I wholeheartly agree with you that some of these activities are rediculously priced and IMPO, serve no real purpose in making a person a good person or not.
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wdmmom 08:53 AM 02-24-2012
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I can definitely see how there is a domino effect that happens when one joins. I guess if it were me in your position, what I would do is set an age where they can participate in one thing. If they enjoy that one thing, follow through with it and enjoy it, then go from there but I would still never let their activites interfear with family time.

I would also require them to have to do something to get something. Such as if they are going to need to be at practice 2 times per week, then they need to have to be able to either do a chore or job to help "pay" for the expense of their activity.

I would also make a list of approved activites that I would allow them to do. Such as, I USED to be a fan of hockey but after having seen first hand some pretty bad injuries that will last a lifetime, I am no longer a fan of anyone in my family playing so even if they were goood enough to go professional, it ain't happening with MY child...kwim?

I, personally, love the activities that Cat Herder allows her children to participate in. I think the things her kids do have an great impact on the adult people her children will be.

I allowed my kids to do whatever activites they wanted once they reached middle school age but when the activites they choose started being more than 1-2 nights per week, they had to drop down to one activity per child (or we would basically have to live in the car). They were also required to make school work and family chores higher priorities than their extra curricular activites. If any school or family work suffered, the extra activity was halted or paused until they were back on track.

I dunno if I am helping or not but those are just a few thoughts I had while reading this thread. I feel kind of like you feel bad about your kids maybe not being in a ton of things like other kids but at the same time don't know how to fit those things into what beliefs and ideas you have for what is important for being a family. I wholeheartly agree with you that some of these activities are rediculously priced and IMPO, serve no real purpose in making a person a good person or not.
I despise the hockey, but with grandma paying for it, and my husband formerly playing it, I was outnumbered. Now that granny has a boyfriend, her keeping up on her end of the bargain has faultered so this will be his last season. (Secret YAY!!!)

My biggest issue with hockey is the inconsistent schedule. I understand with only 2 rinks in our area, they have to manage a schedule and the schedule may need to change as to when they can get ice time but good grief! His schedule not only interferes with dinners, but it messes up bedtimes and the weekends are completely unpredictable.

For example: Monday nights practice can be as early as 5pm (pretty hard to make happen when the hubby doesn't even get home from work until 430pm and of course since I work until 530pm, I couldn't go even if I wanted to) so it's hi, how was your day at school, get your equipment on, bye. Then me and the other kids have dinner by ourselves. It could also be as late as 815pm and they play for an hour. This means at 10 years old, he's not even getting home until 930pm, then needs to shower and he's lucky to be in bed by 10pm. To me, this is outlandish!

The weekends are far more complex. Games are as early as 8am and as late as 4pm and sometimes there's 2 games. A couple weeks ago he had a day like this. One game was at 10am the other wasn't until 1pm. Talk about eating up your entire day. And who wants to get up at 630am on a Saturday or a Sunday to make an 8am game. Certainly not me! I'll be completely honest!

I want the kids to join something that is going to give them discipline and reward. I don't even care if it is a sport that consists of games. I'm really liking the taekwondo idea and the gymnastics idea. It'll teach them independence and to me, that's a great reward.

I think most parents today want their kids to be involved because either they did the same activity or it's cheap or Sally from down the street is doing it, or you the parent can socialize with other moms.

I like to keep my life simple. I don't care to associate outside my small circle. I don't like having being in the limelight nor do I try to put myself there. I grew up very close knit to my family and I am trying to teach my own children the importance of being close and staying connected.

My biggest problem is finding the balance between daycare and activities. I don't have the luxury of closing whenever I want to accommodate the activities nor do I have the option of transporting the DCKs to get my kids to where they need to go.

Feels like a 6 of one, half dozen of another situation.
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countrymom 10:26 AM 02-24-2012
I hate hockey and I've seen the crazy scheduals people have. I'm so glad that ds is not interested. But yet, in the summer he loves his golf lessons, omg can you say boring. I usually dump and run. Mdd does akido, heck that is boring too, but she loves it.
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