Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Explaining Death
Sunchimes 12:10 PM 01-19-2020
My husband passed away on Wednesday. My daycare kids will be back tomorrow. They are 5, 3, and a baby. I thought about taking another week off, but frankly, I need the money since I just lost half of my income, and the family can't find anyone to keep them. I think it will be better for me to work than sit here alone and mope. Mom has talked to them of course, but I know it is going to be hard. My husband has been retired for several years, so he was almost always around. He was as much daycare as I was. He has been very sick for the last few months, and the 3 year old is very aware. Several times a day, he peeks into the room and says, "Johnnie sick? Johnnie going to doctor?" He loved him so much, and this is going to be hard for him. Same with the kindergarten kids. They all grew up in our house. Any wise words on what to say, especially if I cry, and I know I will. Tears seem to pop up at the oddest times.
Reply
Ac114 12:44 PM 01-19-2020
Oh sunchimes, I am so sorry for your lost. I would honestly take the week off. I know you said you need the money but you need this time to grieve and to grieve without having to deal with small children. Itís on mom to figure it out. Your husband passed and she can not expect you to just be there.

If you really do want to reopen, I would just be honest. Death is a part of life. You can say Johnnie was very sick and he has now passed away. He wonít be coming back and I miss him. Itís ok for you to miss him too.

I really am so sorry. I donít have much advice. Try to surround yourself with friends and family or find a support group to help you get through the next few weeks.
Reply
Msdunny 01:00 PM 01-19-2020
I am so sorry you are facing this this week. I wish you could take the week for yourself in order to grieve. I pray the parents who bring their children will be sensitive to what you are going through and will be kind.

As for the children, I would explain that your husband got very sick and his body couldn't get well. He won't be here any longer, but we can still love him and talk about him.

Hugs to you, and I will be praying for your hurting heart this week.
Reply
Gemma 02:23 PM 01-19-2020
So sorry for your loss!

Because not everyone believes in heaven, God etc.. I personally would only say:"He's no longer with us"!
...that way I don't risk upsetting parents for telling their kids something that goes against their belief... but that's just me

Again, sorry for your loss
Reply
Blackcat31 04:57 PM 01-19-2020
((((Hugs))) to you Sunchimes


My condolences as well as prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss
Reply
e.j. 06:51 PM 01-19-2020
Originally Posted by Ac114:
I would just be honest. Death is a part of life. You can say Johnnie was very sick and he has now passed away. He wonít be coming back and I miss him. Itís ok for you to miss him too.
This is how I would handle things with the kids, too. I'd answer any questions they had as honestly as I could without going into too much detail. I'd be honest about my feelings and if I shed some tears and they noticed, I'd explain that I was feeling sad and could use a hug.

I know it's not the same as a husband's passing, but when my father passed away several years ago, my dc kids helped to get me through some tough days with their hugs and kisses, keeping me busy and focused on the positive rather than allowing me to dwell on the sadness and loss I felt with his passing. I hope you'll feel at least some level of comfort from getting back into your daily routine and caring for the kids, too. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Reply
Annalee 07:43 PM 01-19-2020
Originally Posted by Sunchimes:
My husband passed away on Wednesday. My daycare kids will be back tomorrow. They are 5, 3, and a baby. I thought about taking another week off, but frankly, I need the money since I just lost half of my income, and the family can't find anyone to keep them. I think it will be better for me to work than sit here alone and mope. Mom has talked to them of course, but I know it is going to be hard. My husband has been retired for several years, so he was almost always around. He was as much daycare as I was. He has been very sick for the last few months, and the 3 year old is very aware. Several times a day, he peeks into the room and says, "Johnnie sick? Johnnie going to doctor?" He loved him so much, and this is going to be hard for him. Same with the kindergarten kids. They all grew up in our house. Any wise words on what to say, especially if I cry, and I know I will. Tears seem to pop up at the oddest times.
I would just be "you". When my dad passed ( my mom works with me), mom cried every day for a LONG time. The parents would come in and tell us how the kids would go home and talk about "helping ms xxx to be happy and not sad". It can be a great life lesson and learning experience for all of us! Again, I'm so sorry!
Reply
Daycare Darling 08:44 PM 01-19-2020
Oh honey that sounds too soon but I understand the need. As far as explained to the kids someone else on here had a good brief response, I would go with that, but you'll have to keep repeating yourself because they aren't going to accept it for a while and that's going to be tough for them but especially you. I would stick with your scheduled routine but during naptimes or whenever you can I would head to another room to grieve so it doesn't sneak up during story time or playtime as much. I was taught to schedule grief that way during a miscarriage I had a long time ago, Ive used this method for everyone I've lost since and it doesn't work flawlessly but it actually helped, less random unwanted outbursts I just held onto it for a time that would be better. Hope this helps even slightly.
Reply
Michael 01:19 AM 01-20-2020
So sorry for your loss.
Reply
Josiegirl 02:01 AM 01-20-2020
Originally Posted by Msdunny:
I am so sorry you are facing this this week. I wish you could take the week for yourself in order to grieve. I pray the parents who bring their children will be sensitive to what you are going through and will be kind.

As for the children, I would explain that your husband got very sick and his body couldn't get well. He won't be here any longer, but we can still love him and talk about him.

Hugs to you, and I will be praying for your hurting heart this week.
This....and I'm so very sorry for your loss. Honestly, I would let their parents do the majority of the answering questions for their little ones because everyone has their own beliefs. But don't feel you need to hide away from your sadness, the dcks might very well need to share theirs too. Try to find something constructive to do with the children to help share everyone's grief, such as make pictures of him to hang on the wall or plant a tree, etc., in his memory. Don't be afraid to talk about him And do let them know it's completely okay to cry and be sad. They might be afraid to see you cry and in turn hide their own feelings about him. Maybe you could ask your local librarian for some age-appropriate books to share?

Again, I am so sorry you're going through this. If you do end up needing more time off please take it. Good parents will understand.
Reply
DaveA 03:23 AM 01-20-2020
I am so sorry for your loss.
Reply
Ariana 04:57 AM 01-20-2020
I am so sorry for your loss

Do what you need to do to heal at this time. I would let the parents talk to their kids about death personally. I would tell them that your husband is dead and to talk to their parents about what that means.
Reply
Jupadia 05:49 AM 01-20-2020
So sorry for your loss,
Reply
Baby Beluga 08:18 AM 01-20-2020
I am so very sorry for your loss

I have never had to explain death to DCK's. But I have to my own children. I am just open and honest with them. "So and so passed away and is no longer alive because xyz." Then we talk about our fond memories of that person, how we will always have our memories, emotions that we might feel while processing the news and ensure them that those emotions are okay to feel. With my own children I have also explained to them that everything, at some point, will die. That is just life. I feel like presenting it in that way lessens the fear of the death of an important person therefore taking some of the pain away and making death more accepted and natural.
Reply
flying_babyb 09:56 AM 01-20-2020
I would do a memory activity. Planting a tree is a nice one, the kids can watch it grow. We did this when the beloved neighbor (who would come to the fence and chat with the kids) passed. Even when he was sick he would roll his wheelchair out for playtime.
Reply
sahm1225 10:57 AM 01-20-2020
I donít have any tips, but wanted to offer my condolences. May Your husband Rest In Peace and May you find a way to grieve the way you need to. Please let us know if you need anything from us. If youíre able to and willing, if you PM me your address, I can mail you a little something to let you know weíre thinking of you
Reply
happymom 11:05 AM 01-20-2020
I am very sorry
Reply
Baby Beluga 12:24 PM 01-20-2020
Originally Posted by sahm1225:
I donít have any tips, but wanted to offer my condolences. May Your husband Rest In Peace and May you find a way to grieve the way you need to. Please let us know if you need anything from us. If youíre able to and willing, if you PM me your address, I can mail you a little something to let you know weíre thinking of you
What a sweet, kind gesture!
Reply
LittleExplorers 12:37 PM 01-20-2020
I am so sorry.

There are a lot of good books for kids on loss and grief. I would hope the parents will have spoken to the kids about it. Handle it in a way that feels right to you. Hugs.
Reply
Second Home 01:35 PM 01-20-2020
I am so sorry for your loss.
Reply
Snowmom 03:53 PM 01-20-2020
I'm so very sorry.

I guess I would approach it honestly.
What comforts you in this time? If it's knowing he's not in pain anymore, I would say that. If it's being with God now, I would say that. Sometimes it helps to acknowledge our feelings and some people need some time (and no words) to process. If you need more time, definitely take it. Take care of you.
Reply
tenderhearts 05:26 PM 01-20-2020
I am so sorry for your loss.
Reply
Mondaygirl 06:59 PM 01-20-2020
I am so, so sorry for your loss. My husband died suddenly and unexpectedly six months ago. I get what you are going through. I have just been honest with my own children, who were 7, 11, and 13 at the time, and I still am. When I cry, I tell them itís because I miss Daddy and Iím sad heís not here anymore. Then they cry too, most of the time, and we can grieve together.
As for what to tell the daycare children, I think the explanation that Ac114 gave is lovely. Itís easy to understand and to the point.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. If you need to talk or if I can do anything to help you, please let me know. It is so hard and so lonely, this process.
Reply
Cat Herder 11:26 AM 01-21-2020
I am so sorry for your loss.
Reply
Tags:death - explaining, death - family member, explaining death to a child
Reply Up