Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Tell Parents About Time-Out?
Boymom 07:21 AM 04-21-2016
Do you tell parents about every single time you put a kid in "thinking time"?
Reply
Cat Herder 07:58 AM 04-21-2016
No.

I tell them about issues if I need their help with something.

Normal, age appropriate behaviors often require redirection.

If, as a parent, my provider was telling me every minor infraction I would assume she/he was overwhelmed and did not like my child. At least that is what it generally feels like to a parent.
Reply
spedmommy4 08:03 AM 04-21-2016
No. And whether or not I mentioned any correction here would depend on the severity and the child. Minor things I wouldn't mention at all. Issues with aggressive behavior get discussed as they arise.

That said, I have one ultra sensitive dcb3 who cries if he has to take a break. He rarely gets in trouble, but I do tell his mom every time. If I don't, he will spill the beans the second mom arrives. (And his story is usually way more interesting than mine )
Reply
Boymom 08:47 AM 04-21-2016
Thank you both! I have a dcd that wants me to tell him whenever I put his son in time out, but I don't think it's important to tell him when it's typical 3yo stuff!
Reply
Cat Herder 08:59 AM 04-21-2016
It is possible that DCD and you may be miscommunicating a bit with the difference between discipline and punishment.

In the past, "Time out" was punishment for major offenses. Sitting in the corner was dreaded.

Now a "quiet spot" is where kids go to cool down, read a book, play alone in personal space until they are less frustrated or over stimulated. AKA a discipline technique. Kids go there on their own when they need a break from their "friends".

To discipline = To teach. To teach emotional control.

Many of us "Old school" providers struggled with the new vocabulary at one time or another... why wouldn't parents raised old school struggle with the same concept?
Reply
Controlled Chaos 09:02 AM 04-21-2016
I had to seperate a 2yo from the group 5 times the other day. He was taking toys and not sharing in general. I told dad at pickup.

"Here is JJ's painting from today, he used so so many beautiful colors. He did have an extra hard time sharing today. We are working on asking friends if we can play with them when we want to share a toy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow, we'll have a great day!"

Unless it is a super serious issue I need parents to help with - that's how I deal.
Reply
childcaremom 09:18 AM 04-21-2016
Originally Posted by Controlled Chaos:
I had to seperate a 2yo from the group 5 times the other day. He was taking toys and not sharing in general. I told dad at pickup.

"Here is JJ's painting from today, he used so so many beautiful colors. He did have an extra hard time sharing today. We are working on asking friends if we can play with them when we want to share a toy. I can't wait to see you tomorrow, we'll have a great day!"

Unless it is a super serious issue I need parents to help with - that's how I deal.
Much the same. I just write a little note on their sheet, example: needed a lot of reminders today.

I get concerned if it's completely out of the ordinary behaviour and/or more serious. Then I will have a chat with the parents about it.
Reply
JackandJill 10:27 AM 04-21-2016
Only if its something I need worked on at home.
Reply
Blackcat31 10:34 AM 04-21-2016
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
No.

I tell them about issues if I need their help with something.

Normal, age appropriate behaviors often require redirection.

If, as a parent, my provider was telling me every minor infraction I would assume she/he was overwhelmed and did not like my child. At least that is what it generally feels like to a parent.



I also don't use time out or a thinking spot or any type of "sit" time as a consequence.
Reply
Boymom 11:56 AM 04-21-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:


I also don't use time out or a thinking spot or any type of "sit" time as a consequence.
What do you do? I need all the help I can get with this kid! I repeat and redirect all day long!!
Reply
Unregistered 12:00 PM 04-21-2016
I wonder if dcd doesn't agree with the style of guidance. Obviously, yes, they signed the contract agreeing to it so that was their own fault. But, I haven't worked anywhere in the past 15 years that allow either 'time out' or 'thinking alone'...
Reply
Blackcat31 12:01 PM 04-21-2016
Originally Posted by Boymom:
What do you do? I need all the help I can get with this kid! I repeat and redirect all day long!!
Tell me some of the behaviors you are having to use time out for....
Reply
Thriftylady 12:13 PM 04-21-2016
I only involve parents if it is a serious issue (such as violence) or a repeated issue that needs solved (biting, throwing, etc.). Other than that, no I don't tell parents every little thing. My kids are old enough to tell parents but not sure they do. I don't want to hear everything the parents do or discipline for at home, I figure they don't need that every day either.
Reply
daycarediva 12:20 PM 04-21-2016
I use time out ONLY when a child hits. "If you hit, you sit." Then we have a chat about it, make amends (no forced apologies here though) and model what we can do in the future.

I do put all incidents of aggression on daily sheets. Hitting is a HUGE deal here and essentiallly the ONLY thing I punish for. Everything else is 'direction'.
Reply
Boymom 12:29 PM 04-21-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Tell me some of the behaviors you are having to use time out for....
He yanks toys out of other kids hands many times a day, he pushes, and he runs around all the time! (A big rule in my house is they can't run because I have crawling babies and I'm also afraid someone will fall and get hurt.) Well, he fell today of course! We spend a lot of time outside, so he has plenty of time to run around!! So it's little stuff, but it's constant. Drives me cray cray lol!
Reply
daycarediva 12:36 PM 04-21-2016
How old is he? Running is HUGE with boys especially. I would provide an area that he CAN have gross motor activity. I allowed my active dcb to run up/down the hallway, and throw beanbags at targets down the hall, etc. No one else was allowed down the hall. It worked great.
My room is also set up with furniture blocking large areas so that there is no obvious room to run. Maybe use furniture to block his paths?

Pushing/hitting I would try to see/stop AHEAD of time. If they child managed to get away with it, they would go straight to time out.
Reply
Mike 03:59 PM 04-21-2016
That's what I like about this forum. So much useful information for when I start my daycare. I was wondering myself about how much to tell parents, and whether or not time out is ever a good idea.

I like daycarediva's idea of giving a child his/her own little area if needed. I bet that will be needed once in a while.

In my opinion, minor incidents won't be mentioned unless they are repeated several times, and more serious things like hitting will be noted and given to the parents. Time out would only be if the child needs time to settle down for the safety of him/her or the other children.
Reply
Thriftylady 04:33 PM 04-21-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:


I also don't use time out or a thinking spot or any type of "sit" time as a consequence.
I do have a "time out" spot. It is also my "crying spot". Only I do reverse time outs. I figure time out is a time to regroup, get your bearings, calm down. I don't figure I can tell a child two minutes or five will get that done. When I send children there, they may come out when they are ready to nicely play with their friends and apologize if needed. Or if they are throwing a fit, they go there and come out when they are done. So I guess time out here is more of a "me time" to work out whatever their issue is.
Reply
spedmommy4 06:51 PM 04-21-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
I do have a "time out" spot. It is also my "crying spot". Only I do reverse time outs. I figure time out is a time to regroup, get your bearings, calm down. I don't figure I can tell a child two minutes or five will get that done. When I send children there, they may come out when they are ready to nicely play with their friends and apologize if needed. Or if they are throwing a fit, they go there and come out when they are done. So I guess time out here is more of a "me time" to work out whatever their issue is.
This is pretty much how I use mine. My assistant and I have started calling the beanbag the "pull yourself together spot." (Not to the kids ��) I typically direct a child to it when they are using crying/yelling/behavior in an attempt to be the center of attention. Here, the kids are allowed to rejoin us after they have calmed down.
Reply
Febby 08:59 PM 04-21-2016
No, I only tell parents about negative behaviors when it's something that truly warrants their attention. Or if they ask a specific question.

Personally I usually only use time-out (or whatever you choose to call it) when I need the child to calm down. Though I'll also have them go sit if they're playing/throwing toys/chewing on toys during cleanup time. I make sure there's still a mess for them when they're done sitting though so they can't use being sent to time-out as a way to avoid cleaning.

Running drives me crazy, too. Block the running paths as much as you can. A lot of the time, if I catch one of mine running, I'll make them go back and walk. "Oh, Johnny, we use our walking feet at school. Go back to the door and walk to the sink." If they don't walk the second time, then they get to hold my hand and walk. That's on top of making sure they have plenty of opportunities to run, of course.

Pushing: Is he pushing in retaliation or aggression or because someone is in his way and he doesn't know how to use words? In any case, try to intervene before it happens. That may mean shadowing him as much as is practical and/or sitting him down for a table activity when you can't stand around next to him.
Reply
DaveA 06:12 AM 04-22-2016
Basically I give DCPs an overview of the child's day. Unless it's a specific behavior (like biting) that I think the parents need to know about/ think it's something I need to address with them, I'm pretty generic about issues.
Reply
Blackcat31 06:53 AM 04-22-2016
Originally Posted by Boymom:
He yanks toys out of other kids hands many times a day, he pushes, and he runs around all the time! (A big rule in my house is they can't run because I have crawling babies and I'm also afraid someone will fall and get hurt.) Well, he fell today of course! We spend a lot of time outside, so he has plenty of time to run around!! So it's little stuff, but it's constant. Drives me cray cray lol!
One of the first things I would do is have him sit while playing. Don't allow him to opportunity to run.

Have him gather his "supplies" before hand, then have him sit to play.

I use a kitchen timer to "teach" the kids in the beginning... I have them sit and play for small amounts of time. When the bell rings, they get up and exchange toys and/to change activities.

I would also create opportunities for him to have large motor play inside sometimes, like Diva said... bean bag toss can be done while sitting or kneeling down. You can do masking tape to designate balance line to walk on, or hop in and out of. Also place furniture in his path so there is no direct route to run free

He probably isn't going to stop the negative behaviors in one day with only a few changes so it will take time. But with a bit of role modeling (how to ask for toys vs yanking them from friends) and practice sitting nicely and playing with something for a specific amount of time will become the norm for him.

It'll probably take a lot of redirection and a bit of reminding but his behavior is kind of normal for a 3 yr old...they want so badly to be big kids but yet they aren't really babies anymore. They struggle with emotional control, impulse control and their bodies are growing and changing so fast that the need to run and move and wiggle is intrinsic and not always something they can easily control without a bit of adult intervention.
Reply
Lovisa 07:06 AM 04-22-2016
I have been wondering this EXACT same thing lately! I have a 22 month old who is doing some very frustrating things lately (spitting everywhere, hitting toys against the windows, running through the house, etc). She isn't aggressive towards anyone at all and is as sweet as can be, but man! She is so young though that it makes it difficult to redirect or discipline, especially because she does these things when I am busy (usually feeding the infant I care for). And she laughs at time outs so I don't think she understands them yet. I redirect ALL day long and 2 seconds later she is at it again.

I'm fairly certain it is some jealousy of the baby going on. Just trying to figure out something that will work for her and at the same time not come across as being super frustrated with her to mom and dad at every pick up! Mom seems to want to know what happens daily, but dad doesn't. I try to only tell when things are extra rough though because I don't want to see like I can't handle it (because I can).

Sorry to thread jack lol!
Reply
Blackcat31 07:16 AM 04-22-2016
Originally Posted by Lovisa:
I have been wondering this EXACT same thing lately! I have a 22 month old who is doing some very frustrating things lately (spitting everywhere, hitting toys against the windows, running through the house, etc). She isn't aggressive towards anyone at all and is as sweet as can be, but man! She is so young though that it makes it difficult to redirect or discipline, especially because she does these things when I am busy (usually feeding the infant I care for). And she laughs at time outs so I don't think she understands them yet. I redirect ALL day long and 2 seconds later she is at it again.

I'm fairly certain it is some jealousy of the baby going on. Just trying to figure out something that will work for her and at the same time not come across as being super frustrated with her to mom and dad at every pick up! Mom seems to want to know what happens daily, but dad doesn't. I try to only tell when things are extra rough though because I don't want to see like I can't handle it (because I can).

Sorry to thread jack lol!
I have my kiddos separated by age.

One room is strictly for toddlers. It has a climber in it, as well as a ball pit, LOTS of toddler toys (soft, chunky and easily manipulated) as well as a cozy reading area or spot to just chill when necessary.

NONE of those things are necessary for preschoolers. They get a different set of toys/a different physical environment.
(well they are necessary but they are not so chunky or designed for toddlers at the preschool level..kwim?)

Many times providers struggle with behaviors that ARE normal for a specific age but when you take one normal toddler and turn that into a group of kids in a providers home that serves as a child care during the day, those "normal" behaviors get difficult to manage.

This is where you really have to look at the environment. What is her behavior TELLING you? It says to me that she needs freedom to RUN (full body) and throw. Spitting is often sensory for toddlers.

I would suggest focusing on as much large motor as you can with her. Give her soft toys to throw and things to climb or run around, in and out of. As for the spitting, you can give her things like a harmonica to play with (my toddlers LOVE them!). You can provide a mirror for her and make all sorts of funny faces in the mirror (my kiddos do this for a long time) or you an give her bubbles to blow (outside if necessary) and you could try doing a little bubble blowing in a glass of water with a straw,..etc...ALL things that allow her to use her mouth and face to strengthen those facial and oral muscles to enhance her speech.

Basically, kids' behaviors (even the negatives) are code for what they need. You can take those behaviors and create an environment that meets those needs.

HTH
Reply
Lovisa 07:32 AM 04-22-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I have my kiddos separated by age.

One room is strictly for toddlers. It has a climber in it, as well as a ball pit, LOTS of toddler toys (soft, chunky and easily manipulated) as well as a cozy reading area or spot to just chill when necessary.

NONE of those things are necessary for preschoolers. They get a different set of toys/a different physical environment.
(well they are necessary but they are not so chunky or designed for toddlers at the preschool level..kwim?)

Many times providers struggle with behaviors that ARE normal for a specific age but when you take one normal toddler and turn that into a group of kids in a providers home that serves as a child care during the day, those "normal" behaviors get difficult to manage.

This is where you really have to look at the environment. What is her behavior TELLING you? It says to me that she needs freedom to RUN (full body) and throw. Spitting is often sensory for toddlers.

I would suggest focusing on as much large motor as you can with her. Give her soft toys to throw and things to climb or run around, in and out of. As for the spitting, you can give her things like a harmonica to play with (my toddlers LOVE them!). You can provide a mirror for her and make all sorts of funny faces in the mirror (my kiddos do this for a long time) or you an give her bubbles to blow (outside if necessary) and you could try doing a little bubble blowing in a glass of water with a straw,..etc...ALL things that allow her to use her mouth and face to strengthen those facial and oral muscles to enhance her speech.

Basically, kids' behaviors (even the negatives) are code for what they need. You can take those behaviors and create an environment that meets those needs.

HTH
It does help, thanks!

The way my house is set up, there is no way to separate age groups. It just isn't possible (I wish it was). I have infants, young toddlers and older toddlers. We do get plenty of outside time (weather permitting), but I LOVE your ideas about other ways to use her mouth besides spitting. Will work on some of those ideas this weekend to use for the coming week and see if it helps!

It really does seem like she is acting out out of jealousy of the baby. These behaviors were non existent until I got a few new kiddos and she wasn't getting as much one on one attention anymore.

I'm sure we will figure it out! Thanks again!
Reply
Boymom 12:19 PM 04-22-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
One of the first things I would do is have him sit while playing. Don't allow him to opportunity to run.

Have him gather his "supplies" before hand, then have him sit to play.

I use a kitchen timer to "teach" the kids in the beginning... I have them sit and play for small amounts of time. When the bell rings, they get up and exchange toys and/to change activities.

I would also create opportunities for him to have large motor play inside sometimes, like Diva said... bean bag toss can be done while sitting or kneeling down. You can do masking tape to designate balance line to walk on, or hop in and out of. Also place furniture in his path so there is no direct route to run free

He probably isn't going to stop the negative behaviors in one day with only a few changes so it will take time. But with a bit of role modeling (how to ask for toys vs yanking them from friends) and practice sitting nicely and playing with something for a specific amount of time will become the norm for him.

It'll probably take a lot of redirection and a bit of reminding but his behavior is kind of normal for a 3 yr old...they want so badly to be big kids but yet they aren't really babies anymore. They struggle with emotional control, impulse control and their bodies are growing and changing so fast that the need to run and move and wiggle is intrinsic and not always something they can easily control without a bit of adult intervention.
Thank you!!! This helps so much :-)
Reply
Tags:behavior plan, behavior reports, discipline - notifying parent
Reply Up