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Mommy3 11:53 AM 02-11-2013
My 23 mo old has developmental delays and also will only eat the same things over and if you try feeding him anything else he throws up. so when I found an in home daycare provider the main issue I stressed from the getgo was the need of text updates throughout the day to make sure my child was ok. She agreed and after a month she started getting irritated by the updates which were about 3 a day and one day she just decided I would only get 1 update a day whenever she felt she had time. I was not okay with it and I let her know also at that point I questioned this form she made me fill out where it said she was feeding my child so that she could get a credit from the government; so what does she do she doesn’t feed my child any of the only food he will eat and wrote down in a paper all the things my child ate which at that point I knew it was bogus and she was completely lying and only did it because I questioned that letter. At that time I decided to not take my child the next day since she had broken our agreement to the updates and because my child was not fed. She is now taking me to small claims to get her 2 weeks back that she had me sign in a contract and says since our "agreement" of updated was not in the contract is no valid. I tried having good faith and never ever thought something like that had to be put into contract...Any advice??
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Blackcat31 12:19 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by Mommy3:
My 23 mo old has developmental delays and also will only eat the same things over and if you try feeding him anything else he throws up. so when I found an in home daycare provider the main issue I stressed from the getgo was the need of text updates throughout the day to make sure my child was ok. She agreed and after a month she started getting irritated by the updates which were about 3 a day and one day she just decided I would only get 1 update a day whenever she felt she had time. I was not okay with it and I let her know also at that point I questioned this form she made me fill out where it said she was feeding my child so that she could get a credit from the government; so what does she do she doesn’t feed my child any of the only food he will eat and wrote down in a paper all the things my child ate which at that point I knew it was bogus and she was completely lying and only did it because I questioned that letter. At that time I decided to not take my child the next day since she had broken our agreement to the updates and because my child was not fed. She is now taking me to small claims to get her 2 weeks back that she had me sign in a contract and says since our "agreement" of updated was not in the contract is no valid. I tried having good faith and never ever thought something like that had to be put into contract...Any advice??
Ok, first off....does your son have a doctor's statment saying he can only eat specific things?

If so, then the provider must follow that if she agreed to.
If not, the provider is under no obligation to prepare "special" meals just for your child. (unless the two of you have it in writing)

Also as far as the text updates go, I can see how this would be an easy request to agree to but then find out it wasn't so easy as she probably does have other things to do besides text you all day with updates.

I am NOT saying she is right or wrong, just saying I have agreed to do things in the beginning and then found it to be too much to continue doing.

If she agreed originally, it may be because she thought you were nervous at first and then after a month thought you should feel more comfortable at that point and not continue needing so many daily updates and therefore reduced the daily update/text to only one per day.

If I provided my parents with even one daily text update, I would be devoting an awful lot of time texting and not supervising the kids so that might be her reasoning for that.

Also technically the only binding agreement you have with her is anything you BOTH signed and agreed to. Anything verbal is debatable because how are either of you going to prove it?

If you pulled your son from care and didn't provide proper notice or payment in place of notice according to the written contract you signed and agreed to, she is correct to try and sue you for the remaining amount due since there is a signed contract stating you would give notice and/or pay the final two weeks (or whatever amount of time the contract says).

I am sorry things didn't work out for you and this provider but in all honesty it sounds like you need a nanny and not a family child care provider. Any child that requires a lot of individual attention really shouldn't be in group care.
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blandino 12:27 PM 02-11-2013
I can say I have been in her shoes before, normally parents who wish to have frequent updates typically feel comfortable enough after a month in care that they don't feel the need to have frequent daily updates anymore. I understand you are curious about your child's well being, but it is asking a lot for a provider to update you 3x a day - while still fulfilling all of her other duties. Could you imagine if she was having to do that for every child in her care. If I had to do that for all my daycare children, while changing and feeding them I would get nothing else done in a day. However, she should have told you that from the beginning - if she was uncomfortable with it.

Maybe one update at nap-time would be sufficient. It sounds like you are already removing your child from her care, but I was going to suggest that maybe you find a daycare provider that you feel more comfortable with - since it doesn't sound like you have peace of mind with this daycare provider - if you are needing such frequent updates.

As far as the food goes, did she have your provide a doctors note saying what food he can have and fill out paperwork for special dietary needs ? If she had done that, the food should be reimbursed by the food program. If not, then she is required to feed your child what everyone else is having.

It is hard to say about small claims court, because I doubt the 3x a day text updates were in the contract (the same goes with the special diet). So she probably didn't actually violate the written agreement. My guess is that they will say that you still owe her the two weeks notice. Since she didn't technically violate the contract, and you signed saying you would give two weeks notice.

I'm sure this isn't exactly what you want to hear.
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blandino 12:28 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Ok, first off....does your son have a doctor's statment saying he can only eat specific things?

If so, then the provider must follow that if she agreed to.
If not, the provider is under no obligation to prepare "special" meals just for your child. (unless the two of you have it in writing)

Also as far as the text updates go, I can see how this would be an easy request to agree to but then find out it wasn't so easy as she probably does have other things to do besides text you all day with updates.

I am NOT saying she is right or wrong, just saying I have agreed to do things in the beginning and then found it to be too much to continue doing.

If she agreed originally, it may be because she thought you were nervous at first and then after a month thought you should feel more comfortable at that point and not continue needing so many daily updates and therefore reduced the daily update/text to only one per day.

If I provided my parents with even one daily text update, I would be devoting an awful lot of time texting and not supervising the kids so that might be her reasoning for that.

Also technically the only binding agreement you have with her is anything you BOTH signed and agreed to. Anything verbal is debatable because how are either of you going to prove it?

If you pulled your son from care and didn't provide proper notice or payment in place of notice according to the written contract you signed and agreed to, she is correct to try and sue you for the remaining amount due since there is a signed contract stating you would give notice and/or pay the final two weeks (or whatever amount of time the contract says).

I am sorry things didn't work out for you and this provider but in all honesty it sounds like you need a nanny and not a family child care provider. Any child that requires a lot of individual attention really shouldn't be in group care.


Eery how similar our responses are. But you hit the nail right on the head, before I could.
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Mommy3 12:33 PM 02-11-2013
She never fed my son. I always provided all his meals and packed it in a way they were ready to be served. I interviewed many people before I chose her and the only reason I chose her was because of our agreement to the updates
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Blackcat31 12:49 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by Mommy3:
She never fed my son. I always provided all his meals and packed it in a way they were ready to be served. I interviewed many people before I chose her and the only reason I chose her was because of our agreement to the updates
But was any of your agreements in writing?

The provider may have agreed verbally, thinking it would be for a short time.

You may have agreed thinking the update would be the entire time your child attended her daycare.

Unless there was something in writing spelling out the exact terms of your agreement, then you can't say what it was she thought she was agreeing to.

If you have nothing in writing there isn't much you can do as verbal agreements are seldom enforceable.
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youretooloud 12:53 PM 02-11-2013
I'm going to side with the provider here.

I assume you have a doctor's note for the provider, and she has it on file.

How the food program works, is "we offer the food, the kid's eat it". That doesn't mean the child can't refuse that food, it just means we held up our end by serving it. It's on his plate, he can eat it or not eat it. We still MUST write down what we serve, not what he ate. She is still well within her rights to claim him on the food program. If she has four kid, and she can claim four kids, and be reimbursed for four kids, she can claim him. There is nothing questionable about that.

That does not mean she didn't give him his other food that he does like.

So, if the doctor's note is on file. She offered him food, and she offered him the food you agreed upon, she has done nothing wrong.

Why in heaven's name do you need THREE updates a day? I've had kids with type 1 diabetes, and the parents didn't need three updates a day.

I am fairly certain you will lose this in court. Unless you can prove that she let him go full entire days without any food, she has done nothing wrong.

It looks and sounds a lot like you just want an excuse not to pay her. It doesn't sound legitimate at all. Mostly because I have never, ever known a provider or adult or human that would let a child go a full day with no food.
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youretooloud 12:56 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by Mommy3:
She never fed my son. I always provided all his meals and packed it in a way they were ready to be served. I interviewed many people before I chose her and the only reason I chose her was because of our agreement to the updates
Did she send the meals home the same way you packed them?
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Mommy3 02:11 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
Did she send the meals home the same way you packed them?
Yes. They were exactly how I packed it.
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Mommy3 02:14 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by youretooloud:
I'm going to side with the provider here.

I assume you have a doctor's note for the provider, and she has it on file.

How the food program works, is "we offer the food, the kid's eat it". That doesn't mean the child can't refuse that food, it just means we held up our end by serving it. It's on his plate, he can eat it or not eat it. We still MUST write down what we serve, not what he ate. She is still well within her rights to claim him on the food program. If she has four kid, and she can claim four kids, and be reimbursed for four kids, she can claim him. There is nothing questionable about that.

That does not mean she didn't give him his other food that he does like.

So, if the doctor's note is on file. She offered him food, and she offered him the food you agreed upon, she has done nothing wrong.

Why in heaven's name do you need THREE updates a day? I've had kids with type 1 diabetes, and the parents didn't need three updates a day.

I am fairly certain you will lose this in court. Unless you can prove that she let him go full entire days without any food, she has done nothing wrong.

It looks and sounds a lot like you just want an excuse not to pay her. It doesn't sound legitimate at all. Mostly because I have never, ever known a provider or adult or human that would let a child go a full day with no food.
Money is not the problem at all but you cannot agree to something and then decide one day with no proper notice that you will no longer be follwoing what was agreed upon. I understand the update request might seem extreme but she had a choice to say no from the getgo
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Mommy3 02:15 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by Mommy3:
Money is not the problem at all but you cannot agree to something and then decide one day with no proper notice that you will no longer be follwoing what was agreed upon. I understand the update request might seem extreme but she had a choice to say no from the getgo
Her meals were never served. I provided all meals and snacks
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Blackcat31 02:21 PM 02-11-2013
I am sorry this is a tough situation to be in but honestly you are just going to have to cut your lossed unless you can prove anything in writing.

I disagree that you can't just stop doing something without notice as the provider might have agreed to the texting updates thinking you meant only for the first month.

Which again is why having your expectations from the provider clearly written out so there is no mistake or mis-understandings as to what you want her to do and what she wants you to do.

How many days did she send your child food home with the same way you packed it untouched?
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youretooloud 02:51 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by Mommy3:
Yes. They were exactly how I packed it.
O.K, well, that changes my thoughts some.

I would claim a child. Serve him the food I fixed, but also serve him his lunch from home too.
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nanglgrl 03:16 PM 02-11-2013
Originally Posted by Mommy3:
Her meals were never served. I provided all meals and snacks
How do you know she never served meals to your child? I understand you say that you brought food and she didn't serve it, and according to you she didn't even open it. How do you know she didn't serve him the same food she was serving the other children at her daycare? If she made you fill out a gov't form it means she is on the food program. The food program reimburses us some of the money we spend on food. In my state we only have to offer the food. I can put one cracker and one mandarin orange on a plate and if the child doesn't eat them I don't have to put more on the plate but I can still claim that snack.

When you said you brought food and she didn't even touch it I wonder if it's because you were unable to provide a doctor's note that your child had to eat certain foods. In that case the food program would tell us we had to serve what we are serving everyone else. What were you packing for food? Was it a well rounded meal? Was it full of foods your child had to eat because of the delays or was it full of comfort foods you feed him at home because he refused to eat anything else?

How many hours was your child in her care? If your child was in her care an entire 10 hour day are you saying she didn't feed him the entire time? How would that benefit her? She would have a hungry, screaming child to deal with and that makes absolutely no sense especially when you brought food. If she was not serving him the food you provided and not serving him her own meals common sense would say she wouldn't want you to know that and she would at least dump out the food you provided but you're saying she didn't even touch it? IT MAKES NO SENSE.

As far as the food your story just sounds fishy. I wonder if you brought his favorite foods, foods he didn't HAVE to eat but maybe the only foods you thought he would eat and she found out different. Maybe he did great eating whatever she served the other children but she didn't have the courage to tell you (or maybe she did but you didn't listen).


I wonder if the provider originally thought that texting you 3 times a day would be no big deal but then you made it a big deal and she became annoyed. Did she text you and then you text her back asking a question so she had to text you again?

Bottom line, if you signed a contract agreeing to a 2 week notice you will have to pay it if she takes you to court. The only way you won't have to pay is if part of her written and signed contract says she would text you 3 times a day or that she would serve the food you provided AND you can PROVE she didn't do these things.
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daycarediva 03:35 PM 02-11-2013
As is my understanding there was no drs note (child will only eat the same things over and over). Then the provider per the food program guidelines HAS to feed your son what she made.

I have a dcb in my care right now, he is 2, moderate speech delay and oral motor problems, who eats NOTHING at home except a short list of food (under 5 items) and will ONLY drink juice. Mom said it was developmental. It's soooo not, he eats EVERYTHING here and does it with a smile on his face. AT 2, kids have learned to manipulate. I videotaped it for her because she didnt believe me. When she walks in and he has a banana he starts INTENTIONALLY GAGGING. ---case in point---he MAY be eating for her what he wont for you.

I will be honest, I have had kids with developmental delays in my care, and NEVER have been asked to provide 3 updates per day. IMHO that is excessive. The provider probably agreed to do so thinking it would be short term/until you were comfortable with the care he was receiving. I could do ONE short update per day, but I only will do it if there is an issue (like at drop off/separation anxiety) and for a short period. It isn't fair to remove that much of my time/attention from the kids in care.

You requested that she text you after every meal/snack? (breakfast/lunch/snack?) All of the eating is communicated on my take home sheets for each child, if your provider doesn't supply those, I think it would have been reasonable for you to ask her to jot it down.

You still owe her the two weeks, per contract. I don't see how you are getting out of that...
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youretooloud 03:54 PM 02-11-2013
I still think she served him lunch. You might not think he eats it, but he might be eating it anyway. Peer pressure is a magical thing.

I have parents who come in and SWEAR their child can't/won't do XYZ, but the child does it with no problem at all. I have parents who say "Oh, he can't put his own shoes on", but that same kids does his or her own shoes every day...several times.

I had a lady tell me that her son only eats mac n cheese. Yet, for me that was the ONE food he refused to eat. He ate other foods like he was a football player.

I STILL think she should have served him what you brought. If you took the time to fix him a lunch, that lunch should have been served to him. If the lunch you brought is not healthy in any way, then she should have told you "I can't feed him this, but I will continue to try to feed him other things".

By 21 months, he should be sitting at a table, eating and socializing. Kids tend to eat when others are eating the same thing, and when an adult isn't trying to cajole them.
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TheGoodLife 07:35 AM 02-18-2013
As a mom, my now 3 year old wouldn't eat much, if anything at all, for us at home- my DC provider at the time always told me she ate it all (or most) at DC. Kids will be different at daycare than they are at home. Hopefully yours was doing that, I just think it's strange that your provider didn't tell you he/she was eating her regular food.
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lovemykidstoo 10:26 AM 02-18-2013
Originally Posted by Mommy3:
My 23 mo old has developmental delays and also will only eat the same things over and if you try feeding him anything else he throws up. so when I found an in home daycare provider the main issue I stressed from the getgo was the need of text updates throughout the day to make sure my child was ok. She agreed and after a month she started getting irritated by the updates which were about 3 a day and one day she just decided I would only get 1 update a day whenever she felt she had time. I was not okay with it and I let her know also at that point I questioned this form she made me fill out where it said she was feeding my child so that she could get a credit from the government; so what does she do she doesn’t feed my child any of the only food he will eat and wrote down in a paper all the things my child ate which at that point I knew it was bogus and she was completely lying and only did it because I questioned that letter. At that time I decided to not take my child the next day since she had broken our agreement to the updates and because my child was not fed. She is now taking me to small claims to get her 2 weeks back that she had me sign in a contract and says since our "agreement" of updated was not in the contract is no valid. I tried having good faith and never ever thought something like that had to be put into contract...Any advice??
I have a few things that I'm curious about. When you say that your child has developmental delays, what exactly are you talking of? Did you ask your provider what your child was eating? I really hope that she's feeding him. I also have had children in my care that will only eat cereal for dinner, but eats here like a champ. I've actually had that happen plenty of times. When they're around other kids, they tend to follow the group so it is possible that he is eating what the other kids are. Kids know how to play their parents. They are really good at it I have one now that doesn't need his pacifier here all day, but absolutely throw a fit at home about it, so they give it to him. Just an example. Also, what kind of updates are you looking for throughout the day? What info do you need? Like how he's playing, eating, sleeping or something different? I'm sorry you feel like you're not getting what you need. It is hard to leave your child in daycare when you're not comfortable. Have you discussed any of this with your provider?
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EntropyControlSpecialist 05:54 AM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by Mama2Bella:
As a mom, my now 3 year old wouldn't eat much, if anything at all, for us at home- my DC provider at the time always told me she ate it all (or most) at DC. Kids will be different at daycare than they are at home. Hopefully yours was doing that, I just think it's strange that your provider didn't tell you he/she was eating her regular food.
I hear this all the time from many of my families. They all eat their vegetables, fruits, meat (or meat substitute), and grain here. I rarely see even 1 piece of the meal left on their plates.
I'm also told how the children behave at home and I am often times shocked! I tell the parents I have a totally different child here at daycare.
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itlw8 02:52 PM 03-08-2013
every child I have every had special need / developmental delays the goals the therapist set always were to keep introducing new foods so they learn to eat more foods. NOT ony feed the prefered foods. Did your therapist really say they child is ONLY allowed to eat the favorite foods?

I would think you would be happy if he tried new foods.
She can feed the offered lunch and then if he won't eat offer what you sent as long as it was healthy If he ate the food offered you wanted him to eat yours also??? If she was lying and he had not eaten it is more likely she would have tossed the food isn't it?
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itlw8 02:54 PM 03-08-2013
Originally Posted by EntropyControlSpecialist:
I hear this all the time from many of my families. They all eat their vegetables, fruits, meat (or meat substitute), and grain here. I rarely see even 1 piece of the meal left on their plates.
I'm also told how the children behave at home and I am often times shocked! I tell the parents I have a totally different child here at daycare.
I had a mom complain her son never ate dinner. I said really I have to cut him off at thirds here. guess noon was his prefered to eat.
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crazydaycarelady 10:43 AM 03-28-2013
I think having to get 3 updates per day is a ridiculous request. Any provider will let you know right away if something is wrong. No news is good news!

Also if we are on the food program we are required to have each child enrolled, which means the parents has to sign a paper. All the provider is required to do is offer the food, whether the child eats it or not is up to them. I am sure he was eating the food the provider offered, which is a good thing to offer new foods rather than serve the same few things over and over. No provider is going to set herself up to spend a day with a miserable hungry child by not feeding him.

She's not breaking ay rules. It seems the only thing broken is the contract when you refused to pay for the 2 week notice.
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Tags:developmentally delayed, speech - delayed, therapist
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