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Old 06-28-2011, 02:40 PM
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momma4many momma4many is offline
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Default 15 Mo Slapping, Kicking

How do you all handle a 15 month old who does not hit other kids, but hits you? He is very polite with other children, however he has started hitting and kicking me hard enough to knock my glasses off more than once.
Ideas on what to do here? My "guidelines" are to redirect him at this age. That is not helping at all.
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Old 06-28-2011, 06:42 PM
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When is this happening? I am assuming mom and dad allow this.....
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Old 06-28-2011, 06:59 PM
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I wouldn't tolerate this for a second. I would receive him at arms length, turned face AWAY from me, and keep his body as far away from me as I could and carry him to a play pen and put him in..... turn your back QUICKLY and walk away.

He needs to hit, kick, and flail around in a piece of equipment that can contain him and keep him and others safe.

Don't be fooled by him not doing this to the kids. They are next and it will be soon. He will add biteing next. When he figures out how to bite he will go for the face of the other kids. He will eventually go to scratching and slapping at their face too.

You have to talk frankly to the parents and tell them you have a NO VIOLENCE policy and this needs to stop TODAY. They need to contact their pediatrician and get some help NOW. I would give them a couple of weeks to make drastic changes or he would have to go.

If he needs to be violent at this age you can imagine what your world will be like when he starts after the kids.

Redirection for this is dangerous. It's a terrible technique to use with violence. You never want to give them "something else to do next" that is good for them when they are violent. Giving them ANYTHING to do will be a reward and tell them to keep at what they are doing and escalate it.

Separation and seclusion in a SAFE piece of equipment with no adult stimulation and a firm strict tone with a harsh NO is the only thing he will understand at this age.
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:00 PM
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It is happening when I am putting is shoes on, changing diaper or is otherwise in close enough proximity to hit or kick. Today it was when I picked him up after nap as well. I thought at first it was sort of an accidental arm or leg flailing, but it is apparent now that he is doing it on purpose. Today when dcd picked him up, I saw that he was slapping him on the way to the car, dcd just acted like it didn't happen. Maybe a phase he is going through and parents are doing nothing about it. I usually say "ouch! That's not nice! We don't hit (or kick) because that hurts". He laughs like I am joking and tries to do it again. I wonder if it is a way of him getting individual attention either positive or negative from me (he is an only child and I have been noticing a lot of attention seeking behaviors, all much milder than this). I have only had him for a week, so not sure as to how long this has been going on. Parents say he has never done this before, but I don't know if I believe that. What is curious to me is that it is towards adults only as far as I have seen. He has not shown any signs of this at all towards the other kids here.
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I wouldn't tolerate this for a second. I would receive him at arms length, turned face AWAY from me, and keep his body as far away from me as I could and carry him to a play pen and put him in..... turn your back QUICKLY and walk away.

He needs to hit, kick, and flail around in a piece of equipment that can contain him and keep him and others safe.

Don't be fooled by him not doing this to the kids. They are next and it will be soon. He will add biteing next. When he figures out how to bite he will go for the face of the other kids. He will eventually go to scratching and slapping at their face too.

You have to talk frankly to the parents and tell them you have a NO VIOLENCE policy and this needs to stop TODAY. They need to contact their pediatrician and get some help NOW. I would give them a couple of weeks to make drastic changes or he would have to go.

If he needs to be violent at this age you can imagine what your world will be like when he starts after the kids.

Redirection for this is dangerous. It's a terrible technique to use with violence. You never want to give them "something else to do next" that is good for them when they are violent. Giving them ANYTHING to do will be a reward and tell them to keep at what they are doing and escalate it.

Separation and seclusion in a SAFE piece of equipment with no adult stimulation and a firm strict tone with a harsh NO is the only thing he will understand at this age.
Thanks Nannyde. This is what I was looking for. I will see how the parents react to a much firmer discussion on the subject. It seems like I am getting A LOT of kids that are doing these things. I just wrote a few weeks ago about terming a child after 2 days of him being out of control. Wonder how I can weed these out at interview? I am thinking back over the interviews with this family and the one with the child I termed after 2 days and trying to remember key words, hints, anything so I can avoid this in the future. Obviously, parents are not forthcoming with this information, so I am going to have to start recognizing it at interview.
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:13 PM
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see thats exactly what I thought too. It starts with baby hitting at the parents (almost always the mom first and the worst) and it WILL move onto to the kids just as it has moved to you. Either the parents totally lied or are so oblivious and lenient that they don't fully realize what is happening (or worse, they simply don't care). I had the same kid here about 3 years ago. It got so bad he jumped on my daughter and left welts on her back and he was only 10 months old. The parents did not believe me (even though I had pictures!) and insisted that he was an "aggressive snuggler" like putting a cute word to it made it okay. I did term. You are right though, the kids I have gotten lately are just out of control. This can be stopped but you are fighting an uphill battle if mom and dad allow it at home. I would never, ever tolerate my own kids hitting me.
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by momma4many View Post
Thanks Nannyde. This is what I was looking for. I will see how the parents react to a much firmer discussion on the subject. It seems like I am getting A LOT of kids that are doing these things. I just wrote a few weeks ago about terming a child after 2 days of him being out of control. Wonder how I can weed these out at interview? I am thinking back over the interviews with this family and the one with the child I termed after 2 days and trying to remember key words, hints, anything so I can avoid this in the future. Obviously, parents are not forthcoming with this information, so I am going to have to start recognizing it at interview.
Rage babies.

The mother is usually the first recipient of the rage behavior. Be specific about how the child acts with his/her mother. They will usually hit, bite, kick, fight the mom first. They are the first punching bag for a rage baby.

It's going to get harder and harder to find calm, stable, balanced kids. Violence in children is accepted and rewarded with distracting, bribing, consoling, and lots and lots of lovins and attention. Once that happens they are rewarded and escalate to even worse violence.

It's time to be clear in the interview that you have a NO VIOLENCE policy for your business. Just like your school has a no violence policy.... YOU have it too.
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Old 06-28-2011, 07:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
see thats exactly what I thought too. It starts with baby hitting at the parents (almost always the mom first and the worst) and it WILL move onto to the kids just as it has moved to you. Either the parents totally lied or are so oblivious and lenient that they don't fully realize what is happening (or worse, they simply don't care). I had the same kid here about 3 years ago. It got so bad he jumped on my daughter and left welts on her back and he was only 10 months old. The parents did not believe me (even though I had pictures!) and insisted that he was an "aggressive snuggler" like putting a cute word to it made it okay. I did term. You are right though, the kids I have gotten lately are just out of control. This can be stopped but you are fighting an uphill battle if mom and dad allow it at home. I would never, ever tolerate my own kids hitting me.
Good post cheer

Aggressive snuggler is a way to say it is special and gifted. They LOVE that idea that he snuggles in a unique way that is only his special way.

They put words onto his bad behavior and VOILA the kid is all good. It's easier to put cute words on it than to actually deal with it.

Dealing with completely out of control babies and kids is now becoming the job of child care. The only way to get it stopped is to refuse to take the money for that type of care. Once the word gets out to the public that the parents can't buy violence care then maybe stopping it when it starts will be the only way they can survive as a family. If they can't GET violence care they may start dealing with it when it first errupts.
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