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  #1  
Old 11-08-2011, 10:28 AM
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mommiesherie mommiesherie is offline
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Default Child Who Hits

I have a 3 year old who hits another child every single day. It never ever fails just hits him. The other child is 2. He isn't hitting out of anger or frustration or any reason really. any advice on how to stop this behavior? Of course he know he goes straight to time out. He always goes kicking and screaming. The other child has hit him back on occasion and when he does the first child will cry and scream because of being hit back. Any advice? I am a small in home child care provider. I have had all the child development classes and know all the right answers but I really need a tried and true approach to this. Thanks!!!
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  #2  
Old 11-08-2011, 11:01 AM
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stop putting him in time out every time he does this...He is doing it get your attention.

I would provide an area for him where he would play alone after he commits his crime.

he will stay there until you think he can control himself or for at least a period of time to get him to understand that when he does this, he gets to only play alone.

Make sure that you also give the victim a lot of attention when he gets hit....and pay none to the hitter..

Good luck
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Old 11-08-2011, 11:07 AM
AnneCordelia AnneCordelia is offline
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How do you put him in time out?

I would not reward that behaviour with his own personal toys in his own personal space. I definitely would still opt for the time out but maybe there are changes you can make to your time out routine that will make it more successful?
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Old 11-08-2011, 11:41 AM
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I know we all do things differently, but If time out is not working for this child after hitting, then he needs to be separated from his peers and not allowed to interact with them for longer than a timeout period would allow. YOu can't withhold toys or books from a child from such a long period of time....

It also sounds like he needs to be shown the right way to behave. Giving him time to be alone he can do this.
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Old 11-08-2011, 11:45 AM
AnneCordelia AnneCordelia is offline
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Originally Posted by daycare View Post
I know we all do things differently, but If time out is not working for this child after hitting, then he needs to be separated from his peers and not allowed to interact with them for longer than a timeout period would allow. YOu can't withhold toys or books from a child from such a long period of time....

It also sounds like he needs to be shown the right way to behave. Giving him time to be alone he can do this.
I agree you can't withhold toys or books for a long period of time. That's why I'm curious about her time out routine, because often it just needs tweaking to become more effective.
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  #6  
Old 11-08-2011, 12:27 PM
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He would be my shadow. I wouldn't give him the chance to hit.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:12 AM
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A little more info on him. He is a very difficult child. He is one that likes control. I do try to keep my eye on him constantly but as we all know that is not possible. I know time out is not working because this is a daily event. He does go to time out pretty often. He is smart and knows the rules. He also knows when he hits he goes straight to time out. He will also tell me that he gets a spanking at home when he hits at my house. He really could care less about either punishment. He is sneaky and won't do it until my back is turned When he hits the other child normally will tell me. I will ask him if he did. He does admit it every time. On occasion he tells on himself. I use to give the speech and put in time out. I'm finally to the point with this that I just automatically just pick him out and place him in time out without even any more discussion. When I sit him down he screams and kicks and such and I ignore him until he has settled down and sat quietly for a minute. Time out is a spot between my kitchen and dining room that is a quiet out of the way spot with no view of the tv but I can see him. No toys or anything around to play with. It wouldn't matter if they were because he is gonna be pitching one for a while. He is also one I have to prepare before his mom comes as far as what behavior he is going to have when she gets here. If I do not talk with him before he goes wild the moment she comes in the door or runs out and won't allow eho ever goes after him to catch him. A really fun game for him that I refuse to play ever again. Any advice would be appreciated because I am just at a loss as to how to stop this behavior. I have been doing this 20 years and this child has me stumped!
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:28 AM
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You could try a positive behaviour chart. He gets a sticker for each day he doesnt hit, and if he gets 5 days, he gets a prize. Something like that. Remind him every day that if he doenst hit, he gets a sticker, and if he does hit, a sticker gets taken away. Praise him like crazy when he gets a sticker, and make a big deal about it when Mom picks up.

It might not work, but worth a try.
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:40 AM
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I forgot to add that I do have a sticker chart. They all love getting stickers. I do remind him each morning that we do not hit our friends. We get stickers for not hitting but when we do we get in trouble. I feel like I have exhausted all my clever strategies with this child lol. I have not had a day yet that I could say he didn't hit and he has been with me 4 months now
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  #10  
Old 11-09-2011, 07:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiesherie View Post
I have not had a day yet that I could say he didn't hit and he has been with me 4 months now


What do the other day care parents think of that?

I would have lost my entire day care by now if I had my kids getting hit every day.
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:59 AM
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Wow. First off, I really am surprised that the other kids are not pulled out yet. Do this....Next time he hits, make him your shadow. He can sit by you and read a book, or play a puzzle. But when you move, he moves. If you go to the kitchen he is to follow. Do not talk to him during this, it is not supposed to be a fun thing. Also give alot of attention to ALL the other kids. Praise them on NOT hitting and let them do something this boy cannot. Whether it be a special video, a treat, whatever. He needs to know that you give attention for POSITIVE behavior and that being mean and hitting will cause him to lose privileges, ,like playing with friends, or special treats.

I dont agree with giving stickers for something like this. Its telling him that he gets a sticker for not hitting, but the other kids get nothing. Reverse. Give all the other kids stickers on their shirts when they leave when they DONT hit.

I suspect a day or two of this will cure it. Also be sure to tell parents what you are doing so you dont "seem" so mean when he tells on you.
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:09 AM
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I just care for 4 children plus my 6 year old. That's plenty enough for me . So its a very small family type atmosphere. The child he hits is with me a lot weekends included. His mom is sa single mom who has 2 little ones. Both her parents have passed so my family has taken her in as one of us. If it were a normal day care setting I would probably loose children because of it.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:33 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiesherie View Post
I just care for 4 children plus my 6 year old. That's plenty enough for me . So its a very small family type atmosphere. The child he hits is with me a lot weekends included. His mom is sa single mom who has 2 little ones. Both her parents have passed so my family has taken her in as one of us. If it were a normal day care setting I would probably loose children because of it.
I don't know what kind of space you have but if he was acting like that here I would give him his own play yard. I wouldn't allow him near my other kids. My dc parents would FLIP OUT if their kid was hit here.
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:14 PM
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Its nap time here now. I may just have to do that. Give him his own space and make him stay in it. Maybe on the carpet with his toys. It would solve the issue of him taking things away from others also. He isn't hitting hard or leaving marks on the other children or anything but its the fact that its daily and nobody deserves to be hit for any reason. I am very curious to know if children who have this behavior at this age tend to be bullies or have aggression as they get older? His parents are good people. I think they do what they feel is best but are not consistant. They do let him get away with bad behaviors but do at some point put their foot down with him. I want him to like coming to my house and not feel like he is gonna be in trouble all day. Chances are he is gonna be in trouble all day though. I know I can not allow him to cause stress to the other children though. Thanks sooo much for eveyones help!
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommiesherie View Post
Its nap time here now. I may just have to do that. Give him his own space and make him stay in it. Maybe on the carpet with his toys. It would solve the issue of him taking things away from others also. He isn't hitting hard or leaving marks on the other children or anything but its the fact that its daily and nobody deserves to be hit for any reason. I am very curious to know if children who have this behavior at this age tend to be bullies or have aggression as they get older? His parents are good people. I think they do what they feel is best but are not consistant. They do let him get away with bad behaviors but do at some point put their foot down with him. I want him to like coming to my house and not feel like he is gonna be in trouble all day. Chances are he is gonna be in trouble all day though. I know I can not allow him to cause stress to the other children though. Thanks sooo much for eveyones help!
Yep, give him his own space, and let him come out for short periods of time when you can be right there next to him. Model words for him, showing the proper way to get what he wants vs. hitting.

Three questions:
May I play with you?... if no...
May I watch you?....if no..
Then please let me know when you are finished with that toy...

It's probably a mixture of reasons he does this. He wants attention, his communication skills are still developing, and he's an egotistical four year old.

I would discourage his parents from spanking him for this! If he's already served his time at your house, he should not have to be punished again at home. Besides, hitting a child for hitting is just ridiculous...Hit em for other things! lol
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:43 PM
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is there someone there that he does play well with.

I have some kids who would hit a particular child but not others. I would then separate the kids into safe play groups. Splitting up the two that can't get along.

I would only let them all together when I would be doing circle time or crafting. Basically under my direct supervision..

Like Nan said...You don't want this child to become a harmful asset to your DC. Other good families will leave if you don't do something to stop it...
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  #17  
Old 11-09-2011, 12:56 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbo View Post
Yep, give him his own space, and let him come out for short periods of time when you can be right there next to him. Model words for him, showing the proper way to get what he wants vs. hitting.

Three questions:
May I play with you?... if no...
May I watch you?....if no..
Then please let me know when you are finished with that toy...

It's probably a mixture of reasons he does this. He wants attention, his communication skills are still developing, and he's an egotistical four year old.

I would discourage his parents from spanking him for this! If he's already served his time at your house, he should not have to be punished again at home. Besides, hitting a child for hitting is just ridiculous...Hit em for other things! lol
Hahahhaa bobo the last part was way too funny. I do agree hitting a child for hitting does not make sence. I think they are just trying to help out with the old you are in trouble when you get home mr thing.
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