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Old 02-18-2010, 12:53 PM
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Default Now I Need Help With a 5 yr old....

I have a dcb that is 5 yrs. He has been with me since he was about 10 mo. old. He has always been a joy and fairly easy until about 1 - 1 1/2 years ago, he has gradually little by little gotten worse. He's hard to explain, one day you love him to pieces and such a joy to be around then the next he's got an attitude, will talk back, throw a tantrum, mean to the others. So it's hard because he's someone you like then you don't. So here's my problem, today he started talking back and yelling at me so I told him that wasn't ok to talk to me that way and he needed to sit in time out, well he yelled no at me and said never and hit the table as he walked over there, well he continued and so I was going to have him go in the entry way where I can see him but he's not right in the room with the other kids, so I said you need to come over here until you calm down then we'll talk, well he wouldn't get up at first and shouted no, then he got up and continued yelling I knelt down to his level and said you need to stop yelling at me and as I said come on over here and started to take his hand he started swinging his hand and he hit me in the side of the face and knocked my glasses half way off, it hurt, I told him it was not ok to hit but he just kept throwing himself around so I had him sit down and left him alone to talk with him when he's calmed down. So this was 3 min ago, what would you do? call the parent now, tell them when they pick up? She knows his behaviour we've talked about it many times, and she says sorry we're working on it. It's hard because some days I just want to terminate him because some days he's so disruptive and it's not fair to me or the other kids and other days which it's about 1/2 and 1/2 with some weeks worse or better it's always hard to say, but it's hard because I've had him so long, his parents are friends of ours, we do things with them, not alot but we do, and I can't really afford for him to go and he will be leaving like mid june, so would you stick it out a few more months and just have a good talk with the parent? Which they can't change it but I'm so frustrated, I know he didn't intentionally mean to hit me but he knows better than to act that way. So for now I assume he's tired or something and needs some "quiet time" so he is in his early.
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Old 02-18-2010, 01:01 PM
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Depending on the relationship you have with them...I would wait until they come to pick him up. Hitting is not acceptable and all my kids are told so...."keep your hands to yourself". Again, depending on the relationship, I have used "do you want me to call your Mom/Dad?" Even, "I'm going to have to talk to your Mom when she gets here". The 5 year old I have has the potential to be like that but without the yelling and hitting me at least....the other kids he has hit.

I would be straight up with the parent and tell her if the behavior continues then she will have to find other care (even if it is only until June). I understand being put in a financial bind but is it worth your sanity?
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Old 02-18-2010, 01:26 PM
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I am of the mindset that if he is now hitting you, then it is likely something that he gets away with at home and I would terminate. It isn't going to get better.

I TOTALLY get what you mean about the behavior though. I have a five year old who has been with me since he was 10 months as well and he used to be great....in the last year and a half his behavior has progressively gotten worse and I have had to give Mom and Dad the warning that if it continues, they'll have to find another program for him. I am working with them, because they are working on it. BUT, if he EVER hit me, it would be IMMEDIATE termnation.
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Old 02-18-2010, 01:27 PM
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Oh, and I'd call now and make them pick him up to deal with it. Maybe then they'll realize you are serious about not putting up with it and do something about it.
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Old 02-18-2010, 01:31 PM
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He's never started swinging like this before and he really doesn't hit the other kids, he has but very infrequent, it's mainly yelling at them (and me when he's in trouble), attitude, always saying inappropriate things and he knows better he knows it's not ok. It's just so hard because he's like night and day different, it's like he snaps, usually if he's not behaving in the morning he has to lay down for quiet time he doesn't get the priviledge of watching the movie for quiet time, usually he'll fall asleep if that happenswhich I know mom doesnt' like because then he doesn't go down very well at bedtime but when we've talked before I told he's not required to nap but he has to lay down in "quiet time" and if he falls asleep then that's the way it is. I definetly will talk with her again but I'm torn between letting him go or not.
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Old 02-18-2010, 01:36 PM
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some posted between my posts sorry. That's where I'm torn, I know they are working on it at home, for the most part, however in the past which mom has admitted to that they don't follow through with a consequence, I think she is sticking by that now but I never know. I do know she used because back in the summer she told him if he talks back to me or whatever if he didn't have a good day he wouldnt' be able to do go ride, well he wasn't behaving but guess what they let him go, so he knows that there are no consequences but like I said I think she follows through more now. I definetly will tell her that if he ever strikes at me again, intentional or not he will be terminated but that will be hard since they are friends. I just keep thinking I've had him for so long and just a couple more months then it will be over. thanks everyone
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Old 02-18-2010, 02:15 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
Oh, and I'd call now and make them pick him up to deal with it. Maybe then they'll realize you are serious about not putting up with it and do something about it.
I have to agree with this too even though I said wait for pick. I feel for you. Hope something gets better soon!
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Old 02-18-2010, 03:58 PM
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I ended up calling mom at work during quiet/nap time and we had a very long talk. We talked about some things that I can try, I told her that normally this would be an immediate termination but I want to know we've tried all things. She was wondering if he should be disciplened such as priveledges taken away at home if he gets a bad report at my house or if it's between him and I. I said well I think he sticks by that because he talks about it and is generally good depending on what's being taken away but, she said I can't say you're never going back there if you're not good because that's an empty threat because she has to bring him so she can work. I think she should take priveledges away at home if he's not good here, what do you guys think? We decideded that since he is testing and knows the rules not to give him any warnings and not say anything to him, just tell him to go to the other room & each time he yells or talks back tell him another 5 min and just keep doing that, this is what they do at home and she said for the most part it has helped alot. I'll give it a try. Hope for the best
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Old 02-18-2010, 04:31 PM
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I think it's a great idea that every time he yells that you send him to another room....I saw on another post that someone mentioned screaming and they would tell the child if you have the urge to scream then he/she has to do it into a pillow....you could have a screaming pillow (if anything for the other room so you don't have to listen to it and that is if you really think he would use it) I do agree with his Mom though that consequences should also be at home so priveledges should be taken away there as well....there is only so much we can do as providers that will make the kids listen.

Our school district here gives colors every day. Green is if they did everything good for the day. Yellow is when they get 1 warning and Red is for 2 warnings and blue is if they go to the principal's office. I have often thought about doing that here at my daycare because I believe that parents should be informed that their child got in trouble. You could set up a similar system, maybe a little different as I know both of my two year olds would go up with Red every day! :-) However, even at school the parent has to sign a form every single day to see what color their child got that day. You could even go as far to do that so the Mother could see how the day has went.
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Old 02-18-2010, 05:33 PM
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Thanks, when mom said she didn't know if she should do anything at home I said well I think she should because it appears to work IF they follow through with it. I'm not sure if having him yell in the pillow would be something to tell him only because the more you talk to him the more it escalates that's why mom said he knows the rules don't say anything just go in the other room and he'll know. If I say something ahead of time like next time you yell here's the yelling pillow yell into this he might think it's ok then. That's a great idea the red/yellow/blue just in general, I might think about doing something like that. thanks for the great tips. mom picked him up early and she said she has a plan and will call me later so anxious to see what she says.
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Old 02-18-2010, 06:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tenderhearts View Post
I have a dcb that is 5 yrs. He has been with me since he was about 10 mo. old. He has always been a joy and fairly easy until about 1 - 1 1/2 years ago, he has gradually little by little gotten worse. He's hard to explain, one day you love him to pieces and such a joy to be around then the next he's got an attitude, will talk back, throw a tantrum, mean to the others. So it's hard because he's someone you like then you don't. So here's my problem, today he started talking back and yelling at me so I told him that wasn't ok to talk to me that way and he needed to sit in time out, well he yelled no at me and said never and hit the table as he walked over there, well he continued and so I was going to have him go in the entry way where I can see him but he's not right in the room with the other kids, so I said you need to come over here until you calm down then we'll talk, well he wouldn't get up at first and shouted no, then he got up and continued yelling I knelt down to his level and said you need to stop yelling at me and as I said come on over here and started to take his hand he started swinging his hand and he hit me in the side of the face and knocked my glasses half way off, it hurt, I told him it was not ok to hit but he just kept throwing himself around so I had him sit down and left him alone to talk with him when he's calmed down. So this was 3 min ago, what would you do? call the parent now, tell them when they pick up? She knows his behaviour we've talked about it many times, and she says sorry we're working on it. It's hard because some days I just want to terminate him because some days he's so disruptive and it's not fair to me or the other kids and other days which it's about 1/2 and 1/2 with some weeks worse or better it's always hard to say, but it's hard because I've had him so long, his parents are friends of ours, we do things with them, not alot but we do, and I can't really afford for him to go and he will be leaving like mid june, so would you stick it out a few more months and just have a good talk with the parent? Which they can't change it but I'm so frustrated, I know he didn't intentionally mean to hit me but he knows better than to act that way. So for now I assume he's tired or something and needs some "quiet time" so he is in his early.
Ok something is going on with him. Before you go pointing fingers at anyone for his behavior like someone else said he is getting away with it at home may or may not be true he could have a mental disorder like ADHD, ODD, etc. My Son is 6 and he is just like the boy you talked about and my Son is ADHD combined inattentive/impulsive with Oppoistional Defiant Disorder he is on meds now and doing well So please bring it to the parents attention let them know his behavior isnt normal for his age and maybe suggest for them to talk to the doctor you are this childs voice you see him more then the parents help the little guy out .
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Old 02-18-2010, 06:42 PM
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Yeah, I understand what you mean about the pillow and making it "ok".... I would think that would actually depend on the child.

Well at least you don't have a mom that is in denial and thinks their child is perfect.

I think you'll be able to tell fairly easy if they start following through at home. Does he not go to Kindergarten??

You are welcome...trust me I have a few kids that have me at my wit's end too. You have to stick to your guns about the hitting though otherwise he could grow up thinking it's ok....so even if you have to terminate, he will continue to get kicked out of daycares and the parents will hopefully eventually get that they have to follow through at home. In a regular daycare facility, they won't think twice about terminating him for smaller things.
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