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  #1  
Old 03-19-2012, 04:21 PM
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Long story short.

Today during outside play time, one of my DCK took a thick plastic bat and hit my son in the head with it very hard. My son was not doing anything at all to provoke it in any way, he scream cried for almost an hour, which is not typical for my child.

I have never and I mean never had anything to this degree take place in my childcare ever. I do not allow for violence.

Well at the time, I was trying not to over react, so I just put the child in time out, which is a huge thing at my house. We hardly ever do time out.

I am so mad at myself because now that I think about it, I should have sent that child home right away. The only reason that I didn't, was because I was not sure if I was over reacting or not.

Am I over reacting? Should I have sent the child home.

p.s. some of you may be wondering why their was a baseball bat in the play area. Well the kids were using it in the sandbox as a huge flag for the huge sand castle they built.
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  #2  
Old 03-19-2012, 04:30 PM
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My question to you is.. If the DCK hit someone OTHER than YOUR child whould you still be this upset?
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  #3  
Old 03-19-2012, 04:34 PM
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Originally Posted by kathiemarie View Post
My question to you is.. If the DCK hit someone OTHER than YOUR child whould you still be this upset?
The fact that my child was the one who was hit is NOT the issue. It's the pure fact that DCK chose to do that. I am actually lucky and some what relieved that it was my child and not another child. I would hate to have to ever tell a parent that a child was hurt on my watch
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Old 03-19-2012, 04:42 PM
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I think you did the right thing by putting DCK in time out. I think you should make it clear to him and his parents that it will not be tolerated and that if it happens again you will send him home. Hopefully that will squash everything. I hope your child is ok.
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  #5  
Old 03-19-2012, 04:45 PM
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How old was the child? If he was under 5 or 6, I would have done exactly the same as you. I would definitely tell the parents at pick-up what happened and let them know that a second episode will not be tolerated.
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Old 03-19-2012, 04:57 PM
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Default Not overreacting.

I am like you, I would have been even more upset if it was a DCK and I had to explain to their parents. But I probably would have set the kid down until I could watch him like a hawk. I would have called the parent as soon as I calmed down. I would be very tempted to term the kid that day. Though I would let the parent pick up at normal time. If you seen it happen and know that the child did it on purpose I would term. He has more issues than the average daycare provider can handle. Anything can be used as a weapon, so taking the bat away is not going to solve this. If this child was just being careless and swinging the bat around and your child was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I would give him a good talking to, make him stay right with me (tomato staking) until he knows acceptable behavior. And hide all long objects for a while. (brooms, bats, longer blocks ect) But that child would not be allowed to swing around anything. But is sounds malicious. He would be gone.
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  #7  
Old 03-19-2012, 05:13 PM
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This was on purpose... the child is 4.5 and a very very smart 4.5 year old child.

I feel that time out did not do anything for this child, they felt ZERO remorse for what they did
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  #8  
Old 03-19-2012, 06:50 PM
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sending him home would not have solved anything. I would make sure that he would not be allowed to play with anything or anybody. They would get to watch all the kids play. You need to take away what he likes to do.
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  #9  
Old 03-19-2012, 08:04 PM
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This was on purpose... the child is 4.5 and a very very smart 4.5 year old child.

I feel that time out did not do anything for this child, they felt ZERO remorse for what they did
Did you make the parents aware of it and of how serious the situation is? Did they back you up and talk with him about why it was wrong or did they just blow it off? Was this the first time he's been aggressive? Hitting another child in the head with a baseball bat ON PURPOSE is a serious act of aggression no matter who was on the receiving end- providers child or not.

At my house, he would be put on probation if this was his first time being this aggressive. One more offense and he's out. If he has a history of being aggressive he would be terminated on the spot. Kids like this make me worry of what could happen the next time. Go with your gut? Does your child feel safe with him around? Do you want him in care long enough to know how badly he might hurt another child the next time? Do you want to explain an injury to other families if the next time involves another daycare child rather than your own? Him having no remorse is worrisome. Just my 2 cents.
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  #10  
Old 03-19-2012, 08:42 PM
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This is a difficult one because we don't know the child's regular temperment, behavior, etc. When I worked at one early childhood program other children and staff were regularly physically harmed by certain children. The program had a no-time out policy and also did not terminate children. Children would be slapped, punched, have wooden blocks thrown at them, pushed... Staff would be kicked in the stomach, slapped...one staff member even got stabbed in the eye with a pair of scissors. Once a four year old brought a knife to class and I was not allowed to ask his parents to come and pick him up. The program would inform the parents and ask them for input in changing the child's behavior but nobody ever followed through and these children continued to terrorize others. A policy regarding aggressive behaviors should have been in place to protect everyone in the program. Many of these children needed to be in a different placement to meet their emotional and behavioral needs.
Typical children (OP, I am assuming this is a typical child?) may have moments when they might harm another child or adult. I think that many times these children can be disciplined and the provider can examine the circumstances that lead to the behavior and violence does not become a habit. However, I have also learned that, in some cases, unless the parents are inconvenienced with having to pick up the child they will probably not have a vested interest in helping change the child's behavior. OP, how did the parents react when you told them?
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  #11  
Old 03-20-2012, 07:54 AM
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Originally Posted by countrymom View Post
sending him home would not have solved anything. I would make sure that he would not be allowed to play with anything or anybody. They would get to watch all the kids play. You need to take away what he likes to do.
I agree with this. I have actually dealt with a violent child before and I would make him sit somewhere (like the couch, or right next to me) with nothing but a few books to read during the entire activity.
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  #12  
Old 03-20-2012, 07:58 AM
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I would have put him in a time-out and sent a naughty report home with the parents.

I hope your little boy is okay.
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  #13  
Old 03-20-2012, 08:26 AM
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I would definately be chatting with the parents and putting a strike against them. I'd be letting them know that another strike is automatic termination. I'd be watching this boy like a hawk from now on. This is not normal behavior for a 4.5 yr old.
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  #14  
Old 03-20-2012, 09:25 AM
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You said he's smart. You don't want him to learn that being violent means his mom comes to get him and takes him home! (and depending on the parents may well be taken to McDonalds and the ice cream shop too!!)

He would lose all fun activities at my day care...for the entire day. A stern talk in front of mom at pick up. After that he would be on probation. Any sign of violence and out he goes.
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  #15  
Old 03-20-2012, 09:56 AM
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I would not have sent the child home as this is only reinforcing the bad behavior.
I would have put the boy on strict probation while at care so that he shadows you in all activities so he is not able to have the opportunity to hurt some one again.

I would also ban him from using the bat as a punishment as well as having a stern discussion with him about his actions. If he is 4.5 yrs old he is definitely plenty old enough to understand the message about not tolerating that type of behavior.

I would follow up with a talk with his parents and let them know that you take ALL instances of aggressive behavior VERY seriously and they should discuss this with their child at home so that their follow-up supports the things you are trying to teach him at care.

Hope your son is ok...
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  #16  
Old 03-20-2012, 09:57 AM
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update...

So I told DCM who really did not seem to be moved one way or the other about it. DCM did say that it was wrong to DCK, but really did not understand the severity of it. DCM went on to say that DCK was horrible over the weekend and did this and that wrong all weekend long, Somehow really avoiding the issue at hand. I told DCK that they still needed to apologize to my son and that hitting someone with anything was never ok. DCM asked DCK why did you do that and they responded, because he was not listening to me and I wanted to tell him something so I hit him with the bat.

Basically when DCK is at home and does not listen, this is what happens to DCK by the parents, I know it. DCK doesn't listen and gets spanked. So DCK was doing what the parents do to DCK. Monkey see monkey do.

I also told DCM that if anything to this degree were to ever happen again, that I would have no choice to let the DCK go. Still that did not perk up DCM ears, DCM just kept saying how horrible DCK behavior had been.

The reason that I wanted to send home DCK was so that it would show mom that if her child is going to act this way, that I would not tolerate it one bit and that I would make it her problem, not mine.

I am nervous to allow this child to come back. BUT the only reason that I am, is because this child has never ever acted out like this ever. Nothing even close to it.
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  #17  
Old 03-20-2012, 10:00 AM
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Default Oh he// no!!!

At 4.5, a child knows better. How old was your child? (sorry you may have already answered this). I think you did the right thing, but I would be very protective of my child too. My home is a safe place for my kids and I would be livid if a 4.5 year old did that. I might even term depending on other factors. I can't even imagine my 2.5 year olds maliciously hitting someone with a bat- my 3.5 year old would NEVER do that, and neither would my 4 year old. If that hold has some developmental issue that he can't control that then he needs to be with someone who is specialized in handling violent behavior. I would not have that kid around my children, and yes I would be more upset if it were my child just because that is MY child and as a mom my job is to protect my child first, not to say I don't care about the daycare kids. I love them, but my kids are my priority.
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  #18  
Old 03-20-2012, 12:29 PM
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Lots of great advice on here!
Personally, I won't send a child home unless it's for term. I actually called a parent to pick up an unruly child and the literally said to the child "let's go get some McDonalds"! Holy Cow, that didn't teach them much.

Now, I take all fun things away that they like to do (i.e. if it's sand being thrown I give one warning, second time it's a time-out and after that they are my "best pals" for a while. Hand-in-hand, can't play with the others. They shadow me the rest of the day).

I record EVERYTHING in case I need written proof--and I usually do.


I am upfront about this with the kids and the parents. First offense gets a note and verbal account. Second offense, a letter that informs parent's that if there is a third offense then termination of care will be the next step.

I work really hard with kids like this, but it's very tough at times. But, no, I never just send a kid home for behavior anymore.
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  #19  
Old 03-20-2012, 02:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SimpleMom View Post
Lots of great advice on here!
Personally, I won't send a child home unless it's for term. I actually called a parent to pick up an unruly child and the literally said to the child "let's go get some McDonalds"! Holy Cow, that didn't teach them much.

Now, I take all fun things away that they like to do (i.e. if it's sand being thrown I give one warning, second time it's a time-out and after that they are my "best pals" for a while. Hand-in-hand, can't play with the others. They shadow me the rest of the day).

I record EVERYTHING in case I need written proof--and I usually do.


I am upfront about this with the kids and the parents. First offense gets a note and verbal account. Second offense, a letter that informs parent's that if there is a third offense then termination of care will be the next step.

I work really hard with kids like this, but it's very tough at times. But, no, I never just send a kid home for behavior anymore.
I think this is a great plan of action for these cases! Sounds very orderly and has all of the right elements - documentation, notification, consequences, etc. I like it!
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