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Old 02-13-2013, 11:27 AM
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Default I Have A Hitter In The House! HELP!

3 yr old DCB, copy-cat, quiet, follower type, came this week yelling at the other kids. I have been addressing that issue. First thing this morning he hauled off & hit another kid. I gave him time out in a separate room & I talked to about it is NEVER ok to hit someone afterwards. I told him if he hit again, he would not be allowed to play for the other kids for the whole day, etc. The next child that showed up, he hit her. I need to have a talk with DCM & looking for guidance here. Iím suspecting its learned behavior from possibly home since he emulates everything he sees. Help! (please & thank you)
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:32 AM
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What did you do after he hit again? Did you follow through with separating him from the rest of the kids for the day?

If it were me I'd just try to stay right on top of him and stay consistent for a week or two while keeping in contact about what's going on with the parents. If I didn't see any improvement after a few weeks I'd think about terming.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:46 AM
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What did you do after he hit again? Did you follow through with separating him from the rest of the kids for the day?

If it were me I'd just try to stay right on top of him and stay consistent for a week or two while keeping in contact about what's going on with the parents. If I didn't see any improvement after a few weeks I'd think about terming.
Yes, He is not with the group. Even at lunch he sat at a separate table. (I have a bunch of child's picnic tables & I pulled his away from the rest.) He is napping on the couch instead of the naptime room. It is completing the opposite from his normal behavior too. That is why I suspect he has seen it elsewhere. I'm sure when I speak to mom, she will realize this too. I need to choose my words carefully because of that.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:53 AM
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Yes, He is not with the group. Even at lunch he sat at a separate table. (I have a bunch of child's picnic tables & I pulled his away from the rest.) He is napping on the couch instead of the naptime room. It is completing the opposite from his normal behavior too. That is why I suspect he has seen it elsewhere. I'm sure when I speak to mom, she will realize this too. I need to choose my words carefully because of that.
Good luck it's so hard bringing this up with some parents. I've had some that are so easy to talk to and some whoo boy! watch out if you bring up anything less than positive about their kids.

Maybe the fact that you followed through today will make an impact on him and this phase of hitting will be short lived. I usually give my "trouble makers" independent activities through out the day, sometimes that gives them a "time out" to collect themselves without exactly being punitive and seems to frequently head off incidents.

Last edited by Evansmom; 02-13-2013 at 11:54 AM. Reason: Typo
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:55 AM
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I ask the parents of hitters to have a talk with their child each morning before school. Talk about how hands are for hugging, not for hitting. How we are going to make good choices today and be kind to our friends. That sort of thing. It helps WHEN they do it.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:26 PM
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Does he have older siblings? I can imagine if he does he could be learning some of their bad behaviors...
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:35 PM
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Does he have older siblings? I can imagine if he does he could be learning some of their bad behaviors...
Mom recently moved in with BF who has a daughter about the same age, PT there. She is sweetheart though. This child is normally innocent & awkward. He copies EVERYTHING he see.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:41 PM
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Mom recently moved in with BF who has a daughter about the same age, PT there. She is sweetheart though. This child is normally innocent & awkward. He copies EVERYTHING he see.
Could he be acting out bc of the move into the boyfriend's house? I had a child recently having a hard time with his parents divorce. He was especially aggressive toward my son before I realized he was jealous. His mom moved out and here he's watching me cuddle my son during the day, poor little guy.

So could your DCB be feeling some stress from the transition but not able to verbalized it because he's little?
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:45 PM
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Could he be acting out bc of the move into the boyfriend's house? I had a child recently having a hard time with his parents divorce. He was especially aggressive toward my son before I realized he was jealous. His mom moved out and here he's watching me cuddle my son during the day, poor little guy.

So could your DCB be feeling some stress from the transition but not able to verbalized it because he's little?
Could be. Monday he showed up YELLING at the kids for anything. out of character for him. He told one boy, "I'm not putting up with this, you hear me?" He obviously heard that somewhere. I want to stress to the mother, he is a good kid, but the behavior is unacceptable.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:50 PM
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Could be. Monday he showed up YELLING at the kids for anything. out of character for him. He told one boy, "I'm not putting up with this, you hear me?" He obviously heard that somewhere. I want to stress to the mother, he is a good kid, but the behavior is unacceptable.
Poor little guy. If that's out of character for him it would raise red flags for me. Something is going on with him, it's not just behavior, it's probably emotional.

When I talked to the parents of my DCB who was having a hard time with his parents divorce I stressed to them how good of a kid he is and how much we like him and that seemed to help. Keep us updated as to how talking to them goes.
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Old 02-14-2013, 05:42 AM
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I talked to the hitter's mom. I stressed that he is really a great little boy, but we had an issue. I explained what happened & she said he visited his father for the first time in awhile this past weekend. I asked her to talk with him & to remind him in the morning when he comes. I gave him a big hug & told him "Let's make tomorrow a great day!" He said he was sorry. Let's see how it goes today....
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Old 02-14-2013, 06:27 AM
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That's great that the mom was receptive! I hope today goes much smoother
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Old 02-14-2013, 09:38 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coolconfidentme View Post
3 yr old DCB, copy-cat, quiet, follower type, came this week yelling at the other kids. I have been addressing that issue. First thing this morning he hauled off & hit another kid. I gave him time out in a separate room & I talked to about it is NEVER ok to hit someone afterwards. I told him if he hit again, he would not be allowed to play for the other kids for the whole day, etc. The next child that showed up, he hit her. I need to have a talk with DCM & looking for guidance here. Iím suspecting its learned behavior from possibly home since he emulates everything he sees. Help! (please & thank you)
My own 3 year old is a hitter. We do NOT hit in our house EVER. I talked to our doctor about this because I didnt feel it was normal and he told me its the age. If I was the parent and you told me that he must be learning this at home I would be a little upset. Not everything the kids learn at home. Mine has gotten better and timeout works wonders.
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Old 02-14-2013, 12:04 PM
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My own 3 year old is a hitter. We do NOT hit in our house EVER. I talked to our doctor about this because I didnt feel it was normal and he told me its the age. If I was the parent and you told me that he must be learning this at home I would be a little upset. Not everything the kids learn at home. Mine has gotten better and timeout works wonders.
I didn't say he was learning this at home. I mentioned it here because I suspected it.

I stressed to DCM he is really a great little boy, but we had an issue. I explained what happened & she said he visited his father for the first time in awhile this past weekend.

Today, as I was playing with the all the boys, he wanted a toy another child had. He yelled at him & swatted him right in front of me. I removed him from the playroom, set him on the couch & went into my hitting is NEVER acceptable talk with him. He asked if I had to tell him mommy cause she wasn't going to like it very much.
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