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  #1  
Old 05-18-2011, 09:34 AM
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Default Tattle Telling, "Mean Faces", And Hitting

Most of my kids are 4 year old girls and I feel like the last couple of weeks I hear my name 350 times a day on average.

"Miss H ** touched me...** made a mean face..** said they weren't my friend..**HIT ME!!"

And the hitting/slapping is getting out of control.

I try to sit with them after the fact and talk about what they could have done differently instead of hitting but 2 seconds later there is more whinning/tattle telling and hitting.

I try and explain that they need to talk to each other and take care of their disagreements by talking and only include me if someone is at risk of getting hurt. But it never happens this way.

What do you do with constant tattling and hitting?

Advice desperately needed.
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  #2  
Old 05-18-2011, 09:43 AM
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Originally Posted by SunflowerMama View Post
Most of my kids are 4 year old girls and I feel like the last couple of weeks I hear my name 350 times a day on average.

"Miss H ** touched me...** made a mean face..** said they weren't my friend..**HIT ME!!"

And the hitting/slapping is getting out of control.

I try to sit with them after the fact and talk about what they could have done differently instead of hitting but 2 seconds later there is more whinning/tattle telling and hitting.

I try and explain that they need to talk to each other and take care of their disagreements by talking and only include me if someone is at risk of getting hurt. But it never happens this way.

What do you do with constant tattling and hitting?

Advice desperately needed.
Tattling I have no idea I haven't been there yet so I will be looking for that advise as well.

As for the hitting we have helping hands not hurting hands. We also have a book called hands are not for hitting we read together. When someone hits I sit them down and tell them to use their words because we don't hit our friends. Then when they agree I ask what they could have said with their words instead of using their hands to hit. They will usually say something and if they shrug I help them and tell them what they can say. Then I have the child who was hit explain that hitting hurts and again we don't want to hurt our friends right? they will USUALLY hug and go back to playing. If it repeats then the time out comes into play.

HTH
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:49 AM
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The only tattling I allow is for physical acts (or safety things) such as hitting or kicking (which is dealt with pretty firmly and punishment is strict and swift so it doesn't happen much here thankfully). But, any other tattling that happens, I have the tattler themselves sit in time-out. Makes them think twice before tattling.

Most kids who tattle are simply looking for validation and just want you to say somehting like "Oh, I am sorry Jill is making faces at you. I can see that makes you sad. Now go play."

Since I started handling things this way years ago, I really have virtually zero tattling happening here. Helps kids learn conflict management and how to problem solve for themselves.
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Old 05-18-2011, 09:54 AM
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The only tattling I allow is for physical acts (or safety things) such as hitting or kicking (which is dealt with pretty firmly and punishment is strict and swift so it doesn't happen much here thankfully). But, any other tattling that happens, I have the tattler themselves sit in time-out. Makes them think twice before tattling.

Most kids who tattle are simply looking for validation and just want you to say somehting like "Oh, I am sorry Jill is making faces at you. I can see that makes you sad. Now go play."

Since I started handling things this way years ago, I really have virtually zero tattling happening here. Helps kids learn conflict management and how to problem solve for themselves.
What is your punishment for the hitting/kicking? TO?
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:04 AM
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I do the same thing as Blackcat. If they hit or kick, they sit in a chair next to me because they can't be trusted to play. Then they get their own little area with a couple of books and toys. I make sure they are toys that they really don't like. The times vary on how long they sit. If they don't normally hit its not that long, but if its a repeat offender it may be longer. I hardly ever have any hitting. No one wants to play alone.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:14 AM
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What is your punishment for the hitting/kicking? TO?
I don't use many time outs. When someone tattles, they are just separated from the activity or group but not really expected to sit in one spot until I say, they just don't get to rejoin the activity...they have to go find somehting else to do.

Hiting/kicking; Any one who hits or kicks or engages in any form of physical behavior like that must shadow me for the entire day. NO playing with anyone or anything for the whole day. When we go outside, they sit on picnic table and are not allowed to interact with anyone. Second offense and they are sent home....parent must enforce and support my rules so the child learns other ways to handle conflict management. Third offense, child is termed. Happened only once in last 5 years.

If you are really firm with this sort of thing, you will be amazed at it kind of eliminates itself.....
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:14 AM
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Originally Posted by SunflowerMama View Post
Most of my kids are 4 year old girls and I feel like the last couple of weeks I hear my name 350 times a day on average.

"Miss H ** touched me...** made a mean face..** said they weren't my friend..**HIT ME!!"

And the hitting/slapping is getting out of control.

I try to sit with them after the fact and talk about what they could have done differently instead of hitting but 2 seconds later there is more whinning/tattle telling and hitting.

I try and explain that they need to talk to each other and take care of their disagreements by talking and only include me if someone is at risk of getting hurt. But it never happens this way.

What do you do with constant tattling and hitting?

Advice desperately needed.
"You can talk to so and so about that"

I don't get into the tattling much. They can talk directly to the person who offended because I have given them the tools to speak their minds and for both parties to be respectful. I pretend to not be listening in....but I do, and if they need a few hints I will give them that. I also have a tattle toad....if the absolutely have to tattle.....tattle toad will be glad to hear it.
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Old 05-18-2011, 10:54 PM
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This is what usually happens with my 4yo girl tattlers:

Them (in tattling voice): *I'm telling!!!" Ms.______, she -

Me: I hope you're not tattling.

Them: Uh...no....I love you!

They know I will absolutely not hear them and not respond if its tattling. I just ignore the tattling and as soon as they say something that's not tattling, I respond like we were talking all along. They usually go to "I love you" because they know they'll get a response they'll like.

It works most of the time.
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Old 05-18-2011, 11:26 PM
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I also have a tattle toad....if the absolutely have to tattle.....tattle toad will be glad to hear it.
I have a tattling turtle lol.
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Old 05-19-2011, 05:23 AM
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Tattling: I have them go tell the youngest walker in the room. That child IS the complaint department.

The older one gets to tattle and the youngest gets attention from the older kid.

Win win
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Old 05-19-2011, 05:26 AM
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Tattling: I have them go tell the youngest walker in the room. That child IS the complaint department.

The older one gets to tattle and the youngest gets attention from the older kid.

Win win
That's great!! LOL
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  #12  
Old 05-19-2011, 06:07 AM
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Tattling: I have them go tell the youngest walker in the room. That child IS the complaint department.

The older one gets to tattle and the youngest gets attention from the older kid.

Win win
Love it! Unfortunately I don't have a "youngest walker" since ours are 4-5 year olds.

I love the Tattle Toad idea. (Searches house for an ugly frog toy!)
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Old 05-19-2011, 07:37 AM
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ugh, I'm having trouble with hitting and tattling...and it's from my two year olds and my very young 3 who doesn't seem to "get" things like TO yet. *sigh*

It's an interesting insight into how the home life is for the two year old who tattles...she is 2.25 years and only partially talking, yet tattles about EVERYTHING--it's all in the tone. And omg, if she doesn't get her way about it, the waterworks turn on. Largely she tattles about sharing issues (she expects sharing to work the 'traditional' way that is "I ask, I get" vs our way of "I ask, I wait for him to be done, then I get") and people not playing with her. I don't know where she's picked up this tattling thing but it is SO annoying, and at her age I'm limited in what I can do about it.

The hitting is mostly between the 2 yo boy and 3 yo boy I've got...and neither is verbal enough to really "get" it. The 3 yo in particular doesn't really "get" it, partially due to the as-yet-undiagnosed speech delay I'm 95% sure he's dealing with.
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Old 05-19-2011, 08:42 AM
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I don't use many time outs. When someone tattles, they are just separated from the activity or group but not really expected to sit in one spot until I say, they just don't get to rejoin the activity...they have to go find somehting else to do.

Hiting/kicking; Any one who hits or kicks or engages in any form of physical behavior like that must shadow me for the entire day. NO playing with anyone or anything for the whole day. When we go outside, they sit on picnic table and are not allowed to interact with anyone. Second offense and they are sent home....parent must enforce and support my rules so the child learns other ways to handle conflict management. Third offense, child is termed. Happened only once in last 5 years.

If you are really firm with this sort of thing, you will be amazed at it kind of eliminates itself.....
Wow, pretty strict, but I like the idea. Might even implement that one here. If it gets the hitting and kicking to a zero!!
What do you do when it's a one year old doing the hitting? or biting? They are so young. (I've always just kept letting them know hands are for...and not hurting. remove them from the area of conflict and say "no bite" or "no hit" in a firm, but gentle voice. That kind of thing and ride out the stage.).
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:02 AM
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I have found this works great, When someone comes up to me to tattle, and are about to say

"X Called..............I stop them and say, you are only aloud to tell me something about yourself, you can tell me your favorite color, how your feeling, but whatever your telling me must be about Robert, no one else.

They all know, so all I have to say now is "whatever your going to say need to be about you" In the beginning you get alot of But....but ....but ....but!!

someone getting hurt however is Reporting, and you are aloud to report to me if someone is getting hurt.
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:10 AM
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I have found this works great, When someone comes up to me to tattle, and are about to say

"X Called..............I stop them and say, you are only aloud to tell me something about yourself, you can tell me your favorite color, how your feeling, but whatever your telling me must be about Robert, no one else.

They all know, so all I have to say now is "whatever your going to say need to be about you" In the beginning you get alot of But....but ....but ....but!!

someone getting hurt however is Reporting, and you are aloud to report to me if someone is getting hurt.
I like this. I like this a LOT! I especially like the distinction between the tattling and the reporting--I've been wanting a different term for the kind of thing that they DO need to be telling us. Getting hurt, hurting someone else, using the crayon on the wall, flushing the roll of TP down the potty...
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Old 05-19-2011, 04:21 PM
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Wow, pretty strict, but I like the idea. Might even implement that one here. If it gets the hitting and kicking to a zero!!
What do you do when it's a one year old doing the hitting? or biting? They are so young. (I've always just kept letting them know hands are for...and not hurting. remove them from the area of conflict and say "no bite" or "no hit" in a firm, but gentle voice. That kind of thing and ride out the stage.).
It is a bit strict but it does seem to stop the physical behavior issues. With the ones that are young like you mentioned, a 1 yr old, I am generally their shadow more or less I guess during the day. I mainly only take 2 yrs and up but do have two toddlers right now but neither of them are really hitters so I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it but I would probably do as you said and firmly tell them "NO!" in a commanding voice so that they know it is not acceptable behavior.
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Old 05-25-2011, 08:18 AM
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It is a bit strict but it does seem to stop the physical behavior issues. With the ones that are young like you mentioned, a 1 yr old, I am generally their shadow more or less I guess during the day. I mainly only take 2 yrs and up but do have two toddlers right now but neither of them are really hitters so I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it but I would probably do as you said and firmly tell them "NO!" in a commanding voice so that they know it is not acceptable behavior.
Do you write a note home to parent or tell them? I had an issue today and the consequence for the naughty child is playing alone while others are enjoying an activity for about an hour or so.
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Old 05-25-2011, 10:06 AM
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Do you write a note home to parent or tell them? I had an issue today and the consequence for the naughty child is playing alone while others are enjoying an activity for about an hour or so.
I document things that are related to physical behavior but as far as letting the parent know, I tell them verbally and I will also give them a written note/memo telling them what happened and how we handled it ( if the situation is severe).

If the behavior starts getting regular or out of hand, (more than once in a day) I will call the parent and ask them to pick up their child. I then let the parent know they need to start working with their child so that the child learns more appropriate methods of dealing with conflict. I also send some info home on normal behaviors and talk with the family about things they can do to help their child learn to vocalize their needs.
I suggest behavior charts like these: http://www.freeprintablebehaviorchar...charts3-10.htm or send info like this http://www.childrens.com/PatientsFam...and-biting.cfm so that parents can learn what they can do to assist their child in a positive manner.

In your case, I would definitely tell the parent that is what happened today and that ***xx had to play alone due to the behavior. I have been doing this long enough that most of the parents are younger than me, which IMHO helps with the backbone and respect issues and I am also one of those people who tell it like it is, even when I am in the wrong. so I guess I am also lucky enough to have had all my dck's long enough to know how to approach each parent with whatever issues I need to talk with them about.

Although, that is my standard way of doing things, I do have to mention that every year the dynamic of the group is different. Kids who get along sometimes no longer do, kids who are super good are sometimes not and every year it seems that more and more individual consideration needs to be given for every situation so it makes it kind of hard to be the same disciplinarian every single day. I take every situation as a whole and try to tweak my no violence policy to meet each family and child's needs while keeping my wits about me as well.....sometimes it is trickier than other times but still doable....kwim?

Hope that was somewhat helpful.....
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Old 05-26-2011, 10:51 AM
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Today, we started the rule of "If you tattle, YOU get the time out."

We had 5 time outs in the first 30 minutes this morning. Then, only 1 about 4 hours later. I think it's working.
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Old 05-26-2011, 11:33 AM
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Today I started saying ' what do you want me to do?' they say tell her to stop, I say why dont you tell her uourself. He tells her e stop licking my feet! It's gross. She said ok. And life went back to normal. I think I've figured how to slow down the tattling
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Old 05-26-2011, 11:43 AM
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Today I started saying ' what do you want me to do?' they say tell her to stop, I say why dont you tell her uourself. He tells her e stop licking my feet! It's gross. She said ok. And life went back to normal. I think I've figured how to slow down the tattling
This is how I explain it to them too. When I think they are about to tattle, I say "Stop and think about what YOU can do to fix it."

Today at lunch, someone had their foot on another kids chair. The girl said, "MISS....." and immediately covered her mouth with her hand. Then, she said "I don't want to tattle!" She turned to the other kid and said, "Can you please move your feet?" He said "ok!" and moved them. She screamed, "MISS ****, I solved the problem!!!!"

Oh it was music to my ears that my 3s and 4s can handle that...sometimes at least
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Old 05-26-2011, 02:58 PM
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Can I just say...that my 2 yo dcg just tattled to me that " [My DD] said it's not raining..." when they were having a very short argument about whether or not it was raining. Every time she calls me with that "tattling tone" I tell her not to tattle but it's totally not making a dent. Argh!
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Old 05-26-2011, 05:15 PM
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I also have a house full of girls...OH the drama that comes with that. Anyways, I felt the same..that tattling and hitting was getting way out of hand. I did some research on different behavior charts and combined some ideas to create what would work best in my home. This is how my chart works:

I keep track of the childrenís behavior by using a choices clip chart. Children ages 2 and older participate. The children will move up on the chart for making responsible choices and move down on the chart for making inappropriate choices. The best part about this system is that it gives children an opportunity to IMPROVE their behavior and make better choices which allows children to move back up on the chart!

Outstanding Choices- Children who make outstanding choices will get to add a gumball to their machine. Children who fill up their machines with 5 gumballs will get to pick a small prize and take home a special certificate stating what they have accomplished!

Great Choices-Children on purple made GREAT choices at NiNiís today!*

Good Choices-Children on tan made GOOD choices in at NiNiís today!

Ready to Learn- All children start each day on green. Clips are moved up and down on the chart according to choices made.

Think About It- Children on yellow will be asked to sit in timeout and reflect about his/her behavior. This is a friendly reminder to follow NiNiís rules.

Loss of Privilege- Children on orange will have to face flexible consequences given by NiNi. Consequences can be different for different children. Some examples of consequences include: no outdoor play, a toy taken away, etc.)

Parents Contacted Immediately- Parents will immediately be contacted and asked to discuss the situation with their child.

If a child falls below the yellow a written notice is sent home to inform the parent of his/her behavior. If 2 or more notices are sent home in one week I will have a conference with the Parent to discuss the best course of action for the child to get the behavior to stop. If the behavior continues the child will not be able to return to childcare until they can exhibit more control over the behavior.

This has worked wonders for me! The kids are so busy thinking of ways to get their clip to move up on the chart by using their manners, sharing toys, etc. That most of the bad behavior has came to a complete hault.
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Old 05-26-2011, 05:23 PM
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I also have a house full of girls...OH the drama that comes with that. Anyways, I felt the same..that tattling and hitting was getting way out of hand. I did some research on different behavior charts and combined some ideas to create what would work best in my home. This is how my chart works:

I keep track of the childrenís behavior by using a choices clip chart. Children ages 2 and older participate. The children will move up on the chart for making responsible choices and move down on the chart for making inappropriate choices. The best part about this system is that it gives children an opportunity to IMPROVE their behavior and make better choices which allows children to move back up on the chart!

Outstanding Choices- Children who make outstanding choices will get to add a gumball to their machine. Children who fill up their machines with 5 gumballs will get to pick a small prize and take home a special certificate stating what they have accomplished!

Great Choices-Children on purple made GREAT choices at NiNiís today!*

Good Choices-Children on tan made GOOD choices in at NiNiís today!

Ready to Learn- All children start each day on green. Clips are moved up and down on the chart according to choices made.

Think About It- Children on yellow will be asked to sit in timeout and reflect about his/her behavior. This is a friendly reminder to follow NiNiís rules.

Loss of Privilege- Children on orange will have to face flexible consequences given by NiNi. Consequences can be different for different children. Some examples of consequences include: no outdoor play, a toy taken away, etc.)

Parents Contacted Immediately- Parents will immediately be contacted and asked to discuss the situation with their child.

If a child falls below the yellow a written notice is sent home to inform the parent of his/her behavior. If 2 or more notices are sent home in one week I will have a conference with the Parent to discuss the best course of action for the child to get the behavior to stop. If the behavior continues the child will not be able to return to childcare until they can exhibit more control over the behavior.

This has worked wonders for me! The kids are so busy thinking of ways to get their clip to move up on the chart by using their manners, sharing toys, etc. That most of the bad behavior has came to a complete hault.

This is great!!! Would you mind if I were to use this for my children?
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Old 05-27-2011, 11:22 AM
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This is great!!! Would you mind if I were to use this for my children?
go right ahead!
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Old 05-28-2011, 07:07 AM
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I also have a house full of girls...OH the drama that comes with that. Anyways, I felt the same..that tattling and hitting was getting way out of hand. I did some research on different behavior charts and combined some ideas to create what would work best in my home. This is how my chart works:

I keep track of the childrenís behavior by using a choices clip chart. Children ages 2 and older participate. The children will move up on the chart for making responsible choices and move down on the chart for making inappropriate choices. The best part about this system is that it gives children an opportunity to IMPROVE their behavior and make better choices which allows children to move back up on the chart!

Outstanding Choices- Children who make outstanding choices will get to add a gumball to their machine. Children who fill up their machines with 5 gumballs will get to pick a small prize and take home a special certificate stating what they have accomplished!

Great Choices-Children on purple made GREAT choices at NiNiís today!*

Good Choices-Children on tan made GOOD choices in at NiNiís today!

Ready to Learn- All children start each day on green. Clips are moved up and down on the chart according to choices made.

Think About It- Children on yellow will be asked to sit in timeout and reflect about his/her behavior. This is a friendly reminder to follow NiNiís rules.

Loss of Privilege- Children on orange will have to face flexible consequences given by NiNi. Consequences can be different for different children. Some examples of consequences include: no outdoor play, a toy taken away, etc.)

Parents Contacted Immediately- Parents will immediately be contacted and asked to discuss the situation with their child.

If a child falls below the yellow a written notice is sent home to inform the parent of his/her behavior. If 2 or more notices are sent home in one week I will have a conference with the Parent to discuss the best course of action for the child to get the behavior to stop. If the behavior continues the child will not be able to return to childcare until they can exhibit more control over the behavior.

This has worked wonders for me! The kids are so busy thinking of ways to get their clip to move up on the chart by using their manners, sharing toys, etc. That most of the bad behavior has came to a complete hault.
I don't do any sort of chart like this. This actually encourages tattling. It even encourages parent gossip. Been there, done that. Little Johnny goes home and tells his mom that Little Susie is always on orange. This sparks mom's attention who then makes sure she can see each day who is or isn't on orange. It sets up a negative comparision with both children and adults. It also labels children......good or bad. Even if you don't use those words, they know. Children's behavior should be private and not displayed. Sorry, but that is kind of a pet-peeve of mine.
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Old 05-28-2011, 07:24 AM
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Originally Posted by MissAnn View Post
I don't do any sort of chart like this. This actually encourages tattling. It even encourages parent gossip. Been there, done that. Little Johnny goes home and tells his mom that Little Susie is always on orange. This sparks mom's attention who then makes sure she can see each day who is or isn't on orange. It sets up a negative comparision with both children and adults. It also labels children......good or bad. Even if you don't use those words, they know. Children's behavior should be private and not displayed. Sorry, but that is kind of a pet-peeve of mine.
I had that problem before when I just used gumball behavior charts I had them located by my front door in hopes that parents would get more involved in their child's behavior at daycare but the only result I got is what you said above..that is what sparked my research and I came across this.

http://www.newmanagement.com/ebooks/...hart_ebook.pdf

After reading about it I thought I would try it a couple weeks before telling the parents.Also I keep my chart in the play room. Parents rarely go in there as the children usually meet them at the front door when they arrive. If a child starts to talk about another child I usually tell them its none of their business and the parents back me up. I've been doing it for months and rarely do I have children fall below the green and if they do they don't stay there for long. They see the direct result of their behavior and so they do what they can to get the opposite reaction and use opposite behavior. THus far my experience has only been positive.
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Old 05-30-2011, 02:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MissAnn View Post
I don't do any sort of chart like this. This actually encourages tattling. It even encourages parent gossip. Been there, done that. Little Johnny goes home and tells his mom that Little Susie is always on orange. This sparks mom's attention who then makes sure she can see each day who is or isn't on orange. It sets up a negative comparision with both children and adults. It also labels children......good or bad. Even if you don't use those words, they know. Children's behavior should be private and not displayed. Sorry, but that is kind of a pet-peeve of mine.
My child school actually uses cards for the kids. Different colors mean different things (behaviour) and the children actually hate it when they have their card flipped. So personally if a school uses it and the teachers aren't complaining and neither are the kids I think it would be great to use in a childcare setting. Children have to start taking responsibililty for their actions and see that there are consecunsses (SP) for the action!
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Old 05-30-2011, 03:12 PM
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all of my kids are 3 and 4. in the morning we assign special assigments to each person in the morning. table helper, wakeup wand fairy, paper pass out, fish feeder, garden keeper, and more.
We use clothes pins to show thier job next to the pictures first thing at circle time. the kids feel very important to get to do this stuff. they all get 3 strikes. This means that after having to sit in time out 3 times they lose thier job and the person with the least time outs will get to do the job instead. Most of the time the person with the least time outs is the one who is getting picked on all the time so it works out that the child with bad behavior gets privillages taken away and given to the one they hurt.
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Old 03-28-2014, 09:49 AM
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Good info.
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Old 03-28-2014, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by SunflowerMama View Post
Most of my kids are 4 year old girls and I feel like the last couple of weeks I hear my name 350 times a day on average.

"Miss H ** touched me...** made a mean face..** said they weren't my friend..**HIT ME!!"

And the hitting/slapping is getting out of control.

I try to sit with them after the fact and talk about what they could have done differently instead of hitting but 2 seconds later there is more whinning/tattle telling and hitting.

I try and explain that they need to talk to each other and take care of their disagreements by talking and only include me if someone is at risk of getting hurt. But it never happens this way.

What do you do with constant tattling and hitting?

Advice desperately needed.
I made a tattle-box...covered a box with colored contact paper and glued craft eyes all over the outside....... Inside is a pair of binoculars (seeing), an old cordless phone (calling a friend to tell them), a camera (documentation), and a piece of paper and pencils. When the tattling starts, I tell them to look, see, and take a pic then to write it down and when I get a chance, I will check it out! Even though most can't write, they think they do and it actually has cut out the tattling.
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Old 03-28-2014, 10:44 AM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
Tattling: I have them go tell the youngest walker in the room. That child IS the complaint department.

The older one gets to tattle and the youngest gets attention from the older kid.

Win win
I like this idea!
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  #34  
Old 03-28-2014, 11:20 AM
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Originally Posted by newtodaycare22 View Post
This is how I explain it to them too. When I think they are about to tattle, I say "Stop and think about what YOU can do to fix it."

Today at lunch, someone had their foot on another kids chair. The girl said, "MISS....." and immediately covered her mouth with her hand. Then, she said "I don't want to tattle!" She turned to the other kid and said, "Can you please move your feet?" He said "ok!" and moved them. She screamed, "MISS ****, I solved the problem!!!!"

Oh it was music to my ears that my 3s and 4s can handle that...sometimes at least
I so wish that would happen here. Two boys I have will just keep doing what ever it because they know it bugs them!!

I also send the kids back to solve themselves. I usually have to step in when it's having to do with either of those boys.
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