Daycare.com Forum Daycare Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 06-22-2015, 01:54 PM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Thumbs down Hitter

My question is about the kids getting hit not the hitter....If there is a child who constantly hits all day (we are working with him on this) should the kids be forced to play with him? Because kids are so resilient some of the younger kids forget oh he hit me 2 minutes ago I'm going to play with him again but many of the older kids run away and don't want to play/share with him.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 06-22-2015, 03:16 PM
nanglgrl's Avatar
nanglgrl nanglgrl is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 1,651
Default

No, a natural consequence to being mean is that no one will want to play with you. The children avoiding him is more likely to curb his hitting problem than anything an adult can do.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 06-22-2015, 06:02 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
My question is about the kids getting hit not the hitter....If there is a child who constantly hits all day (we are working with him on this) should the kids be forced to play with him? Because kids are so resilient some of the younger kids forget oh he hit me 2 minutes ago I'm going to play with him again but many of the older kids run away and don't want to play/share with him.
He shouldnt be allowed to have more than 1-2 opportunities to hit others in one day.

Depending on age, he may get a second chance to play with the others but hitting a second time would warrant him being shadowed continuously for the remainder of the day.

Like nanglgrl said, a natural consequence for hitting your friends should be no friends.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 06-23-2015 at 08:02 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 06-23-2015, 03:37 AM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,926
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nanglgrl View Post
No, a natural consequence to being mean is that no one will want to play with you. The children avoiding him is more likely to curb his hitting problem than anything an adult can do.
As much as I agree with this, it's so darn hard to watch at the same time. I wonder if they even have a clue that's why the others don't want to play with him? In my group I had 3 dcgs, ages 3-5. The only one I still have...she's extremely rude, headstrong, bossy, you get the picture. The other 2 both have teachers as parents which is why they left a week ago. I tried very hard to not allow her to be excluded from their little clique(it seemed especially cliquish the past month) but at times she could overhear them talking about her before I got to correcting them about it. It was not fun and I could tell it broke her heart. As hard as I have tried I have not been able to get it through her head that we try to be nice to our friends.

Maybe your dcks are of a younger set and dynamics are totally different. Maybe try group activities more often, such as sensory table, group games or playdoh. I wouldn't force the dcks to play with him but try to encourage togetherness in a different way.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 06-23-2015, 08:09 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
As much as I agree with this, it's so darn hard to watch at the same time. I wonder if they even have a clue that's why the others don't want to play with him? In my group I had 3 dcgs, ages 3-5. The only one I still have...she's extremely rude, headstrong, bossy, you get the picture. The other 2 both have teachers as parents which is why they left a week ago. I tried very hard to not allow her to be excluded from their little clique(it seemed especially cliquish the past month) but at times she could overhear them talking about her before I got to correcting them about it. It was not fun and I could tell it broke her heart. As hard as I have tried I have not been able to get it through her head that we try to be nice to our friends.

Maybe your dcks are of a younger set and dynamics are totally different. Maybe try group activities more often, such as sensory table, group games or playdoh. I wouldn't force the dcks to play with him but try to encourage togetherness in a different way.
Ok, I know your heart is in the right place but hitting equating to others not wanting to play with you is a SUPER simple concept.

My DH and I recently got a puppy. One of the first things we had to teach him was not to use his teeth to nip or "taste" his humans. Part of that training process was an immediate negative reaction to the behavior. Even at 12 weeks of age, he understood the connection between the unwanted behavior and the immediate results or consequence.

I think having "friends" not want to play with you is just as simple of a concept for kids to understand....especially from around 12 months and on....

At 3, I'd term a kid that continually hit others.

Like I said, I know your heart is in the right place but you just made the same argument EVERY permissive parent makes for giving in to their child's bad or unwanted behaviors....

You feel bad.

As for the DCG having her heart broke....it apparently didn't effect her too much as it should have squashed the hitting or it should have sparked a conversation then about why her friends don't want to be her friend...
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 06-23-2015, 10:19 AM
Josiegirl's Avatar
Josiegirl Josiegirl is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,926
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post


Like I said, I know your heart is in the right place but you just made the same argument EVERY permissive parent makes for giving in to their child's bad or unwanted behaviors....

You feel bad.

NO!! I did, didn't I? EEEEK But I never acted on it. No further than showing her/explaining to her why they were acting that way towards her and trying to get them to include her, but not forcing them. I just said I felt bad.

Wow BC, you're tough.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 06-23-2015, 10:40 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
NO!! I did, didn't I? EEEEK But I never acted on it. No further than showing her/explaining to her why they were acting that way towards her and trying to get them to include her, but not forcing them. I just said I felt bad.

Wow BC, you're tough.


It's hard to see from our own view but easily seen from an outsider view (when it comes to parents) isn't it?

I know you didn't act on it and I know you know......but I just had to point that out because almost all parents that give in almost always say "but I feel bad"
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 06-23-2015, 11:00 AM
MarinaVanessa's Avatar
MarinaVanessa MarinaVanessa is offline
Family Childcare Home
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Ventura County, CA
Posts: 7,200
Default

If any child got into the habit of using force to get his/her way I would be that child's shadow every minute of their child care day.

If I had to go to the kitchen to serve lunch the child would come with me where I can have him/her in my sight always, if I had to take another child to the bathroom this child would sit right outside the bathroom door by me with a book, if we went outside to play the child would be my playmate and I would follow him/her around always, if I had to change a diaper ... you get the idea.

All of the children have a right to be in a safe place and a child that hits constantly is obstructing them from having that. It might take a lot of reminders and resistance at first but they get the idea.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 06-23-2015, 11:45 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,543
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
He shouldnt be allowed to have more than 1-2 opportunities to hit others in one day.

Depending on age, he may get a second chance to play with the others but hitting a second time would warrant him being shadowed continuously for the remainder of the day.

Like nanglgrl said, a natural consequence for hitting your friends should be no friends.


I separate mine from the group for the DAY after the second incident. Everyone else deserves to not be hit.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 06-26-2015, 05:40 PM
grateday's Avatar
grateday grateday is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 203
Default That one violent child

The one violent child is gone and vacation. Wow things are calmer. It is so pathetic, but I am enjoying this break from the drama that one causes.

I do everything I can, I teach, I teach, I seperate. Seperating and shadowing is the only thing that seems to work with this child.

When I even attempt to teach, the child is either so headstrong that they don't listen or so worked up that they were seperated.

The headstrong child will only listen if I discuss behavior stories before starting the day, or after a time in break to calm down.

The child will roll on the ground in anger, say no repeadetly, will not look me in the face or hear me.

By the end of the week the child gets it but then Monday rolls around and I sometimes wonder if it is permissive parenting, combined with part time schedule too.

The weeks I have the kid more often go better, than when I have the child less often. I often ponder because the child is being let to run the show at pick up time with one of the parents but not the other.

I pray it is the other who picks up, but is often the permissive one that does...........

What other behavior interventions work for a headstrong child who goes into this sort of zone of anger?

I get that it takes a calm presence, non threatening presence. But what do you do when even that fails with this kind of child who is so stuck in wanting to push, hit, kick, grab/pinch,shove, and occassionally bite.

Last edited by grateday; 06-26-2015 at 05:41 PM. Reason: I don't know how to move this to a new thread, I put it here in error.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 06-29-2015, 08:16 AM
Unregistered
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
He shouldnt be allowed to have more than 1-2 opportunities to hit others in one day.

Depending on age, he may get a second chance to play with the others but hitting a second time would warrant him being shadowed continuously for the remainder of the day.

Like nanglgrl said, a natural consequence for hitting your friends should be no friends.
How do you shadow the child all day? When the kids are playing on the floor together I usually sit and watch in a chair. But even if I was on the floor with them I would have to be right by the child and never looking even at another child. There would always be an opportunity to hit. I have a hitter right now and not sure how to deal with it. If I bring him everywhere with me then wouldn't the other kids see that as preferential treatment? He would probably think that as well.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 06-29-2015, 09:01 AM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
How do you shadow the child all day? When the kids are playing on the floor together I usually sit and watch in a chair. But even if I was on the floor with them I would have to be right by the child and never looking even at another child. There would always be an opportunity to hit. I have a hitter right now and not sure how to deal with it. If I bring him everywhere with me then wouldn't the other kids see that as preferential treatment? He would probably think that as well.
I don't know how old the child you are referring to is but if he is older than 2, than he should be able to simply hang by your side while keeping his hands to himself. If he is younger than 2, then he would be sitting in my lap or really close to me so that I could physically intercept any attempts to hit others.

I certainly wouldn't make being my shadow a fun thing to do and it wouldn't be hard for the others to see that it's not that much fun....especially if you are generous with the positive reinforcement and praise for the other kids that ARE behaving nicely.

My shadow would definitely sense that I am unhappy with his actions.

If you are sitting with and playing with the other kids and doing so makes it impossible to have a shadow, then you have two choices...not play with the others or let the child that is a habitual hitter go.

I know that isn't always what posters want to hear but keeping the group safe is a priority and something all parents expect as part of the services you offer.

Yes, kids do hit but continually hitting is simply not acceptable and if it can't be managed in group care, then something within the group needs to change.

HTH
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 06-30-2015, 01:42 PM
Lorna's Avatar
Lorna Lorna is offline
New Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 172
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I don't know how old the child you are referring to is but if he is older than 2, than he should be able to simply hang by your side while keeping his hands to himself. If he is younger than 2, then he would be sitting in my lap or really close to me so that I could physically intercept any attempts to hit others.

I certainly wouldn't make being my shadow a fun thing to do and it wouldn't be hard for the others to see that it's not that much fun....especially if you are generous with the positive reinforcement and praise for the other kids that ARE behaving nicely.

My shadow would definitely sense that I am unhappy with his actions.

If you are sitting with and playing with the other kids and doing so makes it impossible to have a shadow, then you have two choices...not play with the others or let the child that is a habitual hitter go.

I know that isn't always what posters want to hear but keeping the group safe is a priority and something all parents expect as part of the services you offer.

Yes, kids do hit but continually hitting is simply not acceptable and if it can't be managed in group care, then something within the group needs to change.

HTH

Using shadowing that way has worked for you to get the child to stop hitting? The child I'm referring to is a bit under 2.

What do you do outside? Keep the child by your side. They can't play with the others?
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 06-30-2015, 01:52 PM
Controlled Chaos's Avatar
Controlled Chaos Controlled Chaos is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,131
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorna View Post
Using shadowing that way has worked for you to get the child to stop hitting? The child I'm referring to is a bit under 2.

What do you do outside? Keep the child by your side. They can't play with the others?
My 20 month old has become quite the hitter and puller I of course hadn't thought of the shadow thing (which I have done with lots of other kids) because she is mine and therefore my brain stopped working Looks like my little monkey will be my shadow soon.

With kids I have done with this in the past - outside I would just follow them. If I needed to go somewhere, I just hold their hand and lead them.
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 06-30-2015, 02:07 PM
Blackcat31's Avatar
Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 19,760
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorna View Post
Using shadowing that way has worked for you to get the child to stop hitting? The child I'm referring to is a bit under 2.

What do you do outside? Keep the child by your side. They can't play with the others?
Honestly I have very little, if any hitting. I am in a unique situation that I am able to separate the kids by age/developmental stage so the frustrations and issues that are usually the root of any hitting or physical aggression isn't present.....

However, yes... in other situations having the hitter be my shadow has worked great! How long and how often to use this technique is completely dependent on the child and how quickly they catch on. I also do what Controlled Chaos said and make sure the hitter goes NO WHERE unaccompanied.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
hitting

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Would You Term a Hitter? Unregistered Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 7 01-20-2015 09:51 PM
I Have A Hitter In The House! HELP! coolconfidentme Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 13 02-14-2013 12:04 PM
The 14 Month Old Hitter PolkaTots Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 3 10-19-2012 01:18 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:34 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming