katzan 06:08 AM 05-10-2014
I, unfortunately, had to terminate my own nephew. Is that bad? Long story short, mom ran away with him when he was 3 weeks old. Don't know what he went through but she was finally forced to come back in March. He is now 2 years old.
Anyway, he's very aggressive, non verbal and has very many developmental delays and behavioral problems. I have 4 kids myself, 2 of them are young (3 and 14 months). My nephew is always hitting them and pushing them. I worry about my 14 month old since he's such a little peanut and he's pushed or hurt more than a handful of times each day. He tortures my animals and tries to strangle them. I told xsil that I had to let him go. My brother understands and it's out of his hands since they are still battling for custody. I told her he could stay if he got the help for his behavior problems in conjunction, she declined.
I feel bad because he is my nephew but it's a BIG relief for me knowing that I no longer need to dread him coming or worry about my kids safety.
cheerfuldom 07:13 AM 05-10-2014
You did the right thing for both your kids and him. Refusal for appropriate medical treatment is considered neglect......it is up to you if you want to report mom. Clearly something is wrong and mom is refusing to care for him appropriately and Dad's hands are tied.
Unregistered 09:00 AM 05-10-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
You did the right thing for both your kids and him. Refusal for appropriate medical treatment is considered neglect......it is up to you if you want to report mom. Clearly something is wrong and mom is refusing to care for him appropriately and Dad's hands are tied.
Maybe talk to dad. Dad has EQUAL right to take his son in and sign for medical care in almost all 50 states. He doesn't even have to consult with mom. You did the RIGHT thing. You may need to do the ugly reporting, since she clearly neglects the child. But I'd consult with dad and see if the child can get help on that side, on his next visit.
MotherNature 09:41 AM 05-10-2014
Shocked she has custody since she kidnapped her own child and fled.
NightOwl 10:07 AM 05-10-2014
Agreed mothernature. I think of terminating my own nephew every single day. He's a holy terror. But inw trying to stick it out because he will start k in August. I wish I had the strength that you do. He would be gone if I did.
katzan 06:55 AM 05-11-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Maybe talk to dad. Dad has EQUAL right to take his son in and sign for medical care in almost all 50 states. He doesn't even have to consult with mom. You did the RIGHT thing. You may need to do the ugly reporting, since she clearly neglects the child. But I'd consult with dad and see if the child can get help on that side, on his next visit.
Dad doesn't ever have time with his son, unfortunately.
Originally Posted by MotherNature:
Shocked she has custody since she kidnapped her own child and fled.
It's a long story. They've gone to court, she was made to come back and the final custody agreement was supposed to be in June. She never paid her lawyer, so technically, she can get a continuance. Who knows when the entire thing will be done with.
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
Agreed mothernature. I think of terminating my own nephew every single day. He's a holy terror. But inw trying to stick it out because he will start k in August. I wish I had the strength that you do. He would be gone if I did.
I text xsil to let her know he could stay if he got help. She said no. I then told her that it was her week to pay on Monday and I needed the payment. She told me she wouldn't have it so he was never going back. She claimed that I was unreliable (even though I watched her kid 10hrs a day, fed him, bathed him, brushed his teeth and got rid of his rashes that he had for the first 2 weeks) and that I was just saying he was "bad" because I was in a bad mood. She went off on me. So, as long as his mom has full custody (which she does at the moment) he'll never be allowed back anyway, because I refuse to allow her on my property. XSIL has borderline personality disorder, btw, with no medicine and no therapy for it - even though that has been court ordered. She claims he has "autism" however, he doesn't have repetitive behaviors, he answers to his name, he makes eye contact, etc. No signs of autism to be honest. Court order says she needed to get him evaulated in Florida, she refuses. Honestly, if my brother gets full custody and he gets the help he needs, my brother will likely bring him back, but unless that situation happens, I wont be watching my nephew. She gave me no "2 week notice" because I wanted her payment on Monday and "she didn't have it." I don't have any sort of "fee" in the contract for terminating without proper notice.
Blackcat31 09:13 AM 05-12-2014
Just because he is family, doesn't mean you have to deal with negative, aggressive or hurtful behavior.
As far as the mom and Border-line Personality Disorder...ugh! BTDT.....changed my perspective about ALOT of things.....
WORST experience of my life was dealing with a client that had BPD.
Good luck to your brother....hopefully he will be allowed to be part of his son's life without having to deal with the mother.
Unregistered 09:46 AM 05-12-2014
Originally Posted by MotherNature:
Shocked she has custody since she kidnapped her own child and fled.
it's crazy. moms usually get custody but i think each case should be looked at carefully and not just assume the mom should get it.