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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>The Child Who Intentionally Breaks EVERYTHING!
sahm2three 08:53 PM 09-14-2011
I have a VERY intelligent almost 3 year old little boy who intentionally breaks toys every single day. If it isn't a toy, it is crayons, or his cup, or whatever he can get his hands on. This is all pretty new. This little guys dad just passed away about a month ago, and his older sister just started school so she isn't here half days. So I know he has a lot of adjusting to do, but not really sure how to handle him. I had to sit him at the table with tupperware because that was the only thing I could think of that he couldn't break. I have talked to him and he just sweetly shrugs and says he doesn't know why he does it all the while he has a stinker smile on his face. He seems to like getting in trouble. I started a sticker chart but when I gave him his sticker for being good during circle time, he tore it! UGH! What would you do with him?
sharlan 10:06 PM 09-14-2011
In his little mind, negative attention is better than none at all.

I'm sure Mom is so wrapped up in her own problems - loss of physical and financial support, uncertain of the future, etc. that the little guy is on the back burner. The family could probably use some grief counseling.

Was he this way before his dad died?
Gigi 10:14 PM 09-14-2011
I kind of feel sad for the boy. Doesn't really know how to cope with what has happened to him. Most likely that he is confused and pretty sure his whole family is devastated - especially the mom.

I would have to say that he needs a bit of patience from your end - and would be also a good idea to talk to his mom on how he is at home... Just to give you an idea...
Kaddidle Care 05:30 AM 09-15-2011
I would try this: "Johnny, this isn't working. Soon we will have no toys to play with and everyone will be so sad. If you need a hug, please say "Miss Sahm - I need a hug." Then give him one.

Then the next time you see him about to break something it's "Stop! I think you need a hug right now!"

It does sound like the family needs counseling. At 3 he really doesn't understand the whole concept of death and is probably mad that Dad hasn't come back.
awestbrook713 08:19 AM 09-15-2011
This post makes me so sad. I would just try to be there for this child as much as possible, try to direct him to activities with unbreakable items, or find an activity that may incooperate this destructive behavior positively, this may be the worst idea ever but building a block tower and knocking it down, working with clay and then getting to crush it after, maybe this is his way of letting off anger or steam. I am new to daycare I just have 8 yrs of experience with my own boys. good luck and just keep letting that little guy know hes special and there is someone there for him.
youretooloud 10:07 AM 09-15-2011
Poor guy. After the year he's having, I would be understanding and treat him the exact same way I'd treat my own son if his father had just passed away, and sister went to school. I think I could make things a little more "destructive kid proof" for a little while until he was able to deal with this a little better.

Maybe you can just put away the more fragile/important toys, and start giving him a paper cup every morning, or give him ONLY the broken cups. Give him time to process this in his own way, but make it harder for him to break the things you like/need.
sahm2three 01:21 PM 09-15-2011
He was hard on toys before his dad passed, but it has escalated 100x! I KNOW he is taking out his frustration on the toys, and the other kids because he is becoming aggressive. Mom and I talked and she said he is displaying the same types of behaviors there. She feels awful because she isn't as on top of it and I reassured her that she is doing the best she can. I did mention counseling, but she didn't seem open to it. Maybe with time. I will just try to continue to be patient. I love him to pieces, and we do a lot of snuggling. Just keep on and try to be the constant in his little life.
squareone 01:29 PM 09-15-2011
This is very sad. I agree with all the previous posters that he needs, extra, extra special attention. So sad for anyone to have to go through this, especially a child. That being said, you have a business and you have to protect your investment. My normal policy is that parents pay for toys that are deliberately destroyed. In this case though, I would just put all of the broken toys in a basket and explain to him that you will help him find other ways to express his feelings but until then, he will be limited to playing with the broken toys in the basket.

If you haven't already, I would also explain to mom what has been going on at your house and suggest some grief counseling for the dcb(and the rest of the family).
Tags:behavior - effecting others, destructive, destructive behavior, sad, special needs
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