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HappyEverAfter 05:20 PM 12-04-2017
I have a 6 month old dcg that seems to be going through a phase of separation anxiety. She has been with me since she was 10 weeks. I have her apx 10 hrs a day, 5 days a week. She initially was a poor sleeper and a fussy baby. Over time, I had her sleeping very well for naps and the fussiness was hit or miss but mostly she was having good days. Suddenly last week she began showing signs of separation anxiety. Wants to be held all the time, which I can't/won't do. Screams (not cry, scream) if I put her down. If I manage to put her down without her screaming, she will play for only a couple minutes but as soon as I move more than a foot away from her, the screaming starts. She will no longer nap for me. At all. Today she was here 10.5 hrs and I managed to get less than 45min over the course of the entire day. She will sleep in my arms but I cannot/will not just walk circles holding her while she sleeps. As soon as I put her down, she wakes up and flips out. As the day goes on, this only gets worse as she gets more and more exhausted but still refuses to sleep. She used to let my husband hold her but today she wouldn't even allow that, she only wants me. She will not cry it out. I've let her cry (scream) for over an hour and she won't stop until I pick her up and gen she will immediately stop and snuggle up next to me. Her mother says they've tried crying it out at home and she cried for nearly 6 hrs before the parents gave in and held her. She is just fine when I am holding her and only paying attention to her but if anyone else gets attention or if I put her down, she goes straight to screaming. I am exhausted and today had me at the point of tears. I cannot do this everyday. None of my other kids have had any separation issues so this is my first experience with it. Someone, anyone, please please tell me there is a solution or that it passes quickly.
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Miss A 06:55 PM 12-04-2017
Have you tried controlled CIO? That is what helped my DS who was like you described.

Let her cry for 5 minutes, go in and give her her Soothie, tell her she is ok, pat her, but do not pick her up. Then leave and go back in 10 minutes. Then 15, etc. It takes a few days, and it isn't easy but it did work.
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Cat Herder 06:58 PM 12-04-2017
Originally Posted by Miss A:
Have you tried controlled CIO? That is what helped my DS who was like you described.

Let her cry for 5 minutes, go in and give her her Soothie, tell her she is ok, pat her, but do not pick her up. Then leave and go back in 10 minutes. Then 15, etc. It takes a few days, and it isn't easy but it did work.
https://www.babycenter.com/0_your-6-...k-1_1477254.bc

Consistency is the only thing that works.

Know how long you are willing to try, then get to it.
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Ariana 07:02 PM 12-04-2017
Originally Posted by Miss A:
Have you tried controlled CIO? That is what helped my DS who was like you described.

Let her cry for 5 minutes, go in and give her her Soothie, tell her she is ok, pat her, but do not pick her up. Then leave and go back in 10 minutes. Then 15, etc. It takes a few days, and it isn't easy but it did work.
Agree! There has to be a consistent plan. Crying for x amount of time here and there is teaching her that if she cries she will eventually get picked up, even if it is for 6 hours some bad habits have been set up so this will be harder than usual to break but it can be done absolutely! Also get her a lovey or a soother or something to help her self soothe....if you are allowed of course.
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Josiegirl 03:54 AM 12-05-2017
Oh my. I have no advice but feel for you.

And what if the parent doesn't use a pacifier? My 6 mo's mom claims he never wanted one but I almost wanted to plop one in my dcb's mouth yesterday when he shrieked during nap time.
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HappyEverAfter 06:18 AM 12-05-2017
I have been told the parents have tried a controlled cry it out and that was the 6hr time. Mom says she went in at 3, 5, 8 minutes and so forth to no avail.
She is not allowed to have a lovey or blanket in his crib. SHe also hates the crib. I am legally unlicensed so I can sleep her anywhere and used to sleep him on the floor on a quilt (that way I can give her a blanket since she will be in my sight at all times) with great success but out of nowhere, my arms is the only place she wants to be.
Her mother texted at 8pm last night and said she still hadn't gone to sleep. She would fall asleep in arms and then once payed down, wake up instantly screaming. Putting down when almost asleep wasn't working either. The child had been up since 4:30am and barely slept at all but STILL wouldn't sleep unless being held the entire time. I don't even know how that is possible. I have no idea if she ever successfully went down or if the parents ended up putting her in their bed with them.
I am dreading seeing this child today and drop off will be any minute now. Praying today goes better.
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Cat Herder 06:28 AM 12-05-2017
Originally Posted by HappyEverAfter:
I am legally unlicensed so I can sleep her anywhere and used to sleep him on the floor on a quilt (that way I can give her a blanket since she will be in my sight at all times)
I do not believe this is true. It is certainly unwise.
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Miss A 07:02 AM 12-05-2017
I agree with Cat Hearder on the sleeping arrangements. It sound's like this baby has fallen into bad sleep habits because bad sleep habits have been created and allowed by the adults in her life.

6 month old should be in a crib. 6 month old should also follow the same routine daily. Good sleep starts with a daily routine, a full belly, and consistency. Once you decide on a plan of action, you need to stick with it or baby will know she can work you up and get what she wants. At 6 months old, she should have self soothing skills, and should be able to calm herself.

Again, it takes time, it isn't easy, you will probably want a glass of wine and a hot bath at the end of the day while sleep training, but it is SO worth it!
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Blackcat31 07:31 AM 12-05-2017
I am not saying the parents are lying but I dont think they are telling you the while truth. I bet their hour is really a minute or two. From everything you've said I am betting they give in ALOT sooner than they are telling you they do and that they end up holding her to sleep and/or co-sleeping.

I would put the issue back onto the parent and ask them to devote a good 3 day (ideally more) weekend to sleep training this poor babe. I'd also set limits on how long you will allow her to cry without sleep etc. before calling for pick up.

You are exhausted while the parent gets a 10.5 hour break every day and then goes home and does what's easiest for them (not you) and not what's best for baby.

Too many parents fail to give their child to tools to thrive in care and view survival as the goal instead (thus the bad sleeping habits). I refuse to be a participant in that.

I allow for crying up to 3 hours and if I am unable to put baby down, get them to sleep or play without being held, I call for pick up. Rinse and repeat.

Surprisingly almost all parents get annoyed at having to come pick up and they suddenly "fix" the issue at home.

I also agree with others... safe sleep rules should be a requirement for all not just something attached to licensing.

Hang in there and remember, this shouldn't be your issue to fix. Support and assist...sure...but not fix.
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Ariana 11:04 AM 12-05-2017
Something is just not adding up! I feel like the parents must be either lying ir stretching the truth.

I personally have never dealth with a child that cried more than an hour and a half without passing out. Constant checking might also be causing issues. It did for my own kids. The less we checked on the them the faster they fell asleep. Maybe get a video monitor and only physically go in every 15 minutes. I go in less if they are still crying. Make sure there is nothing in the crib and leave her. If she is exhausted there is just no way she can stay up that long. It is not making any sense.
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HappyEverAfter 07:25 PM 12-05-2017
She went down for two naps today though both only lasted 20 minutes each. She still screamed to be held on and off but not nearly as bad as the past few days that I've had her.

I don't necessarily believe the parents either and agree with blackcat that their "hour" might in actuality just be a minute or two. The mom is a teacher and I suggested they use her winter break to work on sleep training. I don't know if she will or not.

I have told the parents that she cannot stay here and scream all day. If she has anymore days of nonstop screaming and refusal to sleep, I will call them and they are aware of this. Hopefully that will encourage them to have a routine at home and work on training.

As for the safe sleep requirement concerns, I plan to call tomorrow and ask if she is required to be in a crib and if so until what age. I'd previously understood that because I was not licensed that I could sleep her anywhere I deemed safe but perhaps I was given incorrect information or either misunderstood what was told to me. Either way, I'll get clarification tomorrow and make changes accordingly. That's one of reasons I love this forum is that there are always learning opportunities! Though I do want to say that when she has been sleeping on the floor it's always been in the living room with me right there so she has never been out of my sight so please don't think that she was alone in a room on the floor unattended to.
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Cat Herder 07:37 AM 12-06-2017
Originally Posted by HappyEverAfter:
Though I do want to say that when she has been sleeping on the floor it's always been in the living room with me right there so she has never been out of my sight so please don't think that she was alone in a room on the floor unattended to.
I don't believe anyone did. People who break rules purposely don't talk about it freely. No worries. It is all a learning process. We are all still learning everyday.
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Miss A 08:20 AM 12-06-2017
Originally Posted by HappyEverAfter:
As for the safe sleep requirement concerns, I plan to call tomorrow and ask if she is required to be in a crib and if so until what age. I'd previously understood that because I was not licensed that I could sleep her anywhere I deemed safe but perhaps I was given incorrect information or either misunderstood what was told to me. Either way, I'll get clarification tomorrow and make changes accordingly. That's one of reasons I love this forum is that there are always learning opportunities! Though I do want to say that when she has been sleeping on the floor it's always been in the living room with me right there so she has never been out of my sight so please don't think that she was alone in a room on the floor unattended to.
Oh, we most definitely did not think you were leaving her unattended!

I am legally license exempt in Iowa, but I work with my local CCR&R. When I first opened, a rep came to view my set-up, and was impressed with my PNP's. She said something along the lines of "Just because you are license free does not mean you are safe sleep free".
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Tags:6 month old, child development, cio, ferberizing
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