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Old 05-09-2013, 06:47 PM
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Default Pick Up/Drop Off Drama

I have a set of DCP, who never want to "upset" their children. "Upset" meaning to set any kind of boundary or limit, since it causes their kids to high-pitch scream and throw themselves on the ground and kick their legs. Needless to say, the kids are in charge. I can get them to listen--Mondays are always a challenge--but as soon as a parent steps into view, they self-destruct, with a self-satisfied smirk in my direction. A My-Mom's-Here-I-Don't-Have-To-Listen-To-You smirk. After realizing that the DCPs were never going to take charge, I stepped back in. The parents act like I'm being mean and console the kids. Today, the younger one darted out the front door, when he saw his mom. I made him come back inside and wait for his mom, but not before his mom patted him on the head and said:"I know," when he started to scream. Then, she said: "Is it okay to leave, now?" I guess I'm just really weird--I don't like kids to get hit by cars and screams don't scare me because the daycare has already made me lose half of my hearing. I gave her the consistency-is-important speech, while Lord DCB, pounded the floor with his fists. Then, she implied that he must have had a bad day, but he only starts acting like that when she shows up. Drop-offs are equally fun, with DCD following them around my front yard for 20 minutes, gently begging them to go inside. "It's time to come inside," I said--apparently a form of verbal abuse--and DCD gives me a disapproving look and overruled me, by saying: "They're looking at a bunny." Any advice? I actually love these kids and think that it is good for them to have the limits I set, but the parents.........
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Old 05-09-2013, 08:58 PM
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ok.. I'm going to apologize for this in advance as I'm new here, haven't opened my daycare yet, am thinking you are looking for serious answers, and its a bit past my bedtime so I'm rather tired... But anyways, start charging for late dropoffs and don't start the clock until the kid actually comes in the house and dad has left the driveway.
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Old 05-09-2013, 09:00 PM
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We have a mom just like this!! This is what has been working for us:


Tell her that drop offs/pick ups are getting to be disruptive to your routine and they need to be very quick, or she needs to say her good byes outside, then knock when she is done and you will take it from there (buh bye outside, from nannyde ) Then she can call 10 minutes before she arrives and you will get them ready and hand them over through the door when she arrives. Once they go out the door they are her responsibility and if they want to chase rabbits in the yard with her I would just let them!
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Old 05-09-2013, 09:06 PM
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Please go to the home page of the form and read nannyde changing of the guard.

It is a must read and it works. Speaking from experience.

We love nannyde!!!!!!
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Old 05-10-2013, 03:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mister Sir Husband View Post
ok.. I'm going to apologize for this in advance as I'm new here, haven't opened my daycare yet, am thinking you are looking for serious answers, and its a bit past my bedtime so I'm rather tired... But anyways, start charging for late dropoffs and don't start the clock until the kid actually comes in the house and dad has left the driveway.
lol


I'm afraid I have not much advice, just sympathy. I have a child that rules the roost but they do let me take over when they arrive and don't make comments like that to me. I don't think I would be able to deal with that to the point of being uncomfortable during pickup/dropoffs and that's not okay with me - to be uncomfortable in my own home.

wow. just Wow. This is an extremely frustrating situation. I certainly would not put up with being undermined in my home. I don't let things slide either, though. I would have something to say with each and every comment. When mom said it's ok and can we leave now, I would be sure to point out that the child is not to leave until the parent comes into the home, point out about getting hit by a car, etc. and hope that subject never came up again. As for drop off and 20 minutes in the front yard! really? That's disturbing to everyone! I would just point out that it's ok for a minute but child needs to come inside and start the day, everyone is waiting for him and it is disturbing to the group.
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Old 05-10-2013, 05:48 AM
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I say the same thing every single time. Not In My House. Then I pick them up and put them in their car. And not a cuddly style of picking them up, I scoop them under my arm and boot it to the car and put them in. And I buckle them in, and they don't scream and smack me or insist on buckling themselves like they do their parents.

I had only one parent ever protest this, so I simply told her that for her child's safety he could not be doing what he was doing (running around my driveway)

And I've only had to do it about 10 times in 6 years.
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:03 AM
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While I think Nan's Buh-Bye Outside method works wonders for some situations, I feel this is one where the provider needs to step up and be frank with the parents.

We are talking about a child's safety and allowing the child to simply run off because they want to see a bunny is ridiculous!

I think you simply need to have a very open and honest conversation with the parents about WHY their child needs to listen and that when they get upset about the rules, it simply means they understand.

People in general, whether young or old, don't like to hear the word no. However, it is still a life necessity and you won't survive long unless you understand and listen to "No" once in a while...and safety lessons are a good place to start.

I would insist that the parents take control of their child until the second they hand off to you. Once they say their good bye's and hand the child off to you, the parent needs to leave immediately.

At pick up time, they need to take their child straight to the vehicle WHILE holding their hand or carrying them.

Once you set those rules up and they begin to follow them, you should have no issues with the children's safety.

Daycare parents often have no clue what group safety, attention tantrums and child care rules/regs are all about.

YOU need to educate the parents. Put your foot down and stop allowing this to happen in your home on your property.

If they refuse to listen or abide by your rules, I wouldn't hesitate to term them.

I am in the child care business not the business of having to redirect parents on a daily basis.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 05-10-2013 at 06:49 AM.
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:16 AM
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I would love to be a fly on the wall when these kids are teenagers and Mom and Dad don't want to "upset" them.......they have no idea of the he!! they are setting themselves up for.
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Old 05-10-2013, 06:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
While I think Nan's Buh-Bye Outside method works wonders for some situations, I feel this is one where the provider needs to step up and be frank with the parents.

We are talking about a child's safety and allowing the child to simply run off because they want to see a bunny is ridiculous!

I think you simply need to have a very open and honest conversation with the parents about WHY their child needs to listen and that when they get upset about the rules, it simply means they understand.

People in general, whether young or old, don't like to hear the work no. However, it is still a life necessity and you won't survive long unless you understand and listen to "No" once in a while...and safety lessons are a good place to start.

I would insist that the parents take control of their child until the second they hand off to you. Once they say their good bye's and hand the child off to you, the parent needs to leave immediately.

At pick up time, they need to take their child straight to the vehicle WHILE holding their hand or carrying them.

Once you set those rules up and they begin to follow them, you should have no issues with the children's safety.

Daycare parents often have no clue what group safety, attention tantrums and child care rules/regs are all about.

YOU need to educate the parents. Put your foot down and stop allowing this to happen in your home on your property.

If they refuse to listen or abide by your rules, I wouldn't hesitate to term them.

I am in the child care business not the business of having to redirect parents on a daily basis.
I have to agree. It is a great method, but some things have to be looked at on a case-by-case basis. If the behavior continues, I'd have to require that they physically hand me the child and leave; same thing at pickup. Once the child crosses the threshold, the door will be shut and they are then that person's responsibility. It sounds mean, but it is inconsiderate and disruptive to the other children and parents. I remember when my son was in daycare, there was a little girl in his class that would flat out roll around on the floor and kick and scream while her mother tried to console her. It prevented the rest of us from getting feedback on how the day went and leaving. Who has time for that? I would explain that the behavior is upsetting to the other parents and a distraction to the other children. Maybe even offer to write a note on any important details for the day to make pickup an easier transition. Good luck! I know it is frustrating, but you have to do what is best for you and all of your families.
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Old 05-10-2013, 04:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
Please go to the home page of the form and read nannyde changing of the guard.

It is a must read and it works. Speaking from experience.

We love nannyde!!!!!!
Where is this? I can't find it.
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  #11  
Old 05-10-2013, 04:23 PM
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Originally Posted by luv2teach View Post
Where is this? I can't find it.
Right here;

http://www.daycare.com/nannyde/?s=Buh+bye+outside
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Old 05-10-2013, 08:24 PM
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Does Nan not add to this blog anymore? It was so awesome...
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  #13  
Old 05-10-2013, 09:53 PM
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What about when a child runs away from he mom and refuses to leave. I have a no shoes on carpet rule, so DCM can't/doesn't go get him- he always goes onto carpet. I've talked to him about it when moms not there, telling him he needs to listen (he's 5 and very sweet/smart). But mom is so quiet-spoken that it takes her a while sometimes to coax or bribe him to leave. . Now if that was me, my child would be in serious trouble once we got outside ! I've decided I'm just going to leave her to it and go back t he kitchen to work on dinner if it happens again
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Old 05-11-2013, 05:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Mama2Bella View Post
What about when a child runs away from he mom and refuses to leave. I have a no shoes on carpet rule, so DCM can't/doesn't go get him- he always goes onto carpet. I've talked to him about it when moms not there, telling him he needs to listen (he's 5 and very sweet/smart). But mom is so quiet-spoken that it takes her a while sometimes to coax or bribe him to leave. . Now if that was me, my child would be in serious trouble once we got outside ! I've decided I'm just going to leave her to it and go back t he kitchen to work on dinner if it happens again
I've had that happen but it was the MOMS who wouldn't leave. Two moms met at my daycare and they were sitting in my living room at pick up time discussing their weekend plans to take the kiddies somewhere on Saturday! Both of these moms were sooo sweet too. The one in particular had given me all kinds of toys/equipment, etc. and always did little nice things for me.

It started out they'd just happen to pick up at the same time and would exchange a few words and continue outside. Then I noticed that if one mom would get there a bit earlier she'd stall with her child hoping to run into the other mom to talk. Well the kicker was the evening they decided to have a seat and chat and make their plans. I thought just ignoring them and going out to start my dinner (which I did) would be hint enough. I don't think so.

So after a while, one of the children (who was 4) came out to the kitchen and asked me for a drink. So I said to her so the moms could hear. "Well you know S, I watch children and it is my job just like your mom has her job. Jobs close just like the store closes. So now I am closed. You need to ask your mom for anything you need honey, okay?" They left and never did it again!!! I'd say they were there a good 15 minutes after closing.

So just go make your dinner and let mom take her shoes off and deal with it.

Laurel
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