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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>A Little Help With A Discussion Please
Denali 01:45 PM 07-18-2017
so.... I interviewed a family Wednesday for my last opening. I haven't really been actively interviewing because I don't need to fill the spot, but it would be nice for the extra $$. The family of a single mother with a 2.3 year old boy.

Thing that make me feel leery of enrolling:
-showed up almost 15 minutes early for interview

-not up to date on shots, but is in the process of getting up to date. (Talked about this during interview)

-says son was attacked by a dog so he doesn't really like dogs. I have 3, one is a 6 month old puppy. I told her about them over the phone when I scheduled the interview. I was confused a little as on the phone mom had asked when I told her about the dogs if they had anywhere they could go if her son wouldn't leave them alone...???

-brought her child in underwear and took him potty every 10 minutes during interview (color me not impressed)... found out today when she dropped off they have been training for about 2 months. He typically doesn't wear underwear all day because they are out and about so much, he wears diapers. Said he tends to regress in potty training regularly??? (Aka not actually potty trained 🙄 Mom just wants to say the words)
-calls me this morning wanting to start tomorrow. She's on child care assistance so I tell her earliest I can start them is Monday the 24th. She give a looooong pause and tells me that she has work starting tomorrow, she needs daycare. I explain with my schedule this week it wouldn't be a good time to start a new child. She cuts me off (sounding stressed) and asks if I knew anyone that could watch 2 year old this week... we end the call with she'll see what she can do.
-about 30 minutes later she calls back, I answer and she says "hello, this is XXX." I respond "hey! " and she pauses and then hangs up... this happened about 45 minutes before lunch.
-today I moved lunch and nap up by 30 minutes because everyone here was up late or up early and is cranky. During I'm just getting kids down for nap and she calls me again. I let it go to voicemail. About 20 minutes later my doorbell rings. Causing my dogs to bark. Causing all the kids to do what kids do when something like this happens....

I'm flabbergasted because I have a sign on my door that says "we are sleeping! Please DO NOT ring the doorbell!" (In big bold and red letters) followed by "if it's important and before 2:30pm and this sign is up please text or call XXX or come back after 2:30pm." It's a big sign, very brightly colored, can't miss it. I was not going to answer the door, but then a hear knocking... yup, maybe new DCM and toddler are standing at my door to drop off paperwork and what she has for shot records.
Of course kids are getting up out of bed to see who's at the door, I tell them all to lay back down it's nap time still. Mom says "oh I saw that... but I needed to drop this off and your schedule says..."
Anyway, to make a long story somewhat shorter, I don't think she will be a good fit. I don't have a good feeling about this. Though some of what has happened can be that "she's doesn't know what she's really doing" her words regarding the potty training. And that she's stressed out trying to find care last minute and having to deal with getting her son up to date with shots.

I just... does any of this send up red flags with anyone else or Am I being to pessimistic?
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Unregistered 01:57 PM 07-18-2017
I would not enroll, too many red flags. This dcm sounds like it would take a lot of energy to deal with.
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DaveA 02:20 PM 07-18-2017
I would agree- don't enroll them. Too much already.
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Pestle 02:36 PM 07-18-2017


Run away.
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Blackcat31 03:05 PM 07-18-2017
The whole situation seems like a major red flag.

This poor gal needs to get her ducks in a row as it appears she is walking chaos.

Listen to your instincts... They're usually spot on.
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MyAngels 03:58 PM 07-18-2017
There's no way I would enroll after all that. Just reading about it made me cringe
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Josiegirl 04:30 PM 07-18-2017
Has she made any payments to you at all?
She does sound flaky and not prepared at all. But it also sounds like a lot is going on in her life at the moment. I'd probably give it my trial period of 2 weeks and see if it looks any different.
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daycare 04:46 PM 07-18-2017
one word





run
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CityGarden 05:17 PM 07-18-2017
LOL!!!! Others can given great insight but really I am cracking up this would make a good TV show.
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Ariana 05:18 PM 07-18-2017
She is all kinds a crazy and we can all smell it from here
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laundrymom 05:41 PM 07-18-2017
8 pounds of crazy in a four pound box.
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Denali 06:51 PM 07-18-2017
Ok, so it looks like it's not just me... I've been kinda a pessimist lately and wanted to make sure my "gut" was not overreacting.

I'd hate to turn someone away for lame reasons when it's so very hard to find spots here for the 2.5 and under crowd.
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Leigh 07:14 PM 07-18-2017
I'm pretty sure that ringing the doorbell during naptime is the unwritten 8th mortal sin! You don't want her at your house when the Karma train hits her!

Honestly, ringing the doorbell at naptime when there's a sign (that she read) asking her not to is what would have sealed the deal for me.
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Unregistered 08:00 PM 07-18-2017
Originally Posted by Leigh:
I'm pretty sure that ringing the doorbell during naptime is the unwritten 8th mortal sin! You don't want her at your house when the Karma train hits her!

Honestly, ringing the doorbell at naptime when there's a sign (that she read) asking her not to is what would have sealed the deal for me.
Ditto
That, on top of all else, unless I was desperate, no way.

Mike
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Denali 09:40 PM 07-18-2017
I Remembered about the Alaska court case look up that licensing told me to do for enrolling families... well I ran it for the family that turned in paperwork today and the reason mom needs care on such short notice is She filled for domestic violence with a minor present just a few weeks ago and for a long term restraining order against some guy with a long domestic violence history and her court date is tomorrow....

I was planning to send her an email tomorrow telling her that I think we aren't going to be a good fit... How would you word it if this was you? Would any of this new information change your opinion of "yay" or "nah"?
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Denali 09:49 PM 07-18-2017
My soft jelly heart now wants to help her by giving her a chance. Her kid has never been in care, so she was probably a SAHM and is trying to leave a bad situation... she has no one on my enrollment forms for another contact... only her...

My gut is telling me that it's still a bad idea even though this new information puts some of her behavior into context.

My brain says that if the guy is violant (domestic violence charges span years all the way back to 2003) and finds out she is bringing the kid here... and he shows up...
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Josiegirl 04:16 AM 07-19-2017
Originally Posted by Denali:
My soft jelly heart now wants to help her by giving her a chance. Her kid has never been in care, so she was probably a SAHM and is trying to leave a bad situation... she has no one on my enrollment forms for another contact... only her...

My gut is telling me that it's still a bad idea even though this new information puts some of her behavior into context.

My brain says that if the guy is violant (domestic violence charges span years all the way back to 2003) and finds out she is bringing the kid here... and he shows up...
Oh wow, given that new info, *I* wouldn't be a good fit and I've got a soft heart too. But a potential situation such as that is one of my greatest fears.
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Unregistered 04:23 AM 07-19-2017
I agree there are red flags I see some strengths and I'd probably do a trial. The fact that she's working hard to toilet train her child shows me she has ambition and while he's not ready I give her credit for the energy it takes to attempt this. Shows me she is a hard worker (tho misdirected and I'd have to talk to her about him not bring ready)

Secondly she had completed the paperwork and at least had what shots he did have ready for you. She was probably thinking she really needed to get that paperwork to you and that trumped the nap sign. And while it seems obvious to us most people who don't do child care probably don't realize how much a pain in the a$$ it is to have kids disturbed.

Thirdly she was early for interview not late.

I thought all this before I saw the DV issues. I've worked with many stressed and compromised families who were very responsible.

I agree it could all go wrong. I didn't meet her and maybe there are more red flags.
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Mike 04:58 AM 07-19-2017
The new information changes things for me, but then I'm a guy. Years ago, a friend of mine came to my place late at night crying. She had an abusive husband. Few minutes later he shows up pounding on door saying she's going home. I said no. He threw a rock through my window. He ran home (2 blocks away) and I chased after him. I put my fist through his window and told him that if he tries that again it'll be his face.

If you think you can handle the risk, maybe, but if not, you have to consider the safety of yourself and the kids.
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Blackcat31 06:43 AM 07-19-2017
No, the new information doesn't change my opinion.

The potty training thing and the dog issues would have me on high alert.

This child is enduring some major upheaval in his home life....why in the world would she consider potty training him now if she's had such little success up to this point, not to mention we now understand why there has been so many instances of regression over the last few months.

Also, the dog thing....that one would be THE deal breaker for me. My pets are my fur babies and I don't like the idea of a parent that has or has a child that has "issues" with dogs....that just seems like a mess waiting to happen. ESPECIALLY because the mom made the comment about if her son won't leave them alone...

Nope. I can totally see the dog thing becoming a bigger thing later.

Oh, and being early to the interview? No.... that's like contracting for a 7:00 drop off to coincide with my opening time and then dropping off at 6:45. She could have just waited patiently or drove around the block for a few minutes.

Early is NOT on time. Late is NOT on time. BOTH are disrespectful/somewhat rude when time is a HUGE aspect of this profession.
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Snowmom 06:56 AM 07-19-2017
Arriving early = "I don't care if you said 5:00, I'm going to do what works best for me".

Bringing him in underwear to YOUR house, even though SHE uses diapers = "This is my expectation of what I want YOU to do while my child is here. Every 10 minutes lady. Every 10 minutes".

Ringing your doorbell at nap even though I read your sign = "Again, I don't care, I'm going to do what works best for ME".


Yea, no thanks.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 11:37 AM 07-19-2017
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
Arriving early = "I don't care if you said 5:00, I'm going to do what works best for me".

Bringing him in underwear to YOUR house, even though SHE uses diapers = "This is my expectation of what I want YOU to do while my child is here. Every 10 minutes lady. Every 10 minutes".

Ringing your doorbell at nap even though I read your sign = "Again, I don't care, I'm going to do what works best for ME".


Yea, no thanks.
She is the boss, applesauce.

I wouldn't sign up for her to be the boss of my business. I don't think you should either.
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Ariana 05:04 PM 07-19-2017
In light of the new information about her fleeing an abusive situation I can understand why things are all over the place for her. Would I be willing to take her on anyway, I am not sure. I might be willing to give it a 6 week trial period BUT it is such a personal decision.

I had a woman who was quite flaky and I decided to not offer her the spot. Turns out her child was referred to a developmental pediatrician for ASD and she was in a bit of a bad head space truing to figure things out. I understood and I felt bad but in the end I wanted nothing to do with this situation. This does not make me a bad person. I accepted that I can only handle so much
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Denali 09:26 PM 07-20-2017
Update:

After reading the responses and using my husband as a sounding board, I decided to ask Mom a few more questions about the paperwork she turned in and the dog issue before I decided to completely write her off. I should give her a chance.

First question was about that she had said during interview that our nap time would be perfect for her son, but on the forms she put that he takes naps around 1-2pm (he would be here for 5 hours)... our nap time is typically around 12:30pm.

However during the summer our schedule can be in flex due to almost every child in care having an older SA sibling that stays home. But I will not do lunch (always followed by clearing the table, washing up, potty breaks, diapers, and getting beds ready for nap) any sooner then 11:15am. So sometimes we do nap around 11:45-noon... And that's pushing it on some days... nap can last about 1.5 hour to 2 hours, but no later then 3pm. I explained this during interview. She said that would be perfect for them...

Anyway, I had noticed that she put pick up time as 2pm... instead of 3 like she said on the phone . so in my first email I asked if she though her son would be napping with us. She responded with no, he would most likely wait until she picked him up. That she hoped to get him on the daycare schedule at some point down the line.

Um what??

Next question I asked for a little more explanation on the dog attack. She was very vague and said that he was bitten and needed stitches. That he has had successful and unsuccessful interactions with dogs since. That he was working on approaching dogs slowly and with his hand out to sniff, but he still needs to be reminded to not chase dogs and will need me the work with him and be understanding... That she was hoping that with all my outside toys and the other kids to play with that he'll do better here.

Turns out the child May have food allergies that he will be tested for next week. I was told That to be safe I should clear all new food with her first. He had had a bad reaction to curry powder.

The next thing was the fact that her son needes one more vaccine before he could start. That our state required him to have it before I could allow him to attend. She responded with that he was getting it Thursday next week, but she still wanted him to start Monday.

No. Just no.

I was going to just send an email saying that we weren't a good fit, but my husband (bless his heart) that there had to be some kind of misunderstanding... that I needed to explain my policies and remind her about what I had said about the dogs during the interview. So I emailed her back, telling her that:

It should be fine if he doesn't nap here (I do have one little boy that doesn't nap here, but he is awesome about following the rules at nap time). Just as long as he is not disruptive to the other kids resting. If the other children in care are not able to rest with him up, then her son will need to be picked up.

I then asked for a little more specific interactions with dogs, that way I can brainstorm about ways to help 'pookie' have successful interactions with our family pets. That I am very very firm with my rules and consequences regarding proper handling of pets, and that I was sure that with both of us working together her son will do great here with my dogs.

And finally "Unfortunately, due to state laws and regulations XX must have the 'vaccine in question' before he can attend. I will need a new immunization card before his first day on Friday next week."

I let her know that I did not use curry powder here. And followed by asking if the doctors had any thought on what ingredient in the curry powder caused the problem? With such I severe reaction they most have given her some ideas on what to avoid... and as long as he wasn't allergic to peanuts, fish, strawberries, blueberries, and milk we would be fine. That I have a special needs child in care that these food pretty much make up their whole diet.

Would-Be-DCM emailed me back about how uncomfortable she felt with her son spending 3 (um... my nap time is at most 2 hours... if they lay down earlier they get up earlier. I told her that on the phone and during interview...) out of the 4 hours he would be with me having to do quite time. She'll wait until another spot opens up with a daycare that is a better fit.

Ok.
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MyAngels 07:39 AM 07-21-2017
Did you hear that whistling sound? That was the bullet you just dodged with this lady
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Blackcat31 08:51 AM 07-21-2017
Originally Posted by MyAngels:
Did you hear that whistling sound? That was the bullet you just dodged with this lady
yep.
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mommyneedsadayoff 09:20 AM 07-21-2017
wow! She sounds like a handful! She is lucky to find someone who wont have him nap, let alone a place where he can be awake and actively playing during the part of day when everyone is napping.
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knoxmomof2 08:41 AM 07-22-2017
Hahaha! Right? 😁👍

Originally Posted by MyAngels:
Did you hear that whistling sound? That was the bullet you just dodged with this lady

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