I used to attend all my kiddies Bday parties if I was invited. Then I was having problems with parents, not paying, late pickups, etc.
I had to get strict and I stopped mixing business and personal realtionship. Now I have good parents and they invite me to parties but I am leary of going. I like going but I don't want to pal around with the families like I used to. (Most began to take advantage.)
What do you do?

Reply

I don't go. I am to nervous about mixing friends and business to. I send a gift home and we do cake and stuff here. I normally will just niceley tell them I have plans,ect.

Reply

Great question I'll be watching this thread!

I have gone to one kids birthday mainly because they were neighbours/friends before I did daycare but others I'm not sure.

Reply

I used to , but of course learned a lesson of why I will no longer go. I will make a list of my reasons why I don't go.

1. If you can't go to every single one of them that you are invited to, You will be accused of playing favorites.

2. Believe this or not, parents may judge how you parent your own child

3. Another believe it or not, I have been at a child b-day party where I was kicked in the face by another DCP about how their child has horrible behavior and it is all of my fault.

4. I also dealt with a B-day party where most of the DCKs and DCPs were invited to. One of the DCKS that acted like a devil when the parents were around just so happened to ruin the entire b-day party of the B-day child. On Monday, I got notice from a family that stated they did not want their child associated with a child like that.

I dont get involved any more with anything to do with B-day parties. I have a small celebration here and that is it.

Reply

How do you tell parents your not coming?

Do you make excuses??

They really want me to come but my DH is like you. He says too much can go wrong and stay out of that kind of relationship.
I give them a great party here complete with a birthday book full of pictures of their child.
In some ways I don't want to spend my off time partying again.

Thanks for the reply Daycare you make some excellent points.

Reply

I would tell them the truth. Sorry I've decided to be fair to all of my families and NOT participate in activities that occur outside of daycare. If I can't make all of them, I don't go to any of them and I just can't make a commitment like that.
Continue to tell them as much as you appreciate the invite, you have to decline.

Remind them that this is why you do birthday celebrations at your house for every child.

Reply

I have only been invited to a couple birthday parties for my dck's. I was not really comfortable going because the only people I would have known was the daycare family. Not my idea of fun as I am kind of a shy person. I just told them, sorry but I cannot make it to the party. I don't think I really gave a reason and they probably assumed I have something going on with my family. Then I send a small gift home in the child's diaper bag. The parents were not offended or upset that I didn't go.

Reply

In 20 years of daycare.. I've been to 3 parties...
First party...
Daycare parents were 'becoming' my good friends... and I loved them.. loved the child..knew all the grandparents and most of the family..
just because they would alternately pick the child up...
The thing that irritated me the most about being at the party was.. Anyone that I did not know.. I was introduced to them as 'the babysitter'.. and that just flys all OVER ME...

Second party was many many years later...
and... it was for same family... the younger sibling.. (these kids are 7 years apart)... I kept the second child .. in my daycare... however.. by the time I attended the party she had moved on to preschool...
It was a swim party... and I took my own teenage daughters... I continue to be very very close friends with this mom.. hang out with her almost every weekend...

Third party.. About 3 years ago.. huge mistake.. I loved the family.... loved the child... but.. was just not comfortable being in their home...and at the huge family party.. .and again... was introduced as.. you guessed it... THE BABYSITTER...
I really do not make a huge production of parties in my daycare... I do not buy birthday gifts... I don't have a party for them.. if the parents ask if they can bring something... cupcakes... cookies... I always say sure.. that's fine... we will have it in addition to our afternoon snack.. but that is as far as it goes... I'm just not a big party person for any holiday...I give goody bags for Halloween...VAlentine's Day.. EAster.. and for Christmas I buy gifts and give goody bags.. but... we don't have PARTIES..

Reply

Only if my children are bonded with the child who is having the party. We also invite those children to our parties.

Reply

For me personally, I don't consider it mixing business and pleasure because I go to the party for the kids-not the parents. The kids' faces light up when they see that I have shown up. I don't stay the whole time, maybe a half hour or so.

Reply

I have only been doing daycare for three years, but I have gone to all birthday parties that I have been invited too. Last week I went to a baby shower of one of my clients and tomorrow another birthday party.

Yes I get introduced as the babysitter, but I also get "It's such an honor to meet you! I have heard sooo much good things about you!. I have always felt welcomed and comfortable and the kids get really excited to see me outside of daycare.

In my experience it has been great. I guess it just depends on the types of families you have and what kind of relationships. I do hear from my other friends who have done daycare not to mix business with friendships, but the friendships I have made with my clients have been great so far.

A few have even been to my kids birthday parties.

Reply

I have been to a handful of parties and it was fun but I was always the "babysitter". I havent been invitied to one in along time which is fine with me. I just awesome not go. I can see how it can backfire on you though. For a lot of parents they just get to familiar. and comfortable, it sure can be a grey area.
Debbie

Reply

I always "have plans".

The weekend is just too short for my husband, and my four kids to also spent some of that valuable time with a dcf too. Maybe that's a little harsh but it's how I manage my business with my personal life.

Reply

I said this to my husband this evening.

Reply

I became friends and even threw a baby shower for a DCF that treated me worst. It sure did backfire on me. It was a great baby shower but once the baby came she broke every rule and did things I could never even dream a DCF could pull. That DCF made me super leary of getting close to the parents.

Reply

NEVER in 20 years have I attended a birthday party for a daycare child, a dinner invite, backyard BBQ or Pampered Chef/Party Lite type party hosted by daycare families.

I don't mix business with personal. period.

My parents know this up front (and my reasons why) so it has never been an issue.

Also I LOVE my weekends and evenings to be "work" free like anyone else.

A few years ago, my friend who is also a daycare provider went to a DCK's 4th birthday party. She said it was the worst experience of her life!!

Because she was the daycare provider, and several of the kids at the party went to her daycare, guess who ended up watching and caring for the kids the entire party while the other adults sat back and mingled while she "worked" (for free)......??

Um, yeah, thanks for the invite but no thank you....

Reply

Me, too...love my weekends and evenings too much to give up any of the time to spend with a bunch of people I don't know, especially since my kids are all older and are not "friends" with the dck's. It has also crossed my mind that I could end up watching the kids at the party, cuz I am the "sitter" , so I would obviously want to be with the kids. So, I just always have "plans".

Reply

I do mix friendship and business. In my experience, the families I've become friends with have been the most generous and thoughtful toward me. I am still good friends with several former families and have been to their kids' birthday parties. Present families and I socialize and belong to many of the same groups - book groups, church, etc. It's a small town and we all know each other. In my opinion, the friendships enhance the business relationship. But I'm also not as strict as many on here about late payments or whatever - I know my families and I know they'll pay me next time they arrive, know that if they're late picking up there's a good reason, etc. I think the friendliness just makes for an all-around happy experience for all of us - especially the kids.

Reply

I can count on one hand how many I've been invited to in the 11 years I've been doing daycare. I have gone to 2-3, was earlier when my own children where the age of the kids I watched and it was more that they were invited to their "friends" party. My DS still goes to one DCF's parties - the boys are still friends. Now we really are so busy on the weekends that I probably wouldn't be able to go to their parties but would take it on a case by case basis if I was invited (most likely not going because I'm not that social).

Reply

Oh no way! As soon as I noticed the parents weren't paying attention to their own children, I would say goodbye to all of my DCK, tell the parents 'Thanks for the invite, great party, see you on Monday!' and head out.

I have been invited to a few parties, but I have never attended, I would just feel uncomfortable only knowing the parents, the child, and maybe a grandparent that did a pick-up once or twice. (I'm fairly certain the ONLY reason why I've been invited is for my own children.)

My own children are younger though and home all day with me and the DCK. (3,5,8) So my two little ones that aren't in school have bonded with them, and have invited them to their own parties. The parents have always came and they have been nothing but respectful every time, didn't treat it like another day dropping off at the day care, they stayed and enjoyed the festivities with their kiddos.

Reply

this!!!! I'm rarely invited, but you should see how happy the children are. You don't have to stay for the whole thing, but I would make an appearance. Oh, the last party I went to, the little dcg had to come and show me every little thing she got. They all laughed because the little girl thought so highly of me, and she is my favorite girly.

Reply

Well you all have good points. The kids faces do light up when you come and they made me sit with them just the whole time. I think a Mom or 2 were a little put out cause the child wanted to be with me the whole time and I would end up feeling a little guilty. Then sometimes the DCKs act horrible like Daycare said and everyone sees an awful show.

One parent got mad at me cause I could not make it to her childs Bday party. My Dog got run over that weekend and I was nursing her as she was hurt very bad.

I just kinda had hesatations about after I had so many bad experiences with becoming too close to the parents.

Seems people just LOVE you when you are doing what ever they want you to.

But if you can't accomidate them later on for some reason you are a B word.

Reply

I do not go to bday parties and I don't invide the dck's to mine. My fear is that they will judge me for how my kids act, since we all know that our kids always pick the worst times to act up lol.

Reply

I've never been invited to a birthday party, a family bbq, anything.

I have been invited to attend a church (dcb's grandfather is the minister and the family is very religious. Mom always brings me in little cards for vacation bible school, etc. I smile and accept them but I've never gone.

The only other party I've ever been invited to was a Signature Homestyles party a couple months back. It was over a weekend that I was out of town so that was my excuse for not going but I did buy something.

The only other time I have been to any of my families homes was to drop off a blanket that a DCB left here and DCM was waiting for the repairman to come and asked if I could drop it off. (She knew I was going to be out and about anyway so I did.)

Reply