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Old 05-15-2019, 05:50 AM
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Default First Day of Daycare Experience and Concerns

Hi all,

About a month ago, I did a trial day with a daycare and although baby cried at first, I observed the daycare workers and felt real comfortable with leaving her for a few hours. I was impressed w how they were able to calm her real quick as my baby at that time was real fussy. The only thing I noticed that was concerning is that they let the babies sleep on the boppy pillows. Overall, my experience was really good.

Yesterday, baby started her first day of daycare. She is 4 months now. I did not have the same experience at all. Since the trial day, they had gone under new management and there were two different teachers.. Upon walking in there were 6/8 children crying and that lasted for over 10 minutes. The daycare teacher mentioned that it had been a bit overwhelming because 4/8 of the children were fairly new and they aren't fully acclimated. We weren't asked any questions about our child other than when she last took a nap and was fed. We held the baby for about 10 minutes before I went to the caretaker to ask who we should give the baby to. The daycare worker told me to put her on the boppy pillow. I told her that baby was crying on and off and was due for a nap shortly and I didn't want to just put her down on a boppy pillow and leave her to cry on our first day of daycare. she then told me that babies cry and the best thing to do would be for my husband and I to leave because she'll cry if she sees us..... Not true. baby is 4 months and has not presented with any of those signs of separation anxiety. She has done perfectly fine with babysitters and family members when we are present. I was very concerned with how our first part of the day went. I hated how they did not seem to care or want input on how baby's routine is, how they did not care to follow the routine and how they were telling us to leave without offering to take the NEW baby from me and they wanted us to just leave her crying on the boppy pillow for the first day.

I ended up having to go to work but my husband stayed. He mentioned that baby seemed to be tended too when crying at around 5 minutes,which doesn't seem too bad? There had to be a third daycare worker since my baby made it 9 and the ratio is 1:4. Throughout the day he mentioned that there were different workers covering that position for the third worker. He mentioned that one brought in a crying child of an older age and tended to her prior to one of the other caretakers stating that the other babies needed to be cared for. baby did not nap nearly as much as she should have and kept waking up and crying when she was put down in the crib. One of the caretakers decided to put her down to sleep on the boppy pillow instead which does concern me. On the boppy pillow, it specifically states NO sleeping.I don't understand how the daycare workers are not aware or don't follow that precaution.

Overall, we realized that this may be just how a daycare is and we are not ready to leave baby crying, knowing she may not be addressed for up to 10 minutes. We also felt that if this is how it was with him present, then how might it be without him there. We get that this just may be the way it is and so now my husband will have off one of the days and I will have a babysitter for the other day that I am working. My questions to you guys!--

What is the time frame that you feel comfortable with for letting a baby cry before they are addressed? I know there are other babies that need to be tended to and I know that it may be awhile but what is not okay? I left feeling very disappointed that the lady documenting did not grab my baby from me after 10 minutes of us being there and I dont think I should have been told to just leave my baby crying on the boppy pillow but am i just being THAT first time mom? Do most daycare's expect you not to observe? should I expect that most daycare's will not try to get to know the baby first before plopping her down and letting her cry within 10 minutes of her being there? We are going to take a break from daycare but we are thinking of starting daycare again at the 1 yr mark-- I know it's GREAT for socialization and teaching independent play so I do want to try again. When would be the best age to place baby in daycare? Are there any certain activities I can do with baby to encourage the skills she would be getting at a daycare? Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
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Old 05-15-2019, 06:16 AM
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Default Safe sleep

I would be the most concerned about allowing babies to sleep on boppy pillows. Please, make sure you and any one who cares for your baby follows safe sleep practices!
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Old 05-15-2019, 06:17 AM
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I am sorry you had a bad experience. That is not the norm. At. All. To me, it sounds like they were understaffed and undertrained. Possibly even bitter to have had a 9th child placed in a room that was designed and functional for 8. They probably were told that 4 kids each were all they would have upon hiring. The third employee was most likely pulled from her own classroom that she put so much effort into establishing a routine and culture so resented that, too. With new management, that is not at all surprising. To then have someone else stay and watch them do their jobs and judge their ability must have been infuriating.

I have been in business since the early '90s and have never owned a boppy pillow. Infants are in cribs when they show signs of sleepiness, laid down on their back awake and if they are not asleep within 20 minutes they go back down to the floor to play with toys. Infants do not have access to one another here, they each have their own safe play space with their own sanitary toys. Confinement equipment is not used, here, except during meals in a high chair until 12 months.

There are as many kinds of daycare as there are kinds of families. I'd recommend you continue your search if that is what you want to do. That said, as a SIDS mom who lost her child at 6 months in daycare, I'd recommend that if you are able to spend time with your child without financial turmoil, do it. Nobody has ever regretted spending too much time with their kids when they were small and willing to let them.

You can take your child to parks and playgroups for socialization. You can teach independent play by setting up activities and walking away to read a book. There are tons of free curriculum activities online for the taking. You are your child's' first and best teacher if you do it with purpose. Good luck to you.
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Old 05-15-2019, 06:49 AM
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If possible I would not leave my infant there.Boppy pillows are definitely not for sleeping on.I would also be concerned that they did not hold your baby when you were leaving.I think a nanny or babysitter should offer more comfort to your child.Also if you only need 2 days she will ,in my experience have a hard time fitting in.You will not regret time spent with your child they grow up fast.
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Old 05-15-2019, 07:59 AM
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It sounds like they are understaffed and the fact that they use boppy pillows would really scare me. I have never used these in my daycare. It’s so important to practice safe sleep. I wouldn’t leave my child at a daycare I didn’t feel comfortable with.
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:20 AM
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I am confused why you left her there if you felt your child was unsafe. Listen to your instincts. At the same time know that no one can cater to your baby in group care the same as if he were at home so some patience and understanding is key.

Sounds like they were understaffed and feeling overwhelmed.
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:35 AM
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Sorry for the misunderstanding. My husband was there the whole time. We were very uncomfortable with how our experience began that day but since he had off and we were really hoping daycare would work out, we decided that he could be present to observe and answer whatever questions they may have. It was also our way for feeling more comfortable with the decision to cont with daycare or look into babysitting options depending on how the rest of the day went. It was hard to make the decision in the beginning because we really liked them during the trial day and we couldn't believe how quickly that business could change since that day. So all in all, we had baby cont with the day but dad was present the whole step of the way
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Old 05-15-2019, 08:40 AM
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goodness, i'm so sorry. Yes, for us, safety and the well being of baby is key. We did not have that warm cozy feeling about that daycare by the end of the day and we just couldn't see trying to continue in hopes that it was a one off day. My biggest issue was the boppy pillow usage for all babies and allowing them to sleep because it is an actually safety risk. Thank you for your replying. Although the decision was made, I was really hoping for confirmation that my extincts were on point.
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Old 05-15-2019, 10:49 AM
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Safe sleep practices is an extremely important factor in choosing a good daycare. Sleeping on a boppy is NOT safe. Positional asphyxiation can happen quickly.

In regards to how long a baby should cry- that's debatable and many practices can vary.
I would ask the daycare what their practices are and choose the one who gives you an answer (procedure) you are comfortable with.
But, babies cry. It doesn't matter how old they are or if they do/don't have separation anxiety at home- this is a new environment and it WILL happen. Likely quite a bit the first month, maybe two if you are PT. To be honest, probably sporadically throughout their entire term in daycare! It's loud, it has different smells, lots of people, unfamiliar surroundings...

In my area, childcare centers have quite a bit of turnover in staff. I don't know too many who have long term employees.
So, the new staff (and owners) wouldn't surprise me at all. It's a low paying job (in general) with little benefits and high stress. It's hard to maintain longevity.

In regards to "observing": yes, most expect you to drop and leave. Hanging out is not something most daycares even allow. It would be a deal breaker for a lot of in-home providers too (although not all!). Without getting into the myriad of reasons why we don't like it, the general consensus is that the day doesn't run smoothly when other adults (parents) are present. Maintaining a low-stress environment as much as possible keeps everyone happy. Workers and children alike.

Ultimately- trust your instincts when choosing a new daycare. But also do your homework- get to know their philosophies, ask questions, get things in writing. There are so many different programs out there that cater to different needs. There is definitely the right fit out there for you!
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Old 05-15-2019, 12:11 PM
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There is a newish center near me who also appears to sleep infants on boppy pillows. I only know this bc a girl I went to high school with has her daughter and and while she’s in a different classroom only a half walk separates the room she is in versus that room her daughter is in and she constantly has pictures of her daughter in her Snapchat story asleep on the boppy and she’s clearly at the daycare.

I would echo what other providers have said on trusting your instincts and I am sure you are not wrong about them being on their “best behavior” because your husband was there all day and worry for what goes on when they are not. The rotating 3rd staff member sounds like they were understaffed which might have been a one time thing or could be daily depending on how they are staffed. I know centers around me it is more common than not bc there is a childcare worker shortage. Why work a high stress job for minimum wage when McDonald’s pays $15 an hour and you don’t have real responsibility
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Old 05-15-2019, 03:26 PM
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How is any provider getting away with sleeping a baby that way??? It must be illegal nationwide isn't it? I know my own babies used to sleep in car seats, baby swings, with bumper pads in cribs. But that was before safe sleep practices and we just didn't know back then about all the dangers.

I'm with the others that say if at all possible, stay home until your infant gets older, if that's the kind of care provided in your area. I'd be scared to death.
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Old 05-15-2019, 07:23 PM
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I would say no more than a few minutes. Also I tend to say things like "Ok peanut, Ill be with you just as soon as Justice is burped. I promise I am comming." then talk to the child as I finish with the one Im tending. The only child I dont do this with is the one who wakes up and cries and if let be self soothes back to sleep.
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Old 05-16-2019, 06:22 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I would say no more than a few minutes. Also I tend to say things like "Ok peanut, Ill be with you just as soon as Justice is burped. I promise I am comming." then talk to the child as I finish with the one Im tending. The only child I dont do this with is the one who wakes up and cries and if let be self soothes back to sleep.
respectful responsive reciprocal care.

It's very important in the care of infants.

@Josie ~ You'd be surprised at how many care givers know better but do not do better.

I recently mentored a new provider in my area (she was a previous daycare baby of mine) and she spent some time working as an assistant/sub for another area provider over this last winter.

This older provider (4 star QRIS/many years of experience) outright told her that you can do X but if you see the anyone come into the driveway then just wake the baby immediately and hold them. That way no one will ever know.

She was referring to babies sleeping in swings, with blankets, on the sofa etc....

So yes it does still happen. NOT because people don't know better but more than likely because they think it will never happen to them.
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Old 05-16-2019, 09:17 AM
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I’ll be the bad guy. Pull your baby from the daycare ASSP AND report daycare for non compliance of sleep safe for infants.
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Old 05-16-2019, 10:04 AM
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I’ll be the bad guy. Pull your baby from the daycare ASSP AND report daycare for non compliance of sleep safe for infants.
That was my thought as well. If I knew babies were sleeping on boppy pillows, I could not leave my baby there. I'm sure staff behaved while dcd was present. I just wouldn't trust them if they weren't being watched. KWIM? But I do tend to be paranoid.
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Old 05-16-2019, 11:29 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
How is any provider getting away with sleeping a baby that way??? It must be illegal nationwide isn't it? I know my own babies used to sleep in car seats, baby swings, with bumper pads in cribs. But that was before safe sleep practices and we just didn't know back then about all the dangers.

I'm with the others that say if at all possible, stay home until your infant gets older, if that's the kind of care provided in your area. I'd be scared to death.
I was thinking kinda the same thing. How is this legal in a center? Maybe look up your state laws and talk to the director or call your state's licensing.

On the holding and crying, I would hope for better than what you saw, and if you want better behavior to your infant, you'll need to shop around for it. Daycare are about as different from each other as doctors are.

But remember also on the holding/crying that you aren't paying for 1:1 ratios. If you want more personal attention at a low ration, without paying for a lot of overhead like what centers carry, maybe look for a SAHM you trust or a nanny.
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Old 05-16-2019, 11:31 AM
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Originally Posted by LostMyMarbles View Post
I’ll be the bad guy. Pull your baby from the daycare ASSP AND report daycare for non compliance of sleep safe for infants.
They did. Her husband stayed for that full day then she decided to stay home, herself. She is considering checking out daycares, again, now.
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