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  #1  
Old 08-26-2018, 04:22 PM
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Default I Feel AWFUL

Help me feel better about this decision PLEASE!

I had to term a family immediately today. A little back story. They’ve only been in care for 4 weeks and I knew from the interview they were going to be a little more high maintenance but I had no idea it was going to leave me in a panic stricken state the second they pulled in the driveway for the last several weeks. Moms very passive aggressive through text messages and constantly criticizes things. It’s like I could never make this woman happy and if I sent a picture of her daughter who had her paci in her mouth because she had just been crying for 15 minutes she would respond “why does she have her paci?”

Here’s some examples
I send picture updates and mom would respond with things like I am counting 8 children. How many children do you have today. (I have 6 but some kids are turned around and I’m 2 different photos or they are far off in the background) This has happened 3 times.

She’s upset that daughter has to sleep in same room with another infant.

She doesn’t want daughter to have paci although she comes with it in the morning and it gets popped in her mouth st pickup. Daughter cries for it all day long

She stands and watches me make breakfast every single morning, up to 15 minutes sometimes before she puts daughter st the table to leave.

Always snarky about what was given for lunch. Like example on Friday. She had bagel and banana for breakfast. Then we had eggs, pancakes and blueberries for lunch. Her response was “she ate that? Didn’t she just have a bagel for breakfast?”

It became to the point where I was having panic attacks in the morning because I didn’t want to deal with it. I feel awful that I didn’t give them proper notice and left them high n dry but I was in tears knowing that I have to start all over again next week. It was starting to effect my health. I’ve NEVER had a parent like this. Kind of just venting and wanting to know that I made the right decision, even if I waited until the last minute.
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Old 08-26-2018, 04:48 PM
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Your last paragraph says it all. Be glad it is over.
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Old 08-26-2018, 05:24 PM
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Originally Posted by lblanke View Post
Your last paragraph says it all. Be glad it is over.
Definitely!!
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Old 08-26-2018, 07:08 PM
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Oh my gosh! Just no, no, no!! How horrible. What a bully! What a little snit! I'd do the same thing! Good-bye! You did the right thing!
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Old 08-26-2018, 07:27 PM
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  #6  
Old 08-26-2018, 08:37 PM
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I know that feeling of dread, seeing a family like that pull into the driveway in the mornings....it’s miserable! How did you handle the term, and how did dcm respond?
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Old 08-26-2018, 09:11 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ac114 View Post
Help me feel better about this decision PLEASE!

I had to term a family immediately today. A little back story. They’ve only been in care for 4 weeks and I knew from the interview they were going to be a little more high maintenance but I had no idea it was going to leave me in a panic stricken state the second they pulled in the driveway for the last several weeks. Moms very passive aggressive through text messages and constantly criticizes things. It’s like I could never make this woman happy and if I sent a picture of her daughter who had her paci in her mouth because she had just been crying for 15 minutes she would respond “why does she have her paci?”

Here’s some examples
I send picture updates and mom would respond with things like I am counting 8 children. How many children do you have today. (I have 6 but some kids are turned around and I’m 2 different photos or they are far off in the background) This has happened 3 times.

She’s upset that daughter has to sleep in same room with another infant.

She doesn’t want daughter to have paci although she comes with it in the morning and it gets popped in her mouth st pickup. Daughter cries for it all day long

She stands and watches me make breakfast every single morning, up to 15 minutes sometimes before she puts daughter st the table to leave.

Always snarky about what was given for lunch. Like example on Friday. She had bagel and banana for breakfast. Then we had eggs, pancakes and blueberries for lunch. Her response was “she ate that? Didn’t she just have a bagel for breakfast?”

It became to the point where I was having panic attacks in the morning because I didn’t want to deal with it. I feel awful that I didn’t give them proper notice and left them high n dry but I was in tears knowing that I have to start all over again next week. It was starting to effect my health. I’ve NEVER had a parent like this. Kind of just venting and wanting to know that I made the right decision, even if I waited until the last minute.
Panic attack phase means you made right call...

I would Never let a parent hang around 15min while I did breakfast, and 2nd good riddance. This parent sounds a little off. I would have shown her what Food Program requires lol. I know for a fact I feed kids way better than what the schools do even if it's only infants care and she has no say on how you do nap... your home, your rules. End of story
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Old 08-27-2018, 02:03 AM
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You will feel better once the raw edges burn off a little bit. Then you'll realize how controlling this dcm is and how much stress she truly was causing by how peaceful you'll be feeling now. She was one call away from reporting you for some silly little thing because it wasn't to her liking.
I have a 2 week trial period and she would've never made it that far.
Relax. You made a good decision.
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Old 08-27-2018, 02:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
You will feel better once the raw edges burn off a little bit. Then you'll realize how controlling this dcm is and how much stress she truly was causing by how peaceful you'll be feeling now. She was one call away from reporting you for some silly little thing because it wasn't to her liking.
I have a 2 week trial period and she would've never made it that far.
Relax. You made a good decision.
Dont feel bad. I'm about to terminate a family that isnt a good fit. It is for similar reasons.if she is questioning everything and making you feel bad it is not a good fit.
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Old 08-27-2018, 03:23 AM
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You made the right call to term.

I would send an email to your rep stating that you just termed a ridiculous DCF and explain what was going on. DCM sounds like the type to fill a complaint as a final FU on her way out the door.
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  #11  
Old 08-27-2018, 05:09 AM
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After crying and a good night's sleep, I hope you woke up feeling relief that you dont have to deal with her anymore! You made the right choice, especially since it was physically causing you stress. They will figure it out and try to see it as your way of allowing mom complete control of her child...you did both of you a favor! Hope today is a fresh start for you!
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  #12  
Old 08-27-2018, 05:47 AM
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I feel sooo much better this morning. I don’t feel stressed or panicky. She just gave off the vibe that she would call and report me over any insignificant thing. She wanted complete control over the entire situation and nothing was ever good enough. I was constantly jumping through hoops just to make her happy while making myself miserable.

She asked if I could keep her this week and I said couldn’t that it was for everyone’s best interest that care was terminated immediately. Now I’m worried she’s going to bash me and report me but oh well.
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Old 08-27-2018, 06:06 AM
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When the inspector comes, simply tell them she was a bully. They know the type. More than likely they already know that from the way she communicates.

Don't feel guilty for letting her go. She would have left my house in tears much earlier. You gave her more of a chance than 80% of the folks on this forum would have.

No guilt. She needs many more servings of no before that poor kid gets to school.
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  #14  
Old 08-27-2018, 06:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ac114 View Post
  • high maintenance
  • me in a panic stricken state the second they pulled in
  • Moms very passive aggressive
  • constantly criticizes things.
  • I could never make this woman happy
  • She’s upset
  • She doesn’t want
  • She stands and watches me
  • Always snarky
  • I was having panic attacks in the morning because I didn’t want to deal with it.
  • I was in tears
  • It was starting to effect my health.


Mom needs a good therapist.


@Ac114

You did the right thing. Breathe deep and move on.

She is no longer your problem.

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  #15  
Old 08-27-2018, 06:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Mom needs a good therapist.
And a NANNY.
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  #16  
Old 08-27-2018, 06:38 AM
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Yeah good job!!! We don't have to take that
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  #17  
Old 08-27-2018, 09:19 AM
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Kudos to you for putting up with this psycho for 4 weeks! She would have been gone a long time ago had it been me. Who speaks to ANYONE that way, let alone a person who is caring for your child.

The only way people like this change is if they hear NO, so good for you for standing uo for yourself and hopefully she learns a valuable lesson.

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  #18  
Old 08-27-2018, 12:24 PM
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She wouldn’t have lasted a week here! You tried your best. She needs a nanny. Not a home daycare.
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  #19  
Old 08-28-2018, 06:13 AM
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Day 2 with out DCG and crazy mom and I feel wonderful. I know I made the right decision, no matter how late or last minute. Thank you guys for making me feel better about doing what was best for me!
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  #20  
Old 08-28-2018, 10:56 AM
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Sounds like she was a piece of work! I would simply diffuse any comments made like:

"I am always in compliance with ratios" or
"This is a food program-approved meal" or
"If you prefer, you can send in food for her daily. There is no tuition reduction for this option and it must meet Food Program and MyPlate food guidelines with 0 junk food or treats" or
"Ok, say bye to mommy!"

A lot of times us providers with big hearts don't say anything or show parents where their place is, out of fear, but this is how I would've responded to her comments. And had that be the end of it. I don't tolerate sass and it's in my policies that if they are disrespectful or menacing that it's grounds for immediate termination.

But you definitely did the right thing. How can they tell you not to give the paci but then they give it to their child right at drop-off and etc? laughable!
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  #21  
Old 08-28-2018, 12:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ac114 View Post
Day 2 with out DCG and crazy mom and I feel wonderful. I know I made the right decision, no matter how late or last minute. Thank you guys for making me feel better about doing what was best for me!
Sounds like sanity has no price tag!

Glad you are feeling better and things are calm again!
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backbone, bad fit, bully, narcissistic mother, parent from hell, terminate - feel bad

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