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  #1  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:17 AM
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Default Kid Told Me He Is Going To See His New Daycare...

So today one of my dck's says he is going to see his new daycare after he gets picked up tonight.....

Would you ask parents about it? I really want to text them and let them know I know this information (true or not).

Also, I figure if they are giving notice, that I will get it Monday. I have the week of T-giving off for my unpaid vacation. My contract says when someone gives two weeks notice, they are required to submit it with payment even if the parents are not bringing the child.
So, I think, legally I could get that second week paid.

Should I let them know today that I would like to know asap if they are leaving so i can fill the spot? Should I also remind them to submit two week notice in writing along with a check for those two full weeks (even if I am on vaca???)....thoughts, opinions???
Thanks all.
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  #2  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:23 AM
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Ugh that is the worst feeling ever!

I would say something to them at pick up so that you can be sure they don't just blow you off completely. But, that's just me since I was just burned by a DCF!

Good luck!
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  #3  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:25 AM
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I wouldn't panic just yet....it could be for weekend care or for evening care as well. Plus, kids say all sorts of things. I only believe half of what they tell me.

If you are close with this family and it is really bugging you then maybe you could say "Hey, Sally mentioned to day that she is going to see her new daycare tonight. Are you guys planning on switching care or unhappy about something here?"
I personally wouldn't say anything but those kinds of things don't bother me. But if they did, I wouldn't be able to stand the not knowing and would have to say something.....
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  #4  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:26 AM
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sounds like they are going to ditch out on your vacation time. I think you should expect the one week's paid only but in the future, change your contract to include PAID vacation or require that no term notice be giving within a certain amount of your unpaid vacation
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  #5  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:27 AM
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No, I think you should just start looking to fill the spot.
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  #6  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:29 AM
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Default ugh

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Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
sounds like they are going to ditch out on your vacation time. I think you should expect the one week's paid only but in the future, change your contract to include PAID vacation or require that no term notice be giving within a certain amount of your unpaid vacation

Thanks gals. Blackcat I e-mailed you.

I so want to send home an addendum to my contract tonight that reads a change in two week notice!!! Should I? That two week notice should be submitted in writing and cannot be given during my vacations and must be in cash???? Or would that be evil....
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  #7  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
I wouldn't panic just yet....it could be for weekend care or for evening care as well. Plus, kids say all sorts of things. I only believe half of what they tell me.

If you are close with this family and it is really bugging you then maybe you could say "Hey, Sally mentioned to day that she is going to see her new daycare tonight. Are you guys planning on switching care or unhappy about something here?"
I personally wouldn't say anything but those kinds of things don't bother me. But if they did, I wouldn't be able to stand the not knowing and would have to say something.....
It could be that the child is going to go to a daycare while you are out on your vacation.

When I go out on vacation, some of the parents have back-up DCP that they send their kids to.

They tell me the same thing. I asked and the parents told me..
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  #8  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:33 AM
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Thanks gals. Blackcat I e-mailed you.

I so want to send home an addendum to my contract tonight that reads a change in two week notice!!! Should I? That two week notice should be submitted in writing and cannot be given during my vacations and must be in cash???? Or would that be evil....
I would. You are already in the process of updating contract info so it wouldn't be weird or seem out of place.

I will check my e-mail and get back to you right after my monsters,....hmmm I mean kids, eat lunch.
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  #9  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:34 AM
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Thanks gals. Blackcat I e-mailed you.

I so want to send home an addendum to my contract tonight that reads a change in two week notice!!! Should I? That two week notice should be submitted in writing and cannot be given during my vacations and must be in cash???? Or would that be evil....
It might be a little bit late for that, now. By giving you two weeks notice, they are planning on getting out of paying for your vacation week.

I would ask the parents tonight what is going on. You need to plan accordingly.
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  #10  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:35 AM
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It could be that the child is going to go to a daycare while you are out on your vacation.

When I go out on vacation, some of the parents have back-up DCP that they send their kids to.

They tell me the same thing. I asked and the parents told me..
You may be right.
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  #11  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
So today one of my dck's says he is going to see his new daycare after he gets picked up tonight.....

Would you ask parents about it? I really want to text them and let them know I know this information (true or not).

Also, I figure if they are giving notice, that I will get it Monday. I have the week of T-giving off for my unpaid vacation. My contract says when someone gives two weeks notice, they are required to submit it with payment even if the parents are not bringing the child.
So, I think, legally I could get that second week paid.

Should I let them know today that I would like to know asap if they are leaving so i can fill the spot? Should I also remind them to submit two week notice in writing along with a check for those two full weeks (even if I am on vaca???)....thoughts, opinions???
Thanks all.
I can go a year in between calling a parent at work.. but this one would do it.

I would call her and ask tell her that little Johnny said he will be going to a new child care tonight and ask her if that is going to be a daytime child care.
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  #12  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:47 AM
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I would just say, hey Barb, Dustin mentioned meeting his new daycare tonight, is there something we need to discuss? If something is changing I would reall like to know
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  #13  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:56 AM
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It could be that the child is going to go to a daycare while you are out on your vacation.

When I go out on vacation, some of the parents have back-up DCP that they send their kids to.

They tell me the same thing. I asked and the parents told me..


This family always goes to one of the relatives....always. Never has been any different in 3 years....
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  #14  
Old 11-08-2011, 09:58 AM
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Maybe they are trying to find daycare for when you are on vacation.
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  #15  
Old 11-08-2011, 10:06 AM
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The curiosity would be eating at me all day. I would definately be mentioning something at pick up. Sometimes kids just say things too. Maybe one of his friends is looking at a new daycare and now he's saying it. You never know.
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  #16  
Old 11-08-2011, 10:22 AM
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try asking the child. If he was able to tell you that much maybe he knows more.

It sounds like back up care but it wouldn't hurt to ask nicely at pick up.
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  #17  
Old 11-08-2011, 10:27 AM
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Default If I do an addendum...

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This family always goes to one of the relatives....always. Never has been any different in 3 years....

So if I do send home an addendum tonight, do I need signatures on it or will it stand up legally without them? Anyone know? I figured it's worth a shot since I haven't received any official notice yet?

My contract reads as follows:

Either the parent(s) or the provider may terminate this contract at any time by giving two weeks notice in advance of the ending date. Payment by the parent(s) is due for the notice period, whether or not the child is brought to the provider for care. blah blah blah.

I took it to mean that they will owe two full weeks no matter what when notice is given (whether or not I am on vacation or they simply choose to not bring the child). I really don't want to give up a weeks pay. The other thing I thought of....I do get holiday pay for Thanksgiving. They could give notice by tomorrow night and not have to pay anything beyond next week if they wanted to do so. Why do I feel like I am about to get screwed?
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  #18  
Old 11-08-2011, 10:47 AM
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So if I do send home an addendum tonight, do I need signatures on it or will it stand up legally without them? Anyone know? I figured it's worth a shot since I haven't received any official notice yet?

My contract reads as follows:

Either the parent(s) or the provider may terminate this contract at any time by giving two weeks notice in advance of the ending date. Payment by the parent(s) is due for the notice period, whether or not the child is brought to the provider for care. blah blah blah.

I took it to mean that they will owe two full weeks no matter what when notice is given (whether or not I am on vacation or they simply choose to not bring the child). I really don't want to give up a weeks pay. The other thing I thought of....I do get holiday pay for Thanksgiving. They could give notice by tomorrow night and not have to pay anything beyond next week if they wanted to do so. Why do I feel like I am about to get screwed?
I have in my handbook that I only accept 2 weeks notice on Friday's and no notice is to be given on holiday's(any that fall on Friday) or providers vacation. This way if you were to be given a 2 weeks notice, you can start advertising on Saturday and you will have 16 days to find replacement. When my new handbooks come out in May, i am going to require a 3 week notice. Also I can terminate at anytime. I have only had 1 parent to give me notice and she gave me a 3 week notice. But she is back with me after taking some NEEDED time off school.
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  #19  
Old 11-08-2011, 10:56 AM
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how did your write your revisions policy?

I have it worded that all changes made to the PHB will be given to parents to review and return signed within 14 days, unless it is a new LIC or State regulation, then it would go into effect immediately without the requirement of a signature.
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  #20  
Old 11-08-2011, 11:04 AM
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Default revisions.....

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how did your write your revisions policy?

I have it worded that all changes made to the PHB will be given to parents to review and return signed within 14 days, unless it is a new LIC or State regulation, then it would go into effect immediately without the requirement of a signature.


I never thought about that.... mine simply reads "While I will not be arbitrarily changing policies, this handbook is not meant to imply that a policy once developed can never be modified or improved." So do you think I can send home a simple note of revision for that particular part of the handbook (ie. termination clause) and not require a signature? That way if for some reason I get a term notice this week I am covered?
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  #21  
Old 11-08-2011, 11:17 AM
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If they give the two weeks notice, just suck it up! You weren't going to get paid for that week anyway...maybe at the beginning of the year, you can make changes to your contract, but I feel like you are trying to get money out of them now...IT WAS A WEEK YOU WERE NOT GOING TO GET PAID ANYWAY...Don't be unfair to these people...let them go and change your contract with the new family. This should just be a lesson learned...ALSO, WHAT IF THEY ARE NOT REALLY LEAVING...Do not stress it and follow your contract...
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  #22  
Old 11-08-2011, 11:17 AM
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I never thought about that.... mine simply reads "While I will not be arbitrarily changing policies, this handbook is not meant to imply that a policy once developed can never be modified or improved." So do you think I can send home a simple note of revision for that particular part of the handbook (ie. termination clause) and not require a signature? That way if for some reason I get a term notice this week I am covered?
I would send home the short note, but maybe consider having a sign off sheet where parents can simply sign that they received the added info. Then if by chance you get a notice this week, you will be covered.

I got your e-mail and replied as well.
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  #23  
Old 11-08-2011, 01:02 PM
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Any update?
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  #24  
Old 11-08-2011, 01:06 PM
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I would send them an e-mail asking if they're changing daycares.

Secondly, I require ALL of my parents to pay their last two week's with their enrollment fees. That way I don't have to worry if they suddenly leave. You should do that too. It takes that worry away.
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  #25  
Old 11-08-2011, 01:11 PM
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sounds like they are going to ditch out on your vacation time. I think you should expect the one week's paid only but in the future, change your contract to include PAID vacation or require that no term notice be giving within a certain amount of your unpaid vacation
EXactly- I had to change my contract after watching a child with seperation anxiety for an entire yr. and I gave all my families 2 months notice, that I would be taking a week off.
Come to find out one family gave me a 2 week notice, 2 weeks before my paid week vacation.
Now, I have in my contract- if you leave for any reason, my paid vacation is still owed to me.
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  #26  
Old 11-08-2011, 01:17 PM
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Any update?
Fairly certain this is happening. Got message that kid won't be here after school today. Surprise, surprise.
I e-mailed a revision to my contract and will hand the originals out when I see them again. I am not getting screwed over, I don't care if it was not paid vaca or not. I know it sounds harsh but I have gone over and above for this family and they will be hard-pressed to find anyone like me. Nothing but concessions for the past three something years. I will not let something like this happen now or in the future. I thank you all for your input. I will let you all know how the rest of the week turns out ;-)
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  #27  
Old 11-08-2011, 01:30 PM
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does not sound good.....they will probably try skipping on even that one week's paid notice....get ready.....
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  #28  
Old 11-08-2011, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
So today one of my dck's says he is going to see his new daycare after he gets picked up tonight.....

Would you ask parents about it? I really want to text them and let them know I know this information (true or not).

Also, I figure if they are giving notice, that I will get it Monday. I have the week of T-giving off for my unpaid vacation. My contract says when someone gives two weeks notice, they are required to submit it with payment even if the parents are not bringing the child.
So, I think, legally I could get that second week paid.

Should I let them know today that I would like to know asap if they are leaving so i can fill the spot? Should I also remind them to submit two week notice in writing along with a check for those two full weeks (even if I am on vaca???)....thoughts, opinions???
Thanks all.
Who is caring for them during your vacation? Do you think that its possible that they are simply going to go visit the daycare that is providing back up for your vacation?
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  #29  
Old 11-08-2011, 03:36 PM
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Default leaving or not that is the question

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Who is caring for them during your vacation? Do you think that its possible that they are simply going to go visit the daycare that is providing back up for your vacation?
nah, they have always and forever gone to family members. There are plenty. I will let you all know as soon as I know anything. Thanks for the support!
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  #30  
Old 11-08-2011, 04:27 PM
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Any news yet? I'm stressed for you, just knowing how you must be feeling. We just lost 4 full time children within 1 week of each other. sibling pairs: one mom lost job, another decided we were too far for her (they'd only been here about a month, but filling two spots with that family was MUCH needed). Now we have to fill 4 spots...and around here, filling spots is nearly impossible. It took several months to fill the last two spots. Plus we get a little attached to the children, so it's always hard to see them go
I hope your's is just a misunderstanding on the child's part. Did he seem happy about it, or even a little sad to be leaving you? That's what would bother me most, although it probably shouldn't. That and the fact that the parents weren't completely open with me...
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Old 11-09-2011, 04:26 AM
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Any news yet? I'm stressed for you, just knowing how you must be feeling. We just lost 4 full time children within 1 week of each other. sibling pairs: one mom lost job, another decided we were too far for her (they'd only been here about a month, but filling two spots with that family was MUCH needed). Now we have to fill 4 spots...and around here, filling spots is nearly impossible. It took several months to fill the last two spots. Plus we get a little attached to the children, so it's always hard to see them go
I hope your's is just a misunderstanding on the child's part. Did he seem happy about it, or even a little sad to be leaving you? That's what would bother me most, although it probably shouldn't. That and the fact that the parents weren't completely open with me...
Thank you for sharing my stress! I'll be all better after drop off today so will be back on after the kids get on the bus this a.m.!

that is awful that you had 4 to fill. And yes, we do get attached to the kids. They become like our own family despite the parents attitudes and actions. Let's all try to have an awesome day!
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  #32  
Old 11-09-2011, 06:26 AM
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Thumbs down there you have it

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Any news yet? I'm stressed for you, just knowing how you must be feeling. We just lost 4 full time children within 1 week of each other. sibling pairs: one mom lost job, another decided we were too far for her (they'd only been here about a month, but filling two spots with that family was MUCH needed). Now we have to fill 4 spots...and around here, filling spots is nearly impossible. It took several months to fill the last two spots. Plus we get a little attached to the children, so it's always hard to see them go
I hope your's is just a misunderstanding on the child's part. Did he seem happy about it, or even a little sad to be leaving you? That's what would bother me most, although it probably shouldn't. That and the fact that the parents weren't completely open with me...

so not a word from mom at drop off. sorry..typing one-handed.... but this a.m. boy tells me he loves his new daycare because it has more boys to play with and different games. he told me he is starting there after christmas so he still gets his gift from me
i handed out term clause revision so will see what happens.
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  #33  
Old 11-09-2011, 06:48 AM
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he told me he is starting there after christmas so he still gets his gift from me i handed out term clause revision so will see what happens.
You're kidding right?! I wonder if that is intentional or not...I mean why would they wait until THEN to start... So....are you going to term them? Or keep them and pretend like you know nothing? I would have a hard time keeping them and pretending like nothing is wrong, and I sure wouldn't be buying a christmas present..especially if that is all they are hanging around for kwim?
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  #34  
Old 11-09-2011, 06:50 AM
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Yah, that's crazy.... I would make sure if I gave something it would be a $1 store something..what in the world?
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  #35  
Old 11-09-2011, 06:52 AM
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I would start advertising now to fill that spot. and if the new family needs care before christmas great, let them start whenever.

Then once the other family is ready to start tell mom, "bobby told me you have another daycare lined up, so here are his things, and good luck".
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  #36  
Old 11-09-2011, 07:09 AM
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Parents are entitled to find a new provider but when the child is the one to bring it up...bad news! It creates a hostile work environment. I'd probably term and offer the opening to the other family.

There's your gift!
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  #37  
Old 11-09-2011, 07:12 AM
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Oh man, well there you have it then. Look on the bright side, at least now you know right?

If it were me in your shoes I'd just start looking for a replacement now. If I found one soon great! If not, well then lucky for the client. I mean, you already know that they are leaving and the parents havn't even bothered to let you know that they were even thinking of looking for a new daycare. At this point it's pretty obvious that it's every person for themselves. I say you look for your replacement family now so that you have that spot filled before the holidays even come around.

Honestly the ones that give their termination notice right before or right after the holidays are the worst for me. It makes it harder for a provider to have piece of mind when you've already gone out and started your holiday shopping or have already finished it and then you're given a termination notice. It makes it more stressfull and harder to recuperate financially from
the holidays.
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  #38  
Old 11-09-2011, 07:20 AM
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I would communicate with the parent. Here is what I would do and say;

Mom walks in tonight,

Me: Hi, how was your day?

DCP: fine...lalallalalalla

Me: Little Johhny told me he loved his new daycare that you and him went to visit last night. I just wanted to communicate with you on this matter. I have 2 interviews Friday and would like to be able to tell one of them when they can start. I will need your 2 weeks notice on Friday.

DCP: excuses...excuses...excuses

Me: I have enjoyed little Johnny and have loved him very much, but I know sometimes parents just need a change. I will miss him very much.

DCP: excuses and more

Stick to your policies and if she gives you the run around, I would end it with a 2 weeks notice myself.
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  #39  
Old 11-09-2011, 07:24 AM
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Thumbs up bring on the new clients!

I just put out my first ad with CCRR for my new clients! I haven't advertised in 3 years so this is hard for me.

This family will be gone after I get back from vacation if I can get someone new in here! I am so glad you have all given me your input and advice. I take it all into consideration whether or not it is tough for me to hear or not.
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  #40  
Old 11-09-2011, 07:24 AM
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I would communicate with the parent. Here is what I would do and say;

Mom walks in tonight,

Me: Hi, how was your day?

DCP: fine...lalallalalalla

Me: Little Johhny told me he loved his new daycare that you and him went to visit last night. I just wanted to communicate with you on this matter. I have 2 interviews Friday and would like to be able to tell one of them when they can start. I will need your 2 weeks notice on Friday.

DCP: excuses...excuses...excuses

Me: I have enjoyed little Johnny and have loved him very much, but I know sometimes parents just need a change. I will miss him very much.

DCP: excuses and more

Stick to your policies and if she gives you the run around, I would end it with a 2 weeks notice myself.
This!!!! Love it, love it!!!!
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  #41  
Old 11-09-2011, 08:05 AM
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I am wondering why this bothers you so much. I get that it sucks hearing it from the kid, but the parent really hasn't done anything wrong here. They haven't bailed on you without payment. They have simply interviewed at a new daycare. Why would you term someone when they haven't given you a legitimite reason to do so? They still have AMPLE time to give you that two week notice IF they are really planning to leave. You are listening to a child who could misinterpret anything. Also, why should a family NOT interview other providers to see if there is a better fit for thier family....why should they be expected to stay with one provider for the long haul if that provider is not meeting their needs?

THIS type of situation and the preemptive attitude and "to term or not" is one of the reasons why parents do not respect child care providers - and it is getting quite tiresome.
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:15 AM
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I am wondering why this bothers you so much. I get that it sucks hearing it from the kid, but the parent really hasn't done anything wrong here. They haven't bailed on you without payment. They have simply interviewed at a new daycare. Why would you term someone when they haven't given you a legitimite reason to do so? They still have AMPLE time to give you that two week notice IF they are really planning to leave. You are lsitening to a child who could isinterpret anything. Also, why should a family NOT interview other providers to see if there is a better fit for thier family....why should they be expected to stay with one provider for the long haul if that provider is not meeting their needs?

THIS type of situation and the preemptive attitude and "to term or not" is one of the reasons why parents do not respect child care providers - and it is getting quite tiresome.
I agree with this. I know it sucks, and it's hard to look them in the face and know that they are doing something like this, but they are not doing anything wrong.

You know they are leaving, so try find a family to have lined up for January. I don't see anything wrong with them finishing the year with you, and switching come the new year, it's better than them switching at the end of the year in the holiday season.
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:20 AM
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I am wondering why this bothers you so much. I get that it sucks hearing it from the kid, but the parent really hasn't done anything wrong here. They haven't bailed on you without payment. They have simply interviewed at a new daycare. Why would you term someone when they haven't given you a legitimite reason to do so? They still have AMPLE time to give you that two week notice IF they are really planning to leave. You are lsitening to a child who could isinterpret anything. Also, why should a family NOT interview other providers to see if there is a better fit for thier family....why should they be expected to stay with one provider for the long haul if that provider is not meeting their needs?

THIS type of situation and the preemptive attitude and "to term or not" is one of the reasons why parents do not respect child care providers - and it is getting quite tiresome.

...because I am human and have feelings and love the kid to pieces. I have spent more time with this little guy in the past 3 years than either of his parents put together. Because I have bent over backwards for these parents and put up with all of their shenanigans, lateness, craziness, entitlement, lack of parenting, for 3 plus years. Because I needed to vent on this board and get the advice of all of you. I know I am NOT alone in the way I feel.

And yes, they can go interview somewhere else...but for crying out loud, be honest about it and don't let me find it out from a child and then still ask me for more concessions in the way I run my business. I do meet their needs, they want SPECIAL (as NannyDe puts it) and they get as much special as I can muster but I know deep down why they are leaving....they are leaving because I finally got a backbone and had a rate increase. They are leaving because I will not let them cause drama in my daycare home any longer. They are leaving because they want drama and they can get it for a little while until the new provider puts his/her foot down and sends them on their way. This set of parents thrives on drama.

You struck a nerve here. I am not holding these people hostage. I just know how the parents operate and I know I am going to get screwed somehow. Just frustrates me.
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:27 AM
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Rather than create all this drama for yourself, why don't you just ask the parents what is going on?
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:59 AM
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While I do understand that parents have the freedom to "go look elsewhere" at any time, with me, it is a bond that is formed with a family. On the flip side of it, what if providers termed a family everytime they had a "better opportunity come up" for a different family? I have passed up over and over again a full time child because a part time child was taking a spot and I didn't have room. I have never termed a family to bring in "a better family" whether it be due to hours/days/etc.

I know for me, I bring in a family with the goal to have the child till they go to school.

Because I have been burned recently by a family leaving with no notice after having their 2 children 7 years and 5 years, I am reconsidering how I do things, as I am learning that people only do what is in their best interest with no concern about the provider and the effects on them. Translation.....I need to start doing what is best for my business/income, and not worry about terming someone who is part time when the opportunity for a better prospect calls.....unfortunately I have more respect for my business and myself, and find that kind of bussiness move not to my best interest.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:41 AM
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I am wondering why this bothers you so much. I get that it sucks hearing it from the kid, but the parent really hasn't done anything wrong here. They haven't bailed on you without payment. They have simply interviewed at a new daycare. Why would you term someone when they haven't given you a legitimite reason to do so? They still have AMPLE time to give you that two week notice IF they are really planning to leave. You are listening to a child who could misinterpret anything. Also, why should a family NOT interview other providers to see if there is a better fit for thier family....why should they be expected to stay with one provider for the long haul if that provider is not meeting their needs?

THIS type of situation and the preemptive attitude and "to term or not" is one of the reasons why parents do not respect child care providers - and it is getting quite tiresome.
I DO understand why this upsets you. I'd be both angry and hurt. It has created a hostile work enviroment, and i'd try to replace him ASAP.

But, in reality, Crystal is right. We already know parents will do what is best for them and their kids.... even if it causes us harm. I hope we would all do the same for ourselves or our family.

Try to put this all in perspective. It's a business relationship, and it's going to happen. So, while I know how hard it is, try not to take it too personally... and tell little Johnny to stop talking about it because it hurts your feelings.
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Old 11-09-2011, 09:58 AM
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...because I am human and have feelings and love the kid to pieces. I have spent more time with this little guy in the past 3 years than either of his parents put together. Because I have bent over backwards for these parents and put up with all of their shenanigans, lateness, craziness, entitlement, lack of parenting, for 3 plus years. Because I needed to vent on this board and get the advice of all of you. I know I am NOT alone in the way I feel.

And yes, they can go interview somewhere else...but for crying out loud, be honest about it and don't let me find it out from a child and then still ask me for more concessions in the way I run my business. I do meet their needs, they want SPECIAL (as NannyDe puts it) and they get as much special as I can muster but I know deep down why they are leaving....they are leaving because I finally got a backbone and had a rate increase. They are leaving because I will not let them cause drama in my daycare home any longer. They are leaving because they want drama and they can get it for a little while until the new provider puts his/her foot down and sends them on their way. This set of parents thrives on drama.

You struck a nerve here. I am not holding these people hostage. I just know how the parents operate and I know I am going to get screwed somehow. Just frustrates me.
Honey...I really do feel for you...this is def. a situation that is pulls at my heart strings. It's terrible to feel the way you do. But your prolonging it bc you won't just address the issue right away. Here is the first mistake you made...after dcb told you about new daycare and the family came to pick up...you never once ask point blank about the rumor of a new daycare. Your stressing your self out bc you didn't take the time to investigate truly what is going on. You don't know for sure what is happening. Not until you find out from speaking to the parents. You should of addressed it right away and then TOLD them what you where going to do about it. Yes, they could switch him after the holidays which is ashually a good thing. That would allow you time to get another child in to take over that slot. But it's really up to you at this point to take charge with what you know. If the parents haven't talked to you about it it might bc they don't know how to approach you with it. Yes, they deff. should of done it first but be the bigger person and bring it up since they haven't. Set the terms,..you already started that with the new revised policies. I am willing to bet that they know whats going on here with the revised policies and are stumped at what to do about it...lol..now, at pick up bring it up and take charge. You CAN DO IT!!!
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:05 AM
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I know how this feels. and its so hard to separate our emotions when we have loved the children so much..


I just got rid of a family like this. It's our fault. If we said no from day one, we would have never had to deal with these type of people. They either would have never made it through the 2 week trail or they would have conformed to the rules.

We all make mistakes and I have had to learn this the hard way just like you too.

No matter what anyone says it hurts, we cant help it.......I am so sorry you are going through this...big hugs..

p.s. A lot of adults are no different than children. When you don't give them their way, they are going to throw a tantrum. SO don't leave any room to negotiate. From Day one it's NO, this way you don't have to take anything away.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:09 AM
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Honey...I really do feel for you...this is def. a situation that is pulls at my heart strings. It's terrible to feel the way you do. But your prolonging it bc you won't just address the issue right away. Here is the first mistake you made...after dcb told you about new daycare and the family came to pick up...you never once ask point blank about the rumor of a new daycare. Your stressing your self out bc you didn't take the time to investigate truly what is going on. You don't know for sure what is happening. Not until you find out from speaking to the parents. You should of addressed it right away and then TOLD them what you where going to do about it. Yes, they could switch him after the holidays which is ashually a good thing. That would allow you time to get another child in to take over that slot. But it's really up to you at this point to take charge with what you know. If the parents haven't talked to you about it it might bc they don't know how to approach you with it. Yes, they deff. should of done it first but be the bigger person and bring it up since they haven't. Set the terms,..you already started that with the new revised policies. I am willing to bet that they know whats going on here with the revised policies and are stumped at what to do about it...lol..now, at pick up bring it up and take charge. You CAN DO IT!!!
BTW...wheres the like button...this is a great post!!
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:11 AM
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I am wondering why this bothers you so much. I get that it sucks hearing it from the kid, but the parent really hasn't done anything wrong here. They haven't bailed on you without payment. They have simply interviewed at a new daycare. Why would you term someone when they haven't given you a legitimite reason to do so? They still have AMPLE time to give you that two week notice IF they are really planning to leave. You are listening to a child who could misinterpret anything. Also, why should a family NOT interview other providers to see if there is a better fit for thier family....why should they be expected to stay with one provider for the long haul if that provider is not meeting their needs?

THIS type of situation and the preemptive attitude and "to term or not" is one of the reasons why parents do not respect child care providers - and it is getting quite tiresome.
I get what you are saying and I think there is a lot of old school wisdom in this way of thinking........ I really do.

But... I wonder how you would feel about providers terming kids because they found a better fit.. specifically someone who paid... let's say... ten dollars more a week? How do you feel about that as far as professionalism and from the perspective of the kid?

How would you feel about the provider telling the child that the kid that was visiting was going to take their place in child care and didn't say a word to the parents... just let the kid tell them.

NOT being contentious... I'm really interested in your opinion of the same perspective inverted.
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:44 AM
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BTW...wheres the like button...this is a great post!!
I wish there was a like button too...lol!! But thanks girlie!!
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Old 11-09-2011, 10:45 AM
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...ok. I sent both a message a little while ago. No response. Speaks volumes.
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:05 AM
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...ok. I sent both a message a little while ago. No response. Speaks volumes.
You really should start trying to fill his spot. Just because the child SAID after Christmas, they might be planning to pull him sooner. There's no reason to hold his spot for those few weeks, especially if you find the perfect fit right now.
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:06 AM
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I get what you are saying and I think there is a lot of old school wisdom in this way of thinking........ I really do.

But... I wonder how you would feel about providers terming kids because they found a better fit.. specifically someone who paid... let's say... ten dollars more a week? How do you feel about that as far as professionalism and from the perspective of the kid? The parents are not held to a level of professionalism as we are. They just want pro's. My feelings on this are that the provider should address this open to the parent, as soon as you found out that PM at pick up, face to face. If they are leaving ask why. If you want to keep the child ask if there is anything you can do on your part to have the family stay with you. If they are set on leaving, wish them well and explain to them they have two weeks, and you will keep them till January as long as the spot does not become filled. You need to do what you have to do to replace them- try to be fair. Don't treat the child different, he is just a child. Learn from it and move on.

How would you feel about the provider telling the child that the kid that was visiting was going to take their place in child care and didn't say a word to the parents... just let the kid tell them.

NOT being contentious... I'm really interested in your opinion of the same perspective inverted.
The parents are not held to a level of professionalism as we are. They just want pro's. My feelings on this are that the provider should address this open to the parent, as soon as you found out that PM at pick up, face to face. If they are leaving ask why. If you want to keep the child ask if there is anything you can do on your part to have the family stay with you. If they are set on leaving, wish them well and explain to them they have two weeks, and you will keep them till January as long as the spot does not become filled. You need to do what you have to do to replace them- try to be fair. Don't treat the child different, he is just a child. Learn from it and move on.

Nan I think I see where you are coming from on this.....if you want to be treated as professional and respected for your line of work, you need to behave as a professional, even when it is not always fair
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Old 11-09-2011, 11:29 AM
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About 7 years ago I had a family who I had had for 5 years. Mom comes to me, they are leaving. The center down the street charges 1$ per week less per child. $3 per week. 12$ per month.

I lost them for 12$ per month. When they called 3 weeks later asking to come back. ( 2 er visits from injury @ center, 2 days of mom having to come pick the oldest up FROM ME because he escaped and ran away home to me) and when I told her no I didn't have room, I WAS CALLED COLD UNCARING AND UNFEELING!!

Now did I Deserve that oh no I did not. She sold out for 12$
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I get what you are saying and I think there is a lot of old school wisdom in this way of thinking........ I really do.

But... I wonder how you would feel about providers terming kids because they found a better fit.. specifically someone who paid... let's say... ten dollars more a week? How do you feel about that as far as professionalism and from the perspective of the kid?

How would you feel about the provider telling the child that the kid that was visiting was going to take their place in child care and didn't say a word to the parents... just let the kid tell them.

NOT being contentious... I'm really interested in your opinion of the same perspective inverted.
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:30 PM
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The parents are not held to a level of professionalism as we are. They just want pro's. My feelings on this are that the provider should address this open to the parent, as soon as you found out that PM at pick up, face to face. If they are leaving ask why. If you want to keep the child ask if there is anything you can do on your part to have the family stay with you. If they are set on leaving, wish them well and explain to them they have two weeks, and you will keep them till January as long as the spot does not become filled. You need to do what you have to do to replace them- try to be fair. Don't treat the child different, he is just a child. Learn from it and move on.

Nan I think I see where you are coming from on this.....if you want to be treated as professional and respected for your line of work, you need to behave as a professional, even when it is not always fair
I'm not asking from the parents point of view. I hadn't considered whether the parents would think it was appropriate or proffessional.

I'm asking specifically if we should JUST be concerned that advising them of our replacing them could be done through their child as long as WE give them the notice WE have agreed to give (when it is right for us timing wise) and that our primary consideration should always be what is the best fit for us even when it means letting the family go when they haven't done anything to warrant it... it's just best for us (which would almost always be the money is better and the time is better)

If that isn't appropriate then why? As long as we give the notice we agreed to should it matter WHY and should we be able to advise them of this thru the child.

I'm thinking specifically if we would interview a new child and decide the money or time was better for us... and then say to the existing child... "this is Johnny... he is going to take your place in the day care. You get to go to a NEW day care little buddy or maybe your Mommy will stay home with you..... isn't that exciting? Johnny is going to love coming here and you will love your new day care". And then... wait until it is time to give the notice and not discuss with parents should their child bring up their new day care and their meeting little Johnny.

Should it make ANY difference if the parent tells the child they are going to a new day care or WE tell them when WE have found a better fit?

In the end... does it really matter who tells the kid and who decides? If it's no big deal it should be no big deal either way... as long as everyone gives notice and provides payment and good care in the meantime... shouldn't it be as relaxed as all that? The parent isn't obligated to be open about it with the provider. Should the provider feel obligated to be open about it with the parent? Should the provider feel free to tell the child and not appraise the parent of it until the provider is ready to give the notice?

In the end... it's not really that big of a deal as long as everyone gives notice as they agreed. It shouldn't matter if the kid finds out before the provider or the kid finds out before the parent. As long as the decision is made on what's the best fit for either side... and notice is given... What difference does it really make? We should ALL do what is best fit for US?
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Old 11-09-2011, 12:59 PM
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How old is this child? What if the parents are just doing all this, playing the child along, knowing he will say something to seee if the provider will change her policies. What if they aren't really planning on leaving but seeing if the op will say anything to them and then they can start the discusion of getting there way.

For a child to say that he isn't leaving till after Christmas seems odd because for a child even the next month 1/2 will seem like an eternity. It seems like they would make it much closer so that it seems more real! Something isn't adding up.
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Old 11-09-2011, 01:36 PM
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Nan....of course it would be utterly ridiculous and it is silly that you even bring that up. Of course we wouldn't inform the CHILD if we were going to term the family. You must be being facetious.

I would not interview new families if I did not have space available, unless they want to be placed on my waitlist, which I have done, but I would never be so unprofessional as to interview with the hopes of replacing someone. I don't need to do that though, because I love my families! As far as the parent interviewing and leaving the current provider, they don't have to give a reason....they are paying the provider, they can leave for whatever reason, whenever they want to.

I agree that the parent should be more forthcoming. BUT, if the policy is that they provide a two week notice, and they aren't prepared for that yet, as they are not leaving for more than a month, then they are well within their rights to wait. They interviewed a new provider, and OF COURSE they are going to take their child with them.....should they wait until they have given their two weeks notice to start looking for a new provider? NO! Because if they did, it is likely in that two weeks they would not find a new provider.

I really do not see the big deal....the provider CLEARLY wants the family gone anyway, so start interviewing now to fill in January or, talk to the parents or be unprofessional and term a family based on the word of a child.
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Old 11-09-2011, 01:42 PM
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How old is this child? What if the parents are just doing all this, playing the child along, knowing he will say something to seee if the provider will change her policies. What if they aren't really planning on leaving but seeing if the op will say anything to them and then they can start the discusion of getting there way.

For a child to say that he isn't leaving till after Christmas seems odd because for a child even the next month 1/2 will seem like an eternity. It seems like they would make it much closer so that it seems more real! Something isn't adding up.
Switching at Christmas is actually pretty common especially to centers. By this time of the year parents have used up all of their free time and don't have time off for the holiday break most providers take.

I don't know if this is part of it but a switch before paid time off is really common... a switch before time off even unpaid is common.
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Old 11-09-2011, 01:46 PM
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Switching at Christmas is actually pretty common especially to centers. By this time of the year parents have used up all of their free time and don't have time off for the holiday break most providers take.

I don't know if this is part of it but a switch before paid time off is really common... a switch before time off even unpaid is common.
maybe this is why everyone is knocking down my doors that are coming from centers....lol
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Old 11-09-2011, 02:57 PM
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...ok. I sent both a message a little while ago. No response. Speaks volumes.
What kind of message? Perhaps they were taken a little off guard, hence the reason for no response. I am shocked that you chose to bring it up in a way that was NOT face to face......Speaks Volumes
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Old 11-09-2011, 03:08 PM
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Nan....of course it would be utterly ridiculous and it is silly that you even bring that up. Of course we wouldn't inform the CHILD if we were going to term the family. You must be being facetious.

I would not interview new families if I did not have space available, unless they want to be placed on my waitlist, which I have done, but I would never be so unprofessional as to interview with the hopes of replacing someone. I don't need to do that though, because I love my families! As far as the parent interviewing and leaving the current provider, they don't have to give a reason....they are paying the provider, they can leave for whatever reason, whenever they want to.

I agree that the parent should be more forthcoming. BUT, if the policy is that they provide a two week notice, and they aren't prepared for that yet, as they are not leaving for more than a month, then they are well within their rights to wait. They interviewed a new provider, and OF COURSE they are going to take their child with them.....should they wait until they have given their two weeks notice to start looking for a new provider? NO! Because if they did, it is likely in that two weeks they would not find a new provider.

I really do not see the big deal....the provider CLEARLY wants the family gone anyway, so start interviewing now to fill in January or, talk to the parents or be unprofessional and term a family based on the word of a child.
I'm not being facetious. I'm asking you a pure question.

You are saying that you wouldn't interview if you didn't have an opening. I get that.

What I'm saying is if we go off of "what's the best fit" which you believe is the parents right... then can/should that be flipped around and providers should feel free to interview the better deal.... and if/when they do... that they let the child know... and tell the parents when it's best for THEM?

I guess I think if it's no big deal... then it has to be no big deal on both sides.

I think times are a changin and in many ways the value of child care has really really diminished. I think the notion of "helping raise" the kids is being challenged on every turn. I think "loyalty" has diminished greatly and possibly that has it's benefits.

Maybe there IS value in just doing what is best fit. We shouldn't consider the family or the child before we consider ourselves and our business. Maybe we should consider that it ISN'T that big of a deal to term families ... even to the point of being completely open with the child... because we ALL understand at the top of the relationship that we should do what is best for ourselves first and foremost.

Maybe it shouldn't come as a shock to a parent when a kid comes home and says that they will be getting a new day care because another child has come to take their place. The parent who does this to a provider should just understand that OF COURSE the provider should do best fit and finding out that they are not best fit is no big deal. Just be grateful for the time you HAD with the provider and move on so she can get her "best fit" on.
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Old 11-09-2011, 03:50 PM
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It can't be both ways. I see it like this, if parents want their daycare providers to be professional and to be willing to communicate openly with them, then the provider has the right to hold the daycare parents to the same standard.

It can't be both ways.
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Old 11-09-2011, 04:24 PM
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It can't be both ways. I see it like this, if parents want their daycare providers to be professional and to be willing to communicate openly with them, then the provider has the right to hold the daycare parents to the same standard.

It can't be both ways.
Actually, it CAN be both ways. The parent is PAYING you for a PROFESSIONAL service. The parent has to meet the terms of the contract, and if giving two weeks notice is what is required, then they have not failed to do that.

Certainly they are expected to pay on time, pick up and drop off on time, etc. but the provider has no right to say they can not interview other providers and take THEIR child along with them.

If I, as a parent, were looking for a new daycare, I WOULD NOT tell the current provider until I had secured quality care elsewhere, and this thread, with the attitude of some providers, should CLEARLY explain why.
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Old 11-09-2011, 04:39 PM
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Actually, it CAN be both ways. The parent is PAYING you for a PROFESSIONAL service. The parent has to meet the terms of the contract, and if giving two weeks notice is what is required, then they have not failed to do that.

Certainly they are expected to pay on time, pick up and drop off on time, etc. but the provider has no right to say they can not interview other providers and take THEIR child along with them.

If I, as a parent, were looking for a new daycare, I WOULD NOT tell the current provider until I had secured quality care elsewhere, and this thread, with the attitude of some providers, should CLEARLY explain why.
You say; I WOULD NOT tell the current provider until I had secured quality care elsewhere

Then why in the world would this DCP TELL the child they were going to look at another daycare? They put this child in the MIDDLE. Did they NOT think the little child would say something to a provider that he/she has loved for a few years?

The parent may have a right to search out other daycare, but putting a child in the MIDDLE is very wrong. That parent should of had enough RESPECT for the provider to discuss this.

But I guess the provider that has LOVED and CARED for this child for a few years is just another nobody to the DCP. This is what is SO sad!

I don't see any posters with an "attitude" on this thread. I see posters posting their opinions, as you have.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:02 PM
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Then why in the world would this DCP TELL the child they were going to look at another daycare? They put this child in the MIDDLE. Did they NOT think the little child would say something to a provider that he/she has loved for a few years?

The parent may have a right to search out other daycare, but putting a child in the MIDDLE is very wrong. That parent should of had enough RESPECT for the provider to discuss this.

Actually, this is true... I have several families, and I'm am pretty positive they would tell ME before telling the child. Even if they were just considering it, they would talk to me first.

These parents even told the child WHEN he was starting at the new daycare.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:02 PM
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Two wrongs don't make a right.

Leave the child out of it. Talk to the parent.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:03 PM
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When my child was in daycare we did look for another provider, we also did not take our child with us. We looked everywhere from centers to in home and chose a center that was absolutely fabulous. I wanted to see what they had to offer without the distraction of my child. It worked out great and she loved going there when we made the switch.
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Old 11-09-2011, 05:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
It can't be both ways. I see it like this, if parents want their daycare providers to be professional and to be willing to communicate openly with them, then the provider has the right to hold the daycare parents to the same standard.

It can't be both ways.
I TOTALLY agree with this. Communication is key and I would be ticked if one of my daycare children came to me and told me they where moving to a new daycare and give me specific details of when and who and how. It's stunning. I would NEVER do that to the parents..every. I would never ever tell a child "make way honey bun bc so and so is taking your place in daycare"...that child wouldn't understand nor know what hit them. All they'd do is stare at us blankly...and when they get in the car that would be there very first thing that came out of there mouths. And that parent would be calling so fast. Rightful so. Do they not take what I do seriously...We as providers put so much in what we do...where practically a parent to these kids. A teacher...mentor...

That is why as soon as I would of heard that child mention a new daycare I would of been on the phone or at pick up..that would be there first thing out of my mouth. No text at all bc I want NO MISCOMMUNICATIONS! I would of told that parent that they should of come to me first and for most before hearing it from their child. Once I can assess what their plans are then i can make plans of my own. And pretty much take it from there.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:00 PM
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Actually, it CAN be both ways. The parent is PAYING you for a PROFESSIONAL service. The parent has to meet the terms of the contract, and if giving two weeks notice is what is required, then they have not failed to do that.

Certainly they are expected to pay on time, pick up and drop off on time, etc. but the provider has no right to say they can not interview other providers and take THEIR child along with them.

If I, as a parent, were looking for a new daycare, I WOULD NOT tell the current provider until I had secured quality care elsewhere, and this thread, with the attitude of some providers, should CLEARLY explain why.
Crystal seriously, if this happened to you...it wouldn't at all bother you? It sure would bother me that I wouldn't have any no how on when they plan to pull their child. The child says end of Christmas. I wouldn't believe that til the parent ashually said so. Regardless as to them giving notice. It's a respect issue. And in my contract it specially states that I will not tolerate disrespectful parents I will term right away for any disrespect and that right there would fall under those lines. There has to be some kind of code thing here that that is a no no between parents and providers. or visa versa. I am not trying to start something but this parent should of known that by telling her child and interviewing so soon that that parent might face consequences for her actions. Now that provider can turn around look for a new fit for daycare and start them after 2 wks. And that parent would need to go and see if that daycare could take them that soon or find new care earlier then what she planned. Its a no no win situation for all involved. My parents are always up front with me. If they told me what was going on I wouldn't question it bc I trust that this is what they want and I want them to be happy. We can only do so much but in return I am always upfront with mine in return.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:24 PM
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Originally Posted by Just Saying View Post
You say; I WOULD NOT tell the current provider until I had secured quality care elsewhere

Then why in the world would this DCP TELL the child they were going to look at another daycare? They put this child in the MIDDLE. Did they NOT think the little child would say something to a provider that he/she has loved for a few years?

The parent may have a right to search out other daycare, but putting a child in the MIDDLE is very wrong. That parent should of had enough RESPECT for the provider to discuss this.

But I guess the provider that has LOVED and CARED for this child for a few years is just another nobody to the DCP. This is what is SO sad!

I don't see any posters with an "attitude" on this thread. I see posters posting their opinions, as you have.
The parent is naturally going to want their child to meet any potential new provider. That is why they "put the child in the middle of it" I would do the same thing.

I understand the provider cares deeply about the child, I REALLY get that. But she also has made it clear that she just really isn't fond of the family anyway....soooo, that point is moot.

When I refer to "attitude" I do not mean towards each other on this thread, I mean the general "attitude" about the families' rights and how the individual provider would respond, or treat, this family.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:37 PM
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Actually, this is true... I have several families, and I'm am pretty positive they would tell ME before telling the child. Even if they were just considering it, they would talk to me first.

These parents even told the child WHEN he was starting at the new daycare.
Yes, ideally the parents come to talk to the provider beforehand. I see this with families who are moving, have had prolonged illness, maternity leave, etc. But if there is any animosity, or differences, between the parent and provider, I imagine most parents would NOT tell the provider beforehand.

In this situation, the provider has previoulsy expressed having issues with this family. I imagine that there is a certain level of "tension in the air" at drop off and pick up. So, as a parent, I would NOT tell the provider beforehand. And my child, and I would expect anyone's child, will meet the potential provider, interact with other children in care, etc. PRIOR to the parent deciding to sign with the new provider. THEN, I would give notice.

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:41 PM
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Two wrongs don't make a right.

Leave the child out of it. Talk to the parent.
Agreed. At this point, you can only talk to the parent. But apparently a message was sent to both parents today and they did not respond. OP....any update on how that went?
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Old 11-09-2011, 06:54 PM
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Crystal seriously, if this happened to you...it wouldn't at all bother you? It sure would bother me that I wouldn't have any no how on when they plan to pull their child. The child says end of Christmas. I wouldn't believe that til the parent ashually said so. Regardless as to them giving notice. It's a respect issue. And in my contract it specially states that I will not tolerate disrespectful parents I will term right away for any disrespect and that right there would fall under those lines. There has to be some kind of code thing here that that is a no no between parents and providers. or visa versa. I am not trying to start something but this parent should of known that by telling her child and interviewing so soon that that parent might face consequences for her actions. Now that provider can turn around look for a new fit for daycare and start them after 2 wks. And that parent would need to go and see if that daycare could take them that soon or find new care earlier then what she planned. Its a no no win situation for all involved. My parents are always up front with me. If they told me what was going on I wouldn't question it bc I trust that this is what they want and I want them to be happy. We can only do so much but in return I am always upfront with mine in return.
Okay, I am going to answer this the best I can.

Yes, it would bother me.

I can say, in almost 15 years of working with children and families though, that this has never happened to me. The few times I have had issues with parents, I have discussed it openly with them. If ever there is any tension in the air, it gets cleared right away. I don't allow things to fester to the point that a parent is being sneaky, but not quite sneaky enough, to find another provider. I have never had a parent leave me for another provider like that. As has been stated by PP, it GOES BOTH WAYS, and communication goes both ways....if the provider is feeling that tension in the air, she needs to clear it, or risk losing clients.

Again, I can say yes that it would sting. And I get that for this provider....I know it hurts....

BUT....the parent is NOT being disrepectful. They simply explored their options, found someone that better meets their families' needs, introduced their child to them to see if there is a connection there, and then, the child spilled the beans. They have not bailed on this provider....they have not (unless the child's date is innacurate and they are bailing next week )failed to give the required 2 week notice....

And then....the provider wants to turn the tables on them and change the contract because she has "inside information" from a four year old......please, where is the disrespect here?
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:16 PM
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I'm not being facetious. I'm asking you a pure question.

You are saying that you wouldn't interview if you didn't have an opening. I get that.

What I'm saying is if we go off of "what's the best fit" which you believe is the parents right... then can/should that be flipped around and providers should feel free to interview the better deal.... and if/when they do... that they let the child know... and tell the parents when it's best for THEM?

I guess I think if it's no big deal... then it has to be no big deal on both sides.

I think times are a changin and in many ways the value of child care has really really diminished. I think the notion of "helping raise" the kids is being challenged on every turn. I think "loyalty" has diminished greatly and possibly that has it's benefits.

Maybe there IS value in just doing what is best fit. We shouldn't consider the family or the child before we consider ourselves and our business. Maybe we should consider that it ISN'T that big of a deal to term families ... even to the point of being completely open with the child... because we ALL understand at the top of the relationship that we should do what is best for ourselves first and foremost.

Maybe it shouldn't come as a shock to a parent when a kid comes home and says that they will be getting a new day care because another child has come to take their place. The parent who does this to a provider should just understand that OF COURSE the provider should do best fit and finding out that they are not best fit is no big deal. Just be grateful for the time you HAD with the provider and move on so she can get her "best fit" on.

Even providers are guilty of "best fit" and if they aren't, they're lying. What happens when you interview 3 families all vying for one spot in the daycare?! You pick the BEST FIT!!!!

And you can bet your paycheck that if there's a waiting list and something like this arose, you'd be calling the first person on the waiting list to offer them a spot!

Some providers are so full of themselves and how they would handle the situation. To most, it's the only income they have. They lose it, they lose their livelihood. No one is going to let that happen if they have the control to prevent it.
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:18 PM
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Okay, I am going to answer this the best I can.

Yes, it would bother me.

I can say, in almost 15 years of working with children and families though, that this has never happened to me. The few times I have had issues with parents, I have discussed it openly with them. If ever there is any tension in the air, it gets cleared right away. I don't allow things to fester to the point that a parent is being sneaky, but not quite sneaky enough, to find another provider. I have never had a parent leave me for another provider like that. As has been stated by PP, it GOES BOTH WAYS, and communication goes both ways....if the provider is feeling that tension in the air, she needs to clear it, or risk losing clients.

Again, I can say yes that it would sting. And I get that for this provider....I know it hurts....

BUT....the parent is NOT being disrepectful. They simply explored their options, found someone that better meets their families' needs, introduced their child to them to see if there is a connection there, and then, the child spilled the beans. They have not bailed on this provider....they have not (unless the child's date is innacurate and they are bailing next week )failed to give the required 2 week notice....

And then....the provider wants to turn the tables on them and change the contract because she has "inside information" from a four year old......please, where is the disrespect here?
That is the thing though I don't think the provider can change the contract and not give a 2 wks notice bc she has to honor her own contract other wise that parent can come after her. Right? I think parents have the same rights as we do...? I don't know...I'm with you...in that I've never had this happen to me. I have great communication with my parents and I address anything i feel might be a problem. Now what I am trying to point out is that in telling a child what is going on is bring them in to the chance that they WILL have to explain them selves. Which is going to be embarrassing and possible misunderstood. Yes, that parent has every right to go and look around see if there is something better out there. She even has the option to take her biz else where. But in doing so she just opened up the possibility that she could very likely get a 2 wks term notice her self bc she didn't have that conversation about her intentions. All kinds of things could happen at this point. I agree with you Crystal on what your stating and I'm like you on your beliefs and how you've handled your parents with openness with great communication...none of these things would happen if those weren't key in the relationship between parent/provider. But I don't agree that the parent wasn't being disrespectful. It feels very sneeky to me. It tells me that this parent doesn't care at all about what this provider thinks or feels or how it's effecting her. Can you imagine if the situation was switched on the parent...? I know that is what Nan is pointing out. But it shouldn't come down to that.
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Old 11-09-2011, 07:49 PM
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Even providers are guilty of "best fit" and if they aren't, they're lying. What happens when you interview 3 families all vying for one spot in the daycare?! You pick the BEST FIT!!!! Absolutley....but this situation involves a family who has been recieving services for three years....not a provider picking and choosing who she enrolls

And you can bet your paycheck that if there's a waiting list and something like this arose, you'd be calling the first person on the waiting list to offer them a spot! No, I would not. Not until I heard it from the ADULT that I was being given a notice, OR they bailed on me.

Some providers are so full of themselves and how they would handle the situation. To most, it's the only income they have. They lose it, they lose their livelihood. No one is going to let that happen if they have the control to prevent it. Oh, please do not insinuate that I am full of myself. That couldn't be further from the truth. I simply understand a parents position and KNOW how I would deal with it. My income IS my families only income, my husband works with me full-time.I DOOOO have a lot to lose....and I still choose to deal with issues as they arise.....taking a small risk of losing clients....letting it fester ENSURES that you will lose clients, in time.
I answered in bold. I am so glad about how open minded providers here are. It's all about them.
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:46 PM
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Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I'm not being facetious. I'm asking you a pure question.

You are saying that you wouldn't interview if you didn't have an opening. I get that.

What I'm saying is if we go off of "what's the best fit" which you believe is the parents right... then can/should that be flipped around and providers should feel free to interview the better deal.... and if/when they do... that they let the child know... and tell the parents when it's best for THEM?

I guess I think if it's no big deal... then it has to be no big deal on both sides.

I think times are a changin and in many ways the value of child care has really really diminished. I think the notion of "helping raise" the kids is being challenged on every turn. I think "loyalty" has diminished greatly and possibly that has it's benefits.

Maybe there IS value in just doing what is best fit. We shouldn't consider the family or the child before we consider ourselves and our business. Maybe we should consider that it ISN'T that big of a deal to term families ... even to the point of being completely open with the child... because we ALL understand at the top of the relationship that we should do what is best for ourselves first and foremost.

Maybe it shouldn't come as a shock to a parent when a kid comes home and says that they will be getting a new day care because another child has come to take their place. The parent who does this to a provider should just understand that OF COURSE the provider should do best fit and finding out that they are not best fit is no big deal. Just be grateful for the time you HAD with the provider and move on so she can get her "best fit" on.
That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?
I can't see that the parents are doing anything wrong here. For whatever reason they are/ may possibly be looking for another daycare, they need to tell their child. They need to let the child be part of that process. I would definitely tell my child that we are going to look at some other daycares. That way he understands why I am taking him to the interviews.
Adult feelings are not equal to a child's feelings. YOU can handle this. YOU can speak to the parents and find out what is going on. You do not tell a child that they are being replaced. What the heck!?
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Old 11-09-2011, 08:50 PM
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You say; I WOULD NOT tell the current provider until I had secured quality care elsewhere

Then why in the world would this DCP TELL the child they were going to look at another daycare? They put this child in the MIDDLE. Did they NOT think the little child would say something to a provider that he/she has loved for a few years?

The parent may have a right to search out other daycare, but putting a child in the MIDDLE is very wrong. That parent should of had enough RESPECT for the provider to discuss this.

But I guess the provider that has LOVED and CARED for this child for a few years is just another nobody to the DCP. This is what is SO sad!

I don't see any posters with an "attitude" on this thread. I see posters posting their opinions, as you have.
I agree with this, too. I totally see where parents should have mentioned something to the provider.
However, nothing states they have to give you a notice for their two-weeks notice.
This is just an unfortunate situation.
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Old 11-10-2011, 04:54 AM
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That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?
I can't see that the parents are doing anything wrong here. For whatever reason they are/ may possibly be looking for another daycare, they need to tell their child. They need to let the child be part of that process. I would definitely tell my child that we are going to look at some other daycares. That way he understands why I am taking him to the interviews.
Adult feelings are not equal to a child's feelings. YOU can handle this. YOU can speak to the parents and find out what is going on. You do not tell a child that they are being replaced. What the heck!?
That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?

Well it sounds like the parents did that.

With the same kid... same scenario... what makes the difference if the provider tells him or the parents tell him. If the provider decides he's moving on then he's moving on. If the parents decide he's moving on then he's moving on.

Why is it cruel if the provider does it but not a problem if the parents do it?
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Old 11-10-2011, 06:30 AM
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I am going through a similar situation. I raised rates and one of my families is not happy. I found out from my sister who works with mom that she has decided not to stay. Would I like her to tell me sooner rather then later yes, am I going to bring it up nope. I told mom and all other families I need a decision by december 1st so I can start looking for replacements if they won't be staying due to rate increase.

In all honesty I have had a replacement in place for a while now if she decided to leave. I won't tell her that though she will just think I found someone, and she can tell me on her own free will or by the deadline I have given that she won't be staying. There is nothing wrong with looking out for yourself because if you don't who will.

You have been given information by this child and don't know if this is truly going to happen. So heres what you can do go by what the child has said and find a replacement family, and risk him not leaving and promising something to another family you won't have available, or talk to the family and find out what the deal is then you will know for sure. Good luck!
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Old 11-10-2011, 06:38 AM
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That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?

Well it sounds like the parents did that.

With the same kid... same scenario... what makes the difference if the provider tells him or the parents tell him. If the provider decides he's moving on then he's moving on. If the parents decide he's moving on then he's moving on.

Why is it cruel if the provider does it but not a problem if the parents do it?
It is wrong because the provider would be intentionally hurting the child's feeling by telling him he is BEING REPLACED.

It is wrong because this is THEIR CHILD, THEIR MONEY, THEIR PEROGATIVE to take THEIR child and THEIR money elsewhere.

I honestly think that YOU are being disagreeable here, JUST to be disagreeable. And YOU are wrong.....course you would never admit that

Honestly, Nan, if YOUR child was in daycare and you had issues with your provider and decided to move your child, would you NOT allow your child to meet the potential new provider before signing....or would you just NOT care about your own child's feelings and do what you want......wait, I probably already know the answer to that one....
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Old 11-10-2011, 06:39 AM
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That would be a pretty awful thing to tell a child. Who would do that? Why is that an actual question?
I can't see that the parents are doing anything wrong here. For whatever reason they are/ may possibly be looking for another daycare, they need to tell their child. They need to let the child be part of that process. I would definitely tell my child that we are going to look at some other daycares. That way he understands why I am taking him to the interviews.
Adult feelings are not equal to a child's feelings. YOU can handle this. YOU can speak to the parents and find out what is going on. You do not tell a child that they are being replaced. What the heck!?
People who think children have no rights, think they are incapable of critical thinking....THOSE are the types of people who would say and do things like this.
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Old 11-10-2011, 06:48 AM
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I'm going to tell you a story, this happened this year, the end of june.

I also go thru my calender and see who is going to come for the summer. I even ask all the parents at the beginning of june. Not one person said anything to me, not even this one family.

so 2 weeks into june, the boy (who turned 4) started telling me that he was going to camp for summer. I thought nothing of it BECAUSE I HAD THIS FAMILY FOR 4 YEARS AND HE WAS GOING TO SCHOOL IN SEPTEMBER. And like kids, I never questioned him, because we all know kids talk.

so the last day of june, mom comes in and says that he wouldn't be coming this summer that he was going to camp. Lets just say, I couldn't pick my mouth up off the floor. Here was a family, that I bent over backwards for, watched their child for 4 yrs and watched their evil older brother for a whole summer to be slapped in the face with, "hes going to camp"

I was so mad, and you know what she said, "I didn't know how to tell you" which was bull, we had open communication, my odd watched the younger child, our families got along, so for her to tell me, that she couldn't tell me was bull.

oh, you know what, I sharge 120 for the week and camp was charging her 100 dollars, so for 20 dollars she sent her kid to camp. And that camp was open till 530pm and I close at 5pm, yet mom is done work at 4pm. She didn't want to spend anytime with her kid.

so in the end, I think its the parents responsiblity to tell us providers, not send their kids to do their dirty work. Thats rude and inconsiderate, I was hurt by what she did, hurt that she didn't say anything.
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:06 AM
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It is worng because the provider would be intentionally hurting the child's feeling by telling him he is BEING REPLACED.

It is worng because this is THEIR CHILD, THEIR MONEY, THEIR PEROGATIVE to take THEIR child and THEIR money elsewhere.

I honestly think that YOU are being disagreeable here, JUST to be disagreeable. And YOU are wrong.....course you would never admit that

Honestly, Nan, if YOUR child was in daycare and you had issues with your provider and decided to move your child, would you NOT allow your child to meet the potential new provider before signing....or would you just NOT care about your own child's feelings and do what you want......wait, I probably already know the answer to that one....
What I'm saying is there really isn't any difference between the parent deciding the child will move on then a provider deciding the child will move on. It's as much of a decision on the providers side as it is the parents.

This is my business, my money, my PEROGATIVE to offer my services elsewhere. If the discussion with a child nearly two months in advance is up for grabs... meaning the parents are confident that this child can easily manage that... then the same kid would be able to manage hearing he was moving on because the provider found a better fit child and family.

If I had my kid in day care and had issues with my provider I sure the heck wouldn't discuss it with my kid first and take my kid somewhere else and tell them that far far away from now he was going to this day care.

I would talk to my provider and tell her that I am giving my two week notice and then go about the business of finding a new child care. If I didn't find a place in the two weeks then I would make arrangements for my kid until I did.

It is not COOL at all for a provider to find out from a child that the parents are taking the kid out. I don't think a provider should boot a kid and let the kid know to tell the parents.. but I think if we are going to suggest that the parents can behave this way then we SHOULD consider that the relationship and fairness isn't that important and we should be able to make a change as WE want and deliver the news as WE want.

It's not cool that the parents did this. They should be honest with the provider and take the hit if they can't find care within her notice time. It's disrespectful of the relationship. If we are allowed that level of disrespect then it should be allowable BOTH ways. If we are all about what is BEST FIT then best fit needs to go both ways.

I honestly think that YOU are being disagreeable here, JUST to be disagreeable. And YOU are wrong.....course you would never admit that

Knock off the pot shots. This is a conversation that NEEDS to be had.

I wouldn't appreciate being told that there is a liklihood that I'm going to loose fifteen/twenty percent of my income by a little kid I've been caring for for three years.

It's a $hitty thing to do. The LEAST these guys could have done is discuss it FIRST with the provider and THEN the child. The LEAST they could do is bring the provider in on it and the child... parent... and provider could make the transition as easy as possible.

It's called RESPECT. If we are going to stick to what the notice time is and the provider can find out any way the parent decides then it SHOULD be understood that that goes BOTH ways. Maybe the parents getting notice of their kid leaving at Christmas wouldn't have been received as well as the provider is being expected to receive it.
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:08 AM
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See, I don't think the parents INTENTIONALLY "send their kid to do the dirty work" I think children talk about their experiences, even when their parents have told them not too. The parent doesn't want the child to tell the provider, they want to wait until the last possible moment to give notice.....they don't want a resentful provider caring for their child for over a month while they wait to move in to their new program....and as you can see, this provider IS resentful, and would have been even if the PARENT was the one to inform her first...... Like I said before:

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:46 AM
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I am anxious to hear if the parents said anything yesterday at pickup or today?

This is definately a hard situation to be in. I understand them wanting to have their child meet the new provider to see if they meshed, but if they did that, they should man up and tell you that they did it. Do they not think their child will talk? I have a 4 year old and he'll say ANYTHING, even if we tell him not to.

It is called being respectful. If they respected their provider more, they would have told her, but obviously they don't, so don't get down about it. Start advertising that spot and see what happens. If you get someone that could fill it before the family gives you notice, give them notice. It is a dog eat dog world and this DCP needs to watch out for herself.
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:52 AM
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See, I don't think the parents INTENTIONALLY "send their kid to do the dirty work" I think children talk about their experiences, even when their parents have told them not too. The parent doesn't want the child to tell the provider, they want to wait until the last possible moment to give notice.....they don't want a resentful provider caring for their child for over a month while they wait to move in to their new program....and as you can see, this provider IS resentful, and would have been even if the PARENT was the one to inform her first...... Like I said before:

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.
And what exactly would be the parent's side?! Telling this child that he'll be switching daycares and not giving the current provider is DISRESPECTFUL and DUMB on the parents behalf! Kids talk...especially 4 year olds! This parent knew exactly what was going on and almost seems as if it were cohersed. Why else would you introduce your child so early?!

Here I do 3 interviews. I don't allow the child to come until the second one and I don't do it while other children are present. Most of the time, they introduce me by first name or have their child play with toys I have out or the child sits on their lap as we go over policies and procedures. I'd bet my last dollar that this family either knows the new provider or has met with them before and that's why they said their child would be going there. You aren't going to tell a 4 year old that he/she is going to meet their new provider unless you've met with them before and made a decision to enroll!
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Old 11-10-2011, 07:57 AM
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If I had my kid in day care and had issues with my provider I sure the heck wouldn't discuss it with my kid first and take my kid somewhere else and tell them that far far away from now he was going to this day care.

I would talk to my provider and tell her that I am giving my two week notice and then go about the business of finding a new child care. If I didn't find a place in the two weeks then I would make arrangements for my kid until I did.
I would expect that level of respect form ALL my parents. If they have a problem with anything, they need to discuss it with me asap and continue addressing it with me until we have worked out a solution or compromise. If we couldn't do that as adults, then I would fully expect their child to probably be leaving. But it wouldn't be a surprise to me. So if I overheard the child saying he was going elsewhere...I would already have been expecting it because of our stalemate with issues.

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Originally Posted by Crystal View Post
See, I don't think the parents INTENTIONALLY "send their kid to do the dirty work" I think children talk about their experiences, even when their parents have told them not too. The parent doesn't want the child to tell the provider, they want to wait until the last possible moment to give notice.....they don't want a resentful provider caring for their child for over a month while they wait to move in to their new program....and as you can see, this provider IS resentful, and would have been even if the PARENT was the one to inform her first...... Like I said before:

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.
I think NONE of this would even be an issue had the parents discussed their issues with the provider in the first place.
That is part parental responsibilty and provider responsibility. I stress this point so much at interviews that I am sick of hearing it. If a parent has an issue...COME TO ME so we can work it out as adults or go our separate ways with no hard feelings. If you don't come to me, then how in the world will I know there is an issue? This provider found out from a preschool age child. SAD!

No matter how angry or disgruntled with a parent I was, I would NEVER.EVER.EVER. take it out on a child. Even if I knew they were leaving. I doubt this provider would either since she is obviously so hurt because she does love this child and feels a bit blindsided.

This entire situation would not have happened had the parents talked with the provider about their unhappiness with the rules, policies, changes, etc etc etc......or whatever their grief is that is leading them to seek new care.

I also do not think these parents sent their child to do their dirty work intentionally but had they acted as adults and addressed their "problem" with the one person who could either fix it or confirm that nothing was going to get worked out, this issue here would not be a problem and the provider would have somewhat been prepared for them to be on their way out.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:02 AM
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is there an update on this??

Just curious..

Given the childs age, I find it normal for a lot of parents to start looking for a preschool for their children. Even though I teach a kinder ready program, Parents still want their child to be in larger groups and get a real feel of what school will be like.

It may have nothing to do with the provider at all. The parents may have decided this before he even stepped foot into your daycare 3 years ago...
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:06 AM
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I agree with Crystal...Over the years, I have had several older kids make innocent comments regarding changes in their d/c and they are simply talking about their lives and I have always asked the parent's the next time I see them, if something will be changing.

However, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do I believe it is at all appropriate to tell a child they are being replaced! This is extremely unprofessional!


In the case of the OP, it could be the new d/c doesn't have any openings until after the holidays. I understand them not wanting to tip their hand and give notice until they need to...they don't want their spot replaced before they are able to make this change. Often times, the parents do not even think about their child saying anything. However, this is HUGE in a child's world and they will!

I agree on allowing the child to see a new d/c prior to enrollment. I think it's the only right to take their feelings into consideration too.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:19 AM
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And what exactly would be the parent's side?! Telling this child that he'll be switching daycares and not giving the current provider is DISRESPECTFUL and DUMB on the parents behalf! Kids talk...especially 4 year olds! This parent knew exactly what was going on and almost seems as if it were cohersed. Why else would you introduce your child so early?!

Here I do 3 interviews. I don't allow the child to come until the second one and I don't do it while other children are present. Most of the time, they introduce me by first name or have their child play with toys I have out or the child sits on their lap as we go over policies and procedures. I'd bet my last dollar that this family either knows the new provider or has met with them before and that's why they said their child would be going there. You aren't going to tell a 4 year old that he/she is going to meet their new provider unless you've met with them before and made a decision to enroll!

So, if the parent is trying to get their child in a program that does not have an opening for 6 weeks, and if they don't secure the space now it will likely be gone....they shouldn't take their child to meet the potential new provider? The parent is DUMB for not talking to the provider FIRST? No way in HELL I would talk to the provider first when she CLEARLY cares about her INCOME before she cares about the FAMILY.

Whatever....I cannot have this discussion with people who CLEARLY only care about the provider side of it....it's the same ol' same ol' here....providers covering their own asses and the parent is always wrong. I am sick of hearing this same old song............
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:20 AM
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I agree with Crystal...Over the years, I have had several older kids make innocent comments regarding changes in their d/c and they are simply talking about their lives and I have always asked the parent's the next time I see them, if something will be changing.

However, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do I believe it is at all appropriate to tell a child they are being replaced! This is extremely unprofessional!


In the case of the OP, it could be the new d/c doesn't have any openings until after the holidays. I understand them not wanting to tip their hand and give notice until they need to...they don't want their spot replaced before they are able to make this change. Often times, the parents do not even think about their child saying anything. However, this is HUGE in a child's world and they will!

I agree on allowing the child to see a new d/c prior to enrollment. I think it's the only right to take their feelings into consideration too.

I didn't want to come back and update because of the lynching I am getting here. This is supposed to be a sounding board for advice, not a place to be bullied. But, so many of you are really caring and understanding so you do deserve the update.

I had a bad day yesterday. Asked both parents to let me know what was up as I was told the kid was moving and getting a new daycare. I told the parents that I totally understand if they are moving and I would miss child immensely. I also told parent if they were not moving but seeking new care I also get it because sometimes parents just need a change. Again, I would miss child greatly. No response. Five hours later, no response. These parents who expect me to be at their beck and call via call, text or e-mail at anytime during the day could not muster up the courage to respond. Parent arrived for pick up and tried to blow me off. I asked what was going on and he said they are making some changes. I asked if there was something I could have done differently. No response. I kept at it though and was finally told it was because I was going to charge $70.50 a week per kid next starting next September. I said I could charge low rates in the past but could not going forward. I know this isn't the real reason they are leaving. The real reason is because I got my backbone and told them I would not be involved in their drama anymore and would only allow contact from the custodial parent of the day and I would need a copy of the custody arrangement because of some issues. I asked when the last day was, they don't know yet. End of story. That's all I know. The kid will still get the utmost in care and love from me until the end. I am leaving the board for good now. I don't like the attitude from people on here. There are some great providers and caring individuals on here but to come on and ask for advice and get slammed...not my cup of tea. Thanks everyone and good luck to all of you in your future. For those of you I have e-mails for, I will still stay in touch and visit! Thanks again,
Moi
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:21 AM
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I agree with Crystal...Over the years, I have had several older kids make innocent comments regarding changes in their d/c and they are simply talking about their lives and I have always asked the parent's the next time I see them, if something will be changing.

However, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do I believe it is at all appropriate to tell a child they are being replaced! This is extremely unprofessional!


In the case of the OP, it could be the new d/c doesn't have any openings until after the holidays. I understand them not wanting to tip their hand and give notice until they need to...they don't want their spot replaced before they are able to make this change. Often times, the parents do not even think about their child saying anything. However, this is HUGE in a child's world and they will!



I agree on allowing the child to see a new d/c prior to enrollment. I think it's the only right to take their feelings into consideration too.
Thank Goddess.......someone who gets it
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:21 AM
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So I see I have stumbled into a hornets nest....

IMHO, The parent was being passive aggressive in telling a child "When I pick you up today we are going to see your NEW daycare." This was plain Tacky.

Of course the child will be telling EVERYONE that all day.

I have one that is going to Taco Bell tonight....I know because he has told me at least 12 times so far today. Sadly for his parents he seems to think that is an arcade with video games and rides (ala Chuckie Cheese). Their night may not turn out as well as they have planned. I am working on it out of courtesy for them.

On the flip side of this issue, I don't understand why the provider did not just ASK the Mom about it at pick-up. IMHO, This could have been handled on day one.

Edit: I see OP did ask and got her answer. It did not post until after I did, I am sorry.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:30 AM
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So Crystal, from what you are saying, you believe that a provider shouldn't care about their income? They shouldn't worry about how they are going to provide for their family, or pay the bills, or even buy the food for the dcks?! How on earth can you say that a provider should care about the family before their income?! That's just stupid in my opinion...why work then?! Obviously you aren't fully taking in what everyone is saying because you wouldn't be getting so riled up over this. The majority of the posts have stated that the parent should have handled this differently by either NOT telling the child OR by telling the PROVIDER first before the child. This is a forum, where everyone can voice their own opinions..yours included. Why post anything at all if all you are going to do is belittle other providers.

Whatever....I cannot have this discussion with people who CLEARLY only care about the provider side of it....it's the same ol' same ol' here....providers covering their own asses and the parent is always wrong. I am sick of hearing this same old song............
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:33 AM
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I didn't want to come back and update because of the lynching I am getting here. This is supposed to be a sounding board for advice, not a place to be bullied. But, so many of you are really caring and understanding so you do deserve the update.

I had a bad day yesterday. Asked both parents to let me know what was up as I was told the kid was moving and getting a new daycare. I told the parents that I totally understand if they are moving and I would miss child immensely. I also told parent if they were not moving but seeking new care I also get it because sometimes parents just need a change. Again, I would miss child greatly. No response. Five hours later, no response. These parents who expect me to be at their beck and call via call, text or e-mail at anytime during the day could not muster up the courage to respond. Parent arrived for pick up and tried to blow me off. I asked what was going on and he said they are making some changes. I asked if there was something I could have done differently. No response. I kept at it though and was finally told it was because I was going to charge $70.50 a week per kid next starting next September. I said I could charge low rates in the past but could not going forward. I know this isn't the real reason they are leaving. The real reason is because I got my backbone and told them I would not be involved in their drama anymore and would only allow contact from the custodial parent of the day and I would need a copy of the custody arrangement because of some issues. I asked when the last day was, they don't know yet. End of story. That's all I know. The kid will still get the utmost in care and love from me until the end. I am leaving the board for good now. I don't like the attitude from people on here. There are some great providers and caring individuals on here but to come on and ask for advice and get slammed...not my cup of tea. Thanks everyone and good luck to all of you in your future. For those of you I have e-mails for, I will still stay in touch and visit! Thanks again,
Moi
So, you're saying we should unconditionally stand by providers even when they are wrong? You made it clear that the most important piece of this was about the money when you stated you wanted to be underhanded and change your contract on them, and was wondering if it would hold up without their signatures. That's the kind of crap that turns parents off of family child care......completely unprofessional.

And, I can see a whopping $70 WEEKLY increase/ $140 for two kids, being reason to find new care.....that is a SUBSTANTIAL increase and I can't imagine any parent appreciating that.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:33 AM
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See, I don't think the parents INTENTIONALLY "send their kid to do the dirty work" I think children talk about their experiences, even when their parents have told them not too. The parent doesn't want the child to tell the provider, they want to wait until the last possible moment to give notice.....they don't want a resentful provider caring for their child for over a month while they wait to move in to their new program....and as you can see, this provider IS resentful, and would have been even if the PARENT was the one to inform her first...... Like I said before:

Four year old children talk. He met his new provider and he doesn't know he shouldn't be excited about it or talk about it. He also does not realize how much he will MISS his current provider, who loves him and has devoted alot of time to......I feel badly for provider AND child here....BUT, I also see the parent's side of it.
I find this provider hiding and not able to talk face to face with the parent and find out what is truly going on. If you want your parents to respect you as a professional then you need to be able to act like one. This conversation should have been done at pick up face to face and cleared right away. Wish them well, and then explain that you will be looking for a replacement. If it came down too a two week transition period I would call my licensing agent and ask if you could be one over your numbers, that you have a family that is in transition.

Nan I am glad you clarified where you stand on this. I do still feel that as providers we are held to a professional standard above our clients. One bad provider can make all of us caregivers look bad upon. Nature of the beast. If we want to be looked upon with respect and as a pro in our field then we need to uphold that. Being professional about this, I would not turn it around and do the same to the parent using the child. I personally would have nipped this puppy in the bud and talked to the parent right away. I wouldn't feel bad that they were leaving because people come and go in this field, would want them to leave on good terms and wish them well. It sounds like they are leaving because of the price increase.....and another thought is that the parent might be embarrassed that they just can't afford the new rates and policy changes and are waiting to find out if they can even get into the new daycare before telling the provider. So many unmentionables is the reason for provider should have had face to face conversation- even in it's uncomfortableness for the provider. Parent over looked the fact that there child would spill the beans, or was ignorant to the providers feelings, or wanted the child to lesson the load of the parents responsibility, or had a brain fart and just didn't think about it. Not cool.

one more thing on this subject......as a parent I feel confident enough in my abilities to know if it will be a good fit or what I want for my child. I don't feel it's a child's decision to decide where he will be going to daycare. A child does not have enough knowledge at a young age to make this adult decision. I think to many people these days, give to much power to kid's when they don't have life experiences or a maturity level, to think like an adult. I don't underestimate children and their abilities but let them be kids while they are kids please- In my daycare either way works for me if they bring the child or they don't for the interview. Parent's choice.
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:39 AM
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So, if the parent is trying to get their child in a program that does not have an opening for 6 weeks, and if they don't secure the space now it will likely be gone....they shouldn't take their child to meet the potential new provider? The parent is DUMB for not talking to the provider FIRST? No way in HELL I would talk to the provider first when she CLEARLY cares about her INCOME before she cares about the FAMILY.

Whatever....I cannot have this discussion with people who CLEARLY only care about the provider side of it....it's the same ol' same ol' here....providers covering their own asses and the parent is always wrong. I am sick of hearing this same old song............
Crystal, you owe people on the post an "I AM SORRY".

I am a provider that DOES NOT have to have ANY income, I do daycare because I love little children! BUT, I refuse to EVER let a parent disrespect me! This is what is wrong with our world today! But most providers are not as lucky as me and MUST rely on their income. And a lot of parents KNOW this and will USE their provider and suck any life out of them, and this is SO SAD!!

I can only pray that one day you wake up and find that 4 or 5 of your daycare parents STAB you in the back and you loose income. I believe this would put you and your family in a hardship. The OP may only be loosing 1 child, but that 1 child's income could be food for her family.

And to your remark about providers covering there own assXX and the parent is always wrong, that was a VERY RUDE comment on your part. If parents read and FOLLOWED providers handbooks and gave the provider RESPECT, then NO provider would ever have to post for advise.

Parents that use home day cares need to WAKE up and realize that providers are the SECOND most important person in their child"s LIFE. I am so lucky to have parents that TRUST & RESPECT me, but if one of my children cam in and told me that they have a new daycare and the parent NEVER had the respect to talk to me, I would be waiting for them at pick up and look them straight in the eyes and tell them what the child told me, then i would tell them i am happy for them and I would have the child's things ready to hand to them.

My reason for ending daycare on the spot.....You disrespected me!!

Would I miss the child....YOU BET!! But I would have more respect for myself and i would not want the child to have to endure any more sadness ONE more day!!

Again Crystal, your posts are kinda rude towards providers, but who knows you may have this to happen to you one day!! Good Luck!!
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Old 11-10-2011, 08:41 AM
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The sad thing is that they still don't know when the childs last day is! That says they either haven't found childcare for the child and are seeing if the provider will back down and charge them less. They may also not be able to find cheaper childcare and are trying to figure out what to do. Also, any childcare while need the custody paper to cover themselves also. I think these parents will find out that the real world of childcare is about legalities and parents can't have their way on things like that.

I'm really sorry this has turned into a huge debate though and caused someone to leave the forum. I think we need to all remember that we need to put experiences if we have them when asked certain questions not what if type situations.

People ask Dear Abby all the time for adivice and she has actually reversed quite a few opinions she had over the years. When people ask for adivice here think about your response before typing. Is it coming across harsh, judgemental, know it all or as an understanding friend that would cross the world to help you find a solution. We teach the children to treat others as you want to be treated but do we do that as adults?
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