why do you make a child stay in the nap area for the whole time? I see many/most of us have scheduled afternoon nap times (1-3 or 2-4, etc). From what I'm understanding, that is nap time and everyone stays in the nap area the entire time. What is the reasoning behind that? I'm absolutely not judging, just needing to hear some reasons. I do this. Even if the child is screaming through the remainder (or ALL) of naptime. However, it really makes no sense, if you figure that all kids need to rest, and if you have a screamer in there, keeping them up, they are not resting. I'm kind of looking for "because it's in my regs that children will rest for 2 hours" or "I know they are tired, so they must stay in there the whole time" or whatever.

Here's my issue. I was just thinking today that if dcm asked me how long I let dcb cry at naptime, and I tell her the whole time, or an hour or 30 minutes or whatever it was, what do I tell her if she asks WHY I don't just get him up? He's obviously waking the other kids by being in there. My answer now is that he's still tired and if he doesn't nap he will just cry/whine/scream the rest of the day out here. But if I look at it from her perspective, it would make more sense to just get him up and keep him quiet away from the other nappers if he's just going to cry and keep them up.

So, for anyone who has scheduled nap times, what is your reasoning for keeping the children in there the whole scheduled time, even if they wake up earlier?

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because children NEED rest time.

because providers NEED a break.

I don't do two hour requirement, but the children do have to rest for about an hour. The older kids stay up.

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Because kids need to rest, and they need to learn that screaming isn't going to get them out of that rest.

I do a mandated amount of time for my under 4 crowd because when I didn't, they would just stay awake so I would let them go look at books. I ended up with absolute bears in the afternoon so I had to put a stop to it.

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I need a break, they need the rest. As far as your example - I would not just let a little one scream in the room with the others, I would separate them until I got them to see things my way lol. I generally take kids as infants and they stay until school, so they basically don't know any other way than mine.

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Unfortunately I don't have anywhere else to put him, and he's in the room right next to where I am so I get to listen to him scream too And....he's been with me since he was 6 weeks old - he KNOWS the routine and still screams through all or part of nap

I'm basically leading up to terming him, but I want all my ducks in a row with this one, and want to have really good reasons for needing him to be sleeping or at least quiet and why I don't get him right up when he peeps.

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You are the only one telling yourself that you want to have a really good reson to term him.

Why not just ask yourself if his needs meet your care? If he needs something you aren't able to offer then he needs a different situation. It's not personal.

Just let the parents know that you feel he needs a different schedule and the last day you will be offering her services. His parents wouldn't need a good reason to pull him. You don't need a reason to term him.

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This is absolutely one of the most important things that a provider can learn. It is impossible to be all things to all people. There are just some situations that will not work, no matter how good your intentions are. Good luck with this, I know terminating a relationship can be hard, but it will be best for both of you in the long run.

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so, he does go to sleep - but he wakes up before everyone else and then cries wanting out?

how old is he? i mean, if it's a baby in a crib - i'm sure if he wakes up and everyone around is asleep then he'd cry and want out.

if it is a baby, i would get him out and bring him into the living room (or whatever room you're in) and put him in a playpen. he may go back to sleep if he's able to see you. if not, throw some toys in there til the others are finished napping.

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I know, you're right. I can't meet his needs, as his needs do not coincide with the rest of the children I have here. I do feel it's personal though, because I cannot give up until I know I've tried everything to make it work, and I feel as though I failed. I keep thinking if I try this, or I try that, then he'll "get it" and we can go along happily. I'm having a hard time admitting defeat with this one. I've had him all of his little life so far (at least from 6 weeks on) and it just seems that I should be able to meet his needs.

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I have a scheduled rest period because the state requires it, most young kids need a nap, and I need some uninterrupted time (I am reluctant to call it a break)


I like nannyde's suggestion.

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This is why I insist that the kids at least "rest their bodies" if they don't want to sleep. It's hard to keep kids, especially the younger ones, quiet so the others can sleep. Plus, if the others see one kid up and reading books or playing, there's little to no chance they'll stay on their mats either.

I do like NannyDe's philosophy on this one. I tend to try to be all things to all kids and their families and it can really make me miserable at times.

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hmmmm

Ask yourself this:

If you were guaranteed his income no matter what the outcome would you have today be his last day?

If the answer is yes then you are doing it for the money.

If you are doing it for the money that changes EVERYTHING.

If you are doing it to "not give up on him" that's a whole different story.

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Before you think of term., have you talked with mom? Do they swaddle him, or some other thing that you don't know to do?

I agree with the other posters who say leave him to cry. He will get the message that nap time is nap time. As soon as you get up the noisy one, they all learn to be noisy, and then nap time is way too short. Don't be fooled, the sleepers will sleep through this noise.

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Money really isn't an issue in this case. I have 2 more kids coming in early January, so even if I termed today I wouldn't really be out much.

I've been dealing with this issue for several months now (not every day, but a lot more now than before) and when I first started trying different things, I was doing it because I couldn't imagine him not here, not seeing him every day and I just didn't want to lose him. My own children (teenagers) love him and none of us wanted to see him go. At that point, the money never even crossed my mind. Now, after trying everything I know to do and it's not working, and after (stupidly) talking to mom about it, and nothing has gotten better, I'm at the point where I have been wondering if the money is worth the headache and the cranky afternoons (for everyone).

Also, adding 2 more kids to the mix (18mo who has been here before and his infant brother) I don't want nap issues and cranky issues. I'm not sure how the infant will be but big brother is a good kid, very mellow, finally got him napping well, etc, and I don't want stress and chaos with even more kids here. Right now I only have one other full timer, and he sleeps like the dead - so C's screaming isn't keeping him awake all afternoon (just wakes him up early), but when I have 4 kids, I can imagine how insane it will be if everyone is cranky all afternoon long because no one is able to nap.

And yet, even with everything I stated above, I still can't bring myself to let him go. I can't make that decision to tell mom it's not working, and I really don't know why. Maybe I'll miss him, maybe I can find a way to make this work, maybe I'm afraid of the actual conversation with mom, maybe I'm afraid that I'll find out later it was a mistake.....maybe money is playing into this somewhat, but even if I termed today, i would only be losing a few hundred dollars. Maybe I just need a backbone, to make a decision and stick with whatever I decide.

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We swaddled until he literally could not fit into a swaddler thing anymore. When we had to wean him from that I bought him a "lovey" to keep here to try to help him soothe himself to sleep. I have talked to mom and mom started making noises about pulling him because, since I asked how they do things at home, she thought I couldn't handle him. Now I don't ask or tell. I do everything that they do at home, with one exception, I don't get him up the minute he peeps. I never have, I give them the chance to fully wake up or go back to sleep. I've done pretty much the same thing with him since he started coming here. And I do have a problem with him waking others up. I have an 18mo dcb who is a very light sleeper and when he's here, he's lucky to get 15-30min nap in. I'm also getting an infant next month, although it shouldn't affect the baby much, as he will be out here with me, not napping with the older kids.

Thanks for trying to help. I'm really struggling with this one.

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He's 14 months. Sometimes he wakes early, sometimes he screams for a while before going to sleep, and sometimes he just won't nap at all. I've made his morning naps earlier and shorter, and made pm rest time a little later. It seemed to help at first, but now it's hit or miss.

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Okay, I'm starting to get what many of you are saying. I shouldn't take it personally because I cannot be all things to all people, and there will be children that I just can't meet their needs for whatever reason. It's not personal, I didn't fail, it's a fact of life that different children have different needs and no one can possibly meet every single need out there.

Wow - thank you to all who, in one way or another, said this! This makes things so much easier. Not completely easy, but easier

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If he is 14 months old, you should cut him back to just one nap a day. All ours starting around 10 months stay awake until 12:30 pm when everyone goes down for a nap. They sleep until 2:30-3:00 and it never fails. They only cry for a few minutes when they first go into a pack n play. When they turn a year old they transition into a floor cot, but when it becomes a power struggle to get them to stay on the mat they will be put into a pack n play for that day and cry a few minutes and then fall asleep. Not the best practice, but if you have a full house and they're still only 12 months or so, they can go back into a pack n play on rough days.

Do you have a web site to visit for your state licensing rules? We are required to offer a rest period of two hours, but we are not required to have them stay in the room or on their cots for two hours. The time was pretty much how you interpreted it because it said something along the lines of an adequate short rest period, but at least two hours must be offered. I think most recommend 30-45 minutes of having to sit on their cot quietly before getting up to do something.

A child that young though really is just disrupting your program. It would be different if it was a 4 or 5 year old not wanting to nap, they should be able to play quietly. It's nice to read your opinion on it though as it is so true all the thoughts you are having. One thing I would recommend is to write down what you tried and how long you stuck with it. You could simply write up a letter with all the details, but I would rather start over if you want to really stick it out and help him. This way, you can have the mom sign it and make sure she knows he doesn't nap. Before trying this method of record-keeping though I would really try just the one nap in the afternoon after lunch.

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could it be the room he's in?
i have a dck that can ONLY sleep in a room by himself...for many reasons (liked to play,etc)

i also have a dck that will ONLY lay down for his quiet time with a movie on. which is fine for me

are you able to put him into another room? i use my own kids rooms for the playpens. if thats an option maybe try that.

does child take a monring nap? if so, cut that out and try just 1 x a day

some kids, i have had them all LOL, just do NOT nap other than home. it DOES happen and does not mean anything bad. stressful yes

i would talk to mom and see how he is at home.

and to answer your question: if hes in a room w/others i would just get him up and put in a highchair if younger to confine him to a quiet time. i would want a ton of cranky kids . good luck!

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I use nap time as a break for myself now if I have child that won't nap I don't make them nap I let do puzzles or read a book or watch t.v. as long as they are quiet. Most of kids do nap for two hours I do have one who may only nap an hour and I keep him away from the others in another room so he doesn't wake them up

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I have a room for those who take 2 naps a day. The toddlers/preschoolers nap in the daycare room/family room. My nap times are 1 to 3:30, doesn't mean they are asleep at 1, that is just when we start the process. If someone in the daycare room wakes up, they must lay quietly and not disturb others. It doesn't work to let one get up, soon they will all be up then and nap time will have went to hell. Rules apply to all. I do have a family that I have to get up 45 min early to go home at 3. I also have a 3 1/2 yr old that has been very disruptive at nap lately.....he will wake up and start throwing pillows and things on others....he tends to spend the last bit of nap time in TO when he becomes disruptive, I will not allow him to disrupt the group. He is old enough to know better.

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have you tried cutting the AM nap?

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Yes, I have. He can't do it. He is cranky and screaming/whining/crying all morning long I've made morning nap earlier and shorter and extended pm nap out to a little later time. Usually, by the end of the week, he's okay, the beginning of the week is hell. I think this has everything to do with him not adjusting well from weekend to weekday. Not sure why, he's been here forever.

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This situation has really got me thinking, and I can definitely see how you would be struggling here. You've had the little guy for over a year now, and you are not sure giving up is the right thing. If you do eventually come to the conclusion that terming is the right thing for you, don't feel badly about it, but I thought I would relate a situation that I had when I didn't take my own advice , as it might give you some hope if you decide not to terminate.

I had a little girl who started as an infant. She was a crier from the very beginning. It didn't matter what I did, she cried at the drop of a hat. The family was related to one of my other daycare families, so terminating really was not an option as it would have created a ripple effect, and I didn't want that. I tried all kinds of work-arounds - swaddling, white noise, dark, cool room, I even rigged a vibrating playpen that worked for awhile - but basically I just steeled myself every day for the crying, and warned the other parents about the situation, so they wouldn't be too concerned when they walked in at all hours to a crying child. My saving grace was the fact that she eventually outgrew the crying. Around 18 months it started to lessen, and by 24 months it was gone completely. When all this was going on was the only time I really questioned whether I wanted to be a daycare provider. The great part about the whole story, though, is that this little girl has turned out to be one of my favorite daycare kids of all time. She is one of the happiest, most polite little girls I've ever known now and I miss her now that she's off to school. I've also had both of her little brothers here, and neither one of them was a crier, both perfect little babies, too, so that has been a bonus!

Just follow your instincts when you make the decision about whether you want to try to stick it out or terminate the relationship, because it can turn out well either way.

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I don't make them rest the whole time. The first 45 minutes they rest, then I give the ones awake a few books and they stay on their mat and 'read' for 20 minutes and then I let them up to come in the other room to watch a show or work on quiet stuff (I have a nap time bin). My nap time is 2 hours. The kids that wake up before others can read books unless there is still 30 minutes or so left then I let them get up as well.

I think two hours is a long time to just lay there quiet.

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I have a 15 month old, that could never do without both naps. He is up at 6:00 am every am- I don't lay down til about 12:30-1:00- he doesn't ever make it to 9:00 am- he is so tired, following me around, whining, etc. he goes right down everyday around 9:00, he still takes another nap at 1:00 for 2-2 1/2 hrs. I have had this plenty of other times as well. Some children, no matter what age still need that am nap.

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Oddest thing today......he took a normal am nap, went down for pm nap at normal time also. Didn't sleep AT ALL, but never once cried. He played quietly and talked to himself for 2 hours - the entire time of my quiet time. When he was ready to get out, he fussed a minute but when I went to get him he was all smiles. Good mood all day, no whining. But then again, almost every Friday is like this...it's the rest of the week that sucks. The week after the 4 day weekend he was a bear all week - never adjusted to dc at all - which makes me think he just can't adjust very well, until later in the week.

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