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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Mom Says She Is Short On DC Funds
Nellie 10:22 AM 10-01-2012
I have a family that is going through a divorce. I actually thought that I was going to loose them after they seperated, because the mom made enough to qualify for DC assitance and I assumed that she was going to go else where that takes DC assitance. Parents share custody 50/50. Each paying every other week. Right now I only charge this family for time used. On mothers week she has Monday's off and works on Sat when father has them. A month ago mother mentioned that she put groceries on charge card. The next week she paid, I charged her $70 on a $200 week. She leaves a blank check and I email the total for her. She never said anything about it. The next week she paid she took 2 1/2 days off of work that week and she had a $130 bill. I have had that check for the last 9 days and haven't been to the bank to cash it. This is her week to pay again. Money isn't due till the last day of the week. She said this morning that she is short DC funds. She said that she is going to call her dad and see if she can't get money from him. She mentioned something about having to renew her plates and spending some money she did anticipate. I know that she gets paid on the Friday that she owes for DC. I really don't know if she was talking about not having enough money to pay for this week or if she is already short in her bank and doesn't have money to cover the last check. I almost feel like she brought up the fact she is short on DC funds so I will give her a break again. Otherwise she could have said she was short on the rent, water, ect and needed to get money from her dad to pay that. Both my husband and I feel bad for her. I never told her that I'd help her out and my husband told me I could do what ever I wanted with her. He did care if I gave her free care, but understood that I don't want to work for free. I know times are tight, but I also know that she has bought toys for her kids this last weekend and she has been out on her weekend away from the kids. I didn't expect any acknologement for helping her out last time, but she never said a word. I feel very conflicted. I feel like helping her out is the right thing to do or the Christian thing to do. But on the other hand my husband and I sacrifice for the life we have. We forgo getting out kids little gifts here and there and going out to eat so that we have money for the gas bill and morgage.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:31 AM 10-01-2012
Jesus never said to let people take advantage of you. You can be kind and compassionate without taking on another family's problems as your own. Do I think that doing her a favor before was a horrible idea? No, absolutely not. I have done the same in the past. But, that family did want a favor a second time (this time taking it without asking) and I had to restate my rules to them and tell them why it wasn't ok for it to happen again. We have our own bills to pay. We have our own family to support.
It's ok for her to be the one to solve her financial problem. That's a part of being a grown-up.

It might be in this woman's best interest that she sends her child to a daycare that the government will help her pay for. It might benefit her and her child more to free up some of her money, and it would help you out to have a client who pays what they are obligated to pay on time. Or, maybe if you don't want to lose her (but also don't want to be out money each pay period that she owes) you could do the government program?
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daycarediva 10:33 AM 10-01-2012
I think you made a mistake helping her the first time and now she is expecting you to do it again. I would email her this week's total (or estimated total) asap. Honestly, it sounds like you are being taken advantage of. If she has money to buy toys and go out, she has money to pay you.
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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:35 AM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by Nellie:
I have a family that is going through a divorce. I actually thought that I was going to loose them after they seperated, because the mom made enough to qualify for DC assitance and I assumed that she was going to go else where that takes DC assitance. Parents share custody 50/50. Each paying every other week. Right now I only charge this family for time used. On mothers week she has Monday's off and works on Sat when father has them. A month ago mother mentioned that she put groceries on charge card. The next week she paid, I charged her $70 on a $200 week. She leaves a blank check and I email the total for her. She never said anything about it. The next week she paid she took 2 1/2 days off of work that week and she had a $130 bill. I have had that check for the last 9 days and haven't been to the bank to cash it. This is her week to pay again. Money isn't due till the last day of the week. She said this morning that she is short DC funds. She said that she is going to call her dad and see if she can't get money from him. She mentioned something about having to renew her plates and spending some money she did anticipate. I know that she gets paid on the Friday that she owes for DC. I really don't know if she was talking about not having enough money to pay for this week or if she is already short in her bank and doesn't have money to cover the last check. I almost feel like she brought up the fact she is short on DC funds so I will give her a break again. Otherwise she could have said she was short on the rent, water, ect and needed to get money from her dad to pay that. Both my husband and I feel bad for her. I never told her that I'd help her out and my husband told me I could do what ever I wanted with her. He did care if I gave her free care, but understood that I don't want to work for free. I know times are tight, but I also know that she has bought toys for her kids this last weekend and she has been out on her weekend away from the kids. I didn't expect any acknologement for helping her out last time, but she never said a word. I feel very conflicted. I feel like helping her out is the right thing to do or the Christian thing to do. But on the other hand my husband and I sacrifice for the life we have. We forgo getting out kids little gifts here and there and going out to eat so that we have money for the gas bill and morgage.
Being an adult is knowing what your priorities are. If she would like to keep her daycare, then she needs to pay for services rendered. That may include not going out and purchasing new toys and items or sacrificing going out.
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Crazy8 10:51 AM 10-01-2012
I will be the first to admit I am not the most generous person on this planet but this mom is NOT short on *daycare* funds - she may not have budgeted her money corrected or may not have enough money to do/pay all the things she would like to pay but I absolutely HATE how parents act like child care is at the bottom of that list of things to pay. While I would like to be snarky and tell mom, oh its a shame you will have to give up your $100/month iphone so you can afford daycare I would probably be more likely to just say - well let me know what days you won't be needing care since you can't pay for it.
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Cat Herder 10:54 AM 10-01-2012
It is amazing what people can accomplish when we we don't enable them not to. Childcare is a business, not a charity.

She is preying on your affection for the children since it is widely known that people who choose to work with children generally have big hearts.

A few never seem to realize we can have a big heart along with a fully functioning brain.
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cheerfuldom 11:06 AM 10-01-2012
The Bible also says to "owe no man anything"....you are not helping her mature as a person, Christian or not, by allowing her to remain in your debt. There is nothing wrong with being paid for the work that you have done. She is preying on you because she knows that you have let things slide before and because you are not confident enough to give her an ultimatum. If she was honestly in trouble financially, the mature thing to do is to have an adult conversation about what she could and could not afford and see if you are willing to work with that....not assume that she will get anything for free just because she is a single mom now.

Yes there are times that daycare providers really help out a family and the family truly appreciates it and does not take advantage of that but I think we can all agree that she is not that type (you said she did not even thank you for the discount before!). Please wise up and get your documentation together and demand payment be caught up in full before working another day for this person.
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My3cents 11:14 AM 10-01-2012
Have a set rate for the week so that you can anticipate and depend upon your income. This way she knows what she owes you and there is not guessing games on what her bill will be. She pays no matter if she uses your services or not. She is paying for a spot.

It is one thing to help it is another to enable.

Best-
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DBug 11:28 AM 10-01-2012
I totally hear you on wanting to be Christ-like! The problem is -- Jesus didn't do childcare (that we know of!), so sometimes it's hard to figure out what He would do in a given situation.

I would require payment on time and in full, but I might also do something like pick up some extra milk for her, maybe some snacks or breakfast cereal for the kids, pack up some hand-me-downs from my own kids and offer them, etc. You could also invite her to women's nights or potluck dinners or whatever happens to be going on at church. And for sure, pray for her! That will help her out with her issues more than anything!
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Crazy8 11:31 AM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by My3cents:
Have a set rate for the week so that you can anticipate and depend upon your income. This way she knows what she owes you and there is not guessing games on what her bill will be. She pays no matter if she uses your services or not. She is paying for a spot.

It is one thing to help it is another to enable.

Best-
I would do this as well. I don't like the idea of filling out a blank check for a client - especially one claiming money issues. If that check bounces the blame will come right back to you.
I would set a flat weekly rate - she can utilize any/all of her days but this way you are always paid.
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DaisyMamma 11:31 AM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I think you made a mistake helping her the first time and now she is expecting you to do it again. I would email her this week's total (or estimated total) asap. Honestly, it sounds like you are being taken advantage of. If she has money to buy toys and go out, she has money to pay you.
This is absolutely correct. 100%
I don't know her, but it does sound like she is fishing for a handout. Honestly if it was me, I would have been really irritated that she brought it up again, especially if she is buying things and "going out".
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DaisyMamma 11:33 AM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I will be the first to admit I am not the most generous person on this planet but this mom is NOT short on *daycare* funds - she may not have budgeted her money corrected or may not have enough money to do/pay all the things she would like to pay but I absolutely HATE how parents act like child care is at the bottom of that list of things to pay. While I would like to be snarky and tell mom, oh its a shame you will have to give up your $100/month iphone so you can afford daycare I would probably be more likely to just say - well let me know what days you won't be needing care since you can't pay for it.

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Nellie 11:41 AM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I would do this as well. I don't like the idea of filling out a blank check for a client - especially one claiming money issues. If that check bounces the blame will come right back to you.
I would set a flat weekly rate - she can utilize any/all of her days but this way you are always paid.
I do hourly pay. I would love to go to flat weekly rates ect, but I haven't made that step yet. They leave blank checks because of mom owing when dad picks up, ect...... They roughly know how much there total is, but it is a bit harder knowing if the opposite spouse picks up at scheduled pick up. They both pick up hours ect.......
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Nellie 11:42 AM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by DBug:
I totally hear you on wanting to be Christ-like! The problem is -- Jesus didn't do childcare (that we know of!), so sometimes it's hard to figure out what He would do in a given situation.

I would require payment on time and in full, but I might also do something like pick up some extra milk for her, maybe some snacks or breakfast cereal for the kids, pack up some hand-me-downs from my own kids and offer them, etc. You could also invite her to women's nights or potluck dinners or whatever happens to be going on at church. And for sure, pray for her! That will help her out with her issues more than anything!
Thank You.
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littlemissmuffet 11:48 AM 10-01-2012
I think you're a really great person for wanting to help out someone in "need".

That being said, you run a business, not a charity - and you need to put yourself and family first, dear.
I can't afford to give people breaks. If we're short money for a bill, we take from somewhere else that's not a necessity (eating out, clothing, entertainment, gifts, vacation, etc). I can't afford to make other people's problems my problems... otherwise, I'd be living on the street.

Good luck.
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Nellie 12:02 PM 10-01-2012
Thank You Everyone for the responses. I think a big part of it is how the divorce went down. She went from being a stay at home mom/dc provider to getting bullied out of her house and having to go back to the workforce without enough education or experience to get a decent paying job. She was blindsided when her husband told her that he hadn't loved her for a few years and wanted a divorce. He wouldn't give therepy a chance and just wanted out. I wanted to give her a break till she was able to get some kind of assitance and child support. Well she made the comment that the kids are on medicade so I imagine she is now getting food stamps too. She has had her intake for child support, but I don't know when the hearing is or how long it is going to take her to get it. But after the first time I helped her out I desided that was about as much as I wanted to help her out. She should be getting back child support from the date that her husband kicked her out, so I guess I feel that she can barrow from family, credit cards, ect till the back money comes in. My husband was on board with helping her out at first, but after I called him and told him what she said today he felt that it was no longer our problem. My husbands father up and left his mother with 8 children out of the blue. She wasn't working at the time, homeschooled the kids, had twin 8 month olds, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Luckly for his mother she was a RN and it didn't take long for her to get a job, but this divorce has hit emotional buttons. My husband was 14 or 15 when his dad left and he remembers how rough it was on his mom. We just wanted to help. Its one thing to help someone out on our terms, but another to expect it. Thanks again every one.
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Kaddidle Care 12:21 PM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I will be the first to admit I am not the most generous person on this planet but this mom is NOT short on *daycare* funds - she may not have budgeted her money corrected or may not have enough money to do/pay all the things she would like to pay but I absolutely HATE how parents act like child care is at the bottom of that list of things to pay. While I would like to be snarky and tell mom, oh its a shame you will have to give up your $100/month iphone so you can afford daycare I would probably be more likely to just say - well let me know what days you won't be needing care since you can't pay for it.
What she said!

Parents need to wrap their heads around the fact that a portion of their income goes to childcare.

You showed her kindness by helping her out. Now it is expected. If anyone ever does this you all should tell your client that "I can only afford to do this once."

Working in a Church based Center that is mission based taught me a lot about human nature. There were a few that were extremely grateful, thanked the Church for the help and moved on. They may have pulled their child temporarily in order to not go further into debt but most of the time they came back when they were back on their feet.

And there were those that expected more. For some reason they thought it was a never ending pool of funds that the Church could tap into at any time. They did not see it as a gift, they saw it as a gimme.

Those that ask again in short order see the kindness as a gimme. Use caution.
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itlw8 12:39 PM 10-01-2012
In the past I have offered to let parents come work it off and clean my house for $10 an hour and somehow they always com up with the cash they owe.
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Nellie 01:09 PM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by Crazy8:
I will be the first to admit I am not the most generous person on this planet but this mom is NOT short on *daycare* funds - she may not have budgeted her money corrected or may not have enough money to do/pay all the things she would like to pay but I absolutely HATE how parents act like child care is at the bottom of that list of things to pay. While I would like to be snarky and tell mom, oh its a shame you will have to give up your $100/month iphone so you can afford daycare I would probably be more likely to just say - well let me know what days you won't be needing care since you can't pay for it.

I agree. I was a single teenage mom many years back. Daycare was the FIRST on my list of priorities that needed to be paid. Without daycare there would be no money to be had. I was surprised when I went into the buisness that daycare for some seemed like an optional extra.
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Nellie 01:16 PM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by itlw8:
In the past I have offered to let parents come work it off and clean my house for $10 an hour and somehow they always com up with the cash they owe.
I actually like this. Normally I wouldn't want to waste money on housecleaning or would feel quite strange with someone in my stuff, but I'm pregnant and tired. I have alot of deep cleaning that could be done. I hardly want 25 hours of cleaning, but if I could get 1/2 the cash plus 12.5 hours of house keeping that might work out once. Thanks for the idea.
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saved4always 02:36 PM 10-01-2012
I think of myself as a generous Christ follower, but, my giving does not include providing childcare for free or being taken advantage of financially. It sounds like this woman is putting her childcare bill at the bottom of her priority list and she is hinting that she doesn't have money to pay her daycare bill hoping that you will give childcare for free or at a reduced rate. She wants to put her obligation to pay for childcare after her recreational expenditures. That is unacceptable. She needs to get her priorities straight now that her life has changed. I would tell her outright that, while you did help her out once, you are not able to take any more late or lower payments for the service you are providing. If she needs childcare payment assistance, refer her to the state or local agencies that can help her.

I have a friend who "helped out" a couple of her daycare families, who gave her hard luck stories, by letting them pay late when when they "were short on daycare money" for the week. This snowballed for weeks and then months with the one family owing her hundreds of dollars for care during that period. The family continued to put the money owed her at the bottom of the list of priorities. She was stuck waiting for the money, providing care for this child without knowing if she would get paid. She was reluctant to term because they owed her so much money and would never pay if she termed. In her case, she was unliscensed and doing it under the table with no contract so she had no recourse. This is an extreme case and my friend did it all wrong from the beginning, but it is an example of how out of control doing favors in this business can get.
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saved4always 02:43 PM 10-01-2012
Originally Posted by Nellie:
Thank You Everyone for the responses. I think a big part of it is how the divorce went down. She went from being a stay at home mom/dc provider to getting bullied out of her house and having to go back to the workforce without enough education or experience to get a decent paying job. She was blindsided when her husband told her that he hadn't loved her for a few years and wanted a divorce. He wouldn't give therepy a chance and just wanted out. I wanted to give her a break till she was able to get some kind of assitance and child support. Well she made the comment that the kids are on medicade so I imagine she is now getting food stamps too. She has had her intake for child support, but I don't know when the hearing is or how long it is going to take her to get it. But after the first time I helped her out I desided that was about as much as I wanted to help her out. She should be getting back child support from the date that her husband kicked her out, so I guess I feel that she can barrow from family, credit cards, ect till the back money comes in. My husband was on board with helping her out at first, but after I called him and told him what she said today he felt that it was no longer our problem. My husbands father up and left his mother with 8 children out of the blue. She wasn't working at the time, homeschooled the kids, had twin 8 month olds, a 2 year old and a 4 year old. Luckly for his mother she was a RN and it didn't take long for her to get a job, but this divorce has hit emotional buttons. My husband was 14 or 15 when his dad left and he remembers how rough it was on his mom. We just wanted to help. Its one thing to help someone out on our terms, but another to expect it. Thanks again every one.
Oh, I see that she has gone for assistance. I didn't read this before my response saying to refer her for assistance.
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biglou 05:18 PM 10-02-2012
Ms. Nellie,

We are all compassionate and sympathetic with the problems of the children and parents in our care, but we as providers must also remember we operate a business and must keep that thought foremost in our minds. One suggestion to address problems like this in the future is to have both parents sign daycare contracts/agreement that state each is 100% responsible for the the full payment of daycare fees generated by their children under your care. You as a business operator should not get in the middle of their financial affairs. Parent/family issues are not our business and we must try hard to keep it so. Caring for the children presents enough challenges for us. If both parents signed the agreement, then both are 100% responsible for payment and you should not be dealing with the father paying every other week and the mother every other week when she has money to pay. By doing this, you have placed yourself into a bind by having to chase one or the other, when both are responsible for payment. So consider telling both parents to pool their childcare funds and send you a single check according to your payment schedule with them and don't get yourself in the middle of some one else's post-marital financial mess. It is not likely your business was or will be specifically addressed in any divorce decree, so by making both parents aware that each is 100% responsible for payment will hopefully help you to prevent one parent from telling you "my divorce says I only have to pay 50%, so this is all I will give you, get the rest from my former spouse"....
Payment for childcare is one of the first financial stumbling blocks newly divorced parents frequently squabble over, so having a properly drafted contract/agreement will go a long way to protecting your business and reminding both parents of their obligations. And finally, should it be necessary, legal actions for payment become easier if both parents agree to be 100% responsible for payment. Just collect against the one that has the money and let that parent chase the other parent for their share!
Hope this is helpful.

Big Lou
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jojosmommy 10:58 AM 10-03-2012
Dave Ramsey says dont loan money you cant live without. You loaned her the remaineder of the bill by not charging her for it. Don't expect her out of the kindness of her heart to pay everything you have already given her. Dont allow her to choose not to pay you again by spending money elsewhere and not budgeting for life.

I pay all my bills every month. ALL MY BILLS, EVERY MONTH. I don't go to Target and buy STUFF and then skip out on my BILLS. I make a plan and pay for what I am on the hook for. LIFE HAPPENS and I still pay ALL MY BILLS EVERY MONTH. Good job or not. Either she needs to go on assistance to pay for childcare while she works on getting the skills to get a better job OR she needs to pay for childcare like everyone else and IF she has money left over then she can buy STUFF and do STUFF. Life stinks sometimes.
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DBug 11:29 AM 10-03-2012
Originally Posted by itlw8:
In the past I have offered to let parents come work it off and clean my house for $10 an hour and somehow they always com up with the cash they owe.
LOVE this! I'm going to keep this one in mind in case I ever deal with this!
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