Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do You Think We Are Completely Biased?
Butter Biskets 12:46 PM 10-14-2014
Do you ever think that getting advice from here can be completely biased to our (daycare provider's) way of thinking? Whenever I come in here to vent or read what is going on, I almost always see support for our side of the story, but how would our complaints sound to impartial listeners? Are we bitter towards the parents and do we end up creating more drama than there really is or are we finally growing a backbone? What are your thoughts?
Thriftylady 01:04 PM 10-14-2014
I don't think we are biased exactly, we just have so much experience with some things that we know exactly what we are talking about!
nannyde 01:05 PM 10-14-2014
We can only go on the information we see in the posts.
People don't come on daycare boards to ask questions about how to manage well behaving children or well behaving daycare parents. You can be a brand new provider and be able to easily manage them with little skill set.
There aren't classes to tell providers how to work with parents who pay on time, bring their kid clean, dressed, and ready for the day, come on time to pick up, expect excellent behavior out of their children, are respectful to the provider etc. The classes don't exist because any fool can figure out how to manage well behaved people.
The boards naturally lean toward maladaptive behaviors of both kids and parents. That is much more difficult to manage so they are going to need help or a place to talk about it.
The reason the average poster believes is because a similar or exact situation has happened to them.
Veteran boardies can tell the difference between attention seeking post or posts where someone has come to get help when they have done something wrong and they want help figuring out a way to get out of it. If it doesn't pass the smell test, it will be uncovered.
Other than that, everyone has to take the posts for face value. There are a lot of very very badly behaved people with kids who purchase daycare services. That's just the fact.
People don't come on daycare boards to ask questions about how to manage well behaving children or well behaving daycare parents. You can be a brand new provider and be able to easily manage them with little skill set.
There aren't classes to tell providers how to work with parents who pay on time, bring their kid clean, dressed, and ready for the day, come on time to pick up, expect excellent behavior out of their children, are respectful to the provider etc. The classes don't exist because any fool can figure out how to manage well behaved people.
The boards naturally lean toward maladaptive behaviors of both kids and parents. That is much more difficult to manage so they are going to need help or a place to talk about it.
The reason the average poster believes is because a similar or exact situation has happened to them.
Veteran boardies can tell the difference between attention seeking post or posts where someone has come to get help when they have done something wrong and they want help figuring out a way to get out of it. If it doesn't pass the smell test, it will be uncovered.
Other than that, everyone has to take the posts for face value. There are a lot of very very badly behaved people with kids who purchase daycare services. That's just the fact.
Thriftylady 01:06 PM 10-14-2014
Ok maybe that sounds snarky, I didn't mean it to lol. I guess what I was trying to say is that I think you hit the backbone thing on the head.
preschoolteacher 01:10 PM 10-14-2014
Originally Posted by Monkey Toes:
Do you ever think that getting advice from here can be completely biased to our (daycare provider's) way of thinking? Whenever I come in here to vent or read what is going on, I almost always see support for our side of the story, but how would our complaints sound to impartial listeners? Are we bitter towards the parents and do we end up creating more drama than there really is or are we finally growing a backbone? What are your thoughts?
I think an impartial listener would tend to find a lot of what we say as unfair towards the parents.Do you ever think that getting advice from here can be completely biased to our (daycare provider's) way of thinking? Whenever I come in here to vent or read what is going on, I almost always see support for our side of the story, but how would our complaints sound to impartial listeners? Are we bitter towards the parents and do we end up creating more drama than there really is or are we finally growing a backbone? What are your thoughts?
Most people are parents. Few people are daycare providers. So I think most people identify with the parents' perspective... they simply cannot understand our perspective.
I personally think we are right.
Heidi 01:11 PM 10-14-2014
I agree with Nan, and would also add that in many of our cases, we were once "daycare parents". Most of us do get that working and having a family is a challenge.
We don't expect perfection (well, I don't, anyway...lol). We expect common sense and respect. The rest is "gravy".
In return, we'd all probably bend over backwards to help a parent or child, often going way beyond the call of duty. As long as it's not expected, right?
We don't expect perfection (well, I don't, anyway...lol). We expect common sense and respect. The rest is "gravy".
In return, we'd all probably bend over backwards to help a parent or child, often going way beyond the call of duty. As long as it's not expected, right?
Blackcat31 01:15 PM 10-14-2014
Originally Posted by Monkey Toes:
Do you ever think that getting advice from here can be completely biased to our (daycare provider's) way of thinking? Whenever I come in here to vent or read what is going on, I almost always see support for our side of the story, but how would our complaints sound to impartial listeners? Are we bitter towards the parents and do we end up creating more drama than there really is or are we finally growing a backbone? What are your thoughts?
IMHO, not very well. Do you ever think that getting advice from here can be completely biased to our (daycare provider's) way of thinking? Whenever I come in here to vent or read what is going on, I almost always see support for our side of the story, but how would our complaints sound to impartial listeners? Are we bitter towards the parents and do we end up creating more drama than there really is or are we finally growing a backbone? What are your thoughts?
You will RARELY read a positive parent post here.
A lot of what is posted IS biased but at the same time, how can it not be?
We apply what WE know from our perspectives....whether that be from a woman's perspective, a provider's prospective, a business owner's perspective or a parent's prospective.
There have been several threads posted over the course of my membership here that have made me cringe. Not because of what's said or the subject matter always but a lot of times because of how it's said....kwim?
For me, I have personal rules about what I will and won't post on a public forum. I would never post something (even in private) that I wouldn't say in public. I stand behind the things I put in print and strive to be professional at all times.
With that being said though.....everyone views things differently and the BEST lesson I have taken from being part of a forum like this one is to take what I need and leave the rest.
TheGoodLife 01:33 PM 10-14-2014
We are daycare providers, we are gong to think as such. I have been in the parents' shoes before I opened my daycare, and even though I never did many things that would be "bad", my husband and I still say sometimes, "we should give <our former DCP> an apology, we did that!" At the time, I didn't have the experience as a provider to see things through their eyes. I was totally guilty of saying I'd probably be early for PU one day, if it was a teacher work day, and then show up at my regular time. I'd always have the plan to leave a bit early, then get sucked into uninterrupted work time and stay until I had to leave to get there by closing. Never thought anything of it at the time... now I know that my provider may have had just my kids by that time and been dreaming of an early off day. Ooops 
Anyways, just my experience- we are obviously going to see things from the providers eyes, and parents may not understand how it really affects us until/unless they've been in our shoes!
Anyways, just my experience- we are obviously going to see things from the providers eyes, and parents may not understand how it really affects us until/unless they've been in our shoes!
Dilley Beans 01:42 PM 10-14-2014
Honestly, yes, I think people are biased because they are providers. The experience that comes from seeing it for yourself is going to make you relate for the side you were on once, or many times. I don't comment too much on certain types of things because I have not opened my doors yet. But if you're asking for a more neutral perspective, I will offer mine, my personal bias included.
As a parent who is paying for daycare services at this time, some rants I read make me question why some people on here are care providers? Either the parents are going way overboard or the provider is, either way the truth is somewhere in the middle. If I had several of these situations back to back like some post, it would be hard to want to stay in this business. I know that people aren't posting most things as a one-time offense or freak accident. They are asking about the perpetual offender or the child with many problems, this is just the one that stumps them. I think most are completely valid, especially as this is a forum for care providers to seek advice from like minded/professional people.
Most complaints about parents seem more critical than of their children, but that makes sense, we know who holds more responsibility for their actions. The parents come with the job and are the reason we can be daycare providers though. They don't have the personality/ability to care full time for their children or other people's children, or else they would also be care providers right? It takes all types or we wouldn't have kids to watch.
It does seem like some people always have problems and if the situation is different and the families are different, the only common denominator is "you". That is not to say that there aren't your crazies.
As a parent who is paying for daycare services at this time, some rants I read make me question why some people on here are care providers? Either the parents are going way overboard or the provider is, either way the truth is somewhere in the middle. If I had several of these situations back to back like some post, it would be hard to want to stay in this business. I know that people aren't posting most things as a one-time offense or freak accident. They are asking about the perpetual offender or the child with many problems, this is just the one that stumps them. I think most are completely valid, especially as this is a forum for care providers to seek advice from like minded/professional people.
Most complaints about parents seem more critical than of their children, but that makes sense, we know who holds more responsibility for their actions. The parents come with the job and are the reason we can be daycare providers though. They don't have the personality/ability to care full time for their children or other people's children, or else they would also be care providers right? It takes all types or we wouldn't have kids to watch.
It does seem like some people always have problems and if the situation is different and the families are different, the only common denominator is "you". That is not to say that there aren't your crazies.
midaycare 03:36 PM 10-14-2014
This is a nice place to come and see different perspectives for issues that come up. For a lot of us, it might be the only adult interaction we have! But I wouldn't want my parents hanging out on here and knowing who I was! I really like my job and I'm thankful to have my own business and to also have great daycare parents.
But I also need someplace to go for help when there is an issue and well... I have no coworkers. And occasionally I have some pearls of wisdom to share.
I think most of the posts are informational. Then again, I only read about a third of them, so ....
But I also need someplace to go for help when there is an issue and well... I have no coworkers. And occasionally I have some pearls of wisdom to share.
I think most of the posts are informational. Then again, I only read about a third of them, so ....
kitykids3 06:25 PM 10-14-2014
I wouldn't say I am completely biased, but I do think this forum had an effect on me and I was noticing it. I was noticing that I was becoming less 'nice' and more picky and ready to term for a little while so I did take a break for a bit this summer. Some of that may have been me dealing with my new diagnosis, but like I said, there were some times that I had thought to myself that months ago, I would not be contemplating terming a family. I do think some of the stuff we talk about is helpful for us, and for me, helps me define when I feel something is not 'right.' It's great to be able to read about you all going through same things as I do and therefore someone who understands running a daycare, which parents usually don't, which is also why they may see some of our posts negatively.
Unregistered 07:00 PM 10-14-2014
Originally Posted by kitykids3:
I wouldn't say I am completely biased, but I do think this forum had an effect on me and I was noticing it. I was noticing that I was becoming less 'nice' and more picky and ready to term for a little while so I did take a break for a bit this summer. Some of that may have been me dealing with my new diagnosis, but like I said, there were some times that I had thought to myself that months ago, I would not be contemplating terming a family. I do think some of the stuff we talk about is helpful for us, and for me, helps me define when I feel something is not 'right.' It's great to be able to read about you all going through same things as I do and therefore someone who understands running a daycare, which parents usually don't, which is also why they may see some of our posts negatively.
OP here, just on a different device. I agree with all of the comments, but especially this one. i am totally addicted to this forum and love all of the posts and advice, whether i am participating or just lurking. I have learned so much and have gotten more of a backbone because of it. I posted the question to see how everyone else sees things. I wouldn't say I am completely biased, but I do think this forum had an effect on me and I was noticing it. I was noticing that I was becoming less 'nice' and more picky and ready to term for a little while so I did take a break for a bit this summer. Some of that may have been me dealing with my new diagnosis, but like I said, there were some times that I had thought to myself that months ago, I would not be contemplating terming a family. I do think some of the stuff we talk about is helpful for us, and for me, helps me define when I feel something is not 'right.' It's great to be able to read about you all going through same things as I do and therefore someone who understands running a daycare, which parents usually don't, which is also why they may see some of our posts negatively.
cheerfuldom 05:48 AM 10-15-2014
I would say that yes, we can be a bit of a cynical group (especially those providers that have been at it for years) BUT there are plenty of times when providers come to post and the other providers put them in check (hopefully gently) about what the provider should have done to prevent the issue in the first place. This isnt about bashing parents and acting like everything is their fault, this is about learning what we can do to prevent as many issues as possible and run professional, quality daycares.
Blackcat31 06:00 AM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
I would say that yes, we can be a bit of a cynical group (especially those providers that have been at it for years) BUT there are plenty of times when providers come to post and the other providers put them in check (hopefully gently) about what the provider should have done to prevent the issue in the first place. This isnt about bashing parents and acting like everything is their fault, this is about learning what we can do to prevent as many issues as possible and run professional, quality daycares.
I would say that yes, we can be a bit of a cynical group (especially those providers that have been at it for years) BUT there are plenty of times when providers come to post and the other providers put them in check (hopefully gently) about what the provider should have done to prevent the issue in the first place. This isnt about bashing parents and acting like everything is their fault, this is about learning what we can do to prevent as many issues as possible and run professional, quality daycares.
This is so true! It's hard to balance our need to be successful business-wise (financial) and professional with also needing to remain tolerant and accepting of the needs of our clients.
Lean to far to the left and you are mean/uncaring/cold and yet if you lean too far right, parents will walk all over you/take advantage of you in a heartbeat.
It's a tough thing to manage for some.
Sugar Magnolia 10:40 AM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
IMHO, not very well.
You will RARELY read a positive parent post here.
A lot of what is posted IS biased but at the same time, how can it not be?
We apply what WE know from our perspectives....whether that be from a woman's perspective, a provider's prospective, a business owner's perspective or a parent's prospective.
There have been several threads posted over the course of my membership here that have made me cringe. Not because of what's said or the subject matter always but a lot of times because of how it's said....kwim?
For me, I have personal rules about what I will and won't post on a public forum. I would never post something (even in private) that I wouldn't say in public. I stand behind the things I put in print and strive to be professional at all times.
With that being said though.....everyone views things differently and the BEST lesson I have taken from being part of a forum like this one is to take what I need and leave the rest.
IMHO, not very well.
You will RARELY read a positive parent post here.
A lot of what is posted IS biased but at the same time, how can it not be?
We apply what WE know from our perspectives....whether that be from a woman's perspective, a provider's prospective, a business owner's perspective or a parent's prospective.
There have been several threads posted over the course of my membership here that have made me cringe. Not because of what's said or the subject matter always but a lot of times because of how it's said....kwim?
For me, I have personal rules about what I will and won't post on a public forum. I would never post something (even in private) that I wouldn't say in public. I stand behind the things I put in print and strive to be professional at all times.
With that being said though.....everyone views things differently and the BEST lesson I have taken from being part of a forum like this one is to take what I need and leave the rest.
All that.
Sure, we are biased, but it's not much different than other professions. If there is a debate about evolution, for example, the minister is going to have a religious bias, and the zoologist will have a scientific bias. Naturally, daycare providers are usually going to have a bias when it comes to topics like child safety, nutrition and child behavior. Sure, parents don't always see things our way, but since parent and provider both want what is best for the child, "bias" isn't always a problem.
.
I just want to expand on what BC said about "cringe-worthy" threads. I do realize folks come here to vent and get help with problem children and parents, but there are times when I wish we wouldn't use words like "rude, entitled, annoying, stupid" to describe parents. Are they rude and annoying sometimes? Sure. I just think we could find better ways to title our threads. It's like what we learned in our training; the child isn't "bad", it's the behavior that is bad. I know folks like to call kids special snowflake too. I think I may have used it before also. But honestly, I think it's a phrase that could really put off a parent. I'd be upset if someone referred to my child that way. I know I get blasted sometimes for being too politically correct, disliking sweeping generalizations and being overly sensitive, but I am just that way.
Honesty, I wish more parents participated here. Seems like days and days go by with no posts in the parent section. I also wonder how the site can attract more parents? Does anyone else?
Last thought on "bias".....and I know y'all are sick of hearing about it from me.....but there does seem to be a bias against center-based care. Yes, I'm a small center and operate much like a large family daycare, and no, I am not a fan of large, corporate centers either. But I do think centers are harshly judged and not always spoken of fairly. Everyone says "Oh Sugar, we don't mean YOUR center", but it still hurts sometimes. I'm not trying to start a home vs center debate, just voicing my thoughts on bias I do sometimes see on the forum.
Blackcat31 11:06 AM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
All that.
Sure, we are biased, but it's not much different than other professions. If there is a debate about evolution, for example, the minister is going to have a religious bias, and the zoologist will have a scientific bias. Naturally, daycare providers are usually going to have a bias when it comes to topics like child safety, nutrition and child behavior. Sure, parents don't always see things our way, but since parent and provider both want what is best for the child, "bias" isn't always a problem. .
Exactly! All that.
Sure, we are biased, but it's not much different than other professions. If there is a debate about evolution, for example, the minister is going to have a religious bias, and the zoologist will have a scientific bias. Naturally, daycare providers are usually going to have a bias when it comes to topics like child safety, nutrition and child behavior. Sure, parents don't always see things our way, but since parent and provider both want what is best for the child, "bias" isn't always a problem. .
.
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
I just want to expand on what BC said about "cringe-worthy" threads. I do realize folks come here to vent and get help with problem children and parents, but there are times when I wish we wouldn't use words like "rude, entitled, annoying, stupid" to describe parents. Are they rude and annoying sometimes? Sure. I just think we could find better ways to title our threads. It's like what we learned in our training; the child isn't "bad", it's the behavior that is bad. I know folks like to call kids special snowflake too. I think I may have used it before also. But honestly, I think it's a phrase that could really put off a parent. I'd be upset if someone referred to my child that way. I know I get blasted sometimes for being too politically correct, disliking sweeping generalizations and being overly sensitive, but I am just that way. .
Yes...this is what I was referring to when I said "cringe worthy" I just want to expand on what BC said about "cringe-worthy" threads. I do realize folks come here to vent and get help with problem children and parents, but there are times when I wish we wouldn't use words like "rude, entitled, annoying, stupid" to describe parents. Are they rude and annoying sometimes? Sure. I just think we could find better ways to title our threads. It's like what we learned in our training; the child isn't "bad", it's the behavior that is bad. I know folks like to call kids special snowflake too. I think I may have used it before also. But honestly, I think it's a phrase that could really put off a parent. I'd be upset if someone referred to my child that way. I know I get blasted sometimes for being too politically correct, disliking sweeping generalizations and being overly sensitive, but I am just that way. .
I always read/look at things at least twice.
Once through MY eyes and once while trying to visualize/understand how the "other" party will take it/interpret it.
"double vision"
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Honesty, I wish more parents participated here. Seems like days and days go by with no posts in the parent section. I also wonder how the site can attract more parents? Does anyone else?.
You know those e-mails we get from the forum saying what the "hot topics" are for that week? I include those in my communication to my DCF's. Honesty, I wish more parents participated here. Seems like days and days go by with no posts in the parent section. I also wonder how the site can attract more parents? Does anyone else?.
I also say "On the daycare forum......" to parents ALOT!
I link informational threads to them. Also to my licensor and my local child care association/fellow providers.
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Last thought on "bias".....and I know y'all are sick of hearing about it from me.....but there does seem to be a bias against center-based care. Yes, I'm a small center and operate much like a large family daycare, and no, I am not a fan of large, corporate centers either. But I do think centers are harshly judged and not always spoken of fairly. Everyone says "Oh Sugar, we don't mean YOUR center", but it still hurts sometimes. I'm not trying to start a home vs center debate, just voicing my thoughts on bias I do sometimes see on the forum.
Totally hear you! Last thought on "bias".....and I know y'all are sick of hearing about it from me.....but there does seem to be a bias against center-based care. Yes, I'm a small center and operate much like a large family daycare, and no, I am not a fan of large, corporate centers either. But I do think centers are harshly judged and not always spoken of fairly. Everyone says "Oh Sugar, we don't mean YOUR center", but it still hurts sometimes. I'm not trying to start a home vs center debate, just voicing my thoughts on bias I do sometimes see on the forum.
I am not 100% family in-home based child care
not 100% center based child care
But I AM 100% child care.
Cat Herder 11:21 AM 10-15-2014
I am "biased". 
My views, posts and replys are based in order of my priorities. My business priorities in order are:
1. My kids needs
2. My clients kids needs
3. My husbands needs
4. My needs
5. My clients needs
6. My kids wants
7. My clients kids wants
8. My husbands wants
9. My wants
10. My clients wants
It really is that simple for me. Kids over adults and needs over wants. Anything that is out of that order either waits patiently or finds another source of meeting their objective. I am only one person. 
Am I right or wrong? I don't care, it is the only way I feel I am not letting someone down.
The trick is how to get others to see that their wants are not needs. THAT is a conundrum....
My views, posts and replys are based in order of my priorities. My business priorities in order are:
1. My kids needs
2. My clients kids needs
3. My husbands needs
4. My needs
5. My clients needs
6. My kids wants
7. My clients kids wants
8. My husbands wants
9. My wants
10. My clients wants
It really is that simple for me. Kids over adults and needs over wants.
Anything that is out of that order either waits patiently or finds another source of meeting their objective. I am only one person. Am I right or wrong? I don't care, it is the only way I feel I am not letting someone down.
The trick is how to get others to see that their wants are not needs. THAT is a conundrum....
Sugar Magnolia 11:41 AM 10-15-2014
Yes BC! "Double vision"! That is the key to managing our posts!
Catherder, those are excellent priorities! I do tend to put clients kids needs first, since my own kids are older and not involved here. And I tend to put my wants above my husbands wants too. Selfish me.
Catherder, those are excellent priorities! I do tend to put clients kids needs first, since my own kids are older and not involved here. And I tend to put my wants above my husbands wants too. Selfish me.
Unregistered 12:46 PM 10-15-2014
Hi all,
As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.
I'll go back to my lurking!
As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.
I'll go back to my lurking!
NightOwl 12:49 PM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi all,
As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.
I'll go back to my lurking!
Well said. It should be a partnership. That's how I do things here. If a child is having a problem, the parents and I work on it together, not putting all of the responsibility to solve the problem on one party or another.Hi all,
As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.
I'll go back to my lurking!
midaycare 12:54 PM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi all,
As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.
I'll go back to my lurking!
Hi all,
As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.
I'll go back to my lurking!
I agree with this. I try to work hard with the parents because I realize I have them for a very important part of their day. And I am not that far away from having a really young one (DS is 7), that I remember how hard it was to raise a happy & healthy baby/toddler. They start a new phase about every week!
Butter Biskets 12:55 PM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
Hi all,
As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.
I'll go back to my lurking!
Thank you for speaking up! This has turned out to be an interesting conversation. Hi all,
As a parent, one thing that I notice is the tendency for you all to make problems so easy to fix. Kid isn't sleeping at home?- parent needs to make it happen. Kid won't take a bottle- parent needs to make them?- and if they can't, they need a nanny. Same for naps, potty training, eating, etc, etc. You're all parents and know it's harder said than done. I would give my left arm if my 3 year old would sleep in her bed (though she's great at daycare). I had a horrible time getting little one to take a bottle and cried many times in anticipation of her beginning daycare, but I had to go to work. Thankfully it worked out. I would love to have a nanny- but just can't afford it. I just feel like sometimes you guys are so black and white and sometimes forget that we're working together to bring up these little ones.
I'll go back to my lurking!
Sugar Magnolia 01:22 PM 10-15-2014
Unregistered.......thank you! I hope you become a member! Parent perspective appreciated!
TheGoodLife 01:24 PM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by Sugar Magnolia:
Unregistered.......thank you! I hope you become a member! Parent perspective appreciated!
Unregistered.......thank you! I hope you become a member! Parent perspective appreciated!
Shell 01:59 PM 10-15-2014
Sure, there is some bias. I personally do not post about my great dc families, because there isn't much to say- they are great parents, pay on time, keep their kids home when sick. The reason I found you guys was because I had a very disrespectful dcm. When I would vent to my friends, they would give me a working parent perspective, and just didn't understand why "little" things like dropping off early, picking up late, trying to bend my contract policies, and sitting in my driveway for over 15 mins every morning on her cell, etc. You guys get it. You know when a person is being taken advantage of, and you helped me find my voice with this parent. At the same time, BC helped me to see the other side of a disagreement I had with a termed parent. Because of BC, the dcm and I are great friends again. I'm glad I have this forum, and I'm glad to have people that will help me when I am right, and constructively correct me when wrong
Blackcat31 02:05 PM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by Shell:
Sure, there is some bias. I personally do not post about my great dc families, because there isn't much to say- they are great parents, pay on time, keep their kids home when sick. The reason I found you guys was because I had a very disrespectful dcm. When I would vent to my friends, they would give me a working parent perspective, and just didn't understand why "little" things like dropping off early, picking up late, trying to bend my contract policies, and sitting in my driveway for over 15 mins every morning on her cell, etc. You guys get it. You know when a person is being taken advantage of, and you helped me find my voice with this parent. At the same time, BC helped me to see the other side of a disagreement I had with a termed parent. Because of BC, the dcm and I are great friends again. I'm glad I have this forum, and I'm glad to have people that will help me when I am right, and constructively correct me when wrong
Sure, there is some bias. I personally do not post about my great dc families, because there isn't much to say- they are great parents, pay on time, keep their kids home when sick. The reason I found you guys was because I had a very disrespectful dcm. When I would vent to my friends, they would give me a working parent perspective, and just didn't understand why "little" things like dropping off early, picking up late, trying to bend my contract policies, and sitting in my driveway for over 15 mins every morning on her cell, etc. You guys get it. You know when a person is being taken advantage of, and you helped me find my voice with this parent. At the same time, BC helped me to see the other side of a disagreement I had with a termed parent. Because of BC, the dcm and I are great friends again. I'm glad I have this forum, and I'm glad to have people that will help me when I am right, and constructively correct me when wrong
This makes my day every time.
I am so glad I was able to help you through that.
NightOwl 03:47 PM 10-15-2014
I think people fall into a way of thinking and it just becomes second nature. Which can be defined as being biased, I suppose. And when you put a group of those people together, they can easily become a biased force to be reckoned with.
Creating drama or developing a backbone? Interesting question. It depends on the person. If they are heavily biased, then I believe they do create more drama for themselves. They are so stringent in their policies that they may even drive good clients away along with the not so good ones (too much backbone).
On the other hand, providers who are too flexible run the risk of becoming a doormat if their clients are the type to take advantage (not enough backbone).
In either case, excessive drama is likely. The drama of terming someone every month or so because your are so rigid, or the drama of having clients abuse your kindness. As someone said above, you can't lean too far in either direction and still expect a positive outcome. There has to be a balance of give and take, flexibility and rigidity. And being biased toward one side or the other is usually not going to produce a favorable outcome.
Creating drama or developing a backbone? Interesting question. It depends on the person. If they are heavily biased, then I believe they do create more drama for themselves. They are so stringent in their policies that they may even drive good clients away along with the not so good ones (too much backbone).
On the other hand, providers who are too flexible run the risk of becoming a doormat if their clients are the type to take advantage (not enough backbone).
In either case, excessive drama is likely. The drama of terming someone every month or so because your are so rigid, or the drama of having clients abuse your kindness. As someone said above, you can't lean too far in either direction and still expect a positive outcome. There has to be a balance of give and take, flexibility and rigidity. And being biased toward one side or the other is usually not going to produce a favorable outcome.
Butter Biskets 06:40 PM 10-15-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
I think people fall into a way of thinking and it just becomes second nature. Which can be defined as being biased, I suppose. And when you put a group of those people together, they can easily become a biased force to be reckoned with.
Creating drama or developing a backbone? Interesting question. It depends on the person. If they are heavily biased, then I believe they do create more drama for themselves. They are so stringent in their policies that they may even drive good clients away along with the not so good ones (too much backbone).
On the other hand, providers who are too flexible run the risk of becoming a doormat if their clients are the type to take advantage (not enough backbone).
In either case, excessive drama is likely. The drama of terming someone every month or so because your are so rigid, or the drama of having clients abuse your kindness. As someone said above, you can't lean too far in either direction and still expect a positive outcome. There has to be a balance of give and take, flexibility and rigidity. And being biased toward one side or the other is usually not going to produce a favorable outcome.
I think I got caught up in the rigidity you are talking about. I probably could have dealt with a current situation differently, but enough was enough and I had so many people here who understood my side, which made my toughness/backbone easier to come by. I stood up for myself, put a stop to the behaviour and offered an alternative, but upon speaking with dcm today, I think there could have been another way. Dcm decided to pull (which honestly, I am still glad for) but I see now that I should have dealt with it better. Oh well, lesson learned. I learned that any favors I do for families, MUST put in writing; because as we all have learned, they will take advantage where they can and when we have had enough of being a doormat, things can blow up. I think people fall into a way of thinking and it just becomes second nature. Which can be defined as being biased, I suppose. And when you put a group of those people together, they can easily become a biased force to be reckoned with.
Creating drama or developing a backbone? Interesting question. It depends on the person. If they are heavily biased, then I believe they do create more drama for themselves. They are so stringent in their policies that they may even drive good clients away along with the not so good ones (too much backbone).
On the other hand, providers who are too flexible run the risk of becoming a doormat if their clients are the type to take advantage (not enough backbone).
In either case, excessive drama is likely. The drama of terming someone every month or so because your are so rigid, or the drama of having clients abuse your kindness. As someone said above, you can't lean too far in either direction and still expect a positive outcome. There has to be a balance of give and take, flexibility and rigidity. And being biased toward one side or the other is usually not going to produce a favorable outcome.
Unregistered 11:31 AM 10-16-2014
Well, it's pretty hard not to be biased. We're all affected by our upbringing, values, current environment, working conditions, etc. Of course, we're going to lean toward the provider's side. That doesn't mean we're always going that way--it's just a tendency.
That said, I've been grateful for everything here. I'm wrapping up a little less than year of caring for a child along with my own children, and I realized after a couple of months that treating this as a business, even with one child, was the way to go. I had a problem with DCM coming 20 minutes early and laughing it off--after reading here about how to deal with that, I was able to stop the behavior without resentment. There are still problems (DCG is put to bed at 530 most days and is in bed 14-15 hours, so she doesn't nap more than 20 minutes total in my care anymore), but since it's over soon, I've decided to let it go since the child is relatively pleasant despite not having a good midday nap.
All in all, I think y'all are a great bunch of providers--I lasted ten months and that's about all I could take!
That said, I've been grateful for everything here. I'm wrapping up a little less than year of caring for a child along with my own children, and I realized after a couple of months that treating this as a business, even with one child, was the way to go. I had a problem with DCM coming 20 minutes early and laughing it off--after reading here about how to deal with that, I was able to stop the behavior without resentment. There are still problems (DCG is put to bed at 530 most days and is in bed 14-15 hours, so she doesn't nap more than 20 minutes total in my care anymore), but since it's over soon, I've decided to let it go since the child is relatively pleasant despite not having a good midday nap.
All in all, I think y'all are a great bunch of providers--I lasted ten months and that's about all I could take!
Hawaiiannie 10:12 PM 10-18-2014
I have been lurking on these forums for awhile and just got licensed and am starting out. Yes the threads are biased in a way, but they have been very helpful for me. I am a very nice person and have been without a backbone in the past, so its good for me to read these posts about the bad parents and enforcing rules and such. I don't need help being nice. I have been very lucky so far, I watched two girls unlicensed for a year with no contract and have had zero problems with the mom. Or with the kids. I have another part time kid now and things have been fine so far, have had some interviews and another coming up on Monday. I am so glad to read about some of the issues I may encounter as I have more kids and parents to deal with.
Unregistered 04:38 PM 10-19-2014
I started reading here when I was looking for a provider for my 3 yo. I have to admit, I had to stop coming, even though initially I really enjoyed reading here (not a provider bit a working mom - 8 kids so not inexperienced).
I would read all the venting about kids that cry or are picky or are generally difficult and the advice I'd always just term, there's better kids and parents. And that made me very nervous. My little girl had a very difficult time adjusting to care and I'll be honest, you all (mostly) seemed a little heartless. Now I just try to remember that people don't usually talk about the good, they talk about the bad. And I hope and pray that my day care provider doesn't term us for crying. :-)
I would read all the venting about kids that cry or are picky or are generally difficult and the advice I'd always just term, there's better kids and parents. And that made me very nervous. My little girl had a very difficult time adjusting to care and I'll be honest, you all (mostly) seemed a little heartless. Now I just try to remember that people don't usually talk about the good, they talk about the bad. And I hope and pray that my day care provider doesn't term us for crying. :-)
CraftyMom 05:00 PM 10-19-2014
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I started reading here when I was looking for a provider for my 3 yo. I have to admit, I had to stop coming, even though initially I really enjoyed reading here (not a provider bit a working mom - 8 kids so not inexperienced).
I would read all the venting about kids that cry or are picky or are generally difficult and the advice I'd always just term, there's better kids and parents. And that made me very nervous. My little girl had a very difficult time adjusting to care and I'll be honest, you all (mostly) seemed a little heartless. Now I just try to remember that people don't usually talk about the good, they talk about the bad. And I hope and pray that my day care provider doesn't term us for crying. :-)
I don't think anyone here terms just for crying. Kids cry, especially those first few weeks. It's the ones that cry incessantly all day for more than a reasonable amount of time, making it difficult to carry out everyday tasks while caring for multiple children. Usually there is something else along with the crying that also isn't resolved within a reasonable amount of time and disrupts the entire daycare. I started reading here when I was looking for a provider for my 3 yo. I have to admit, I had to stop coming, even though initially I really enjoyed reading here (not a provider bit a working mom - 8 kids so not inexperienced).
I would read all the venting about kids that cry or are picky or are generally difficult and the advice I'd always just term, there's better kids and parents. And that made me very nervous. My little girl had a very difficult time adjusting to care and I'll be honest, you all (mostly) seemed a little heartless. Now I just try to remember that people don't usually talk about the good, they talk about the bad. And I hope and pray that my day care provider doesn't term us for crying. :-)
Providers will do what they can to help the child adjust first, working with the parents.
Nobody here (that I know of) terms a child for crying when they are new.
hope 05:58 PM 10-19-2014
I am biased. When I started out in dc I was nieve and made a few mistakes. Once I was burned a few times from parents I looked for some answers to help me figure out how to build a better relationship with parents to make it work for both them and me. I love my job from 5 minutes after drop off till 5 minutes before pick up. I absolutely despise my job when it comes to dealing with the parents. It has made me bitter towards most parents. I will always love the kids and enjoy caring for them. I come here with my problems to find ways not to term. If I were relying solely on my opinion alone I would term most of my families. Lol! The other providers on here are biased bc they have seen and dealt with the same issues time and time again.
lblanke 09:00 PM 10-19-2014
Yes (coming from a parent), but not in a bad way. Many of you have just seen before. Once you have been there, done that, it becomes easier to tackle the next time it comes up.
sugar buzz 05:21 AM 10-20-2014
I think it has helped me stay more objective, now that my kids are in school...being on the other side, as well. (In particular, there's a school secretary who has total disregard for any parent who walks into that office. You can sense her annoyance while you're turning the door knob...) I also wish that more parents would post here, in order to understand other perspectives on the more grey areas. However, issues like not paying and not following directions are more of a respect issue and universal to any business.