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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Your Own Child At Daycare - Help Please
Checkinkids.com 01:55 PM 04-07-2011
I work at home in an upstairs office. My wife's daycare is downstairs. We have a 2.5 year old daughter who goes to daycare.....but then comes up knocking on the door. Today I took a break to walk out side - walked past the playground on my way back (only way to go) she sees me and MUST come with me. Otherwise....crying fit. This type of scenario happens a lot. I end up working 5hrs in day and putting in 3 more after bedtime to make up for it. My ears are wide open for advice regarding this or any other general "own kid at daycare" problems!
cheerfuldom 02:03 PM 04-07-2011
what is your wife's take on this? It is up to her to keep daughter occupied downstairs. Are there additional ways to gate off the upstairs or otherwise limit your daughter's access? Is there any where else that you can work from? Like a relative that has a home close by where you can set up a home office for now. Other than that, you might just need to practice a little tough love. No means no, and no exceptions. Keep requiring her to be with the daycare group until she gives in.
Evansmom 02:16 PM 04-07-2011
I have a home daycare and my husband's work requires them to work from home at least one day per week so he's working from home on Mondays. My son adores his dad and at first thought it was time to climb all over him and play like we do on the weekends. We just had to be firm with our limits. On that day from 8-5 Daddy is working and can't play. Yeah he screamed the first 7 times or so but then he got the hang of it. Your child will too, just be consistant with her and lay out clear boundaries that she can understand and then stick to them. Make the boundaries uncomplicated but include times that she CAN see you like designate a break time when you can spend 20 minutes with her or eat lunch with her. She'll be mad for a time but will soon come to recognize the routine.
ninosqueridos 02:39 PM 04-07-2011
It's happening a lot because the crying fits are working for her. 
I think getting more support from your wife and having you guys on the same page about saying "no" to your dd will help - she will be having her crying fits until she realizes they no longer work.
I think getting more support from your wife and having you guys on the same page about saying "no" to your dd will help - she will be having her crying fits until she realizes they no longer work.
ninosqueridos 02:42 PM 04-07-2011
I should add that my own ds used to watch a LOT of tv before I opened the daycare. Once I was open, I used to let him go over to our family room and watch tv (off limits to dcks) whenever he wanted - now I put a stop to that because all he was doing was going back and forth, bringing "his" toys back and forth, and it was just outright chaos every time he left the room and came back willy nilly.
Did he cry, kick, scream, throw himself on the floor every time I told him he couldn't leave the daycare room to go watch tv? Absolutely.....for about a week and then he got over it.
Did he cry, kick, scream, throw himself on the floor every time I told him he couldn't leave the daycare room to go watch tv? Absolutely.....for about a week and then he got over it.
cheerfuldom 06:35 PM 04-07-2011
oh and forgot to add, I have an assistant that helps out at my daycare. My girls know that I am upstairs without them. This is my time to get things done and boy did they throw some fits when they got no those first few days. But we locked the door, let them cry when they couldn't get upstairs after me and they got used to it. Now it is a non-issue because mommy was not negotiating.
QualiTcare 05:14 AM 04-08-2011
you said she MUST come with you - otherwise, crying fit.
crying fits work - that's why she keeps throwing them. it'll be harder for you than it will for her, but you have to keep walking, ignore the fits, and your wife can't give in either. there's no way i'd try to find somewhere else to go or anything like that.
as with anything - you have to be consistent and do the same thing EVERY TIME. don't let her come up "just this once" or "only for a minute." maybe you could negotiate something to make the transition easier - like going down and eating lunch with her or visiting before naptime to read a story ONLY if she stays with the daycare and doesn't throw any fits. that'll give her an incentive, something to look forward to, and it'll only take a few minutes of your time.
crying fits work - that's why she keeps throwing them. it'll be harder for you than it will for her, but you have to keep walking, ignore the fits, and your wife can't give in either. there's no way i'd try to find somewhere else to go or anything like that.
as with anything - you have to be consistent and do the same thing EVERY TIME. don't let her come up "just this once" or "only for a minute." maybe you could negotiate something to make the transition easier - like going down and eating lunch with her or visiting before naptime to read a story ONLY if she stays with the daycare and doesn't throw any fits. that'll give her an incentive, something to look forward to, and it'll only take a few minutes of your time.
Meeko 07:20 AM 04-08-2011
I don't wish to appear harsh...but you are in charge, not her.
If you don't want her to bother you while working, simply don't allow it. She'll have a fit for a few days because it sounds like she has learned that if she screams enough, she gets her way. I know it's always harder to ignore the hissy fits of our own kids than the day care kids! We're designed as parents so that their cries hug at our heart strings....but be strong!!!
If you don't want her to bother you while working, simply don't allow it. She'll have a fit for a few days because it sounds like she has learned that if she screams enough, she gets her way. I know it's always harder to ignore the hissy fits of our own kids than the day care kids! We're designed as parents so that their cries hug at our heart strings....but be strong!!!
Blackcat31 07:30 AM 04-08-2011
How would you handle this exact same scenario if the child who wanted to come with you was a daycare child?
Your wife (and I am assuming you as well) would not allow it. So do what you would if the child was not yours. Sometimes when you are in the childcare business it is tough to separate the rules as they apply to the daycare kids versus your own but in reality they should be the same set of rules during business hours. If you allow your child to have "special treatment" you are setting yourself and her up for disappointment when you do say no.
It is hard when it is your heartstrings being pulled but you are doing yourself and your daughter a favor by teaching her that rules are rules.
Your wife (and I am assuming you as well) would not allow it. So do what you would if the child was not yours. Sometimes when you are in the childcare business it is tough to separate the rules as they apply to the daycare kids versus your own but in reality they should be the same set of rules during business hours. If you allow your child to have "special treatment" you are setting yourself and her up for disappointment when you do say no.
It is hard when it is your heartstrings being pulled but you are doing yourself and your daughter a favor by teaching her that rules are rules.