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Old 09-14-2012, 04:34 PM
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Default Infants and Toddlers Program Covering Up

I don't know if you guys can help me but I'm sure hoping someone can. My son is 2.5 and was born with hearing issues and fluid in his ears and had tubes put in which eventually solved his hearing but his speech is still coming along. He also has social issues and possibly some other things we are still waiting for diagnosis's for. Anyhow that's pretty much his background.

He's been a part of the infants and toddlers program here for 16 or 17 months. I thought he had this wonderful provider. He grew very attached to her. He learned a lot from her and we also grew to have somewhat of a friendship. I told her about my 9 year old daughters behavior problems and she was very nice and made suggestions.

The speech therapist took a new job back in the classroom at the end of August and her summer was very weird as far as appointments went so A*** didn't get a lot of time with her but she promised she'd keep in touch with us even after she was no longer A's teacher. A** has an iep meeting July 23 and we discussed turning his case over to a new worker once per month until Dec when he turns 3 so then he goes into preschool. I said fine. Our fave teacher had seen him once or twice per week but I didn't want someone else taking her place for such a short time.

That day this teacher told me I could totally trust her and confide in her about really personal things and I did. She was very sweet and understanding and she promised not to tell anyone. She saw my oldest daughter put bruises on me and didn't say anything. My daughter came into her store and misbehaved terribly. She made threats to me and called names and the teacher heard all of this. The teacher works a second job at a dog store.

I apologized but I guess the damage was done. The teacher said she could get fired or lose her teaching license and I felt terrible. I didn't want that at all. I apologized to her boss at the store and got my daughter the help she needs.

Well July 31 was supposed to have been A's last appt with said teacher. I had called the previous Fri to see if we could change it and she never ever called back nor did she show up for the session. When I called infants and toddlers they refused to tell me anything. All they tried to tell me was that B*** received a message that I was canceling our apt which wasn't true.

Then they lied and said she no longer worked there anymore and that July 31 was her last day. Not true. I asked her to call me back. She wouldn't. Instead another worker called back. I asked where B**** was and what had happened and she said B***'s gone she won't see A*** and did I want to schedule with her and she was very rude and abrupt.

I told her I'd call her back. I called above her head to the head at the program who seemed nice and said sure A*** could get closure because he missed B**** and was asking for her and cryin for her. She was nice until she talked to B****. Then she changed her tune, stopped talking to me and responding to my emails. I asked for A***'s records and they hurriedly had the other worker who'd never even seen him sign off as his new worker and send some of them and not all.

I have tried calling B*****, texting her and emailing her. She has forwarded my emails to other staff members, very private emails that I asked her never to share, shes shared. She has violated confidentiality and she won't face me or talk to me. When I've gone back into her store she's hidden and dodged me.

I am for real. When I called once with a kitten question she refused to answer the phone and had someone else call back and pretend they'd accidentally hung up. I sent her a video of my son crying for her. He misses her terribly she didn't show up for his final appt she never called she refuses to give him closure or talk to me. I want answers as to what's happened and closure for my son.

This is ridiculous that a teacher can behave like this and get away with it. She's acted completely inappropriately and unprofessional. Infants ad toddlers and wants to sweep this under the rug and get A*** back in the program ASAP because they know B*****'s screwed up. I just want her to apologize. I thought she was my friend. I trusted her and she betryed me and I am angry and hurt.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 09-15-2012 at 06:52 AM.
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Old 09-14-2012, 08:58 PM
Willow Willow is offline
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To be blunt - it sounds like you have been stalking and harassing this teacher. I think that's why she refuses to have any further contact with you. I would be doing the exact same thing if I were in her shoes, from what you describe you have been beyond relentless and inappropriate.

She is not your friend, she is obviously uncomfortable with what you're doing, and she needs to protect herself which is why she is forwarding her correspondence with others.


You need to move on and leave her alone.
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Old 09-14-2012, 09:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willow View Post
To be blunt - it sounds like you have been stalking and harassing this teacher. I think that's why she refuses to have any further contact with you. I would be doing the exact same thing if I were in her shoes, from what you describe you have been beyond relentless and inappropriate.

She is not your friend, she is obviously uncomfortable with what you're doing, and she needs to protect herself which is why she is forwarding her correspondence with others.


You need to move on and leave her alone.
I agree with this post.

You need to back off and leave this teacher alone before you end up with a restraining order against you.

If I were you, I would make sure that I kept a professional relationship with the next teacher. They are there to work with your child, not to be your friend.
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Old 09-14-2012, 10:12 PM
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So this teacher you are complaining about was the speach therapist ...

Sorry having a little trouble following your post.

Reguardless this teacher has the right to no longer provide you with services
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Old 09-15-2012, 04:38 AM
AnneCordelia AnneCordelia is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willow View Post
To be blunt - it sounds like you have been stalking and harassing this teacher. I think that's why she refuses to have any further contact with you. I would be doing the exact same thing if I were in her shoes, from what you describe you have been beyond relentless and inappropriate.

She is not your friend, she is obviously uncomfortable with what you're doing, and she needs to protect herself which is why she is forwarding her correspondence with others.


You need to move on and leave her alone.
Perhaps I am missing something but if not then I agree with the other ladies. You need to leave those woman alone. I already would have gotten a restraining order against behaviour like yours, and you are lucky she has not yet. She is under no obligation to you and you need to leave her alone.
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Old 09-15-2012, 06:56 AM
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I had the same feelings about it, but the post was so hard to follow, I thought I may have been missing something.

I think you have been way too open with this person, she is your sons speech teacher, not your personal psychologist and sounding board. You hunting her down, sending her videos of your son crying etc was highly inappropriate. It sounds you needed this woman for your own purposes more than your son may have. If you need someone to talk to about your children, life etc, you may want to look into a family counselor or something similar. But this woman has no obligation to you.
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:07 AM
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No I understand she has no obligation to me but she encouraged me to talk to her and open up to her and told me it was ok to confide in her and she saw what my family was going through. I felt she was a safe person to trust. Then she turned around and did a complete 180 and violated confidentiality and I want answers. I am NOT stalking her or harrassing her. I want to know why she acted completely unprofessionally and did what she did. Yes now she has absolutely no obligation to myself or my son. I understand that. But the way she ended things was completely unprofessional and she had absolutely no right to behave the way she did with me and tell me it was ok to use her as a sounding board and seek advice and then turn around and forward private and confidential emails and share my information with the entire county school board, people at the infants and toddlers program, and her boss at her other job and her other coworkers. THis is very much more involved. Bottom line is she broke many rules with the way she handled things. I didn't realize it at the time that I never should've asked her to keep the secrets I did. She was telling her husband about my family. She had no right to. When things became too much for her she wanted an out and the last visit was her opportunity and something happened and I want answers. I have been told I have a valid lawsuit against her but I am not a mean person. I would just like some closure for my son and would like to know why she betrayed my trust.
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:17 AM
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sharlan sharlan is offline
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At this point, you are not going to get any answers. The more you call around trying to get them, the worse you are making things. I would really cut my losses and move on.

Remember with the next teacher, that she is your son's teacher, not your friend. Keep things purely professional and keep your private life out of it.
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:20 AM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Honestly, you aren't going to get any answers from her about why she did what she did or didn't do.

If you have a complaint about her, then file one with the licensing department of your county/state and let them handle it. If she did anything illegal or against her job duties, they will figure it out and deal with it.

If you feel you want to file charges against her for (breaking confidentiality) then do so but I still say you aren't going to get an apology from her or any type of closure.

I also doubt your son even understands what happened and if he truly needs closure then as his mother, you need to file a complaint (WITHOUT involving him) or drop it and move on.....that would be the best thing for him.

Kids are resilient and teachers will come and go in their lives and they will have no lasting effects provided they have a good strong and loving relationship with their families.

Another piece of advice I would give you is to NEVER confide in anyone but your spouse,your pastor or your therapist if you are worried about things coming back to haunt you.

You told her things as a friend and friends have no contractual obligation to keep information confidential, although that is what most good friends do. However, as your son's teacher, you really had no right telling her things NOT directly related to your son and his care.

All that stuff that went down in her store that she witnessed, she witnessed as a store keeper NOT a teacher and store keepers have no obligation to confidentiality etc.

Personally, I think you are making this far more stressful to yourself (and your son) then it needs to be. Chalk it up to bad behavior on BOTH of your parts, and move on. It was a good lesson for both of you.

The teacher should never get involved with a family on a personal level and you shouldn't be telling anyone your family drama unless they are your pastor or your therapist.

Last edited by Blackcat31; 09-15-2012 at 08:35 AM.
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Old 09-15-2012, 07:53 AM
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Sugar Magnolia Sugar Magnolia is offline
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You made a VIDEO of your son CRYING for her? And how exactly did you get this video taped? Put the camera on him and start asking if he misses the teacher? Don't you think you are exploiting your son? There are many things in your post that sound scary, but sending the video part just sounds psychotic. File a complaint about the breech of confidentiality, but holy cow, leave your child out of it!
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Old 09-15-2012, 08:19 AM
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She probably forwarded the confidential emails to protect herself from the stalker. Feels like a bit Munchausen by proxy to me............
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Old 09-15-2012, 12:21 PM
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She probably forwarded the confidential emails to protect herself from the stalker. Feels like a bit Munchausen by proxy to me............
I was thinking the exact same thing. She didn't start forwarding your emails until you started bombarding her with an inappropriate amount of phone calls and emails. She is simply getting witnesses to your behavior should you continue to harrass her. Please, leave this woman alone. You took her friendship too seriously and thought you would have someone to hang out with, but you came on too strong. Did you even have a reason to be in the dog store with your daughter or did you just make it a habit to stop by and visit your "friend"? She has a life without you, and you, being the mother of at least two children that you mentioned have a very important life outside of your relationship with her. My best friend lives ten minutes away, one minute from my parents who i visit often, and i haven't seen her in over a month. I'm simply too busy spending time with really important people: my kids
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Old 09-15-2012, 12:36 PM
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I think we all need to read the post again.

I agree with Blackcat31, and think that she put it as nicely as possible.


BUT--- I got something else out of her post. I believe that the teacher encouraged her to speak out, and she did. Once the TEACHER crossed the line with this person, she still had every obligation to maintain confidentiality about this family. Teachers aren't supposed to divulge details to family members and forward emails to people not directly involved in the family's care plan.

If you take a look at this post, this girl has some problems, and my guess is she's depressed and took the woman's advice and trusted her. Then the woman broke her trust. I see that she's looking for answers because this lady basically screwed everyone by crossing that line (Remember the Teacher IS the professional and should not have offered counseling services to the mother if her scope of practice isn't counseling---the teacher is the expert in these things, not this parent). Clearly there is a lot going on in the OP's life, and I believe that she is depressed, perhaps even more than we know.

I do believe she should file a complaint with the school. Regardless of if mom here is acting distressed and pushy, this result happened because the teacher overstepped her boundaries. I'm not saying I agree with the mother going out and trying to continue to reach out to this teacher, as obviously it will get her nowhere. But I am saying that when a teacher crosses a boundary, that creates these kinds of issues.

Let's put it this way: The teacher is a child's teacher, not a counselor. She had no business putting on the "counselor" face. She should have given resources instead. If she had concerns about this woman and her child, she should have addressed those with the appropriate persons.

It's comparable to a medical tech writing a prescription. Medical techs don't have prescriptive authority and have no business writing meds, even if they know how. That's for the doctor to do.

This is why it's important for teachers to lay out their expectations in the beginning. Sounds like this teacher didn't do so and a mother who was hurting wasn't in a position to say "no, you know I think you're crossing the line" She took the help offered like any human being would have done. She didn't know better---she doesn't know the "rules" and "regulations" of the teacher she used unless the teacher told her---but the teacher sure does!

OP- NO more trying to contact this teacher. Let her be. Clearly you need to find someone you can trust to help you. I think a pastor is a good idea.

To others: Be kind. I feel that there is a lot deeper issues going on in this lady's case.
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Old 09-15-2012, 04:07 PM
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You know what? thanks. So glad I came here searching for answers. I can see this is not where I am wanted and I was wrong. I apologize. I am NOT some psycho stalker and I do NOT have munchaesen syndome, nor did I EXPLOIT my son and I certainly did NOT engage him in any conversation regarding the teacher beforehand. He has cried for her for days and days. I captured a few minutes on video before bed when it was bad to show her. I'm sorry if I was wrong. I'm sorry if I offended any of you. I am not a bad person. My kids are the most important people in my life. They are my priorities. But this teacher, she breeched confidentiality way before the emails. I'm sorry I came here.
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Old 09-15-2012, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by BABYLUVER View Post
I think we all need to read the post again.

I agree with Blackcat31, and think that she put it as nicely as possible.


BUT--- I got something else out of her post. I believe that the teacher encouraged her to speak out, and she did. Once the TEACHER crossed the line with this person, she still had every obligation to maintain confidentiality about this family. Teachers aren't supposed to divulge details to family members and forward emails to people not directly involved in the family's care plan.

If you take a look at this post, this girl has some problems, and my guess is she's depressed and took the woman's advice and trusted her. Then the woman broke her trust. I see that she's looking for answers because this lady basically screwed everyone by crossing that line (Remember the Teacher IS the professional and should not have offered counseling services to the mother if her scope of practice isn't counseling---the teacher is the expert in these things, not this parent). Clearly there is a lot going on in the OP's life, and I believe that she is depressed, perhaps even more than we know.

I do believe she should file a complaint with the school. Regardless of if mom here is acting distressed and pushy, this result happened because the teacher overstepped her boundaries. I'm not saying I agree with the mother going out and trying to continue to reach out to this teacher, as obviously it will get her nowhere. But I am saying that when a teacher crosses a boundary, that creates these kinds of issues.

Let's put it this way: The teacher is a child's teacher, not a counselor. She had no business putting on the "counselor" face. She should have given resources instead. If she had concerns about this woman and her child, she should have addressed those with the appropriate persons.

It's comparable to a medical tech writing a prescription. Medical techs don't have prescriptive authority and have no business writing meds, even if they know how. That's for the doctor to do.

This is why it's important for teachers to lay out their expectations in the beginning. Sounds like this teacher didn't do so and a mother who was hurting wasn't in a position to say "no, you know I think you're crossing the line" She took the help offered like any human being would have done. She didn't know better---she doesn't know the "rules" and "regulations" of the teacher she used unless the teacher told her---but the teacher sure does!

OP- NO more trying to contact this teacher. Let her be. Clearly you need to find someone you can trust to help you. I think a pastor is a good idea.

To others: Be kind. I feel that there is a lot deeper issues going on in this lady's case.

your post is assuming that what the OP said was the actual truth. we will never know both sides of the story but from what the OP has said, she (the OP) clearly has many issues going on here and I personally dont believe her version of what happened.

OP, I think you are right, you have come to the wrong place. Instead of venting online or to anyone else, go to the teacher's direct supervisors. If nothing is done by the principal, school board or whatever outlets you have, then its up to you if you want to pursue legal counsel. Many people may say that you "have a case" against this teacher but actually speaking to a lawyer may enlighten you to what your rights really are here and what sort of recourse you have. that is what you should be doing instead of trying to involved even more people into the situation. good luck.

Last edited by Michael; 09-15-2012 at 04:48 PM.
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Old 09-15-2012, 05:38 PM
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your post is assuming that what the OP said was the actual truth. we will never know both sides of the story but from what the OP has said, she (the OP) clearly has many issues going on here and I personally dont believe her version of what happened.

OP, I think you are right, you have come to the wrong place. Instead of venting online or to anyone else, go to the teacher's direct supervisors. If nothing is done by the principal, school board or whatever outlets you have, then its up to you if you want to pursue legal counsel. Many people may say that you "have a case" against this teacher but actually speaking to a lawyer may enlighten you to what your rights really are here and what sort of recourse you have. that is what you should be doing instead of trying to involved even more people into the situation. good luck.
Absolutely, but I can only respond to what's there.

The way I see this lady is that she's depressed and feels violated. I don't know why, but I have had patients who have exhibited this kind of not-being-able-to-let-go type behavior and usually it was because they're suicidal. I have the feeling that it may be the case here. I'm not her personal counselor, but I have enough experience dealing with people that I just have that hunch. I wish I knew where she lived because if she has 2 kids and she's this engrossed in this one situation, that's a really bad situation.
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