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Old 01-30-2020, 07:24 AM
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Default Last Pick-Up

Dck (sibling set) are the last ones here everyday. Dcm likes to drag out pick-up and I'm not sure how to handle it.

Her kids act up when she comes and hide from her, run around, etc. I try to have them all ready to go before mom comes. They sometimes throw off their shoes and coats when mom comes.

When I explain to the dck that when mom comes it is time to go home and they can't run and hide from her, dcb will sometimes cry and then it's a big scene.

Any suggestions? Like I said they are my last ones, so I wish dcm will just grab them by the hand and go.

Is it too harsh being like "I've got to make dinner. See ya tomorrow!" or something along those lines? I've had them all ready to go before but as soon as they see dcm they lose their minds.

I'm also guilty of engaging in conversation with dcm and I've let it go on for so long, that I'm not sure how to end it now.
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Old 01-30-2020, 07:31 AM
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Originally Posted by CountryRoads View Post
Dck (sibling set) are the last ones here everyday. Dcm likes to drag out pick-up and I'm not sure how to handle it.

Her kids act up when she comes and hide from her, run around, etc. I try to have them all ready to go before mom comes. They sometimes throw off their shoes and coats when mom comes.

When I explain to the dck that when mom comes it is time to go home and they can't run and hide from her, dcb will sometimes cry and then it's a big scene.

Any suggestions? Like I said they are my last ones, so I wish dcm will just grab them by the hand and go.

Is it too harsh being like "I've got to make dinner. See ya tomorrow!" or something along those lines? I've had them all ready to go before but as soon as they see dcm they lose their minds.

I'm also guilty of engaging in conversation with dcm and I've let it go on for so long, that I'm not sure how to end it now.
Can you meet her right at the door and not her inside. Just hand the kids off and close the door
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Old 01-30-2020, 07:37 AM
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Can you meet her right at the door and not her inside. Just hand the kids off and close the door
Yes, I could actually do that. I just worry it'll come off a little harsh, maybe? Idk. I think I worry too much.

I could go outside with them so at least they are not running around inside. That should make it quicker I would think.
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Old 01-30-2020, 08:12 AM
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Yes, I could actually do that. I just worry it'll come off a little harsh, maybe? Idk. I think I worry too much.

I could go outside with them so at least they are not running around inside. That should make it quicker I would think.
Iíve been starting my car a few minutes before the last one gets picked up for this reason. Takes forever for them to get out of the door and I have my coat and shoes on. Sometimes I have places to go, sometimes I drive around the block and come back. After a few days they got the hint that I have stuff to do and need to leave.
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Old 01-30-2020, 09:28 AM
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I would send a note telling Mom she needs to text her arrival and take them from front door.I would explain that they are testing to see who is in control.They are playing you and the parent against each other.Explain its normal behavior ,but the end of the day "changing of the guard"needs to be short and sweet.You could throw in "I will miss our talks "but we need to stop the "shenanigans".Meet her at door hand the kids out shut door walk away.
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Old 01-30-2020, 09:40 AM
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I usually have my dinner things out, and start working on preparing dinner by the time for my last one to leave (I do have my daughter as an assistant, so the kids are supervised). So I can just say, "Here they are! I've got to get back to the kitchen. See you tomorrow!" I had to do this because I have a mom who is a therapist, and she seems to NEED therapy by the end of her days.
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Old 01-30-2020, 12:47 PM
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I had this exact problem. The pick up was dragging on. Dcg was acting out, mom did nothing. Just kept talking to me, taking time away from my own family, letting her kid act up. I texted mom the link to Nanny De's Changing of the Guard, bye bye outside. I told mom this is how we would be doing pick ups. I was mostly doing it because I just wanted them to go away at pick up time. Mom is not thrilled, I can tell but I don't care. I take very good care of her kiddo 5 days a week and that is my only concern.
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Old 01-30-2020, 12:56 PM
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Originally Posted by rosieteddy View Post
I would send a note telling Mom she needs to text her arrival and take them from front door.I would explain that they are testing to see who is in control.They are playing you and the parent against each other.Explain its normal behavior ,but the end of the day "changing of the guard"needs to be short and sweet.You could throw in "I will miss our talks "but we need to stop the "shenanigans".Meet her at door hand the kids out shut door walk away.
This is what I would do, except I'd just address it at pickup (while the kids are running around like maniacs anyway lol). "I know you don't like this behavior any more than I do, so we need to put a stop to it" would be the way I'd start that convo.
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Old 01-30-2020, 03:44 PM
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Whenever I have had this I have emailed or texted the drop off person after hours outlining how drop off and pickup is to go the next day. I just let them know that it is sometimes hard for littles to transition to parental care, it is totally normal and what has worked for me in the past is doing a quick pickup, no chatting and out the door. Let mom know if there is anything to discuss you will email her.
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Old 01-31-2020, 02:34 AM
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Originally Posted by rosieteddy View Post
I would send a note telling Mom she needs to text her arrival and take them from front door.I would explain that they are testing to see who is in control.They are playing you and the parent against each other.Explain its normal behavior ,but the end of the day "changing of the guard"needs to be short and sweet.You could throw in "I will miss our talks "but we need to stop the "shenanigans".Meet her at door hand the kids out shut door walk away.
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Originally Posted by MyAngels View Post
This is what I would do, except I'd just address it at pickup (while the kids are running around like maniacs anyway lol). "I know you don't like this behavior any more than I do, so we need to put a stop to it" would be the way I'd start that convo.
These both sound great! I think you'll have to be very upfront and professional with this because it sounds like she likes to linger and gab. That's NOT a great way to end anyone's day. Especially yours because by then, you're just done, or the dcks because they're excited to see their parent and will create havoc. Find a different way to communicate their child's day with her, if that's what the conversation at the end of the day entails. If it's just normal gabbing, then do what was suggested and make it short and sweet. If she needs adult conversation she can call a friend.

Trust me, I know how difficult this can be, especially if you've allowed it all this time. It was one of my own weaknesses because I never felt I should chill the personal relationship, KWIM? But wow, it used to make me terribly resentful of certain parents. Looking back, I KNOW I should've nipped it in the bud or at least changed it. Your time is valuable!! Stay strong, stay firm and make this change.
I had 1 dcf who would make themselves quite comfortable at pick up time, bring their older dd(former dcg) in, run amok, so it became more of a stay and play then a pick up and leave. My own darn fault. Drop-offs were like this too. Dcgs would beg dcm for a story so she'd sit right on the floor and start reading, or play ring around the rosie, whatever her dds wanted, and she knew I had breakfast on the table!! Oh I made so many mistakes.
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