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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Can 2 YO Learn Binky Is Not Welcome At My House?
Kindermom 08:48 AM 10-22-2014
I have a 2 yo dcg and she is *addicted* to her binky. As in she must have it at all times, even during meals-if only in her hand so she can eat. It is getting excessive and trying to understand what she is trying to say with it in her mouth is getting very old.

Today is the second time she has brought one in with a hole in the nipple. This time in 2 places. I refuse to give it to her. My daughter (6 weeks younger than her) does have a "paci" as she calls it, but only has it in bed. Last time, I cleaned one to give to her. This time, no. I am done. I really don't know why I let this binky make me so mad, but it literally drives me bonkers- especially when she is trying to talk to me and I have to keep repeat "I can't understand you with a binky in your mouth"....

Maybe part of the problem is mom gives into the kids over everything. She literally told me the other day "I will give my girls everything- not to brag or make them spoiled, but iPads and iPhones when they are of age, just so I can take them away when they're not behaving."......dcg's older sister (both girls are typically developing) is one that will walk into my house, I say hi or ask a question and she will NOT respond or even make eye contact, but will walk right past me to play with my toys while mom chit chats about the day....Mom will not leave her in the car for 2 minutes to come grab dcg and go- which is my prefered way for sure!

OK, this is going off on a whole different rant. Anyway, my question is- is it possible for dcg to learn that pacifiers are tolerated at home but not here. I am so done with it, but is there any point in me going through so many tears for a day or 3 just to have it "undone" at home?

Thanks!
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Blackcat31 08:54 AM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Kindermom:
I have a 2 yo dcg and she is *addicted* to her binky. As in she must have it at all times, even during meals-if only in her hand so she can eat. It is getting excessive and trying to understand what she is trying to say with it in her mouth is getting very old.

Today is the second time she has brought one in with a hole in the nipple. This time in 2 places. I refuse to give it to her. My daughter (6 weeks younger than her) does have a "paci" as she calls it, but only has it in bed. Last time, I cleaned one to give to her. This time, no. I am done. I really don't know why I let this binky make me so mad, but it literally drives me bonkers- especially when she is trying to talk to me and I have to keep repeat "I can't understand you with a binky in your mouth"....

Maybe part of the problem is mom gives into the kids over everything. She literally told me the other day "I will give my girls everything- not to brag or make them spoiled, but iPads and iPhones when they are of age, just so I can take them away when they're not behaving."......dcg's older sister (both girls are typically developing) is one that will walk into my house, I say hi or ask a question and she will NOT respond or even make eye contact, but will walk right past me to play with my toys while mom chit chats about the day....Mom will not leave her in the car for 2 minutes to come grab dcg and go- which is my prefered way for sure!

OK, this is going off on a whole different rant. Anyway, my question is- is it possible for dcg to learn that pacifiers are tolerated at home but not here. I am so done with it, but is there any point in me going through so many tears for a day or 3 just to have it "undone" at home?

Thanks!
You can try but I doubt it will get anywhere if mom is just doing the opposite at home.

I won't work with families that don't share the same parenting philosophies as I do for this very reason.

I don't want to spend my day in a power struggle with someone else's child because of that child's parent.

As a parent, if I wanted my DD to have a paci and the provider tried to take it away against my wishes, I would be livid.

If this is something you can't live with, then tell mom to take it away. If she refuses and you don't want the child to have it in your house, then let the family go so they can find care that better matches their parenting styles.

There are some behaviors that are super easy to "cure" or "fix" at daycare but comfort items or attachments like that are an area I WILL NOT venture into.

Pretty soon it becomes a battle that does nothing but make every party miserable and has no winners.
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Play Care 09:08 AM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Kindermom:
I have a 2 yo dcg and she is *addicted* to her binky. As in she must have it at all times, even during meals-if only in her hand so she can eat. It is getting excessive and trying to understand what she is trying to say with it in her mouth is getting very old.

Today is the second time she has brought one in with a hole in the nipple. This time in 2 places. I refuse to give it to her. My daughter (6 weeks younger than her) does have a "paci" as she calls it, but only has it in bed. Last time, I cleaned one to give to her. This time, no. I am done. I really don't know why I let this binky make me so mad, but it literally drives me bonkers- especially when she is trying to talk to me and I have to keep repeat "I can't understand you with a binky in your mouth"....

Maybe part of the problem is mom gives into the kids over everything. She literally told me the other day "I will give my girls everything- not to brag or make them spoiled, but iPads and iPhones when they are of age, just so I can take them away when they're not behaving."......dcg's older sister (both girls are typically developing) is one that will walk into my house, I say hi or ask a question and she will NOT respond or even make eye contact, but will walk right past me to play with my toys while mom chit chats about the day....Mom will not leave her in the car for 2 minutes to come grab dcg and go- which is my prefered way for sure!

OK, this is going off on a whole different rant. Anyway, my question is- is it possible for dcg to learn that pacifiers are tolerated at home but not here. I am so done with it, but is there any point in me going through so many tears for a day or 3 just to have it "undone" at home?

Thanks!
I don't allow children to have paci's anywhere but in bed. Period. This goes for any comfort object (blankies, special stuffies, etc) I make this clear during the interview, so I would have no issue taking the paci as dcg came in and putting it up for bedtime. But my policy is crystal clear and I make a point to highlight it at interview.
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Shell 09:22 AM 10-22-2014
Agree that if they're not doing it at home, it's going to be difficult at daycare. I currently have one boy just like yours. Parents aren't willing to tackle it yet, so neither am I. He's the only one that needs his all day long- not even the infants use theirs. I posted about it last week, but I used to have a dcm that allowed her child to walk around with a blanket and pacifier at all times. He had no coping skills- always ran to that stuff when he was upset, scared, tired, etc. I would take it away, he would scream forever, dcm would pick up and immediately give it to him. I wound up terming them for other reasons, but at age 3.5 the boy went to a center and had no choice but to give it up. With my current dcb, I am just letting it be for now. Dcm sees pictures on my daycare site, and his got that pacifier in every picture. She's made comments, so I think she's beginning to see the issue. With yours, you may need to tell her you are having trouble understanding her, and keep it for nap only. Although if dcm keeps spoiling her, you may never win this one!
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Annalee 10:16 AM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Kindermom:
I have a 2 yo dcg and she is *addicted* to her binky. As in she must have it at all times, even during meals-if only in her hand so she can eat. It is getting excessive and trying to understand what she is trying to say with it in her mouth is getting very old.

Today is the second time she has brought one in with a hole in the nipple. This time in 2 places. I refuse to give it to her. My daughter (6 weeks younger than her) does have a "paci" as she calls it, but only has it in bed. Last time, I cleaned one to give to her. This time, no. I am done. I really don't know why I let this binky make me so mad, but it literally drives me bonkers- especially when she is trying to talk to me and I have to keep repeat "I can't understand you with a binky in your mouth"....

Maybe part of the problem is mom gives into the kids over everything. She literally told me the other day "I will give my girls everything- not to brag or make them spoiled, but iPads and iPhones when they are of age, just so I can take them away when they're not behaving."......dcg's older sister (both girls are typically developing) is one that will walk into my house, I say hi or ask a question and she will NOT respond or even make eye contact, but will walk right past me to play with my toys while mom chit chats about the day....Mom will not leave her in the car for 2 minutes to come grab dcg and go- which is my prefered way for sure!

OK, this is going off on a whole different rant. Anyway, my question is- is it possible for dcg to learn that pacifiers are tolerated at home but not here. I am so done with it, but is there any point in me going through so many tears for a day or 3 just to have it "undone" at home?

Thanks!
I may be the odd man out, but I have and have had kids that do not take a paci and/or bottle at my daycare, but will come in with one or dcp will put one in their mouth at pickup...my mom (assistant) is the best I have ever seen at picking the time (around their 1 yr old birthday) to take the bottle/paci. The parents are aware we do and they are fine with it and amazingly, the child learns to live with two sets of expectation.
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Cat Herder 10:20 AM 10-22-2014
I have a couple here that have them at home, one is almost 4

They don't have them here. It has not been an issue since nobody has them here, not even the baby dolls.

It is part of my infection control policy.
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sally 10:23 AM 10-22-2014
At 1 point I had 3 kids here with pacifiers. 2 were dcbs and 1 was my dd. My dd gave hers up on her own before she was 9 months, the other 2 dcbs were 2 and would drop them and try putting each other's in their mouths. That's when I said no more pacifiers except at nap. The parents would pop them in their mouths at pick up and couldn't believe that they didn't use them during the day. Finally I quit giving them at nap and after a while the parents learned to stop bringing them. If they still give them at home-I have no idea. I just know what worked for me and what didn't.
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NightOwl 10:27 AM 10-22-2014
I've had several that come in with a paci and immediately hand it over. They don't ask for it at all, all day long. Then mom walks in to pick up and the very first thing the dck says is "PACI!!!" Mom hands it over and the dck keeps it constantly until the next morning when they return. So yes, it's totally possible.
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Play Care 10:34 AM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Annalee:
I may be the odd man out, but I have and have had kids that do not take a paci and/or bottle at my daycare, but will come in with one or dcp will put one in their mouth at pickup...my mom (assistant) is the best I have ever seen at picking the time (around their 1 yr old birthday) to take the bottle/paci. The parents are aware we do and they are fine with it and amazingly, the child learns to live with two sets of expectation.

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renodeb 11:04 AM 10-22-2014
To be honest, she is doing that girl a bigger injustice by letting her have it. Her teeth will really be effected by having a paci 24/7. Most all the kids I have had here either get weaned from the paci or just know its for home only. I once had a 4 y/o come to my home with a paci. After a lot of pushing the parents they finally agreed to get rid of it. I think its fine to have diffrent rules for home and dc but parents don't always agree. Good luck with this parent
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Blackcat31 11:17 AM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Annalee:
I may be the odd man out, but I have and have had kids that do not take a paci and/or bottle at my daycare, but will come in with one or dcp will put one in their mouth at pickup...my mom (assistant) is the best I have ever seen at picking the time (around their 1 yr old birthday) to take the bottle/paci. The parents are aware we do and they are fine with it and amazingly, the child learns to live with two sets of expectation.
I also have kids who do things one way at home but another way here and it's usually not an issue but I said it probably would be in this situation simply based off of what OP said about what the DCM said about spoiling her child...kwim?
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Laurel 11:23 AM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Annalee:
I may be the odd man out, but I have and have had kids that do not take a paci and/or bottle at my daycare, but will come in with one or dcp will put one in their mouth at pickup...my mom (assistant) is the best I have ever seen at picking the time (around their 1 yr old birthday) to take the bottle/paci. The parents are aware we do and they are fine with it and amazingly, the child learns to live with two sets of expectation.


Have had several times where this happened just like this.

Laurel
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Annalee 11:40 AM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I also have kids who do things one way at home but another way here and it's usually not an issue but I said it probably would be in this situation simply based off of what OP said about what the DCM said about spoiling her child...kwim?

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Sunshine74 12:04 PM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
I've had several that come in with a paci and immediately hand it over. They don't ask for it at all, all day long. Then mom walks in to pick up and the very first thing the dck says is "PACI!!!" Mom hands it over and the dck keeps it constantly until the next morning when they return. So yes, it's totally possible.
Yep, this exactly. When they start in our class at around 2, we only use it for nap for a few weeks, and that is only I'd the child us having trouble sleeping without it. Otherwise it stays in their cubby until they go home. We have 2 dcg's who ask for it as soon as they get into the hallway where the cubbies are with their parents- but never say a word about it all day.
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Kindermom 12:15 PM 10-22-2014
Thanks everyone for your input. I really don't know why I let myself get so stressed about it, but I feel so much better after reading your posts back, just feeling like someone else gets it and what it is like to deal with dcf's and kids. After reading a few replies this morning, we ended up having a great rest of the morning/afternoon.

I tried giving her a substitute one since hers was ripped in two places and I was worried about choking. She refused it, and even fell asleep for her morning nap without it since she threw it out of her p&p bc it wasn't the "right one".

I will discuss with mom. She is a school teacher, so I am thinking Christmas break would be the perfect time, but it's not up to me, so we will see.

I hope I didn't paint a negative picture about this family or myself in my OP. I think the issues (other than paci) have been building up. But like I said, somehow getting this all out has made me feel like I can stop sweating the small stuff, so thank you all for listening and helping =)
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Blackcat31 12:45 PM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Kindermom:
Thanks everyone for your input. I really don't know why I let myself get so stressed about it, but I feel so much better after reading your posts back, just feeling like someone else gets it and what it is like to deal with dcf's and kids. After reading a few replies this morning, we ended up having a great rest of the morning/afternoon.

I tried giving her a substitute one since hers was ripped in two places and I was worried about choking. She refused it, and even fell asleep for her morning nap without it since she threw it out of her p&p bc it wasn't the "right one".

I will discuss with mom. She is a school teacher, so I am thinking Christmas break would be the perfect time, but it's not up to me, so we will see.

I hope I didn't paint a negative picture about this family or myself in my OP. I think the issues (other than paci) have been building up. But like I said, somehow getting this all out has made me feel like I can stop sweating the small stuff, so thank you all for listening and helping =)
Sometimes educating the child is a ton easier than trying to educate the parent.

If DCG responds well and understands positive reinforcement, you could try making a sticker chart. Give her a star/sticker for every day SHE chooses to not use her paci at any time other than nap. You could give her two sticker if she includes nap time.

Give her some sort of "big girl" activity or game etc as a reward for choosing to be a big girl.

Each of my kids here has their own pencil box. The contents of said pencil box is dependent on each child's skill or developmental level. For example my kiddos who don't wear underwear do not get Elmer's school glue or scissors to use at their disposal.

I also have markers, colored pencils, chunky crayon, regular crayons, glue sticks and tape in those boxes. Again contents are dependent on each child's abilities.

I've had much better success at retraining the child than I have at trying to convince a parent to do or not do something. kiwm?
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Controlled Chaos 02:24 PM 10-22-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
I've had several that come in with a paci and immediately hand it over. They don't ask for it at all, all day long. Then mom walks in to pick up and the very first thing the dck says is "PACI!!!" Mom hands it over and the dck keeps it constantly until the next morning when they return. So yes, it's totally possible.
Yep, this is my home. Blankets, loveys ect. get handed over at the door. I return them for nap time and then take them when nap is over. Parents don't seems to care. I don't care what they do at home, my house my rules

And my kid is a binky addict. He is 2 (it is his comfort item totally) but he only gets it for nap and bed. If he is not feeling well, or gets hurt he cries for binky before momma But we are throwing all his out when he turns 3 in two months. He know it is happening...we will see how it goes. I would have done it sooner but my baby took a binky for 6 months (no doesn't want it anymore) and I didn't want to worry about him stealing hers if I took his.
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Kimskiddos 03:22 PM 10-22-2014
I have a nearly 3yo kiddo that was weaned from his binkey here at 15m. He still gets it at home. In fact he walked in this morning with one in his mouth (only the second time that has happened here). I immediately said what is that in your mouth? You need to give it to Mom please. Mom was embarrassed and made an excuse about he must of found it in the car.

It was pretty easy to break his habit here, but like others once he hit 5-6m he only got it at nap times.
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nannyde 03:28 PM 10-22-2014
I don't use binkeys for any age. I never have to deal with the detox.
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k.mcmahan2010 06:24 PM 10-23-2014
I had a child who was 2.5 a couple years ago who used a binky at home, once he came to school he would put it in his cubby and not think about it again until his mom picked up. This year I have kids who are mid to older 1's. I have 2 kids who use binky's at home and not at school and 1 who we broke the habit at school and shortly after mom broke it at home. 2 of those (one that still uses it at home and the one who doesn't use it at home any longer) we allowed it for the first couple days of school, then slowly fazed it out. Only allowed it during nap for a day or so. Within a week or so neither of them used it at school at all. One even knows hers is in her cubby during the day. (The third that uses it at home, we just found out he uses it. Mom has never mentioned it and he's never came in with one, etc!)
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Meeko 07:31 AM 10-24-2014
Can't stand pacifiers. I don't allow them in the house. At all. I make this clear at interview.

When my own kids were born, I made sure that the hospital staff did not give them one.

Before she retired, my mother performed oral surgery at the local hospital. Some of it was on kids who needed teeth/jaw surgery from excessive pacifier use. She told me she would dis-own me if I ever gave my kids a pacifier!

Babies don't need them. Parents WANT them. They are baby noise plugs.

Some babies have a need to suck more than others. They will usually suck on nothing, or find their thumb or fingers if they don't have a pacifier.

While thumb sucking can sometimes bring it's own problems, the majority of kids stop on their own when the sucking need lessens within a short period of time. This is something the baby chooses to do themselves.

Don't let anyone tell you that a pacifier sucker is better than a thumb sucker. Thumb sucking is the child's choice. Pacifier addiction is the parent's choice.

A pacifier is a learned addiction, not a need. The baby is conditioned by the parents to feel they need it when in fact, they don't.

Of course, if the OP has happily let the child bring a pacifier up until now, it will be harder to explain to the child and even harder to explain to the parents that it is no longer allowed.

Expect the child to be upset. Expect the parents to have a meltdown

I just noticed that the child is bringing a pacifier with holes in it too. This is so dangerous, but mom and dad are obviously happy with that as long as the kid stays plugged.
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finsup 07:46 AM 10-24-2014
My rules on them are if they are under 1 they can have it whenever needed. Over 1, the only time they can have one is at nap time. I don't mind them using it if it makes sleep time more peaceful I have a few kids who use them all the time at home and will come with it in their mouth but hand it to me as soon as they walk in the door. Then when they leave, if mom or dad wants to give it back, have at it. I start the whole weaning down to nap time only process at 10-11 months though so it hasn't been too hard. With older kids, I just say "those are for sleeping babies, you may have it at nap time" and ignore the requests if they become constant. If they start having a tantrum/screaming etc they need to go sit on the bench until they stop and can come play again. They'll "get it" it just may be a rough week or two before they do!
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Kindermom 08:58 AM 10-24-2014
Thank you for all of your helpful advice.

Dad dropped off without pacifier today because he forgot "which is nice bc we are trying to not use it so much at home". He went on to say that they are not completely keeping it away but will take it away after she has had it for hours on end.

So far this morning she did GREAT!! She was getting tired during our craft and started asking for it. I put her down for her short morning nap without it and she was out within 5 minutes!!

Guess who gets a sticker when she wakes up? =)

So does this mean I should progress this way from now on? WWYD?

Happy Friday, all!
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Kindermom 09:03 AM 10-24-2014
Originally Posted by finsup:
My rules on them are if they are under 1 they can have it whenever needed. Over 1, the only time they can have one is at nap time. I don't mind them using it if it makes sleep time more peaceful I have a few kids who use them all the time at home and will come with it in their mouth but hand it to me as soon as they walk in the door. Then when they leave, if mom or dad wants to give it back, have at it. I start the whole weaning down to nap time only process at 10-11 months though so it hasn't been too hard. With older kids, I just say "those are for sleeping babies, you may have it at nap time" and ignore the requests if they become constant. If they start having a tantrum/screaming etc they need to go sit on the bench until they stop and can come play again. They'll "get it" it just may be a rough week or two before they do!
Thank you for the how-to!!
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Go play! 01:38 PM 10-24-2014
All my kiddos who use binkies hand them over at the door and can have them for nap. When they are ready to get up they give them back to me. The parents are all amazed by it. When I start older kids, it usually takes a week or so before they quit asking. When I start infants, I only give them binkies when they are in bed so they get used to it early.
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