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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>And....Here We Go Again
mrsnj 06:45 AM 11-20-2013
I must have a sign on my door that I cannot see that states "Angry soon to be divorcees all welcomed. Come on in and argue!"

I have been dealing with one family for a year. In that case it is mainly the mom. I know the circumstances and who is doing/not doing what. Things are fairly quiet here on my end though once I put my foot down.

Now I have a new one. This time? Oh my......The mom says nothing. The dad is always fishing for information. Calls me. Texts. Comes and picks up to ask questions when he isn't supposed to pick up. Halloween mom goes out drinking and dad finds her in bed with someone else (or so I am told by him!) Then next thing I know he is calling DYFS and calling me fishing for information every other day. Seriously! What part of I do not and will not be in the middle of this mess!? I sent them the 'divorce letter' but he still fishes. I try telling him that if I find something amiss I will call but it won't be HIM. It will be DYFS and then he can take it from there but I am not offering him info to use as a weapon! (Not that I have any really) Well he says the baby hasn't been to the dr since April so the dr told him to call on the mom. (I am pretty sure drs are mandatory reporters so why wouldn't the dr call?) Whatever. Dr visits do not involve me. He went to court for sole custody Monday. The courts says no. He is going to take her again and he says with DYFS's help. He keeps telling me they are involved and they might call me but I am not getting in the middle of this poo. I won't speak with DYFS nor will I with him. Done. I feel like his sole purpose it to attack cause he is mad and is trying to push me up front so I can tell on the mom something I have nothing to tell! This continues he will be getting notice. I hate to do it. I love this child. She is so sweet and I like the mom but I am not dealing with this mess. The first family understood and pulled back. This dad is obnoxious! I now have him programed in my phone so I do not respond back. He will text and call all day when he is on a tirade. I hate to lose the money but enough is enough. Today the gmom comes in (his mom) to tell me DYFS is involved and might call me. Seriously??? After I told the dad no!? Just done done done.................



These people need to fight their own battles on their own turf and at this rate just might be starting Monday!

Does anyone or should I say CAN anyone end a relationship with the kids best interest in mind rather then fighting like mad dogs? Is it done? I haven't seen it.
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Willow 08:25 AM 11-20-2013
I'd leave it up to him. Give a one word response with a single explaination and then just hit repeat:

You'll never know what dcm....

STOP. If you finish that sentence our contract will be terminated effective immediately and you will not be allowed back. I already said I'm not getting involved. You either respect that, or don't and find another provider. What *you* are doing is harming your child and I dont want any part of that. The rules go both ways and apply to everyone dropping off and picking up in my home.

(If)
But I.....

STOP.

But cant I just.....

STOP.

Well blah blah.......

Ok thanks for your notice, here are her things, goodbye and good luck. If mom asks I will be sure to let her know the reason care was terminated is because you refused to stop creating animocity and hostility in my home and around the child. (If I was angry enough I'd go so far as to throw in a snarky....perhaps dcfs would be interested in knowing that too).
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Blackcat31 08:35 AM 11-20-2013
Wow! That's an awful lot of drama....

Why would you let it go on for so long?

After a parent tries to drag me into their drama OUTSIDE of daycare, I immediately let them know that I don't want to, need to or allow ANY talk that is not DIRECTLY related to the care of the enrolled child.

The rest is their business to handle.

If a parent continued to try and tell me stuff I would just tell them "STOP! I don't want to hear any of this" and walk away.

You don't have to be part of any of that if you don't let yourself be.
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mrsnj 09:41 AM 11-20-2013
I didnt. The first case happened Halloween. I cut it off n refused contact unless it was about the baby. His itch texts n message always start out with "got a min?" Then I ignore. The big child services stuff was this weekend
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Laurel 10:10 AM 11-20-2013
Originally Posted by Willow:
I'd leave it up to him. Give a one word response with a single explaination and then just hit repeat:

You'll never know what dcm....

STOP. If you finish that sentence our contract will be terminated effective immediately and you will not be allowed back. I already said I'm not getting involved. You either respect that, or don't and find another provider. What *you* are doing is harming your child and I dont want any part of that. The rules go both ways and apply to everyone dropping off and picking up in my home.

(If)
But I.....

STOP.

But cant I just.....

STOP.

Well blah blah.......

Ok thanks for your notice, here are her things, goodbye and good luck. If mom asks I will be sure to let her know the reason care was terminated is because you refused to stop creating animocity and hostility in my home and around the child. (If I was angry enough I'd go so far as to throw in a snarky....perhaps dcfs would be interested in knowing that too).

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BrooklynM 10:52 AM 11-20-2013
Yes, it is done! I have a wonderful relationship with my ex-husband and his wife. We have 50/50 custody for our 2 together and I watch their 2 babies during the day. It takes a village to raise kids and it's so much easier when you have support. We have always put our kids first. It's a shame that others cannot put their feelings aside and become a great co-parent because the rewards are beyond worth it. We all spend the holidays together which is wonderful for us and the kids!

I've actually been writing a book about our experience, hopefully it will be out sometime in the fall of 2014.
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itlw8 11:57 AM 11-20-2013
so if family services call you just politely tell them the truth. I have had no problems with mom. Children are well cared for. the only problem is the hostility dad is exhibiting towards mom. And trying to involve me.
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