So Burnt Out From Never Knowing The "Right" Thing To Do

[Indoorvoice]

So I posted in another thread this week my teacher policy of charging less for teachers with the understanding that they stay home on snow days and breaks. Of course this comes back to bite me.

My middle daughter is very good friends with a school age dcg. They grew up together. Dcg attends before and after and dcb attends full time. They're a teacher family and I love them.

My 3 kids and the teacher family kids have been home all week due to the polar vortex. Today the teacher dcm texted me asking if my middle child could come to their house to play. Dcm picked up my kid for 3 hrs and dropped her off. I knew it was a bad idea.

Part of our contract states she gets reduced tuition for keeping her kids home during breaks and snow days. Well we've never had 6 snow days in a row like this. She is paid in full for this week for dcb even though they did not attend and tuition was waived for her school aged daughter since I knew school would be closed all week.

After taking my daughter today she texted me an hour after my kid was dropped off and asked if I would take both of her kids tomorrow. I should have never taken her up on watching my child today. I'm not equipped to take her school ager for a full day while my other 2 school agers are home. I usually only have her for a half hour before and a half hour after school. There is no way I will he able to keep them quiet for the babies' 2 nap times. I know I can say no per our contract but it feels wrong since she watched my child today. I hate this part of the job and I'm so tired of never getting a break. Ever. I never know the right thing to do or say and I'm just so tired of this job. Sorry for the vent in a form of a post and I don't even know what I expect you to say. I've been looking for other jobs, but no luck yet.

[springv]

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by Indoorvoice

So I posted in another thread this week my teacher policy of charging less for teachers with the understanding that they stay home on snow days and breaks. Of course this comes back to bite me.

My middle daughter is very good friends with a school age dcg. They grew up together. Dcg attends before and after and dcb attends full time. They're a teacher family and I love them.

My 3 kids and the teacher family kids have been home all week due to the polar vortex. Today the teacher dcm texted me asking if my middle child could come to their house to play. Dcm picked up my kid for 3 hrs and dropped her off. I knew it was a bad idea.

Part of our contract states she gets reduced tuition for keeping her kids home during breaks and snow days. Well we've never had 6 snow days in a row like this. She is paid in full for this week for dcb even though they did not attend and tuition was waived for her school aged daughter since I knew school would be closed all week.

After taking my daughter today she texted me an hour after my kid was dropped off and asked if I would take both of her kids tomorrow. I should have never taken her up on watching my child today. I'm not equipped to take her school ager for a full day while my other 2 school agers are home. I usually only have her for a half hour before and a half hour after school. There is no way I will he able to keep them quiet for the babies' 2 nap times. I know I can say no per our contract but it feels wrong since she watched my child today. I hate this part of the job and I'm so tired of never getting a break. Ever. I never know the right thing to do or say and I'm just so tired of this job. Sorry for the vent in a form of a post and I don't even know what I expect you to say. I've been looking for other jobs, but no luck yet.

I wouldn't consider her "watching" your child. She hosted a playdate for her own child.

I would tell her that you can't take a SA for the day because it would put you out of ratio. For me, it actually would. My before/after kids can't be here all day unless another kid is absent. I can have 2 extra kids for before and after only, in addition to my regular, full-time crew.

[Josiegirl]

I would tell her sorry but no. Unless you're really taking a guilt trip then offer to take her 2 kids for a couple of hours of your choosing. But ugh, SA dcks make such a difference in our days. And you're so right about babies not sleeping when they're here.
But do NOT feel you have to say yes just because she invited your dd over for 3 hours. It's very different having playdates than a business!!!

[lblanke]

It sounds like she hosted a play date for one of your children. Why not have the SA child over for a playdate this weekend, during DC if YOU want that (not both kids) or after DC hours? Or have the SA over for a few hours to play with your middle child, but I would not feel inclined to watch both kids becasue yours attended a playdate at her house.

[lblanke]

Sorry, mom. That won't work, but DD would love to have SA over for a couple of hours on a playdate on Saturday.

[lblanke]

Or let her take ALL 3 of your SA kids and her child, and you can watch her son. Or just be honest and say that with that many SAs present, the babies in your care won't be able to nap, so it just won't work.

[Josiegirl]

Maybe I felt differently when my own kids were little(really don't remember) but boy, by the time I'm done with dcks 7-5 5 days a week, I don't want anything to do with little kids.

Am I the odd one out? I feel terrible but cannot stand being around kids crying or screaming/whining/bossing their parents/hitting/running through stores and even have a hard time mustering up a 'oh he's so cute!' in passing. Everybody assumes you love kids all the time but it's simply not the case.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by Indoorvoice

So I posted in another thread this week my teacher policy of charging less for teachers with the understanding that they stay home on snow days and breaks. Of course this comes back to bite me.

My middle daughter is very good friends with a school age dcg. They grew up together. Dcg attends before and after and dcb attends full time. They're a teacher family and I love them.

My 3 kids and the teacher family kids have been home all week due to the polar vortex. Today the teacher dcm texted me asking if my middle child could come to their house to play. Dcm picked up my kid for 3 hrs and dropped her off. I knew it was a bad idea.

Part of our contract states she gets reduced tuition for keeping her kids home during breaks and snow days. Well we've never had 6 snow days in a row like this. She is paid in full for this week for dcb even though they did not attend and tuition was waived for her school aged daughter since I knew school would be closed all week.

After taking my daughter today she texted me an hour after my kid was dropped off and asked if I would take both of her kids tomorrow. I should have never taken her up on watching my child today. I'm not equipped to take her school ager for a full day while my other 2 school agers are home. I usually only have her for a half hour before and a half hour after school. There is no way I will he able to keep them quiet for the babies' 2 nap times. I know I can say no per our contract but it feels wrong since she watched my child today. I hate this part of the job and I'm so tired of never getting a break. Ever. I never know the right thing to do or say and I'm just so tired of this job. Sorry for the vent in a form of a post and I don't even know what I expect you to say. I've been looking for other jobs, but no luck yet.

You need to change your mindset and how you view things. I am telling you, it's a major stress reliever.

(bolded above) She did not "watch" your child yesterday. She invited her to a play date. That has NOTHING to do with reciprocation. If your DD wants to invite her DD for a play date, you can discuss that but the invitation wasn't a trade of services.

If DCM asks you to take her kids you can always say something like "I'm sorry but that just doesn't work today."

You don't have to explain or state why. If DCM starts to bring up or mention having paid for a week she didn't use, I would just say that was part of the deal when she choose the teacher rate option.

NEITHER of you knew what the weather would be or wouldn't be like this last week. It was gamble on both parties parts. She just "lost" this time.

Parents never feel guilty during the weeks their provider "loses"

Saying no might leave you feeling guilty but the reason you feel guilty is due to your perceived situation. You are striving for fair and balanced. DCM just wants "special".

It's okay to say no. It doesn't make you a bad person.
It makes you a person who has boundaries. What a great thing to role model for yourself and your family.

[hwichlaz]

I'm sorry DCM, I can't imagine I'd be able to keep them all quiet at nap time, but DD would love if DCG came to play with her after nap time.

[littlefriends]

I agree, that was a play date which has nothing to do with daycare.

[rosieteddy]

Sorry I can't .Text it right away.If pressed repeat.You can always do a play date for the daughter only some other time .Black cat as usual is right on point.

[Ariana]

It is horrible that she is using you like this. Do something nice like invite your kid over for a playdate only to play on your guilt about taking her kids.

Tell her what you WANT to tell her, don’t listen to your guilt. You will live a free carefree wonderful life if you start doing that. Trust me! I had a mom who left my care to go with another provider because she was “closer”...the reality was she was cheaper and easier to manipulate. Mom invited my daughter over for a playdate one day and started encouraging me to leave, then starts talking about using eachother for babysitting When I asked her daughter over to reciprocate the play date she dropped her off, tried to pawn her baby off on me too, and left. Then I knew she just wanted to use me as weekend childcare.

[loischerry]

i feel your pain. although i work for my siblings now they would never do this, however when i worked outside my home at a center or at an inhome, when my lo was younger i had many people try and do the bait and switch on me. please dont get me wrong i am fine with reciprocating the invite. however i dont like being told when and for how long i should be doing the reciprocating. my lo was once invited for sleep over. the next day i came to collect him and was bombarded by the parents asking me to take their son so they could go on a 4 day cruise they were leaving the next day. while standing in their doorway! they expected me to be able to just collect him then with my lo and bring him to work with me. i explained that my lo was enrolled in the center i worked for and that i wasnt his direct care staff. and the center does not allow me to bring just anyone to work with me. they were very taken aback by my refusal. after that they never really spoke to me again. we did end up inviting the son with us to see monster trucks but not that week and i never invited him over for a sleep over. or a week of free care so they could go on their cruise.

i would seriously stick with your ratio reason and i would also stick to your guns about a no. if you do it once , its more than likely she will start thinking its the norm and before you know it, shell be there everytime schools called off.

[MyAngels]

I can't improve upon the advice you've already been given, but in the future the "right" thing to do is what works for you. Once you develop this mindset, daycare is a much easier line of work, trust me.

[Mom2Two]

Oh, wow, I hope you were able to get out of it. You wouldn't be saying no exactly...it's more that it just wouldn't work that day because you had babies there. You can turn it into a "yes" by just saying that you'd love to on a different day, but you have obligations to some other families.

It probably makes it hard that your daughter is friends with the family. But friends are friends and work is work. Imagine if you asked her to watch your kids during her work day at school? She's just not thinking that you are really at work when you are watching other people's children. But you are.

[Meeko]

She set you up. Shame on her.

[Josiegirl]

Originally Posted by Mom2Two

Oh, wow, I hope you were able to get out of it. You wouldn't be saying no exactly...it's more that it just wouldn't work that day because you had babies there. You can turn it into a "yes" by just saying that you'd love to on a different day, but you have obligations to some other families.

It probably makes it hard that your daughter is friends with the family. But friends are friends and work is work. Imagine if you asked her to watch your kids during her work day at school? She's just not thinking that you are really at work when you are watching other people's children. But you are.

My thoughts exactly.

[amberrose3dg]

Originally Posted by Meeko

She set you up. Shame on her.

This!