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Old 01-12-2012, 11:57 AM
DaisyMamma's Avatar
DaisyMamma DaisyMamma is offline
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Default Separation Anxiety And Easing Moms Concerns

2.5 yo DCG

comes 4 days/week with 3 day weekend and started 4-5 weeks ago.

at drop off has major tantrum, cries, kicks, hits, screams. lasts maybe 10 minutes after moms leaves. I find it best to let her do her thing and she comes and plays after like nothing happened.

I think it's really starting to get to mom. yesterday dcg was picked up early by grandma. today mom leaves message and says she isnt coming today, and maybe not tomorrow (friday) which inevitably will make things so much worse with a 5 day weekend!

to make matters worse, yesterday dcg had a small black and blue bump near her eye. when grandma inquired dcg says "daddy hit me"
in mom's message today she wants to know what happened to dcg eye?! seeing as it is very possible dcg did it while having her daily tantrum it may have happened here... but now i'm paranoid that mom thinks i'm abusing her kid and that's why her kid doesn't want to come here!
no way! i love this kid!

i'm thinking i need to call mom tomorrow morning and discuss what we can do about her separation anxiety as well as address the black eye. what would you say or do?
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Old 01-12-2012, 12:01 PM
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SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
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Does she have trouble with any other transitions during the day or just the drop off? Transitions are HARD for children, some more than others, and 2.5 is a prime age for the difficulty to show up. A good way to ease the mom's worries is to assure her that it is normal, that you see it all the time at this age, and she's just having trouble transitioning. That she's fine as soon as she calms down. The best way to handle it is to be super upbeat and cheerful at drop off. "HI, DCG!!! I'm so glad to see you today! Say bye to mommy so we can go have FUN! BYE, MOMMY!!! See you later/after nap!" You'll be doing that over her cries, probably, but it takes the focus off the upset. Mom needs to hand her over, hug, kiss, and skedaddle.
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Old 01-12-2012, 12:07 PM
wdmmom wdmmom is offline
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First of all, you need to find out why DCG won't be there today and possibly tomorrow.

Then you need to address the black eye issue.

How long has DCG been coming to you? Did these tantrums just arise or have they always been happening?

If DCG remains in your care, I would tell DCM to do her goodbyes before DCG comes in the house and do a clean break. Hand her off at the door or close the door once DCG is in your house. The sooner DCM is gone, seems like the sooner she's able to settle in.

If DCM doesn't want to assist you in this, she's only going to cause more issues down the road.
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Old 01-12-2012, 12:42 PM
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DaisyMamma DaisyMamma is offline
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She's been here 4-5 weeks. It started the second week, but there were signs that she had separation anxiety the first week. Mom would wait for dcg to be distracted and she would sneak out.

Mom is super quick at drop off, knowing it's the best way.

Family is visiting. She calls to tell me this an hour before arrival time. Didn't she know yesterday?? lol
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Old 01-12-2012, 02:29 PM
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cheerfuldom cheerfuldom is offline
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I would call mom and discuss the bruise, along with what the child said happened. I would then offer to send mom a picture or quick recording (if your phone does video) about 15 minutes after drop off for the next week. I think she will quickly see that the child is is just the transition that is hard. Make sure mom does not carry in the little girl either, its better if they walk in on their own.
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Old 01-12-2012, 03:00 PM
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Mary Poppins Mary Poppins is offline Member
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I just posted another thread about a dcm who tried dropping dcb off with a huge black eye and no explanation grr.

In my case, my assistant met her at the door and didn't notice the black eye until dcm was in her car pulling out (we had a stern talk about that). She showed me immediately and I texted dcm for an explanation (so it would be in writing). When I initially asked dcb, all he said was "mommy did it" .

I was shocked and was about to call CPS when her text came in, saying that he was playing "horsey" and ran into mom and fell and hit the coffee table. I asked him, "how did mommy do it?" and he basically told me the same thing, and even pretended to be on his stick pony which I know he got for Xmas.

Still, it made me soo mad that she'd drop him off like that without a word after him being gone all week for the holidays.

You can't be too cautious about being accused of abuse or having a parent use you as a scapegoat!!
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Old 01-12-2012, 03:06 PM
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greenhouse greenhouse is offline Member
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I'm in CT too OP! I never see any CT providers on here.

I note every single bruise/cut/mark at drop off time and make an exclamation about it- "Wow look at this!" and most time DCM was not aware of the mark, which means at pick-up they think it happened here and it didn't.
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Old 01-12-2012, 03:28 PM
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godiva83 godiva83 is offline
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I would also do a quick scan and comment about any bangs or bumps you might see, " oh x you have a little bump on your eye...are you okay.?

Also document it in her file - ecspecially if you think the Mum thinks you are abusing her child. That's a biggie.

Reassure Mum that separation anxiety is normal for the age and the long stretch inbetween makes it a harder transition.
I usually find articles online on babycentre or what to expect and email those out with some good tips.

Also, send a quick email with a photo of her Playing happily to my
For reassurance it is only a short time that DCG is upset.

Good luck
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changing of the guard, discipline - consistency

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