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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Why Do Kids Go Wacko When Parent Arrives For Pick Up??!!
TSDaycare 10:28 AM 03-23-2017
I know my dcks aren't the only ones. Half of mine go to get their stuff like they are supposed to, the other half turn into monsters.....running around, hiding, pulling stuff out. And god forbid if another older sibling comes in with the parents, then it tends to get really bad....and add the parents who want to talk about everything under the sun while their children are running around like wild animals!
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Blackcat31 10:56 AM 03-23-2017
Originally Posted by TSDaycare:
I know my dcks aren't the only ones. Half of mine go to get their stuff like they are supposed to, the other half turn into monsters.....running around, hiding, pulling stuff out. And god forbid if another older sibling comes in with the parents, then it tends to get really bad....and add the parents who want to talk about everything under the sun while their children are running around like wild animals!
"changing of the guard" = pretty common for all kids

https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-...in-daycare.htm
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daycare 02:13 PM 03-23-2017
that is a great article and I agree with it 100%

I remind my parents daily that they need to parent their child and if not, they will practice the Nannyde Bye-bye outside program.

I know that the children are really testing to see what both the parent are going to do. They want to see will the rules still apply.

I have one that is on the Bye-bye outside program, because dad can't grow a backbone and tell the child NO.

I don't do well with CRAZY.....lol

When I see it, I say, see you tomorrow and walk away. OR open the door and say see you tomorrow.
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grandmom 04:51 PM 03-23-2017
They do it because we allow it.

Well, I don't. I use a firm voice, provide direction, and follow through. It only takes a couple times.

If the child is old enough to run around as you've described, have a conversation with him. "Tommy, today when your mom comes,.....then set the guidelines. Then when mom comes, remind him.

Or, have the child put on coat and sit till mom gets here. And tell him, he has to sit till mom is done talking.

Don't let them be in charge unless you want them in charge.
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Blackcat31 08:39 AM 03-24-2017
Originally Posted by grandmom:
They do it because we allow it.
I don't allow it. The PARENTS allow it.

Parents are the child's FIRST and MOST important teacher.

When the parent is present I expect them to be the one in charge. NOT me.

If the parent can not do THEIR job, they get to do the "Bye-bye outside" thing.
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Pandaluver21 02:17 PM 03-24-2017
You have to be the one in charge because parents most of the time wont do it. I follow the same standards during pickup/drop off that do during the day. If the kid doesn't do ask they are asked/told they get a consequence. Rarely does it come to this, but with one little boy who acted up during pick up, I said "excuse us" to the mom and walked over and put him in time out. Her and I continued to talk while he screamed bloody murder. I wasn't exactly sure how mom felt about it until 3 days later when the child was acting out again. Mom looked at me, took the boy by the hand and walked him to time out! I was thrilled. The boy was not :P He was with us another 4 years and doesn't have this problem anymore
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Ariana 06:13 PM 03-24-2017
When my DCG was going through this I would get her dressed and she would sit on the bench in my entryway and wait for mom. They would both be ushered out the door right away. After a few weeks I had her sit on the bench without the coat and boots and mom would dress her and out the door. Now mom and I can chat and the kid acts normal.
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grandmom 01:08 PM 03-25-2017
Black Cat, usually I agree with you. But not on this one. If that child is still in my yard, I am in charge. I model for the parents what they should do, but I never give up my authority in my home.
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daycare 03:09 PM 03-25-2017
Originally Posted by grandmom:
Black Cat, usually I agree with you. But not on this one. If that child is still in my yard, I am in charge. I model for the parents what they should do, but I never give up my authority in my home.
I agree with both of you
I expect parents to take over, but I have no problem if they aren't, jumping in and taking control.

Coincidentally, the children I have that doesn't listen, often have parents who don't either. Those are usually the ones I end up taking control of or bye bye outside!
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Blackcat31 03:29 PM 03-25-2017
Originally Posted by grandmom:
Black Cat, usually I agree with you. But not on this one. If that child is still in my yard, I am in charge. I model for the parents what they should do, but I never give up my authority in my home.
That is where I differ from most.

I view my role as supporting parents in parenting not doing their job for them. That doesn't teach the child or parent anything other than 'your house your rules' and that has never been my philosophy.

My home is my home when I am not operating a business but when I am operating/open for business I am a business (except in extreme situations)

In my eyes that is a short easy fix for something that could be a bigger issue later and I'd much rather give parents the tools, support and opportunities to parent their child than to just do it myself. I want these children to have capable parents long after they leave my care.

Much like the "Give a man a fish and he eats for the day but teach a man how to fish and he eats for a lifetime" kind of thinking.
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daycare 04:36 PM 03-25-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
That is where I differ from most.

I view my role as supporting parents in parenting not doing their job for them. That doesn't teach the child or parent anything other than 'your house your rules' and that has never been my philosophy.

My home is my home when I am not operating a business but when I am operating/open for business I am a business (except in extreme situations)

In my eyes that is a short easy fix for something that could be a bigger issue later and I'd much rather give parents the tools, support and opportunities to parent their child than to just do it myself. I want these children to have capable parents long after they leave my care.

Much like the "Give a man a fish and he eats for the day but teach a man how to fish and he eats for a lifetime" kind of thinking.
I 100% agree with this theory. But parents don't wake up knowing how to parent. Sometimes they need someone to model for them the expectation.
We need:
Knowledge, modeling, practice, observing and getting feedback....

Giving a fish is making them aware, showing them how is teaching, modeling how to do it.

I think some parents need us to model how to do it and then let them practice.

I see it as a positive, not me taking anything away from anyone or thinking I'm better at it than they are.
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Blackcat31 08:46 AM 03-26-2017
My take on the "my house my rules" mindset that most providers have isn't guiding, teaching or role modeling.

Not sure what the parent is learning if the provider simply takes over and implements a punishment (time out) while the parents waits/does nothing.

Now if the parent is directing the child to time out (or whatever consequence) while providers stands by for support and guidance that is completely different but that isn't what most providers do. There are dozens of posts here on the forum that serve as examples.

Most providers do exactly what they would do if the parent wasn't there while the parent sits/chats and provider does the work. That's not role modeling, guiding or teaching the parent anything IMO.

I understand what you are saying but I've yet to read a post that explains that as the provider's intent/goal.
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daycare 01:32 PM 03-26-2017
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
My take on the "my house my rules" mindset that most providers have isn't guiding, teaching or role modeling.

Not sure what the parent is learning if the provider simply takes over and implements a punishment (time out) while the parents waits/does nothing.

Now if the parent is directing the child to time out (or whatever consequence) while providers stands by for support and guidance that is completely different but that isn't what most providers do. There are dozens of posts here on the forum that serve as examples.

Most providers do exactly what they would do if the parent wasn't there while the parent sits/chats and provider does the work. That's not role modeling, guiding or teaching the parent anything IMO.

I understand what you are saying but I've yet to read a post that explains that as the provider's intent/goal.
Oh trust me. I have changed my view on this over the years. But when I jump in, I am showing the parents what I expect.
If I get frustrated, I show them the door.

I talk to my parents and help them to control their child y speaking up and reminding them of OUR PROGRAM expectations.

We are
Respectful
Safe
Friendly.

It's posted every where and when I see it not being practiced by child and parents I speak up. I'm not going to wait until a child gets hurt or a parent gets hurt before I say something.

But since I moved to contracted hours with a tier, my kids are out the door in less than 2 minutes.

I do have one doing bye bye outside because I love the kid, but grandma picks up and she lingers like no tomorrow and thinks it's ok to come sit down and play with her grandchild. No thanks.


Ultimately, I'm wondering if this is how others are showing parents as well or if they just don't even let he parent try. ???
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