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Old 03-10-2010, 10:14 AM
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tenderhearts tenderhearts is offline
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Default I just Don't Get It

A few of my dck bring a little toy from home, usually it's one or 2 little trucks and cars, I'm fine with this as long as they share, they know the rules. However I have a dcb that is 5 he has been with me since he was 2, he has brought very big things and boxes of things, I told the parents that it needs to be kept small I can no longer allow him to bring these big things anymore. Today I see his mom holding a huge box, and the boy is carring a case, great, she comes in and he grabs it from her and says I'm sorry I know you don't like him bringing things like this but i couldn't get him out of the house, I said I'm sorry but mom is going to have to take it home with her, he started arguing and whining and mom says see I told you, I'll take it home, he continues with the whining and I explained again that he can bring small things but the big things need to be kept at home, I said it wouldn't be fair to the others that have brought things and they couldn't keep them here either. His mom then says when I pick you up I'll take you to the store to buy that toy you wanted. I'm standing there thinking what the heck, he's arguing and whining about something you know the rules about and you tell him you'll buy him a toy??? Talk about encouraging his behaviour. Last week another dad brought a huge bucket of legos, I said sorry but those will need to go back home with you, he said I know, I told him that but he argued with me so I said fine you can tell him. I don't get it, why do parents do this, if they know the rules and the kids do as well why can't they flat out tell them no we aren't taking them, why do they make me do it and be the bad guy, isn't this teaching kids that its ok to try and break rules? I just don't get it..thanks for letting me get that off my chest
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Old 03-10-2010, 10:26 AM
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momma2girls momma2girls is offline
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Originally Posted by tenderhearts View Post
A few of my dck bring a little toy from home, usually it's one or 2 little trucks and cars, I'm fine with this as long as they share, they know the rules. However I have a dcb that is 5 he has been with me since he was 2, he has brought very big things and boxes of things, I told the parents that it needs to be kept small I can no longer allow him to bring these big things anymore. Today I see his mom holding a huge box, and the boy is carring a case, great, she comes in and he grabs it from her and says I'm sorry I know you don't like him bringing things like this but i couldn't get him out of the house, I said I'm sorry but mom is going to have to take it home with her, he started arguing and whining and mom says see I told you, I'll take it home, he continues with the whining and I explained again that he can bring small things but the big things need to be kept at home, I said it wouldn't be fair to the others that have brought things and they couldn't keep them here either. His mom then says when I pick you up I'll take you to the store to buy that toy you wanted. I'm standing there thinking what the heck, he's arguing and whining about something you know the rules about and you tell him you'll buy him a toy??? Talk about encouraging his behaviour. Last week another dad brought a huge bucket of legos, I said sorry but those will need to go back home with you, he said I know, I told him that but he argued with me so I said fine you can tell him. I don't get it, why do parents do this, if they know the rules and the kids do as well why can't they flat out tell them no we aren't taking them, why do they make me do it and be the bad guy, isn't this teaching kids that its ok to try and break rules? I just don't get it..thanks for letting me get that off my chest
WOW!!! SOme parents just don't get it, or should I say alot of parents out there, just do not get it!!!!!
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Old 03-10-2010, 10:43 AM
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Ugh! I so hear you on that one. That has got to be one of the worst parts of this job. Working with these kids day in and day out on behavior, right and wrong, respecting others, etc and then having to witness kids being allowed to walk all over their parents... or even worse being out right rewarded for it. With the crazy amount of parents like these out there nowadays I really fear for the future.
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Old 03-10-2010, 10:54 AM
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Ugh! I so hear you on that one. That has got to be one of the worst parts of this job. Working with these kids day in and day out on behavior, right and wrong, respecting others, etc and then having to witness kids being allowed to walk all over their parents... or even worse being out right rewarded for it. With the crazy amount of parents like these out there nowadays I really fear for the future.
I really feel the same. These parents now a days have very little repect for others, property, rules, etc... it is definately not how it used to be at all!!
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Old 03-10-2010, 01:01 PM
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I don't think it's about respect or rules. It's about the child is running the show!!

Once at the center I was working at a little boy come in holding a VCR tape. His mom said "Sorry I couldn't get it from him" and she left. I walked over to him and put my hand out and he put it right in it!

It's about: Who is the real boss of the house!
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Old 03-10-2010, 01:16 PM
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I don't think it's about respect or rules. It's about the child is running the show!!

Once at the center I was working at a little boy come in holding a VCR tape. His mom said "Sorry I couldn't get it from him" and she left. I walked over to him and put my hand out and he put it right in it!

It's about: Who is the real boss of the house!
It's all of this and much more!!
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Old 03-10-2010, 02:45 PM
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I don't allow the kids to bring anything from home UNLESS i am having a show and tell day and then the stuff goes up untill we are ready to share..but i agree alot of it has to do with parents these days letting their children guide how things go..
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Old 03-10-2010, 03:22 PM
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Why don't you tell the parent to STOP? Embarass them if you have to. It's simple...."My policy is that I do not allow toys to be brought from home. I expect my families to respect that policy. Do not allow your child to bring his toys to daycare again."

Simple. I am so glad I don't have families like this. I HAVE, but I learned a long time ago that if you don't speak up for yourself, your going to get fed up and burnt out with dealing drama. I simply refuse to allow parents to think they are going to dictate how I run my program.
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Old 03-10-2010, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone View Post
I don't think it's about respect or rules. It's about the child is running the show!!

Once at the center I was working at a little boy come in holding a VCR tape. His mom said "Sorry I couldn't get it from him" and she left. I walked over to him and put my hand out and he put it right in it!

It's about: Who is the real boss of the house!
Been there, done that!

I had a boy who was 3 years old and he "just couldn't leave the house without a car" BULL. Fridays were toy day. Well it was Friday everyday for this boy. His parents knew the rules. Heck, HE knew the rules. Yet everyday he kept on bringing in his car.

I would wait until the parents left and I would take the toy and either put it on my desk or on the directors desk in the office. Then it got to a point where it's like hey I am not waiting anymore. So I would take the car right in front of the mother and hand it back to her. Of course the boy screamed and cried. Mom would look at me and I am sure calling me every name in the book haha. But hey everyone else follows the rules so can he.

Then before I left the center, I trained him to where if he saw me right away he would give the car to the parents.
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Old 03-10-2010, 04:43 PM
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At pick up time, give the parent a sweet little notecard that says "Thank you so much for the toy donation! the children really will enjoy playing with it." Thank her child, too. That might work...
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Old 03-10-2010, 05:32 PM
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crystal, I DID speak up for myself, I told her to take the toy home that he could not leave it here and she did, it's just what she did that I don't agree with if you read the post, I do allow the kids to bring a small toy, it doesn't bother me, the kids and parents know the rules but I don't allow big toys or buckets of things.
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Old 03-10-2010, 05:46 PM
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I DID read your post, I know what you said, but the parent continues to disrespect that policy. She has been told 1 SMALL toy and she continues to bring alot instead. I just wonder why, as the provider, in your own home, you would allow it to continue. It's your program, tell her to quit disrespecting you.

Parents like this one are the ones that end up making the rules get changed for everyone, and I would just make a no toy policy, period. But, that's just me...lol!

Last edited by Michael; 03-10-2010 at 06:53 PM.
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Old 03-10-2010, 07:58 PM
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We had a 3 yr old dcg who always brought small toys from home. It became a problem, though, because when the girl's dad would pick her up, she'd say she had to get her toys. Then she wouldn't be able to find them, and the dad would stand there and ask us if we knew where her toys could be. We have enough to do and keep up with (sippy cups, pacifiers, etc) without worrying about keeping track of all the girl's Beanie Babies throughout the day! But he would just stand there and wait on us while we looked around for her toys! After it became a problem with sharing issues, and the children getting into a fight (yes, an actual fight, with the 3 yr old ontop of another dcg who had gotten her toy to play with) And the same day I was trying to put this dcg into time out for something and she took her stuffed animal puppet and hit me with it! So I let her parents know that she was no longer allowed to bring toys from home. And when we made up the new policy, THAT was in there. No toys from home except for show and tell days (and they'll be put up until time). Of course her parents would do what your's did and say they couldn't get the toy(s) away from her (and yet all I had to do was hold out my hand, and she'd hand it over). It really took the nerve the day I let her mom know we were doing a show and tell day and she could bring ONE toy from home. The dcm said right in front of her daughter, "Oh yeah, like she'll only bring ONE toy". No wonder it's so hard to discipline children at daycare, when the parents practically give the children permission to act like they do!
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Old 03-10-2010, 08:09 PM
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Persephone Persephone is offline
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Originally Posted by missnikki View Post
At pick up time, give the parent a sweet little notecard that says "Thank you so much for the toy donation! the children really will enjoy playing with it." Thank her child, too. That might work...
I love this!! Good idea!
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Old 03-11-2010, 08:52 AM
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Default notecard idea

Persephone,
I just figured that if a parent can't grasp that the rules are there for the child's good, then why not make the situation benefit everyone.
Also, only one of 2 things can happen:

1) She gets the hint.
OR
2) She has the guts to say something like "Oh no, we weren't donating that- it's his favorite toy!" In which case the issue is in the open to discuss. That's when I would say "This seems like something that might cause a problem- I think it would be best to leave the toys at home from now on. Thank you for bringing this issue to my attention."

Always let them think it was their idea.
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Old 03-11-2010, 02:13 PM
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Hi! I'm new to these boards and the subject of this thread is one I had much experience with...

I used to allow toys but after too much trouble with losing, breaking, etc, I said only books and videos. One day a boy brought a big animal book and he kept asking me "When's Michael coming?" Michael was a year younger and loved animals, so I thought that he was excited to share with him.

When Michael shows up the first thing that Boy says to him is "I brought a book and you can't look at it."

I was dumbfounded. After that day I made the Nothing rule, I realized that stuff meant power to some kids, unfortunately some kids are just mean at times and I wasn't going to put up with it. Of course they don't need stuff to do this... right now the favorite phrase of 3 year olds is "you can't come to my birthday party" even if their birthday isn't for months.
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Old 03-11-2010, 04:40 PM
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I do not allow any toys from home. The other day 4yr old dcb had 2 matchbox cars. I said, keep them in your coat pocket. This family has been with me for 2 yrs. Ugh! I said that we have plenty of matchbox cars here and that we don't want to get yours confused with the other ones.
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Old 03-11-2010, 05:01 PM
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I have no problem with them bringing one or 2 matchbox cars or the like, if we have an issue with sharing then the toys go into their cubbies for the rest of the day, but that hasn't happened in a long time. All my parents know that if the toy gets broken or lost then that's the childs problem, but usually before nap I have the child put whatever the item is into their cubby and they do really well keeping track of it, I don't think anyone has lost anything here. It's just big stuff, a whole dollhouse and all the pieces, geez what are they thinking??? so as for now I'm fine with the small stuff.
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Old 03-11-2010, 08:23 PM
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I had a child in the time out chair when her parent came in to pick her up. Of course when she sees her Dad, she started crying harder. The dad knew his little "angel" was in time out but instead of asking me what happened and then reinforcing my rules, he went over to her and picked her up and started consoling her as though i was some mean prison warden. Oh that frustrates me. I have also had children bring toys from home and I have a no toy policy. The parents always state the same thing..she/he wouldn't give it to me in the car. I always do the same thing...I promptly ask the child for the toy, they promptly give it to me, and i promptly had it over to the parent. When My children were young and they started to get a little bossy with me, I would ask them to pull out their "MOM" card. They would check their pockets every time and say "I don't have a MOM card!" I would then pull out my invisible "MOM" card out of my pocket (only mommies can see the "MOM" card) and I would tell my kids that I have the card and that makes me the boss. It worked every time. Soon after all I had to do was pat my pockets like i was looking for something and my kids got the idea that they weren't going to win the argument.
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Old 03-11-2010, 09:03 PM
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When My children were young and they started to get a little bossy with me, I would ask them to pull out their "MOM" card. They would check their pockets every time and say "I don't have a MOM card!" I would then pull out my invisible "MOM" card out of my pocket (only mommies can see the "MOM" card) and I would tell my kids that I have the card and that makes me the boss. It worked every time. Soon after all I had to do was pat my pockets like i was looking for something and my kids got the idea that they weren't going to win the argument.
That is so funny! I might have to try that with my son!
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